Living Alone - comments
          from those who are doing it

  


Did you know that 25 % of the population of North America live alone in both the rural and urban environment - without the company of another human being?

41 percent of households in Tokyo comprised of only one person in 2000 and 46 million people in Europe live by themselves. In Australia the number of women living alone rose to 13 per cent in 2003 from 11 per cent a decade earlier and 46 million people now live alone in Europe. Fifty percent of Moscow residents are living their lives in solitude. On average, Americans now spend half their adult lives outside marriage - many living alone. And reported that in Canada 27 % of the population live alone.

Do know what I like about living alone?

"It is the freedom of coming out of my bathroom naked and walking to my bedroom"

It was the voice of a single woman whose children had left the nest and now she was living alone.

Are you living alone - loving it or hating it?

If you live alone  - we want you to share your thoughts about things like: things you do because you live alone, daily challenges, why you have chosen to live alone, friends, pets, music, sex, support, things you like about living alone, self motivation, wishes, advantages and disadvantages, how to survive --- you get the drift - just anything that deals positively with this subject.     

Send: Your Comments                                  If you liked this page       
Updated  Thursday, October 23, 2014        Please e-Mail -
it to a friend

Some Books, CD's and Games You Can Purchase

The Have It All Woman

Living Alone and Loving It: A Guide to Relishing the Solo Life

The Art of Living Single

The Joy of Being Single

Being Single in a Couple's World

Flying Solo: Single Women in Midlife

History of Mistresses

Ability to Love

A History of Celibacy

Never Say Goodbye

Please Check Out "Happy News - Happy Talk"   

COMMENTS RECEIVED

Triveni
India " I am 29 and having been living alone for quite sometimes. Most of the time I enjoy my space but sometimes I crave company. The fact that i am seeing no body and have very few makes things bad. Things have gone from bad to worse lately. Growing up was not too happy for me as well and by nature I am an introvert. So there has always been an empty space within me. I am into academics and I like it. But the this void is affecting it badly. I can hardly devote my mind into it. This has been the only source of happiness for me and I do not want to lose it."
Sally
susanwells99@yahoo.co.uk
Wigan
England
" I have lived alone for nearly 20 years.  (In my 50s now) and feeling very lonely.  I have friends, work and other interests, but I so miss that day to day companionship that comes with sharing your home.  I come back to an empty house every time I come home.  I have to manage on one very average salary.  I live in a not so nice area because that is all I can afford, while my friends have much nicer lifestyles.  I know here are some advantages of not sharing, but i do feel that I am missing out on more than I gained  "
Polly
Victoria
Canada
" Interesting to find this site. A couple of questions - no dates? How can readers know how current the posts are? Last date given is May 2014 but the list of posts is long so who is still there and who has gone away?
I suppose everyone who posts was looking for something like this site- why? For myself I am always searching for somewhere i can meet people who look at some of hte big questions about living alone. It's not a dating site although I see some people leave e mails. I am not looking for a date - but I have been looking all my life for people with whom i can develop an intimacy of the mind in terms of talking and thinking about important questions, and also that often doesn't need a lot of words. I married too young to escape an unhappy youth and this didn't work because we didn't know who we were. Then  I met someone - not on a site like this - and married him - and that's the only time I found a mental intimacy that is the only kind that matters, and which physical intimacy underpins if we're lucky.It ended after some years because the problems of daily living eroded the core of what bound us together.Jobs in different cities didn't help. I wouldn't have missed it and it was th
 e high pint of my life, as well as the low when we parted. Anyway, I live alone now because my children live far away - they were encouraged to be adventurous - and though I have had many relationships, they usually fall apart because I cannot again find that quality that I had once. I don't want to live with anyone - I like living alone for practical reasons and i don't want to look after someone at this stage of my life which is quite late. But I would very much like to meet someone who was also comfortable with himself to interact with - not on a 'spiritual ' level but in a way that developed our understanding of ourselves and our place in this amazing situation of being a human. I do have both men and women friends now, but no one yet gives promise of the kind of rapport I am looking for that i did have once with my former husband. So, that is one reason I thought I would look at other people who lived alone and see what their aspirations were. If nothing else, I guess I
  can find out some of the deeper thoughts and feelings of people who have time and space to think about things on their own. I am not a hermit - I have a social life - but it is mainly (very pleasant) distraction. I live in a great city where there are many opportunities for enjoying nature, culture and all the things that make life pleasant. Compared with most of the people in the world i am very lucky. I just know that if possible, I would like more, because what are we here for except to explore everything about what it means to be human?"
Emer Waterford
Ireland
" I love this site and when I have a really bad day I open this and calm down a bit reading that I am not really alone.  Therefore I want to say thank you to all the people who tell their stories here.  I hope I can help too by telling mine. It strikes me that  the most heartfelt descriptions come from women who like me  are now in their sixties and who have no choice but face reality.  There is no over the rainbow...no hero to sweep you off your feet...no drug out there to make you feel invincible any more.
Then it strikes me that many people in this boat have had their marriages go bad and they feel often like I do that this has soured their life.  I married at 21 and though I knew it was a risk I had no preparation for how awful it would be to have your efforts belittled and your ideas punctured all day everyday as it happened.  I thought children would solve the problem { that's often the idea in Ireland} but all I achieved was more work and more ongoing responsibility.  I loved it of course...threw myself into it and never prepared against the day when my three boys would have lives of their own and I'd have to go through the same desolation as when their father left me.  I'm doing that all over again as I write. I am so glad to learn that other women ended up paying their godawful husband's debts...mine was a practising alcoholic and the debts were many. And although many years have passed I still feel the stigma of being a 'failed wife'.  I find it very hard to trust anybody any more.  I wish society did not judge people on the strength of their being in couplehood or not...it's wrong, I know to see things this way but that's the way it feels to me.
I am bowled over by the people here who want to know if there's 'any point'.  Oh boy...there is no answer to that question that I have found...the only one I know is not to give in, because it's going to be equally hard for the next generation.  They will need to learn that their ancestors did not give in easily either.  So we can't go on but we go on anyway.
We were the baby boomers who after the second world war got a glimpse of life without such a total calamity occurring. We thought that if we marched and preached 'free love' things so terrible could never happen again.  And we were nearly right...that is one reason we feel so short changed now, to be old and unwell and undervalued just like we felt about old people when we were young.  Nothing changes very much in one generation after all. So I will be back here reading again and be as grateful again to learn your stories, wherever you are in the world.  Believe me.  It is me you are reaching out to.  Thank you all"
subbu
chennai
india
" In my living alone is soo good. because if i am alone i can spend time for me. I can enjoy my life however i want... I can go any where, everywhere, at any time. If i am in home or with friends we have to ask them soo much nonsense will be there... They want to ask permission from boyfriends, etc...
in my view no boyfriend, no lover, no girlfriends, parents is ok but some limitation..
Finally i am soo happy when i am alone "
confused
chico
cairo
" Acatuly i was living alonw for 5 years aftwr my both parents passed away imvonly child so it was very hard move for to start luvibg alll by mu own completely from a to z financial work food home everything at the beginning it was very hard but thank god i had amazing friends more then family they fillef my life for 5 years but i had ine problem sleeping alone no cuddly no care if i got sick it hatd to be alone but i git married and i believe that livibg alone was bless anf freedom u can never know how much ot means to me now "
Justme college park
USA
" what is there to say.  i have always been alone.  i was adopted when i was a baby.  but it was made very obvious by my adopted family i was not apart of the family.  i have three children. one that is 22 and the others 12, 14.  they live with my ex husband. bad divorce. all three of them do not want anything to do with me.  after death of my parents my family all of them shunned me. I moved to an area where i thought i had friends who cared, but that turned out to be wrong.  what a painful lesson that was and is hard to face.  the way that i learned that they did not consider me to be a friend is the comments that they would make to me and things that i would hear that they said about me behind my back, and that they never call me to do things, i would only hear about these things after they were over.  i don't have a job, silly me took time off pursuing my job so that i could spend time with my children when they were babies, especi
 ally the younger ones.  my first husband has been dead for 20 years, he committed suicide. i  live in a boarding house, so i hardly see housemates.  the only time i get out of the house is to go to the store, i get dressed up just to go to the store.  i am taking classes online to try to finish my degree in political science, so at least i have that.  at times i do enjoy being alone, especially when i hear people talking about the problems they are having with their partners.  makes me kinda glad that i dont have them.  but then when i get home.  its when it hits.  at 48 no friends, all of my life in a room.  i dont have television, just the internet.  i have a telephone, that never rings, except for bill collectors.  it is not like i dont give out my number, its just that no one ever really calls.  when the occasional male calls, it becomes quite clear that the only reason he is calling is to try to score. meaning that they ask if i want to go out and do something, it is always late at night and they have either just dropped off their real girlfriend or have been out partying and well just wanna hook up.  i guess i am one of those type of girls in their eyes.  i have tired talking to people i knew when i was younger on facebook, but they never talk back.  so every night, i sit here by myself, listening to music, reading, doing homework and paint or draw.  i have thought about getting a pet or plant so at least i do have something to take care off.  i am not afraid of death, sometimes i wish that it would just come.  i have thought many times of killing self, but always talk self out.  the only thing that does worry me about my death is that i am one of those people who no one would notice that i have died.  i was in a car accident in 2001, i almost died from this accident, this was also the cause of my divorce.  i wish that i would have died.  it was during this time, i spent 6 months in the hospital and rehab,  the only people who talked to me was the staff,  my family and friends did not ever come to see me.  that is when it really hit me that i am here all alone.  the only good things that i can say about being alone is that i know that all of the mistakes i make are mine alone.  that when i do die, what stuff i have will not be fought over by my children who would want a bunch of clothes and books? i do have a dream of being able to travel and see the world, but first i have to find a job in order to do it.  if i had a job, then at least i would have co workers to talk to.  what i can say most of the time i am in pain.  i hate all of the holidays, including birthdays of my children, for it hurts waiting for them to call or when i call them, they never answer the phone or acknowledge my calls.  letters sent get returned unopened.  i can handle being alone.  when i do get invited to go out, i will go, but can only handle being around the people for not very long, for it becomes clear that they only asked me to because they felt obligated too,once with them they dont really include me.  i do enjoy going for walks, going to museums by self.!
   it gets old not having anyone to share these with.  to talk to.  what i miss is touch, hugs, looking into someones eyes and seeing that they love me, the feeling of being needed, wanted.  especially after dealing with rejection after rejection while i am looking for work"
Carol Fairfax
USA
" Living alone is a bit hard when one can compare it to an easier, more freeing time in one's life. My divorce was really tough. I tried to make my marriage work but it was useless. When one is married to a narcissist, it cannot work no matter how hard one tries. My former husband left me with the primary debt including the IRS. That was 12 years ago and I still can't qualify to buy a car! My credit is shot and I can't get him to pay the debt he was responsible for so many years ago. My ex is now a retired Capt. from the USN and also from his PhD position. He was away a good bit and we never really got to know each other as we dated long distance. It is hard not to be angry and hurt as it seems I am paying for his sins while my long  friends disappeared intentionally. Actually my ex and I were residing in a South Western state and I moved back to the East Coast. My sister married an awful man who has been married three times. He came between all of us and has some
 how interfered with our family and my sister and I no longer speak and my brother doesn't speak to me either, I did nothing to them! I helped my sister when she was on drugs and an alcoholic. I gave her money and bought her clothes and now she acts like she doesn't know me! Who does that and why? I am the one that everyone blames for seemingly everything. So, I have maybe one friend; I have OCD, PTSD from a few major incidences; and when you add depression in the mix; well it's hard being with myself. I was unemployed for a bit last year when my car was repo'd again. I was ousted from my rental and had to make my car my home - the fact I was able to get it out of hock was truly a miracle. I only told the people I thought I could trust about my problems as I know that people don't deal with these things well. They think it's contagious or something. Yep, the phone calls stopped coming in as no one knows what to say or how to deal with this sort of thing. Not one person (all of my former friends are wealthy) offered a room for me to stay while I worked on getting myself together. Does anyone know what it's like being heckled for sleeping in their car? It's awful! When I write I have no friends,  I should iterate that I have no friends where I reside. Of the few friends I do have, they don't live anywhere close-by so it's not like we can go see a movie or meet for dinner. I dress terribly whereas I used to dress very well. I tried going to a shrink; yet for whatever reason, most of them don't take insurance. How is that for healthcare? A person tries to help themselves only to be told they need to pay the full cost. I don't know about you all, but I don't have $180 to shell out per session. Needless to say (write); being on my own has changed my life drastically since 2002 when I was officially divorced. It's hard just existing; feeling numb and not knowing what I used to have was all it will ever be. That's hard to comprehend. Being judged by you r former friends is never easy. Sometimes I find myself thinking that if they had to go through something so horrendous, how would they like it if everyone scattered and shunned them? It is another thing though to really not wish this sort of thing on anyone - even those who have abandoned me. Some women love their aloneness and embrace it. I am saddened by it as I loved being around my friends. At my age, one doesn't make friends easily. It is said we should live in the present. Well for me, that isn't fun; therefore I do revert to the past almost daily. I have some fond memories. I was miserable in my marriage, but I never thought being alone would be my only option. I constantly wonder how I got here. I have to take responsibility for myself, but I really don't know the series of events that got me to where I am at this point. I literally have no solid support system - None! I really am so sad. To those of you who have found your peace with being alone, God Bless you. I wish I could. Thank you for reading my post "
Marion
Toronto
Canada
" I have been living almost alone for the last 22 years.  There's still one son living with me.  But since he works a lot I am practically alone in the day , evening and most weekends.
 I love being on  my own,  When I was married I felt truly lonely because my husband lived as though he was single and I had all the housework and kids  while he went out to coffee shops and with his friends. It took about a whole year to get used to living without my husband.  You get used to anything even when it is bad.  After that first year I realized that I was no longer lonely and that I didn't have to worry about whether that selfish lout was coming home or not. As time went on I developed hobbies and since I live driving I would take driving holidays on my own. I love being on my own.  No worries about being criticized and  harangued and verbally abused.  I have no close friends and that doesn't bother me because they all disappeared when I left my religion. Now I am retired and pursue my hobbies...painting, crochet, pottery, reading and finding interesting places to drive to.  Of course I do have a family in case things were to get dicey healthwise.
When you live alone you have a choice of letting self pity overwhelm you or taking the bull by the horns and doing something positive about it.I don't rely on my kids to relieve the odd lonely blip.  I get in my car and drive, drive, drive. By the time I've driven 10 miles I already feel better. You have to become strong on your own , no one else can help you with that. I have learned to be truly independent and I am a better person for it."
thomas
surrey
uk at present
" Its not nice,but it gives you freedom to certain extent,which in itself,is not that nice,because it is nice to have someone around most of the time..just for a hug..or quick cuddle...or just to be with you...and to speak to....I live alone because my ex girlfriend  decided she had more than me..money...and her kids...,so we parted 1 year ago..and its for good..but as I would like to have another girlfriend..my age..its not happening..so I decide to ..move on..who cares....anyway"
Loner Italy " I am living alone past 2.5 years in a foreign country. When I moved here for study, I found many friends and companions and boyfriend, but gradually everyone left the city one after another. I made new friends and they left the city too. I feel tired now to meet new people. some days i have no one to speak even a word. I keep looking at facebook at pictures of my friends who has family; my parents rarely calls me. I couldnt even find a guy to marry. all i did in life is study and work and be left alone"
Randy Atlanta
USA
" When I first got out of school, I lived alone briefly and then was in a long-term relationship for nearly 30 years.   In 2004, I moved into a place of my very own.  It has been an interesting and mostly enjoyable ride.   There have been moments of lonliness and at nearly 60 I still wonder what might happen to me if my health fails, but I wouldn't take anything for my journey now.   I have four dogs and no matter what has happened in the day, they always put my world in order.   9/10th of life is what YOU decide it will be.   I have decided living alone is an adventure I am blessed to be on"
Joe
joe_ratliff@sbcglobal.net

America " You always hear man is a social creature. That verbage does not fit me. I grew up in one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world-Los Angeles. For more than 17 years now , I have  lived alone in the outback of northern Nevada, where the nearest town has only 8,000 residents. When a car comes down my road it is a happening. The majority of my neighbors are coyotes, ravens, quail, dove, song birds, rabbits and ground squirrels.  I live on over 5 acres where I can work or just sit outside for hours, enjoy the silence, listen to the birds singing,  watch the rolling white cumulus clouds roll by through the robins egg blue sky,  while the sun constantly changes the colors,  hues and shadows of the surrounding mountains. There are no traffic jams, stop lights,  boom boxes, sirens, police helicopters, solicitors or crime. Yes, I feel lonely sometimes and wish that someone was close to just chat with or know they are there. Even though retired, I still do most of the physical chores on my place and it does concern me that if I had an accident, probably no one would know for days or more-but that could also happen in a big city. I relish being able to do what I want, and when I want without compromising with anyone. My inside and outside cats are constant companions and do not allow me to become blue when I start feeling sorry for myself. When I require human social contact, I go to town and shop and go have a few brews at my favorite watering hole.  Life is good and I appreciate it every day and thank my parents, grand parents, friends and all those others in my past life who helped me achieve all the blessings I now have."
Brian
traintyme590@msn.com
Canada " I have posted before, and now that time has moved on some more, and the loss of my dad, which is now 2 years and about six months in the past. Time does heal all wounds, though sometimes the pain can come back and be in your face for a bit, that too is alright. As is living alone, though we are never truly alone, whether we have family, no family,many friends or even one friend, there are always people in our circle, sometimes we do not always see that. Life is good, and there is so much to live for. In the days and weeks to come, big changes are in the wind for me. I may be giving up the area I have in for twenty years, and moving somewhere else. Scary.....yes, but I look forward to it. Change is good, sometimes we yearn for someone to be by our side, but if we do not, we are never truly alone"
Kathryn Canada " Living alone is fabulous, it is so quiet, and yet filled with love and enjoyment for just being.  When the mind decides to get involved in emotions of past or future, I get to just sit and observe it with out having to worry about impacting anothers feelings, or having to put myself aside until later.  Living alone has allowed me to explore my own inner creativity bringing strength to just being here.  I love it...., "
Vinita
  " Living Alone is a art which everyone can't do.
We come to know many things in life. It's true sometime we do feel lonely  but to overcome from it and live your life fullest.

Choose your own path. Create your own rules........
Why we should follow the rules of others....! When we can create it"
Ms. Lonely Hearts
Chicago
USA
" I write a weekly column in a small town newspaper. The readers think that I am a socialite, but the truth of the matter is that I'm perhaps the most lonely person on this planet we call Earth. I have lived on this planet for more years than I can remember. It seems that years fade into decades, and time is a mere blur in passing. I can remember faces and important events that I attended, but after a while, even the faces are hard to recall. Believe me, I have tried many times to remember long-past acquaintances whom I loved dearly to no avail. Solitude is my punishment for a mistake that I made a long time ago; one that will not be forgiven in many lifetimes. For those of you out there who are lonely and feel forsaken by humanity, try using prayer and give it a chance. Have Faith in knowing that you will one day be welcomed into a realm of being where lonliness, sorry, regret, hatred, jealously, and every other human emotion are no longer relevant. Imagine having to live through history from near the beginning until the end of it all destined to be alone with no possibility of escape. Think about this hard as you sit with yourself in a home alone, yet you have the ability to remove yourself from the situation. You are blessed as I do not have that luxury. I pray for the End to reach its apex as only then will I be released and possibly forgiven. My mistake was not believing ... do not let yourself fall into the darkness of which you might not return. Sincerely, Guardian"
Lois anchorage
USA
" I am 51 and have spent pretty much my whole life alone.  I do have family and a lot of acquaintances and a cat but few close friends.  It is not really by choice.  It is because I am an introvert, have social anxiety, and a few other personal problems.  Sometimes I think it would be nice if I could find a person to accept me the way I am because it can get incredibly lonely and almost unbearable sometimes.  Sometimes it blows me away that I have spent so much time alone, never really knowing what true love is.  There are times when I don't think I can take it.  I pretty much have given up on the fact that I will be in a relationship or anything.  I have started to get involved in a few things like yoga, gym, volunteering, church activities. There are a few things I don't mind doing alone like shopping, going to movies, go to libraries other times my life truly sucks"
anant sharma
anantsharmanant@gmail.com
gangtok
indiakof
" it is perfectly good and delicious to live some sometimes alone but not always,as u know man is a social animal..., "
Nima Gurung
nimag7@hotmail.com
Pokhara
Nepal
" I am living alone for last many years. in the begenning I used to feel boaring but now enjoying alot. The main thing is the freedom still it is hurt when I get sick"
Sarah
Prue.aitken@ optusnet.com.au 
Adelaide
Australia
" My parents we're happy & educated & financially comfortable. I had multiple opportunities to marry...however I was busy with my career & not someone who wanted to settled into domestic drudgery. Now I am 55 & split from my partner ( not husband) my parents recently died & although I'm educated, busy, & have friends I am  lonely to the extreme & find it so hard to deal with. I have a beautiful cat of course! Any suggestions?,"
Jody
Toronto " I'm definitely the kind of person who likes to be alone.  I can't say I've ever felt lonely.  I prefer seeing movies alone, or going to a restaurant alone. (I love not having to compromise on location, time, etc.)  I stumbled upon this site while looking to read about married people who essentially live alone.  My husband and I have been together almost 20 years yet, for at least the last 5 years, I've been living alone, for all intents and purposes.  His job, whether working from home or the office, has him occupied 12hrs/day, 7 days a week, or more.  I usually go to bed several hours before he does, and wake an hour or so earlier, to hit the gym.  I eat alone.  I laugh alone.  I watch movies alone.  The thing is, I wouldn't live quite like this if I were actually alone.  I make a lot of sacrifices for my husband (and he me), but I still spend 23hrs/day essentially alone.  I think I would enjoy it more if I were single again, and making all my own lifestyle decisions.  I'm looking forward to his retirement"
Deepak
deepakgokhale66@yahoo.in
Pune
India
" Living alone is both a pleasurable experience as well as a lonely experience, if you ask me personally 90% of it has been pleasing. 10% loneliness creeps in sometimes, but then as they say,"Nothing comes free in this life everything has its price" so perhaps freedom has its price too in terms of loneliness. For me staying alone was a obvious choice i got married at a very young age and had dreams like every young man or woman has, soon i realized that all your dreams don't come true. Trouble started within a year of marriage. Somebody please tell me how do you have a conversation with a person who is strongly of the opinion that "I am always right others are always wrong" Whenever i would try to talk to her the only response was burst of temper and ensuing fights and yelling at the top of her voice. After a year of 2 of my marriage we got a chance to stay all alone. Now that she had got what she wanted she started searching for new demands. Anyways the reason of
  giving this brief background is that now i stay alone in Pune. its been 8 years that i have now been separated and as i said earlier its a pleasurable experience. If somebody asked me what did i gain by staying alone? My answer is PEACE. Nobody would understand that value of that word in his or her life until its shattered. Today looking back when i ask myself that was it a right decision never once my mind or my conscious has told me that was a wrong decision, and honestly I am glad that i made that decision. Its not that i don't crave for company or somebody to talk to, but i am not going to go out there and start searching. If somebody happens to come my way and most importantly we gel with each other, others things will follow automatically. Staying alone can be fun at times but at the same time very demanding, demanding in the sense that u have to ensure that things are done at the proper time, there is nobody to fall back on. In times of sickness the need to have somebody around you is very strong it can be depressing at times also but if you have a strong mind and compare with what you have gone thro your depression disappears and you are once again glad that you r alone. However as any normal human being would like to get pampered one has to be prepared that there will be nobody to pamper you, you have to pamper yourself and it is not the same as somebody pampering you. However i am quiet happy as of now staying alone unless as i said earlier somebody crosses my path and even if somebody doesn't its absolutely fine. "
Ruth uk " I don't like to be alone especially at this time of year. I'd love to go to bed with an arm around me for security. I've gone past the need for physical relations but the desire is still there but who do I trust.!!!!!!!!!!! "
Sheila
sheilan@europassistance.co.za
Johannesburg
South Africa
" I am a widow aged 40, my loving husband passed on last year on the 4th of December 2012 due diabetic.I have been living alone since then, I enjoy living alone doing my own thing in my own time, owning the whole house, being able to walk around in the house naked. it is freedom that I enjoy the most, just me alone."
Alice Canada " When I was younger I hated being around people, I hated living with my slob of a mother, I hated constantly being bossed around and cleaning up after someone else. Needless to say, that I wasn't a people person. I got a job working at McDonalds at 14 and saved all my money. Worked there for 2 years, then moved on to waitressing. I made good tips and like with my previous job, saved all my money while living with my mother. The day I turned 18 I moved out and found an apartment. The first year of living alone was AMAZING. I love being alone, I've never wanted friends or relationships, they never interested me. I now work at an oil rig and make damn good money. I bought my own house all by myself and I happily live with my male cat Tigger. I now spend my days in peace and quiet.

Living alone is a dream come true"
Frank Brooklyn
USA
" i am 67 years old was married for 25 years have a grown son my wife died when i just turned 60 very sudden she was my true friend lover and everything i could ever hope for i am in very good shape.i have been living alone these seven years and missing her very much.i never thought this would happen i thought i would go first.the pain of being alone is very hits me everyday and night but somehow i make it through each day i guess this is god's will and someday i will find out why i have to live like this"
Matt oakland
usa
" After my wife died 19 years ago I raised my son alone sucessfully I'd say (graduated from college). Now in my 50's I couldn't imagine being married or living with another person. People who don't need people are the luckiest people in the world"
katie perrie
kathleenperrie@yahoo.co.uk
motherwell
glasgow
 
" I am a 65yr old disabled lady,and i am very lonely,each xmas is worse than the one before.I don,t want a partner.but i wish there was something local that cater for folk like me.I go to a day centre now,a lovely one with lovely peaple,but its shut all over xmas and new yr.I,ve been lonely most of my life.all i have ever wanted is to belong, ive always been an outsider looking in.and i don,t understand why.i get on alright with folk,i,m not a moaner,i always try to look on the bright side of things.but no one wants to no me at times when it really matters.you get to wonder what the meaning off life is.i suffer a lot of pain with my artritis.what is the point of it all.Can any one tell me.katie"
june norwich
england
" Havent looked at this lately, but as we are at about the worse time of year to be alone, thought id have a look again.First submission i read was Kate, also in Uk. How i indentified with it. Shes younger than me and i have to tell her it doesnt get any better,its even harder to get anyone, certainly anyone youd want, most men of my age are far too old for me,but many think women in 40s would want them, well if i dont,i cant imagine they would. im in good shapefor my age and am told i look younger.Even the most unattractive men still imagine can get a much younger woman. I feel the way Kate does, i dont think i could live with anyone permanently but im sure being alone so much isnt good for you, I do ha ve friends good ones,ive been invited christmas day to one, but they mostly have partners and you often feel odd one out, as she says you want someone you can do couply things with,my coupled up friends go out with other couples naturallly they would, its how the  world is, so of course that socially isolates you.  Im starting a lunch club in my city in New year via street life, but very few men seem interested.

So im sorry Kate it doesent get any better, and all that rubbish people say how it inspires you, makes you strong is rubbish, you are strong cause you have no choice, we all need someone in our lives, you are still young enough for it to happen, just, but sadly i must accept i wont. Dont get too excited re the supermarket thing, any men ive met in any supermarket have been ones i wouldnt really want to meet againlol  and even if they were id be so scared of being rejected, i wouldnt dare give them my number
jim tampa
USA
" Ive done both and living alone is about a trillion times better. The only worry is that some people think its strange. Once you get over that, you feel genuinely sorry for the people that think that. If you dont know why living alone is so much better you are living with someone and are trapped"
Kate
kaybalm77@gmail.com
Yorkshire
UK
" Well this must be where all the 40 something single men and women are hiding out. It seems most people hate living alone as I do too.  In your teens and twenties life is different.  Everyone seems to go out party then find a life partner settle and have children.  This makes it awkward when we get to 40s.  There is usually no one available to hang out with or go out looking.  When you do its all under 30s  looking for sexy young things.  It is difficult to find a partner in your 40s.  I personally dont and cant have children and this is often used as an excuse for men to move along from my life.  I dont feel comfortable doing things on my own things such as going out for a meal.  Even the supermarket basket with single portions looks forlorn.  Its not all doom and gloom I suppose.  There are times when you can slob out, break wind as much as you like and you have full control of the bathroom and  tv remote. I have had lodgers and it was hell.  Bills run up not paid usually ending up in fall outs so I know I do not want to live with someone full time.  However I would like to see someone to do the couple type of things and maybe go on holidays now and again. Life is what you make it. Its having the confidence to do it.  When you next flirt with someone in the supermarket if they look your type push it ask for their number or facebook. I think we get out of practice in the art of communication.  Maybe there are some potential partnerships on here.  After all we are all in the same boat"
Aparna
Pune
India
" Staying alone is like u got better opportunity to understand
what kind of person you are.. and knowing yourself to become a best friend  of yourself :) who will never give you wrong suggestions "
rebecca moses
rantholz@gmail.com
Hays
USA
I  have lived alone for ten years.  At first, it was difficult. But then, I learned how to enjoy life  living like this.If you cannot be happy alone, you will not be able to live with anyone else.. Abraham Lincoln said "most people are about as happy as they make up their  minds to be. Just try to enjoy where you are.  You are probably happier than most people."
Marty
Martyc2@hotmail.com
Bay City
USA
" I lost my wife a year ago after 9 years of marriage. No
children. I have a dog and cat they are my family now. When I met my wife I thought it was all my wishes come true. All my beliefs and insurcurities were finally gone. That was not the case. I loved my wife from the day we met and still do. But what I know is what I know about women. They say nice guys finish last, how true. She proved to me that everything I knew
about women was true.
She has left this world and I'm still here. Alone and sad. I do have my  animals, which are holding me back. I work full time, have a very good job, own a house and am now single. I have put up a wall and don't think I will ever let anyone in. Why? Who needs the possible situations that could accrue. No I'm not happy. I'm lonely but scared to get Into any relationship.
I'm very good at taking care of myself. I'm a person who loves to give, but now it's to my pets. No problem found.its hard to trust. Anyway I find myself wanting to be alone more and more.i know this is not right but I'm not willing to roll the dice right now"
HumVee Universal City TX
USA
" was an only boy in a large family, many sisters and a father that was hardly ever home. I felt alone in the middle of a gabbing crowd! My teens were hell, i felt alone and confused, with some anxiety in the mix. I finaly left home after my teen years I got involved in a church-like group that promised more than heaven on earth, I dove into it  with intensity and was never alone after that - always someone to talk to, surrounded by people with similar views and outlook in life, finding a wife was easy. Eventually I pissed off someone who called the shots enough that I had to leave to protect my well being from inevitable and painful consequences. Well,  my wife turned her back to me not fully on her initiative, my stepdaughter too, none of my friends were talking to me anymore.  Those who would employ were under the influence of the ones who now shunned me and I was to all purposes, alone again in the middle of a gabbing crowd! It was hell! I left town and moved to Texas back to memories of happy days. And here I am. I have lived alone for the best of 6 years, sometimes I feel lonely , like being on the side of the highway with car malfunction while everybody rushes by with only a glance and perhaps a passing wish that I get my trouble fixed... Sometimes I feel anxious that I will not find my beat again. Though sometimes I fell good, and happy, and ride that wave. I have met several women but have not been able to feel a connection, perhaps I do not meet their expectations? or they mine. Although in good heath and better fitness, time has been clicking and I am 57 years old. Finding a woman to love that is ready to love you back and enjoy the good and bad times of the days ahead seems hard to do. So loneliness hits me hard sometimes."
Mike
mikekennedy97477@gmail.com
Rapid City
USA
" "Hell is other people."

I didn't come up with that on my own, it's Sartre. I couldn't imagine a deeper level of hell than coming home from a stressful, absurd corporate environment, to a marriage/relationship/roommate relationship that's in decline. I wake up happy, I go to bed happy. I'm glad I"m me."
The Real Truth USA "It really sucks to be alone, especially after being married for 15 years which my wife was the one that cheated on me. i was a very loving and caring husband that was very much committed to her as well, and i thought that i had finally met a good woman to spend the rest of my life with which i was hoping to have a family as well. Now going out all over again and hoping to meet a good woman this time around is very difficult for me since most of the women out there now are so very mean and nasty, and with the attitude problem that many of them have these days does make it worse"
Oliver Vancouver
B.C Canada
" I Googled: "Whats wrong with living alone" stumbled here, and started reading all the comments. Later realizing that there were hundreds...

18 was the age that I moved out of my parents place. It was tricky at first, but my mom and dad had prepared me by charging rent etc when I was 16-17. Work and friends were never too much of a problem. I found that just throwing myself into any given social circle seemed to work quite satisfactorily.

Although having problems with anxiety, drugs, behavior, and having a high stress high risk job, almost killed me several times. I went on to save 7k for 2 months of travel in SE Asia.

Then 1 month in northern Asia -> India, finally spending 1 month in Central America. Which Over the course of 3 years, was the most life altering happenstance, ever.

I have really slowed down and mellowed out since. Its quite a nice buzz... that and the weed I smoke.

I believe that with age things don't really agitate me as much as they did when I was a teenager. I feel more confident of my control and decision making in everyday life.

I find solace in conversation with any given random person. As I am privileged to have an intellectually gifted side to me. I just can't be bothered with pyramid shaped social ladders anymore... 

Preferably I would enjoy the company of a girlfriend, and perhaps small circle of social buddies. Although extenuating circumstances impair that possibility due to legal injustice. So I bought a dog.

Since "Homer" I have become much more in touch with my priorities in life. Admittedly; Life isn't always easy (for anyone). However I have studied +thousand hours of Ajahn Brahm on Youtube, and Audio talks from: www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/9/.
I was even considering ordaining for a year or two+ in India...

The information contained withing the Buddhist philosophy is astounding. Wonderful. I would recommend it to anyone living alone.

But lastly for anyone younger than me ( 29 ).
Minimization of life, is simple... the hardest part is letting go of all the shit you don't need/want!

Study yourself. What makes you happy. Laugh.
But never force it. Smile at people... live relaxed. Where ever, with whomever, with as much or as little as you really need."
kodjo
theoneiam17@yahoo.com
Kampala
Uganda
" It is very hard. I feel as though all people the i have so far come into contact with are just taking me for granted. They are mean and only care about themselves. My relationship with  our locals girls also sucks!, i am still a poor guy with no real job just yet i feel i am getting old, the girls i have been lucky to meet so far are all after money which  or else they end up cheating on me and just vanish in thin air. I learning to give up on them, i think i will have to look to some place elsewhere as far as relationships go. Life sucks if you have no friend and anyone to turn to when things are not going on cool :) "
Prince
ckumarc86@gmail.com
India
" Hi, I'm 26yrs old. I have a nice parents and siblings. Recently I got married. I've loads of friends but all are Hi-Bye friends. I don't have the habit to share my feelings with anyone.
As I remember, from the age of 10 I often feel myself very inferior and lonely. But I'm with the background of well settled parents. And I'm looking very good. In fact people around me are jealous about my height, athletic body structure,and very much about my kind character.  
I HAVE A HABIT, I don't know whether it's good or bad.
IF I WANT SOMETHING, I'LL GET IT AND WISH TO HAVE IT THE WHOLE. Please don't mean that, I don't share things. for eg. If I have a chocolate, I'll not share my chocolate with others. I get another one for them.
I love my wife. I hope she also loves me. but both are different type of character.

SHE LIKES JOYFUL LIFE, I LIKE PEACEFUL LIFE.

One of the difference between JOYFUL AND PEACEFUL life is
Satisfy with what we have is Peaceful life. Always looking for the next (new things) is Joyful Life.

I do respect her views, I do respect all the individuals views even though it's totally nonsense.

My point here is " WE ARE NOT THE RIGHT PAIR"

so problem started.
My wife, she is very beautiful. She is just 23, very healthy, nice character, but She doesn't like sex. I'm totally opposite. I need it at least every alternative days. It's been more than one year getting married we never had sex.
(People may suggest us to go for consultation I never think it will happen.)
All these time, I did not even summarized my few feelings. I come to conclude.
I already tired of waiting for a love with perfect match. I already put fullstop for the pair in my life. I born, I know one day I'm going to die. I want Peaceful life. So I'm preparing myself to LIVE ALONE WITH NATURE. "
Joanne
mom120@yahoo.com
Zebulon
USA
" Well i have a 33 year old son here.. he is abusive... bi-polar they say... it is the same as living alone.. walk on egg shells all the time... i may run away.. leave all the bills, house payments.. credit card bills etc for him... he will be out in the street.. i almost don't care... doc has me on Valium... just to take the edge off.. wish there was help somewhere"
Toni
yogibeara425@hushmail.com
Bellevue
USA
" I don't like living alone.  I've been living alone for over 20 years & it doesn't get any better for me.  Over the years I've tried various things such as volunteering, attending 12 step meetings but they haven't worked out too well.
I have an elderly Mother but she is married to her 3rd Husband who has psychiatric problems & is real immature.
I'm trying real hard but I have lots of obstacles.
I never intended to have my life turn out like this & I'm trying real hard to bring about changes but its real hard.  I have no help or resources.
I'm single, no kids.  Had a horrendous upbringing so I never wanted kids.
Trying to find help.  That's difficult.
I just don't like living alone.  I don't want a relationship either.
I would like to have friends, but its difficult to meet the quality ones who aren't needy or have mental problems.
I suffer from depression.
I'm trying to get help.  That's hard too.
I feel so trapped.  Cause no one likes a person who is alone.
I just loathe living alone.
But living with someone is a pain, or so I've heard.
I feel however that it isn't good for a person to live alone.  Your quality of life turns out not so satisfying.
I'm glad I found this site.
All I would need are some good quality friends who aren't users, who care about me & I could spend time with doing some fun things.  Things without alcohol.
Never had a childhood so I like fun stuff. 
The ironic thing is when I would be left alone when I was a little girl from ages 3-8 years of age.
Now all these years later?  I'm still alone.
God sure has a weird sense of humor when it comes to me.
To my fellow solo dwellers hang in there.
Cause I barely am"
Vinita Singh Delhi
India
" This message is for Raghav (Cheenai) well said......
you are right there is no need of advise.

Living alone is like a plain white canvas and now its depend to that individual which colour he or she want to fill in it.
Enjoy each and every bit of your life though living alone.......,"
Deep chennai
india
" hi every1..here is my story since i left home..
years 1-1.5 : lived in college hostel; was lucky that i mostly ended up with very nice roomates but there were a few whom i was not really able to relate to.
years 1.5 - 4 : i lived with my college mates whom i had befriended during the college time so that went well. Although during occasions i did not like them making noise and watching movie with load volume. This did make me wanna leave the house. Also they would clean the room once in 6 months while I used to regularly cleam my side of the room. Even when it came to cleaning the rest room it was very frustrating since they would not do it frequently.
year 4-5: after college i got myself an independent room in hostel for the next year. except for the lonely feeling that crept in once in like a bluemoon it was good there. i had to leave it cause it was far from my office and i found out that the locals nearby were stealing petrol from my bike which used be parked in the shade outside the hostel.
year 5-7: moved into an apartment with other office colleages and was well for a while but their habbits/lifestyle were different from mine and so eventually i planned to move out. for the first 2 years i was very busy in office so hardly noticed the difference but once i started spending more time at room i came to dislike it.
year 8 : now am searching a seperate house to live in. Am just having a thought that i would have to pay double of what am spending on rentals. had i earned just a few thousands more i would not have much thoughts on it. well i still earn good enogh to move but having thought on the saving ratio will be going down but i guess thats ok since i can afford staying alone !, "
Maria
ne_amorim@yahoo.com
Lisboa
Portugal
" I don't like much to live alone, makes me blue not having anyone to share special moments. In my life I had two men. The first was when I was much younger, he was gay, a perfect man and the best companion I could have. We decided to live together. Our lifes were so full back then, we traveled a lot, did lots of things together, unfortunately he died at 37. The second man was a big mistake, a terrible womanizer, a bad experience that ended in court after his attempt to rob me. After that I had a few dates but none of them completed me. Now I'm 57 and ended up being a loner, have very few friends with whom I don't have great complicity, I define them as acquaintances with whom I go out very rarely.
Returning home everyday after work to an empty house is painful for me. My life rewards are my family and the travels I do alone, far away, trying to forget the reality of my life, even for a few days"
Meg Whitby
Canada
" well,living alone since i came to Canada,i have cousin here and aunt but never get along with them,i make friends but they always make bad stories about me so i just decided to be alone all of the sudden,no worries and in general nothing to think about anything,i made friends but they give me shits all the time so i went on my own and right now i don't trust anyone..,"
lisa
valenciacas@yahoo.com
nyc
USA
" living alone is hard when hungry no one else to cook, help clean, no one to talk, to eat with, no one to help when i am sick.  i have no friends no man to date.  i am totally not happy with my life. i wish i had a man and friends to talk and to help when i am sick, "
megan
delhi
India
" i have never lived alone in my entire life even now i live with my parents when i took the line of medicine i thought that now i have to take decisions myself ..and have to leave the world of fantasy and freinds i had a best freinds she still says im her freind bt i noe from her actions that she has moved on...i have many freinds to say i have parents to live with but i thing from everything that i am left alone ,from the age of five i feared of walking alone in crowds and never had to face it bt now whatever im doing im just alone i have to look down when i walk as there is no one to stand beside me .......i know its my own decision but i have my own interpretations that people call me a nerd infact its no interpretation anymore i smile a lot i help a lot but still im no longer be able to be happy i just have lost the ability to trust ........i dont trust anyone i m alone with myself and u now wt actually im happy with myself i dont
need anyone,"
Bob
smitty10@shaw.ca
Kamloops
Canada
" Living alone as long as I have over 20 years, I find that exept for my job and my cat here, I am in my late 60 s and would not have chosen this life of being alone , but that is what life throws and one learns in away that ,in my case go to bed sleep,go to work do my job, and then repeat the whole thing day after day, the thing I miss the most is the company and being able to talk to another person that is in ones life.The best thing that could happen for me is that some place at some time I will meet an honest person out there "
Raghav
Chenani
India
" Living alone is hard and great. I am living alone from 7 years. No hurries and no worries no disturbance and alone in the home makes you to be independent and strong.Helps you to take your own and correct decisions. Life will be systematic. No need to hear advices. I like living alone :) "
Dawn
Toronto
Ontario Canada
" I was married ten years, divorced.  Remarried and partner was killed in auto accident.  Been alone twelve years, dated a few people, had a relationship that I thought may be for a lifetime.  So many ways he was the perfect man for me I thought.  After a long distance relationship for almost five years I realized it was not what I wanted.  He drank too much, and lived with his elderly Mother by choice and did not understand why I could not go to his place and be happy for a week or a few days with him and his Mother.  I felt like the "other woman".  Over a year has passed and I think of him most days but not as much as I did.  Thought he had so many of the qualities I wanted. When we were together, when he would go home for a week or so, often, I felt so alone and lonely then back he came for a week or two and the up and down of the coming and going tore my heart out.  Alone now, very independent financially, very outgoing, many interests, and have to say I have a great life.  Do I wish sometimes I had someone to cuddle and talk with, definitely.  Then I talk with married couples and family and seems so many are complaining about their relationships, I count my blessings.  Freedom to do as I wish, when I wish and with who I want to be with.  Lesson I have learned, if I want to be happy I can only count on myself to make my life happy.  Miserable people blame their sadness on spouse, children, friends, and family.  If it is to be, it is up to me! "
Dawn  May Ann Arbor " Just Happy Taking Care Of My Two Fish Tanks and Being With My Horses And working At Pet supply Plus Like saving For My Own Video games do My Own Art Coloring By Funtime Fuzzy poster Ages From 8 To Older Been Collecting Funtime Fuzzy poster Since Ca Trip A long Time Ago Like 1991"
Rehman
hafizaqeel4u@gmail.com
Lahore
Pakistan
" Hi I'm a man 30 years old. Pakistani . Body : Athletic.  Height : 5'---11". not any fat and no any diseases.   I'm very handsome , fit , hot blood , young  & beautiful MAN. Basically i am Black Belt holder 3rd DAN JAPAN .

I am find any Girl ,  Woman.  I want married any 25 to 50 years old woman from any foreign country (America , England , Australia ,Canada , France , Germany , any Other  ) who is a rich woman. Who is  Alone. who had Business , work , store , pump station , any other work  she wants' for a care taker honest & noble  man. who want  spout from me because i am a man.

I shell want just from her that she will spout  to  me Only VISA for her country and married with me i am a honestly behave with her and i shell be very thankful to her that she helps for Emanate me to my country and my bogus and my bad LIFE .Please Please Please HELP me. Because i am a poor man.

If any Girl & Woman not interested marriage  with me  any body have a job or any work any place for me please inform me this E-mail address       hafizaqeel4u@gmail.com

        " I'm still adjusting to living alone really. I'm married and live with my wife to six years. she & her  family make me a foolish monkey, did a big  Cheat  I didn't  know when I married her that my WIFE had a mental illness. Seriously i am in  On The Rack situation. My wife made  Hagridden  my life for me.

She said no longer in love with me from  beginning  the first  day.

While I love the fact I can now do what I want without another's permission, I do seem to get down quite a bit lately. I have an active social life and a few good friends & Martial Arts Club but I seem to spend a lot of time analyzing things in my head.  Being married was hard but so is living alone. "
mary goretti pettitt westport co mayo
Ireland
"  I have been married for 43. Years but most of the time i feel as though I am on my own. I have 3 grown up children 8 grandchildren and 1 great granchild.  We do meet up and spend time together but then everyone retreats back into their own lives so I am alone again. My husband is self absorbed and does not appreciate he has a wife. Why do we have children only for them to leave us eventually. I know this is the way of the world but knowing now how hard an emotional journey i was to go on I would have on reflection not have married and given my life over to surfedom to be at the beck and call of others while my life was put on hold. Selfish thoughts? I really do not know. Mary "
Gaz
Norwich
Norfolk
" I'm 23 and living in Norwich just a five minute walk from the city. My flat is quite small but big enough for just one person and I don't really have many friends. All the time I get people go past, drunk, celebrating or people just hanging out heading to the city and sometimes I wish I was in those sorts of groups but I'm not.

I've tried looking online for ways to meet friends (websites etc), a girlfriend (no luck), nothing really helps get out of this shell.

For this reason I find having a really fast broadband connection helps. If it weren't for the internet I would have absolutely nothing to do day in and day out but stare at my blank walls. While I'm a short walk from my mum's I try not to but sometimes the loneliness gets to me and makes my anxiety worsen. And even if I could find an interesting girl to talk to the chances are she wouldn't be interested in me as they never usually are.

But living alone isn't all bad I suppose. It has its ups. Problem is most of it is downs. And while coming here has shown me there are people around just like me it's a shame those people like me are so far away.

But to sum this independent experience up I would say not to let it get to you too much. Every now and then is okay. But if it were all of the time it would really break you up and that's the type of thing I think everyone should avoid"
Karen
geelmimi@yahoo.com
Birmingham
United States
" Can entertain myself but am now alone as consequence of rejecion. End of 18-year relationship (hia rejection of me). Used to be close to daughter.  Now very little contact with her, so know little about her life and life of four much loved grandsons.  71-years-old and terribly depressed and lonely, even though have home and good job.  Feeling is "no one who knows me likes me."  Hard to find meaning for living but will NOT do anything to stigmatize children "
Dheeraj dagar
Dheerajdagar19@gmail.com
Dehli
India
" I m 23 yr old smart guy, bt all alone in ths world. no friends, no family, no partner. i jst living alone, bt i want someone who cn live wid me. any1 male or female of any age from anywhere out of d world"
Ottis Burchfield Portland
USA
" I love me some me, my time is spent creating positive energy either through meditation or playing the saxophone.  I don't mind cleaning up behind myself, married for 25 years, raised 5 children from the cradle to collage.  Would love to share me world, but am afraid it would be a waste of time, which I could never get back"
FRANCINE MONT-TREMBLANT QC
Canada
" I am on vacation at the moment and spending it at my summer cottage in the Laurentian mountains in Quebec, Canada. I have been living alone for the past 6 years- since my third divorce. Yes, third.. I kept trying and never got it right. I have come to the conclusion that I am happiest when living alone, although I have a beautiful dog and several cats to keep me company.
My most recent ex used me to become a permanent resident and as soon as he got his status, he checked out of the "relationship" and tried to get every cent he could legally gouge. I got out of the marriage for a price- thankfully it did not completely bankrupt me. I am going to take an early retirement- my plan is for next year. I will sell my duplex in Montreal and move to my country house.
The house is fairly isolated, on top of a hill but with a simply breathtaking view of the lake. It's a large property, an acre, and there is a lot of maintenance but I enjoy gardening and have extensive plans once I am able to be here full time. I have never really felt the need to be with others and I am rarely bored because I have a lot of hobbies and interests. I have been planning my retirement for 2 years now and have invested many hours planning it. I am an avid reader and I really enjoy my  e-readers. I am fortunate that I have access to the Quebec National Library which is free to all residents and has a huge catalogue of e-books available for download. I have HD satellite TV- for my shows & especially hockey- I am an avid Montreal Canadians fan!- and my MacBook and iPhone so I can keep in touch with my family, friends and acquaintances.
I get up when I want, go to bed when I want, eat when & what I want and appreciate and treasure my freedom and privacy. I find being with people tiring, parties exhaust me and I am moire of a one-on-one kind of person. I live in my own world.
I am blessed with good health but I have to pace myself now as I get older (61) and I find that I can't do as I used to but if I pace myself, do some work every day, it gets done. There's no hurry anymore, no one to criticize me or push me to do things I'd rather not- this is one of the most wonderful things about living alone: no need to compromise anymore. I get my way all the time!
I am looking forward to being retired and plan to live here in my cabin and get back to the land. I have so many projects that I hope I have the time to do all of them. I get lost in my books, I work in my gardens and feel refreshed because I am not thinking of anything- just concentrating on the work and the feeling of satisfaction at the end of the day. The stress levels are way down and my life is peaceful. I have few close neighbours so no one disturbs the quiet- I can hear the birds sing. I know that I am fortunate to have a retreat but I worked hard all my life- from the time I was not quite 17 and this is my treward-I deserve this.
I had a very difficult life when I was young and now, as time goes on, life gets better. It is the best way to finish a life, with peace and quiet. I am content and happy and there is no way I would ever put this in jeopardy- my life is finally exactly the way I want it to be- and I am very grateful.
Helen Scotland " have growen up children but for the last 18years have lived with bully .... every time i tryed to take a step up the ladder i was kicked down....really feeling lonely now ,,,,52 ,,,all my friends have dissappeared and sometimes i go to bed just to get day over "
Michelle Mazzon
Adelaide
Australia
" Hi there Everyone I have lived on my own most of my life and Im not sure I like it. I lost my sister when I was 3 and she was 5 and my brother was 22 and I was 15. This is not in any way meant to make any one feel uncomfortable but in order for some one to understand why you might be in the situation your in. I have sort solutions to the problem and I am convinced that when you are ready the answer will come. I have to say that I do have a faith in Christ even though I am not a perfect person and believe it has got me through some tough times have met some nice people through it and thats what its all about is supporting people even though they may not always understand. I will get there and I dont want to miss out on any thing else in life.In summary I believe that a person cannot move on until they have dealt with the baggage and received healing. All the Best on your lifes Journey "
Mara Prenton " Living alone and being unemployed are very isolating and it is very difficult to make new friends in your 50's"
Dawn Chicago
USA
" I am divorced, after a very long marriage.  It's tough.  The friends went by the wayside.  There is no family.  I have gone through bouts of depression, and if it wasn't for work & my dog, have no idea where I would be.  I'm a romantic at heart & just cannot believe this is all there is"
The Truth USA " well being alone really sucks for a single man like me that is hoping to meet a good woman to share my life with, especially when i see so many very blessed men and women that were very fortunate to have met one another and have a family just like i would have wanted as well. loneliness really sucks for many of us that really hate being alone, and how many people out there will certainly agree with me? i am sure many of you will, and there are certainly no good women to meet as it is since many of them are so very badly messed up these days. and many of the women must have been very badly abused by the men that they were with at one time which makes it much harder for us innocent men that are seriously looking"
Joanna
jrmwrn@hotmail.com
carmarthen
UK
``Having been married twice and fed up with being alone in a relationship.....I now live alone and enjoy it! But as in all cases having friends is vital especially when getting older, we all need company to remain balanced now and then. Moaning how lonely we are pulls us down...........find a friend......have a good natter and chew the fat! enjoy each day., ``
Mel
Las Angeles
USA
" I've lived alone the majority of my adult life, minus the couple of years I had roommates or lived with a boyfriend ... neither of which I wanted to repeat.

I used to think good health was the number one value in life, then later I learned that freedom outranks good health by a nominal measure. Freedom to live how I choose, to what I choose, when I choose. Having complete control over my domestic environment leads to my optimal health and well being ... both physically and mentally. I think reasons why I maintain a youthful outlook and appearance even in mid-life are that I never married, never had kids, and always remained true to myself in all my endeavors. This is the ultimate freedom."
Annie Denver
USA
" I would never ever live with any one else! I'm free to do what I want. I made good money in my life and saved a lot of it. I have my condo and small car. I go to church every Sunday and volunteer at church. What more is there, I have no relatives or kids, its my life and I like it"
lisa essex
UK
" hi, is bit boring regarding sex life "
kk
liline_000@hotmail.com
  " theres no problem about living alone, the problem is having a lonely life
i find very easy living alone, i have no problem with that
with carrying myself, washing my clothes, eating etc
having a lonely life is a dead sentence

living alone is not bad, but when u have got no one to call to ur plac,e its fuking miserable like, if its not to have a decent life, i could just live in a box or something and id be fine"
lisa philadelphia
USA
" just came across this site and it really helps just to know i'm not alone in my aloneness.  some really thoughtful, honest postings here.  i have lived alone virtually my entire adult life.  i'm 58, smart, witty, considered attractive--and haven't been on a date in 13 years, let alone a healthy, intimate relationship.  i've just had unbelievably bad luck with men from the very beginning.  some people no matter how careful they are with their money and save, will always be poor.  some people, no matter how  much they diet and exercise, will never enjoy good health.  some people, no matter how nice, will always finish last. that's just the basic unfairness of life.  i would say i am content in my solitude 75% of the time.  fortunately, i've always treasured solitude.  born in to a large family, there was nothing i craved more than peace and quiet.  (be careful what you ask for, you may just get it)  fortunately, i'm still interested and passionate about a variety  of things so i am never out of my mind bored.  not as long as there is a book or sporting event or documentary or music or cultural pursuits.  but as someone on this site previously said, there is only so much one can do to fill the empty days and years as they pass by meaninglessly.  at the end of those "keeping busy" days, you are still coming home to an empty house with no one to share the day's events with.  still, i'm generally content living alone because i'd rather be alone than spend endless time with friends listening to their problems, or hearing about their wonderful lives as mothers, wives, grandparents, etc.  and i definitely prefer being alone than being in a relationship with someone i don't love or respect just so i can say i have a man.  thank God i am comfortable enough in my skin and my own company that i never settled and married the first man to come along to ask me. now, the other 25% of my life living alone is pure hell.  since virtually all of my immediate large family have died, the period between Thanksgiving and New Years i wish i could just take a pill and go to sleep and wake up six weeks later.  in fact, even at my age, after all the years alone, holidays still wreck me, as they are a sad reminder of such a  wonderful, loving childhood and youth before my parents, siblings and others began passing away--not to mention lost loves.  FREEDOM versus LONELINESS.  two intense states of beings.  on the one hand there is no price tag that can be put on the exhiliration of living an uncompromising and independent life with the freedom to do whatever one wants in and with one's life.  on the other hand, the feeling of loneliness and replaying regrets can be absolutely unbearable and you don't think you can make it one more minute being unwanted, unloved, and untouched. so glad i found this site.  sometimes just knowing there are people in the world who totally understand your situation is enough to get you through the occasional low moments"
Zeena   " I love living alone and being single. It is such a luxury to come home to a clean home, arranged how I like it. Not having to clean up after someone else is fantastic. Not having to tolerate someone else's noise, music, sleep schedules. The privacy is great. The freedom to do what I want, when I want is like heaven. Also, I'm more social when I live alone. I can have people over whenever I want without consulting with anyone. I can go out when I want. When I've been in live-in relationships it was solely out of economic necessity. If I have my way, I will have my own home for the rest of my life."
ano Glasgow
Scotland
" to Rachael MO USA I am in the same situation as you. Just bought a nice flat but cant bring myself to live there because  I to am close to my mum. I know its time but I am finding I want to cry alot.i am 26 years old. Have a good job and am only half an hour drive away but  I need that family unit"
 Debbie
4debp@cox.net
Tucson
USA
" Have been divorced 1 year after 19 years of marriage. There are some good things about living alone; not having to clean up after someone else, no more fighting, can do what you want when you want. But it is also very lonely. I miss having someone to share my life with, someone to talk to and spend time with. The weekends are the hardest. With the exception of going to church on Sunday, I usually don't talk to anyone from Friday after work until Monday morning again. I don't know if I will ever find an honest, Christian man that I can trust. That is in God's hands and I just try to keep busy with my hobbies and reading trying to enjoy the freedom that being single again brings "
DJ
m.exec70@gmail.com
Central Scotland
UK
" I've been living on my own for 4 years now, since my wife and I decided our 9 year relationship/5 year marriage wasn't working for either of us. I don't have any children.

To be honest, I've always been most comfortable with my own company, and could happily amuse myself for hours doing whatever I wanted when I was growing up.

But, as I'm getting older (in my early 40's now), it is becoming harder to motivate myself to do things socially. I moved away from my 'home' for my ex-wife's sake, to be nearer her new job, but since she left I've just stayed on in the house as it's easier than moving. So, I live in a part of the country where I have no friends my own age, and where does a 40's guy go to meet new friends?

I'm seeing someone who lives quite far away from me, who also prefers to live alone. I always found it hard to live with my ex-wife, for the reasons that most people on this board have said - having to compromise on everything, with the end result being me compromising more than her, in my view.

So, I have some big choices coming up soon. Do I keep living along, or do I try to live with someone again? What do I do about my non-existent social life? What new things can I take up to make me feel my life is worth the effort my parents put in to raising me?

Living alone is good, most of the time. But when it's bad, it's soul crushingly, darkest depression, bad. Thankfully it isn't like that often, but it can be every now and then"
Ana
Orlando
USA
"Wish I could figure out how to live alone - divorced after 30 years of marriage, far from family, with significant but few friends locally.  On my own for five years. And recently walked away from a relationship that promised love forever - and I chose to come back to this aloneness. In my mind I make plans about all the things I could/should/want to do, but I've become stagnant. Not sure how to get myself to participate instead of sitting on the sidelines. Not talking about "dating", just doing things I love doing. I want to learn to be happy within the life I've chosen. Not drown in loneliness, or think life incomplete because I haven't got a man in my life."
Victoria
UK " I was married and divorced twice, I am 44 now and both marriages lasted 10 years. I have lived on my own for 3 years and would say 99% of the time it is the best decision I ever made!!
You do get those summer evenings where you sit in the garden with a glass of wine and think "I would love company now - to share the sunset" but, ultimately, it passes and I get the luxury of a huge double bed and pure peace in the mornings. I am self employed and communicate 5 days/evenings a week with people so I guess I feel less lonely.
Ive contemplated finding a partner roughly once or twicea year, but frankly, its easier to cope with the odd lonely evening that be in a relationship. I think men are great, as friends, maybe for some they are wonderful partners/husbands also, but iv'e done compromising and bulls*** twice over and have took the rose coloured specs of now.
I paint and I read, and I gab on the phone alot to family, I am spiritual also and to be honest just feel blessed and fortunate to be free and my own boss, Love it."
Ann
US " 50+ years old, married 30+years and have been living alone for the past 8 years, self sufficient and comfortable with my own company...most of the time. But got to tell you, looking at this as the way I will live the rest of my life is a real stinker "
Larry
publicj7@gmail.com
Knoxville
USA
" I've been married for 4 times, three lasted only a couple months each (Not all my fault).  Over the years like most of us I've learned to cook, clean, shop and do for one.  What I haven't learned is how to enjoy life for one.  Going places, doing things for one.  Who do you share it the world with is my problem.
I like to talk, but my cat doesn't talk back"
TheTruth
USA " It really sucks to be alone for a straight man like me looking to meet a good woman to share a life with, especially when all of the good ones seem to be taken "
sherwani
fcl862003@yahoo.com
islamabad
pakistan
" 46 old, engineer live alone 5 yrs past, now tired me. it is not possible me to live alone more. b/c wihout love no life in live. any one contact me who want love"
deprived   " I have been living alone for the past two years. I went through a rough relationship. The one I really loved left and chose to isolate myself. Found a job far from home. Tried to be at peace with myself. I have cried through the night. I felt lonely. I tried online dating. They wanted me to show myself naked. I can't bring myself to do any of that. Later i realised, my belief in relationships are shaken. I'm afraid to trust and love again. Since I'm far from home,i don't have friends near. I still struggling to place my identity. SOMETIMES I LIKE MYSELF and sometimes, i just hate myself for not being able to be like others. They live life and I watch from the sidelines."
shardhi MP
India
" Now i am 43. Once I took decision to live alone for a social cause, I enjoyed a lot. because I am working with particularly vulnerable tribal groups in remote areas, (its around 700 kms for away from my native place) its very time demanding work.this is my choice to live alone, it helps to do lot more to community. If get marry with someone, I have to take words from him/her in each and everything. (specially in rural Indian context) my needs independent thinking personality and go beyond to do work. since I am alone, I enjoy my work. I have my own space for meditation, yoga,reading, cooking, eating, helping others and moreover I have financial independence to spend what I have to choose. This work giving me an immense pleasure and good health"
G Waterford
Ireland
" so glad to have found this website. the solitude of a beautiful summer night like tonight was making me sad. I would never have chosen to live alone. best of luck and happiness to you all and thanks for sharing your stories, they certainly lifted my spirits."
seajaymigon
friendly
USA
" You all are a laugh in a half. I have been alone for 8 year but it just got difficult this year. I am 63 years old. I am sick, out of shape, just lost my job, no money and have only two more months a place to live. Then, streets, which i never have done before. I cannot care for myself, what family knows me, dismisses me as crazy. I have no one"
TT Toronto
Canada
" I'm married for 20 years. My wife never cared me, and often insulted me for one thing or the other and she was too busy to care for her sister's family. Somehow, i managed to live with her that long. I had a motivation for that. My growing kids. Now my kids are almost grown up. About a few months ago, I fell into a situation that I've to move ou due to my job. My relationship with my wife is almost at the edge. I really don't want to go back to that home now, cause i don't want be insulted any more. I'm 49 years old. Whatever I earned my entire life is in the house. I don't have anything for myself. I'm living alone. I feel better alone than living in that house. Of course more freedom, but still I feel it would be better if I have somebody living with me. But I don't think so it is going to happen now. "
buzzinga
catkinus@yahoo.com
golden bird
golden bird
" Hi readers.I am 32,in pretty good shape.Workout almost twice a week.Usually i mind my own business.I have been living alone for last 10 years.I am a full time worker.Now i am taking this to next level.I am thinking about moving to a beach.With basic tools and knowledge i am hoping to make this a happy experience.I know not seeing people for long time can drive a person crazy but i want to see it a try.When i think of getting my own food and living on a bright beach,it seems worth being "invisible".
    I think it's just circumstances under which we start living alone,but it's addictive and natural not to have a contender.We get freedom of thought and to execute it in our way without a 2nd opinion.I guess this gives 'Idea of living alone' it's colors.,"
ASFAQUE ALI
asfaqueali78629@rediffmail.com
Jamshedpur
India
" I am alone highly educated guy.i want to get foreigner lady.if she divorce or separated or unmarried ant any age i am ready to get marry with them.But she must be solid build and strong lady"
June Norwich
England
" Ive written on here before but keep coming back to see what others in same position as me say. Many seem to share my views they dont necessarily want to live with anyone all time but would like someone in their life.Sometimes i feel i cant stand being alone and it all becomes too much. I am in my 60s but feel 20 yrs younger and think thats the problem,  men of my age just dont attract me, most have one foot in grave but younger men obviously dont want to know.

 Today was Lord mayors show in my city went with coupled up friends, younger than me as many of my friends are, had meal outside in sunshine  and thought wouldnt it be nice if i was sitting here with that special someone. Got home walked up hill at back mine to see fireworks all couples standing there and me all alone, came home and wept.Ive never been good at attracting men, never was, im not bad looking,always been slim, well dressed, think im a nice person, have friends, have no problem making female friends but men just never connected that well with. Had a lovely dad whom i adored so that isnt why, just dont understand it. Men have never fancied me wish i knew why. Other women,some  plainer, fatter no personalities seem to manage to attract someone but me,zilch.Before i get too old id just like to know what its like once, but how the hell it will happen i dont know and what scares me is deep down i know it wont"
RB Vancouver
Canada
" I have been living solo ever since. I am in my mid thirties now. I used to think about getting married but had to postpone it because of my personal, professional and economical reasons. What I have realized is that life is most valuable thing you ever got from god and if you don’t learn how to enjoy it for yourself, you are defeated. Once defeated, you wouldn’t love anything you see around. I saw money as the culprit who sometimes tried to make me hate my life. What I did is downgraded it’s importance in my own life. The culprit got it’s punishment…………..Life became much enjoyable after that.
 I have been working and still work in a company from last nine years. I feel happy with whatever I earn. I never compare myself with anybody else. To love my life, I pay no attention towards office politics. I damn care about how they evaluate me. They are who they are and they can’t stop hating me. The more they hate me, the more I love my life. The more I appreciate about what I have accomplished and become in life. As everybody, I am not a perfect human being. People have complained and will complain about me. Take it as a part of your life and march ahead rather than thinking about it. Their negative approach towards me is their problem, not mine. I never feel any kind of bitterness towards them. I see it as a disability of theirs of not being able to like me. If magnitude of your love towards your own life outnumbers the measurement of hate by other people, you are the winner. In general, people who hate more are comparatively more scared about things in their life. The  y are also comparatively more insecure. How can I, a self satisfied person make them feel happy?
There are days when I feel lonely. But if I let my loneliness dislike me, I know it will destroy my life. Rather than grumping about my loneliness I see it as my blessing. I make something positive out of it. My approach towards lonely life is absolutely optimistic. I love you my life, I love you. "
Pauline USA " I love living alone. The times in my life when i cohabitated, it was totally out of convenience/economics. Now I can afford to live alone, and I'm never going back. Even when I'm in a relationship, we must have our separate homes. I know first hand how living with someone with completely different habits can ruin a relationship and make people contemptuous of each other. Like if one person prefers to sleep in a cold room and the other likes a hot room-and there's only 1 bedroom. Different cleanliness standards. Different food preferences. Different sleep schedules. One person welcomes unannounced visitors, and the other is completely annoyed by it. I know things like that seem trivial, but over time they add up and create resentment. Constantly having to compromise and acquiesce gets old.

Even with more compatible people, there's still (for me anyway) that desire for privacy and independence that is impossible when co-living.

Actually, living alone is what motivates me to advance in my career and build enough wealth to be able to retire and live well...in my own home."
Daria Canada " I've lived alone for about 6 years now and can't ever see myself giving it up.  I feel like I can be myself completely and do what I like.  I come from an extremely controlling family, so I believe this is part of why I am the way I am.

I don't know if others struggle with this, but I have a tough time communicating how I feel to my partner.  We've been together almost 3 years now and around the 2 year mark, he starting bringing up the idea of us getting a place together.  I told him upfront, "I like living alone, it isn't you, but I likely won't ever change my mind".  Still, he brings it up.

I feel many people think that a relationship isn't authentic unless you plan on marriage or cohabitation - that it's "the next step" and if you won't take it, you're with the wrong person.  It's very frustrating"
Gene
USA " Living alone is great, for me. I love the privacy and the freedom. If I get lonely, I'll go out with friends. But it is divine to have my whole space to myself, to live how I want without question, criticism, or constantly having to compromise and please someone else. Living alone in today's world is, however, becoming a luxury--it takes money"
venkateswarlu raja
venkatesh278@gmail.com
kurnool
india
" Comments about living alone:I am elgeble bachelor in Chenai having the Bcom and interning to be accountant. My life basicly go to the work, coming home, reading accountancy books and enjoy IT. Not having the good relatoins with a suitabel lady making the life very lonely. Always good to be looking for the balance life but difficult if accounting profesion " please any one given to suggesion for peacful life and live. i am waiting  "
Rob Cardiff
UK
" I have been alone on and off most of my adult life, my problem is for some bizarre reason i feel that my life has no purpose unless im in a realtionship. I feel that being single i am incomplete and there is this huge void that can only be filled in a realtionship. My married friends tell me how lucky i am to be able to do what i want whenever i want etc etc...But there is only some much pleasing yourself you can do before it gets tedious..Yes i get lonely and crave female company notjust for sex but that companionship bit as well. I do all the things people advise you to to when you live alone to keep busy and join clubs and meet people etc which i do but its no good there is a huge void that needs to be filled. I do date women but i cant seem to find compatibility...Truth is my life seems just a cycle of "getting by" and boredom with no purpose"
Rebecca
London
UK
" :I'm alone again. I used to positely thrive on my own, loving my indepenance. I was engaged for 6 years and when we parted i got back to my single life, dated a bit and had lots of opportunities to do so much with friends for several years. Then i made an amazing connection with someone but he seemed to have other women. I recently came out of this on/ off relationship which lasted three years. It's true I'm grieving this loss but I don't think I will be able to go back to my single happy self in quite the same way. He drove me mad but I adored this man but the pain of me feeling an option meant i had to come away. I cannot think of another relationship since I still miss him. If I was to remain single I would embrace it again and probably join older friends on holidays. Luckily not all my friends are married with kids so I have companionship with others like me. However I really long for the cosyness of a loving relationship without complications as I suggested. I still have hope and I believe in God so know he is by my side even if He feels far. We have to try to remain cheerful and grateful about what we have and share our joys and troubles with someone if we can. Mostly we need to step out and ive ourselves and in the process we won't feel isolated. "
Ms M
Scandinavia " I'm 45 years old and have been living alone pretty much all my life. Part of my family is dead, the other part (+ relatives) estranged or just lost touch. I've never been married, I've been single for over 20 years. I have 2-3 friends that I am in touch with infrequently via texts/Facebook, or face to face maybe once in 3-4 months. It can easily take a whole week without my phone beeping for text -- my human contacts are limited mostly to the gym or grocery store as I'm currently unemployed also.

I'm a pretty strong person but I can't wait this life to be over. I'm not suicidal or depressed, but when you live alone without much human contact most of you life, there's just no meaning to anything. You feel invisible, you start thinking there's something wrong with you. I guess I should think I'm lucky in that I have the energy to get up every morning and do my daily workouts and "hang out" in social media as that provides me with some form of connection to others.... but really, when you wake up every morning and go to bed every night knowing nobody is thinking of you or doesn't care what happens to you, it's a pretty bleak feeling. I did not choose this, but sometimes life doesn't go according to plans or wishes...

Being independent, getting to know oneself is amazing - you become strong, you feel you can survive anything...but in the end you realize there's really no point. To those who still have families and loved ones around: please appreciate them. To those who live their whole lives alone and genuinely enjoy it; good for you.

To those who periodically live alone just to fall back to relationships or really aren't truly alone after all; you have only seen a fraction of what a lifetime alone feels like."
JR Merida
Mexico
" I had to move to Mexico because I was disabled in an auto accident and could not survive in the U.S. on disability.  When I was working and had money, I had friends and a short list of family members. Once I became disabled and had to leave everything I knew, it was a tough blow and no one seemed to give a hoot. Now in Mexico for 4 years and improved health from surgery, I have made passing friendships and have found expats here to be "clickish", especially since I am "alone" and not a couple. I recently expressed to one woman that I fear being alone as I age because if something happens to me what will I do?  Her answer was "call me".  Imagine....how can I call someone if I'm not able?  I'm feeling a lack of anyone caring.  My daughter doesn't care to talk with me anymore because in her mind, I left her, even though she knows I lost everything and had no choice. My phone never rings and it seems people make lots of plans and exclude me.  The only time I see
people is when I host one of my usual feasts.  Then everyone flocks here. I feel I'm simply being used. Lately the loneliness is overpowering me.  I am usually a strong person but am beginning to wear down.  Worst of all is the language barrier.  The Mexicans are lovely and caring people, but it's tough to develop friendships without fluent conversation.  Sorry to sound so sad, but I'm reaching out so I can stop the tears from getting me each day.  Wishing all of you some success in your search for love and inner harmony when alone., "
Haley
soundsofhaley@gmail.com
  " I enjoy living alone. I've made a vow to stay single forever and I enjoy it too. Friends? Barely had em, barely have em. I have autism and social anxiety, so I see friends more as a burden than a relief. I am 18, by the way, but I see nothing wrong with living with my lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with living without human contact, let alone friends or love. News flash, people: People CAN live without human contact, even friends, family and affection. It IS possible, just put your mind into it! Living without them means PURE freedom, living WITH them means pure slavery!

All in all, isolation is a paradise for me. :), "
Wil
twilliams1@san.rr.com
San Diego
USA
" Chris, it's too bad that we live worlds apart.  It seems like I've heard of so many women in England complaining about the lack of men in the area.  And yet, it's the same thing with men complaining about the lack of available women where I am"
Chris Liverpool
UK
" I am a 55 year old woman who lives alone and in my heart of hearts I hate it. I have no family-parents passed on, no siblings, partner or children, and although I have friends and hobbies, my life is so empty and lonely. I have been trying to find a life partner for many years and am starting to wonder if I have missed the boat. But as the alternative would be to spend the rest of my life in this awful emptiness I know that I can't give up looking. I have some health problems which make it a bit more difficult to find someone, but hopefully one day I will meet someone to have at least some happy years with "
Wil
twilliams1@san.rr.com
San Diego
USA
" I've been thinking that when it comes to money and health, I have been very fortunate.  But when it comes to family, friends, and love I feel like I have been very cursed.  The friends part is OK.  It's very minimal but it's better than nothing.  The family is dismal and love is non-existent for me and probably will be for the rest of my life.

Unfortunately as of lately, my health and finances are at a threat right now.  As they say, love makes life go around.  I don't have that in my life at all.  Now the other things in life that are keeping me going are threatened now.

Living alone is not that great when things go wrong.  Maybe I just won't go on much longer.  It's too bad.  I guess God wants it that way for me"
Hari
pokiriprasad8@gmail.com
India " Living alone without any relation in our life till our end is very difficult task. everyone have at least one relation in their lives such as husband/wife, mother / father , brother/sister , etc; so without any of the relations said above is very hard to feel and difficult to go on with it. If a person failed in love life and decided to continue his/her life alone by thinking of their loved one's memories will be so appreciatable but its very hard to go on like dat. we shouldn't go for sexual relation with other one's even we dont marry others. we should be alone by controlling such kind of feelings comes in our life because having sex is a part of nature,bt if we sacrificed our life like dis we should be PURE in dat living. Hope u got what im saying. comment on words"
Kathy Canada " I am gonna be 52 In June. Been Living with My X for many years.  We pretty much get along BUT we argue. Yell & scream to !!I do live Alone in My Mind. With this Mans help is the my only reason I keep in this situation. I am on Disability with many pains & he is A Good help BUT It does cost me in the End as I help him cause hisAlways broke & I help him and YES He pays back.  But living with An X is not good.

Inside I AM ALONE. Very Alone. I am NOT like I was when was
Younger to go out and meet men. If this as 20 yrs ago I WOULD NOTBe scared to meet anyone as I am now. I fear no man will want to be with me with my different pains. I fear
Even trying to meet anyone. I am a good looking young looking
52 year old woman. NOT Blowing my own horn. I however am also afraid itu the sex part as well. I was always sexually
Active. But with my many pains that makes having ex difficult &
Who wants A woman with no sex everyday ????
I am wanting more of a companion with sex once in awhile. I amSo set in my ways and this makes everything that much more
Difficult for this Lonly Almost 52 yr old lady.
I love being by myself. But I also want a man to talk to. Do things with and maybe finally get rid of my X bum of a boyfriend. I think I no longer want to be alone and I think I want a man to Sleep with and stop sleeping alone and to Cuddle with. !! I really think I no longer want to sleep alone. It's been too long To. And i think I need a man.  Where does a 52 yr old find a nice- honest- caring - loving- Man ?? Besides Bars. I am not much of a drinker thee days. Online sites Seem to be hard as so far haven't seen my kind of man. Don't do church. Never have. But YES I Believe in God.
To be alone or not.  Like it -= yes. But Lonly as well
Randy
Boise
Idaho
USA
" I am 46 and was married for 22 years. My wife left because she got sick and tired of me. My kids have all moved to other states because there are no good jobs in Boise, ID. I am an electrical engineer and make pretty good money but I pay $500 in alimony every month because my worthless wife didn't work and she let me keep the house.

Anyway, I put an ad in several dating sites and have gone out on a lot of dates, but most women only care about how much you make and whats in it for them. I always end up paying for dinner, movies, drinks, you name it. A few months ago I bought me a realdoll which is a life-like manequin made from some type of latex. She prettier than any real life woman I have ever been with and you can actually have sex with her. I sleep with her at nights too. It kind of feels like having the woman of your dreams living with you, only she doesn't bother you for money or tell you about her ex-husbands and kids and how much they need your help to pay for their tuition. I decided I'm gonna get me 2 or 3 of these dolls and live in a pretend world. So far it has worked really well., "
Dennis
djteel@gmx.com
Seagoville
USA
" i'm 58 years old but everyone that meets me thinks i'm in my early 40's until I admit my age./I have a sleep disorder(dspsd)and am unemployable because of it.i live with my 5 year old jack Russell,whoi'm I've had since 2 weeks old(him not me).long story short,i've always looked youngerso hung with younger people,dated younger women.once my appeaarance began to show 40ish,that changed and now people in the same age bracket that once desired to hang with me suddenly has no desire whatsoever.in fact being ageist is the "thing' now days./being disabled and unemployed,i have 24/7 on my hands to anything I want to.problem is that NOBODY wants to hang out with me at all.my pass time consists of doing what I like to do but I can't find anyone with the same interest.most people my age are into the 70's music and programs as that's the era we were raised(our high school and graduation years).but i'm a decade ahead of that as i'm an 80's fan.80's music and music videos is my fave pass time.everyone I run into that's my age has no use for 80's music at all.i'll always be a kid.i love to hang out all hours of the night playing around on the cb radio and hanging out at coffee shops and walmart.being diasabled/unemployed I can afford to do so.i wish I could find someone like me however,who also is into such things.i don't desire to have a roommate.just someone to hang with and bond with.i prefer having one BEST friend as opposed to having group of GOOD friends.years ago I hung with my cousin.we knew each other so well that either one of us could've black mailed the other because we shared every secret we had and we knew about the smallest secrets that hid in every nook and cranny of one another's lives.i miss having a friend like that.i don't think they exist anymore.more than half the fun we had was just talking about stuff,in the dead of night at 1,2,3am or later.he relocated after over 20 years of us hanging out together.we even double date and there were a few times we dated the same girl(not at the same time,even though we discussed doing it someday,lol).I miss that kind of bonding.one thing i'll never understand is why people go to internet forums and say their lonely but never seem to be lonely enough to actually arrange to meet anyone on the site.i live in Seagoville Texas.heck.if you live close by and ain't busy let's hang out.watch some music videos. "
leslie mundt
lesdm@bigpond.com
tenterfield
australia
" i was married for ten years , and doing what my society was telling me what i should do , seven years in the army showed me what we are doing is not what the bible says , we grew apart , my wife and i , because of what we wanted in life . had a few short relationships then decided to be celibit . after a couple of years i found life was good without the complication of women alone and free was good . after eight years am now looking for companionship , someone to share things with ."
Vinita
Delhi
India
" Hmm........ Living alone is tough but not impossible.

We can do lot many things - cooking reading books, TV, social site and many more.

The best thing is that whenever we feel sad just go for traveling and believe me all your sad feeling of alone will go "
June Norwich
England
" Julia, as an older women i wouldnt advise internet dating.ive joined most sites but quite frankly they are not worth it for anyone female over 50. just read an article in Good Housekeeping about a women in her 60s who thinks they are wonderful and has loads dates. Well i dont know where she is living,London maybe, but it hasnt happened to me.Im very young for ny age and am told in very good shape, actually one younger bloke on the site wouldnt believe my age but he didnt offer a date! Men just dont want older women, even if ancient looking themselves and i dont want them anyway, most men my age to old for me. I understand how you feel, im fitter than you and it gets to me,ive plenty female friends, lots of them are younger than me, but they all have partners. I think like you it just isnt the same not having one, i dont actually mind living alone as i said previously not sure if i could live with someone all time, but in a world of couples i agree its hard. You cant go out in foursomes with your friends, if you do get invites you have to go alone,theres noone to say should we drive to coast, go the cinema or have sun lunch out or even go for a walk with. Dont know if you live in a city, as you can see i do, but i think provincial cities are very couply,just like small towns,Devon is probably same as Norfolk. On streetlife some single women have been suggesting we meet up for coffee, but ive got plenty female friends do i really need anymore. its that special someone we need as you said"
Julia Devin
UK
" I am divorced and have no children, I am 52, and personally, I do not feel fulfilled, friends, hobbies etc. seem to be ways of filling rather than fulfilling time. there is no substitute for being loved and loving someone else, a personal relationship where you feel valued, even as children the 'best friend' is important. as an adult even more so. I have m.e. so cant work at my profession, which doesnt help, i feel outside society not having a partner, and I think that is the reality, i think humans live best when they are having deep personal relationships. I find myself withdrawing more and more as I am outside the couples world, am thinking of joining dating agency as think its the most honest thing today, instead of saying its ok, when its not."
Rekha
rekharao141@yahoo.com
karnataka
India
" no risk and no bothers no fight no pain.. depents how we take our freedom to enjoy or to destroy "
tom
tomribeiro109@yahoo.com
deerfield
USA trailer
" hello im tom here been living in a trailer alone for 2 winters years wife left dont have friends been working some landscaping but alone is not easy not having anyone to talk too evough said no one should b alone all the time " 
barbara
barbalor1954@yahoo.com
north richland hills,tx
USA
" reading the comments here has been very interesting. im 59 been married 4 times, and somehow ended up alone. i have been living alone for 10 years now. it has gotten easier with time and im not feeling sad very often as i used to. if i had known however when i divorced last time, that the chances of me finding a life partner or my soul mate was never gonna happen--i probably would have rode that bad marriage out. now as i said im 59, an overweight female that is too tired to do much after work other than get on the treadmill or just watch tv. i am alone everyday except for seeing my clients or a few hours in the office since i work from my car. i have moved alot so i dont know anyone here. i see my son every couple of weeks but have no other family nearby. i was not born into a loving close family and have felt lonely most of my life. most of my family has died off anyway. there are a couple i visit on facebook or email that live far away. winters can be really
tough! i have realized that i will be alone for the rest of my life and try to make the best of it.

i go to the library and i work out but the weight doesnt come off. my best friend died several years ago. i cant move back home because there are no jobs there. so now i am stuck in the city where you are afraid to go outside in the summer for fear of west nile. and there is so much construction the traffic is horrible. i am just trying to survive until i can get my social security and then i will have to move way out in west texas to a town that is cheap enough for me to live where i will grow old and die.my daughter lives there. i dont think she likes me very much. lord only knows why because i dont. so i wont see her very often, im sure. there are few trees or grass there. i am a woodlands/pine forest person. i dont feel sorry for myself. i am doing the best i can. but life certainly didnt turn out the way i ever would have wanted it to. i am surviving, thats about it.hopefully i wont crater, and will be able to work long enough to pay off my bills so i wont lose my home.

it would be great to have a roommate. i tried that before but it didnt turn out well. it would just be nice to have a friend my age to hang out with but meeting people is hard for me. i tent to have hoof-in-mouth-disease. i am sick of bars, but if i could find one that has classic rock n baby boomers i would go and find a corner to sit and maybe i would make a friend someday. but i fear it it will never happen. thanks for listening and for your posts. its helpful somehow to know i am not the only one in this situation. barbara,
Marc
lostsheep@yahoo.com
Toronto
Canada
" I am married now and my parents live with me. I dont know why I feel like running away. i have so much obligations financially to them and to my sisters back home. My parents hve nothing left, no money, no properties and cant find the job here because they're old. Most of my days are tensed...i have to admit. I try to keep myself together but sometimes I feel like hopeless... My husband is very funny and loving guy. It is just weird that I am still wanting to go away far from them.. I want to isolate myself and I dont know why these thoughts of being alone persist in my head. I cant do what I want but at the same time its hard to move on with responsibilities on my shoulders. I feel like I am so weak and just wanted to be far from them and be alone...am I being a bad person?"
Angela
Chicago
USA
" I have been living alone now without friends or family for 3 years. There is no one to call, and no one calls me. I am mentally disabled, and do not work, because I don't know anything, or what to do. I can't even keep my mental health therapy appointments.I was married for 35 years, and my husband was a paranoid schizophrenic. He is long gone now. I was in deep deep depression with him, and prayed everyday to be free, I am free now, and got myself into deep deep trouble by taking in too many stray cats, and now I have too move, all because I was lonely, and they have become my friends and family.I am in deep deep depression again, and pray, and search everyday for help and a home for us. It is not good to be alone, and I wish I had a friend or someone to help my furry family and I "
F Indonesia " Found this site as I browsed around on one lonely weekend... It's great to know that I'm not alone and there are lots of other people like you who also living solo. Here in Indonesia, living solo is still a very rare condition, not like on US or UK.

I'm single, never married and currently 30 years old. Actually I enjoy living alone with my adopted dog (he is truly a savior as I think he's the one who keep me sane for all days living alone). I work from home as a freelance graphic designer, I love my job and also the income is better compared to my salary when I used to work in a company. That makes me being in my home the whole time.

I only go out when I have something to buy, sometimes to the mall or to the supermarket nearby, but again, I'm on my own. Most of my old friends already married and have kids, or already in a process towards marriage.

I would love to have new friends! "
meera
rajkot
India
" life is really very uncertain.Nobody knows what would happen.due to personal reason i have decided to live alone without any friends and my love because i hurted him many times and slowly and slowly our relation became less interesting. Before meeting him i was very satisfied with my life as i was alone but at the end in relationship i get anything. So be aware while in relationship....."
Stella New Zealand " I am over 80 and would like to have ideas how to fill in the time, I am still very active and healthy, I read and knit can't be bothered to watch tv in the day time. I don't drive so can't get out as much as I used to "
Sampath Kumar
Pune
India
" My love sucks as she ditched me, now living alone even though i don't want to be. But i learned to live happy. No cheating, no hurts. No one to love or to be loved. Just travelling on the roads of my life as it comes "
Larry   " There is a scale on loneliness from the painful aloness in youth to the socially disabled or mentally or emotionally ill alone to the matured stable developed contented aloness of a stable enlightened human, and the fully functioning adult with a social day life-ie work,study who is also being busy and positive alone does not experience the painful alone or the needing people type of alone.These 2 types happily experiences aloneness. The former is only usually reached in old age. Those experiencing pain alone and feeling strong need for company are on the other polarity.... psychologist"
wil
twilliams1@san.rr.com
San Diego
US
" I feel very much the same way as you do, June. I've lived with myself for so long that I don't know if I can live with anyone else.

I am introverted and I feel that it's nice to come home to an empty place after work. I deal with people at my job; and there are days when I feel that I deal with stupid stuff and stupid people.

But after a while in the evening, it's gets to be a drag with no one to talk to. I can talk to someone on the phone at times, but I prefer face to face. On top of that when things go wrong, it's very hard to just be by myself and keep my feelings all inside.

In my younger days, it was very nice living alone. But back then it was easier to make friends than it is now. I don't know if it's because of the times now or is it because I'm older"
June Norwich
England
" Ive written on here before and keep popping back to have a look at comments. My opinions on living alone havent really changed. I dont know if i could live with someone all the time, but being on own all time sucks, When ever friends complain about their relationships as they do, i tell them the alternative is worse, living alone all the while isnt nice, well i spose its fine if a loner but im not. Sometimes i just crave human company and its been worse since i retired, All my friend have partners, ive no siblings,my parents are dead.I do care for my friends dog some days whilst she and her partner at work,that does help,cant have one of my own, i live in a flat.but i feel being alone so much at weekends,friends with partners,kida etc.I joined dating websites waste time at my age,men all want younger women well where i live they do.I find men of my age far too old for me anyway,and although im very young for my age, fit and people tell me i look younger makes no difference, younger men dont want you. m Sometimes i think how much longer can i stand this being on my own so much, and the long winter weve had makes it harder.I joined a social group but i find it hard to become bosum buddies with people so quickly, and there are so many members its hard to gell with just one or two, and i dont need hundreds of so called friends i hardly know just a special someone or one female SINGLE friend i can go out with.We really are not meant to be alone, it isnt empowering its lonely and depressing. What is the answer to it, the thought of the rest of my life this way i cant even think about. Years ago my mum used to tell me to find someone when my friends were all pairing off, you will hate being alone she said, evetyone else wll have someone, families you wont, but i never listened, i was never that attractive to men for some reason, i m not bad looking,was slim, petite, still am, but somehow i wasnt good with men, had a lovely dad too. So to all the younger ones on here who think they want to be alone, id say its fine now, but give it 20, 30 more years, believe me you wont feel the same, I thought like you, now i regret it, find aomeone,otherwise you in 20 or 30 yrs will be just like me It isnt natural to want to be alone really it isnt."
Haley
misoraxkanako22@live.com
  " I'm 17, gonna be 18 in May. Going to also be graduating HS. I have Autism, I'm average looking, have only step-siblings who live in two different states, decent grades. Have had only three long-distant relationships. First one ended a year ago. Second one ended in May. Third one ended in November. I have contact with my first ex, my ex-gf and my third lover, my ex-bf. Second one, refuse to contact him especially after he threatened suicide on me and told me to go to Hell and expected me to forgive him after he begged for forgiveness.

At this point, I think I'm done with being social and love. I've gotta wait until I'm 18 to have an actual real date (my parents are strict). But I guess if I'm this unlovable, what's the point of pressuring myself to be loved? I give and give to the guys I adore at my HS, but I get nothing in return.

I have very little friends, only a few. At least they show concern for me. I've had depression issues in 2009 before I even entered 9th grade, have had PMDD issues before I turned 16. HS has been a living hell for me until this year (2012-2013).

I have family who care for me, and that's at least a good thing. But I've been considering living without social contact and living in isolation ever since my ex-gf broke up with me last year. However, I have no driver's license, no job, nowhere else to go. I still live with my parents and they want me to stay because they love me and don't want me moving out just yet.

Any advice, guys? Yay or nay?"
Eugene Flushing
USA
" Response to: 17yearoldwishingtoisolateherself
I know what you going through and I know how you feel, the same thing happened to me when I turned 17 years of ago so many moons ago; my father would not be supportived of me going out to the strange world on my own without his negative feed or the filp side of the coin my mom was supportive and optimistic and she gave me a few pointers. For you it can a benefit for you...My mom once said to me that only you can make a differenct in your world, if you want to go out on your own then go, just keep your head up hight no matter how bad things get stay strong, if you fall back on your back then get back up again and try, try again. Last my mom said to me is if you don't make it out there in the wotld you are always welcome to come back home no matter what your father says. If you do come back it will give you a second chance to paln your future ahead then go about strong; follow your dreams and make it happen. This is what my mome said to me when I was 17 years of age...and I was going through the same thing you was going through. Many years later I can look bac kat my life ups and downs and laugh at them because it was me who has done it, no one has helped me get this far on my own, I have fell down, got bak up to do it again with a ot of determination no matter what friends and family have said.

My accomphishments in life I want to share with you, I'm a Proud Desert Storm Veteran fro mthe first Gulf War, I have served at Ground Zero to keep the peace and prevent looters from stealing the deceased personal effects and news reportors from taking pictures of the site wher so many jumped to their death. Meanwhile I work for the U.S.Postal Service now 18 1/2 years; with My Milltary both U.S.Army & Army National Guard I have now 36 years in Federal Government time and looking forward to a relaxing retirement in or about 13 years. All that you read hasn't come to me easy in life, I had to crawl before I could walk, I had to walk before I could talk and now I'm talking to you...life is waht you make of it and it is yours and your world to do anything you want so go for it."
17yearoldwishingtoisolateherself
xxashrahxx@gmail.com
  " I'm about to graduate HS this year and I really want to isolate myself from the world and be alone. My parents don't want me moving out, I have no job, no car and the reason they don't want me leaving: because to them, I'm not prepared. I have very little friends, my ex-gf from a long distance relationship still has contact with me, I've only had long distance relationships, never had a date, never been asked out, and I feel like nothing. I've had depression issues since I was 13 in January of 2009, and I really want to live literally alone (with only my pet cat) so that way I don't have to be around anyone and can do what I want, when I want and so I have no drama in life. Any advice? :'(, "
tony wyatt
pikeywyatt@tiscali.co.uk
bexhill on sea
UK
" its ok but i do have a good mate. floss and she is a coker. spaniel.and life is ok"
AHMED
srmech.ahmed@gmail.com
Egypt " I had experienced that almost all people love only themselves .. no one can be give another absolute love
I hope if we make community for those people who live alone"
Shri Pune
India
" I am 26 now and living alone from last 2 years. I had gone through a bad relationship and lost the faith on the word called ‘love’ .I don’t believe in arrange marriage , so chose to live my life on my own .When I attend marriages of my friends, see couples in public places, it reminds me that I am alone. Weekdays are quite usual for me as I spend most of my time in office. But when it comes to weekend, it seems like a hell to me. I prefer to play games for hours, watch cartoons just to refrain myself from the thought of emptiness .I am not really sure how long its gonna help me but I don’t have any option without living alone. God hasn’t created Humans to live alone so it’s always difficult for someone to try it. Someone should be there to care you, to listen you, to tell you how you are looking today, to choose a right thing for you in mall, to ask you why you are looking sad, and to cheer along when you are happy. I will miss that ‘someone’ badly for lifetime
. :-( "
Diane
martinigirl1995@gmail.com
Montreal
Canada
" Living as a singleton (after two marriages of 12 years and 23 years) has enriched my life. I have a wonderful circle of friends (many of which are just like me). I go out alone and have learnt to appreciate my own company. If I want to eat ceral for dinner I do, if I want to go out with friends and come in late I do. I can choose my own music, light my own candles and pour my own scotch whenever I want to, I dont have to fit into some one elses schedule. The secret to living as a singleton is to make the best of every moment. After all it's my life and I am responsible for it. Learning to love oneself is probably the most difficult yet rewarding thing I have ever done.

If ever I fall in love, I'm cool with that. But two separate residences please. I like my space. I need my space."
Eugene
emdavis1162@yahoo.com
NYC
New York
" I Would like to appologize for my misspelled words in my commnets earlier I had a few beers like I normally do at my Studio Apartment instead of a Bar. To all the single people reading this I just wanted to say that I do not love being single but I kind of like it with no strings attached, it's less stress for me to deal with. May be all of Happy People should get together once a year and party hard like 1999...married can't do that; ha ha.,"
Lisa
Newlisalife@live.co.uk
UK  " @sandy uk. Beautifully said Sally and I hope that one day this would be possible. " I truly believe that when we are really able to create a world for humans and not for profit we will have many different ways of living that we can opt in and out of without the burden of jobs, morgages, rent, furniture,etc etc.Our loneliness is not of our own choosing, its that there is no choice",
Sandy
sandygoward@btinternet.com
Norwich
UK
" This is in a way a response to John (earth dragon) and a thankyou to him. What he said helped me so much. I have lived alone for nearly 6 years. I am now 60. He is so right about the existential aloneness that he described. There is no answer. I have also felt alone all my life and have filled it with people, lovers, husbands, and many experiences. Now at this time in my life I no longer have the desire to be 'doing' and experiencing just for the sake of it.Every life reaches a full stop at some point and I have reached mine. Believe me, I really packed it in and I'm tired now.Gradually the need to go 'out there' and make it happen just fades. In reality there is nothing out there. The only reality is what is inside of us. Yes John it is a trade off. We need social contact and we trade ourselves with others, hoping that they will trade with us. But , yes it is all momentary, fleeting. The greatest day out ends in us being alone again. The tyranny is then having to find more days and nights with others to fill that void. I do not enjoy this loneliness and I often despair and spend a lot of time crying.But the truth and parodox is that I cannot cope with company for very long and yearn to be alone again. I very seldom have people here at my flat as this where I re-energise and relax. My life has been mad and dysfunctional and I am exhausted by it. But the past consumes me. I go over it constantly. It is as though I am stuck at this 'full stop' and assessing it all. Yes the truth is that we are all alone but it is almost impossible for the human psychie to accept.I am sure that the alternatives to living alone are to blame for this sad situation. I have lived in temporary communities on and off throughout my life and I have been the most happiest in these.What we are offered, marriage, basically or co-habiting is the most difficult way to live. Only those that are happy to compromise themselves in one way or another are able to do this. If you are honest and keep growing and changing, its impossible to live like this. So we live alone. But that is not the answer. There has to be some form of commnity living where we each have our personal space but also have the community all around us where we have a place and are known and loved.I truly believe this is the way forward. This couple thing has got to go.It is too demanding, too pressurised, too private, and so heartbreaking when it fails. It wrecks peoples lives.The family is full of pain and lies.It is so sad to have so little choice. I do not want to live like this but neither do I want to live in a couple. That is far too narrow for me.There is no answer. I thank you John for your excellent understanding of the human condition and for giving me a perspective on my current loneliness and I thank all of you for your contributions. I truly believe that when we are really able to create a world for humans and not for profit we will have many different ways
of living that we can opt in and out of without the burden ofjobs, morgages, rent, furniture,etc etc.Our loneliness is not of our own choosing, its that there is no choice"
Eugene
emdavis1162@yahoo.com
NYC
New York
" Ha ha that's what I havwe to say and I'm loving it. I've been alone in my youger days and left to see the world on my own and now years later I don't feel alone and regret being married 3 times..and have countless x-girlfriends. Since my most recent Divorce over a yearand some some months I don't feel lonely I feel free to do what I want in my Studio Aparment as I please witho any nagging questions of everything I do. Present I'm 50 and don't feel it, don't look it and don't act it. I'm just being myself and everyone like the way that I am. Their are some that wound say that I should get married again...ha ha ha...that's my response. I would rather be alone by myself then be miserable for the rest of my life being control by a control freak women. I so tired of the head games and attitudes that some (not all) that thes wome play. So being myself isn't so baf after all and I'm injoying like I did when I was in my early 20's. I still go clubbing every now and then and I can move to the beat in which alot of women like so I have no problem with the hotties at the clubs, even their boyfriend who can't dance so good tell their wome nto dance woth me. I'm glad that I go married whe nI was younger and noww that I'm a little older, wiser, smarter and horny'er I can pick and choose what wome n I like to speed a little time with me. As for getting attached to one, that won't happen. theh yong women has to stand own her own foot and not be so low self esteem to rely on a man. I like the Independant women today that just want to have fun and do it again 7 days later with no strings attached, sfter all their is more fish in the ocean. I like living by myself and I like my space to give that all up is a sin, I would rather walk through a mione field instead of giving up my space for a women. Been there done that
ratnadeep ghosh
ratnadeepghosh49@gmail.com
kolkata
india
" life is very uncertain, we have to be alone now or later one day, so when i am alone right now so i always try to b happy."
Lisa Sussex
United Kingdom
" I have been divorced for over 15 years now ( together for 7 married for 1), it was my choice to leave as I found family and social events way to much! I remember my last Christmas thinking that this will be my last spent this way, as I needed to live alone. I am a friendly sociable person and loved by all but I need my space too. I find my tolerance level is low although people would not know!
My upbringing had been with both parents and my 2 much elder sisters who argued constantly, although they had left home by the time I was 2 or 3 and whenever they were around seemed to get great pleasure in tormenting me. My parents both worked and my mornings would be spend alone getting ready for school aged from 10 and my school being 5 mins walk. Home time I'd spend alone till 6pm when my parents got home. Honestly I can say it never bothered me, I knew no diffent but I believe now that this has made me who I am. No patients or tolerance with others and dred the though of arguing or any confrontation come to that.
My friends who have close family find me strange as they can't spend a night alone.
I have had relationships but like some have said here that once the initial loved up period ends then the annoyances occur.
I love coming home. I will watch TV but never to drown out silences. In fact I love the peace and quiet. I can take long car journeys and never have the radio on.
Very occasionally I think to myself that its sad I can't be with a partner but I know to well that they would drive me insane. Friends seem to think its because I haven't met the right guy but to be brutally honest if Johny Depp pledged his un dying love to me, then don't get me wrong, I would not say no but give it 3 to 6 months and I would have had enough.
I am 45 and happy which is all that matters.
I hope this helps single people out there to know that it's ok to feel this way xx"
R. Nail
R.nail@ windstream.net
Glen rose, tx
USA
" Thanks to all who have posted, both positive and negative about living alone. Your comments have helped me gain perspective and grow determined to make a winner out of this hand. At 52 and divorced thrice, bout time I get my self squared away, and now have the time, space and quiet to do so.

No more whining about needing woman, as I would just choose another bad one like the prior selections. See I like to rescue women, till I find out they were just pirates looking to come aboard and steal my bootie.

But alas, when we fail a lesson we get to repeat it again, and again, and again, and........ You get the picture?

So here I go fellow solo riders, dirt bike, football, guitars, fitness and healthy living, not a bad hand to have to play. And with all of you to help me stay focused, how can life be so bad? Pretty women ill always have an eye for, pirates gang way!!!! "
mell
mell@yahoo.com
orlando
Florida
" I have been totally alone for ten-12 years...it is true horror..ive suffered terribly too..loneliness is like a slow rotting death...its hell on another level. for me my loneliness began when i moved to orlando florida..prior to that i had friends but when I moved here..people were just mean to be abusive or bullies or jealous. I had a really bad time in college with few friends--never got invited to parties..and i wondered why i couldn't make any friends here. I wasnt the only one as other random people struggled in this city. I dont belong here yet i can't leave. fast forward 10-15 years later and my life is the same only I have suffered through many hells. My family just turned on me and did some really bad things to my life and ot me..i suffered awfully with NO help from anyone..i had to suffer alone while my cruel family did terrible things to my life and i couldnt say anything b/c if i tried people made me feel bad for hating my family. all this happened as an adult..it's so strange. I have still been that helpless victim struggling suffering...i try hard to meet people and keep getting abused rejected or shut down. I cant meet a guy despite being a beautiful woman and men just reject me. im always alone..it is a curse or something horrible. I can't cope...i try but it's impossible. I even try to get people to come to my house and they won't...they treat me badly and just ignore or shun me. im not sure why as im kind fun friendly and cool...im forced to be alone though i dont want to be and anyone who does come into my life is trying to get something off me or use me. I have a fifteen year history of hell and loneliness...im not just alone ive been through extreme suffering too with no help. I even tried going to counselors who made fun of me too...or ignored me...anyone i go to just abuses me or tries to make me feel bad or mocks me. its not fair or right...even counselors I paid for? abusive or bullying... i struggle daily in loneliness and the only man i met was some psychopath who was obsessed with torturing me mentally for fun and didnt even want to be with me but it seems he was stalking me in some form and put me through some serious stuff...sadist who wanted me to suffer. you have to be happy with yourself...all that is BULLSH*T being spread by idiots and ignoramuses who have no clue. those who are truly alone understand the death of loneliness...i died long ago...ive been a walking zombie then coupled with tons of suffering/torture..well just a tortured dead zombie...i survive daily in a society and place that shuns and hates me yet i can't move out of fear...the lack of security...so im stuck here...in this hell of loneliness in orlando...the worst city to exist in my opinion"
Devi
Philippines
" When I was younger it was fun being alone. I had friends coming over to play mahjong with me or anything to have fun. I had a friend who board with me and we chat at most times. It was like going to a home with a perfect sister and friend. After a few years my friend married and we did not live anymore in the same house. At first it was like more fun for me. I am so free to do whatever I like to do and no one is there to tell me if it is okay or not. I had a complete freedom. Those are the days that I wish not to marry. Few year past and I am still alone another more years . Now I am 37 years old and realize that even if I want to marry it would be hard for me to find a guy who truly love me and is there to marry me because he love me. Most guys I meet would want to marry for comfort and love is a thing in the past. Not being able to meet the man I wish to be with I decided to be alone. Being alone at my age is never easy at most times specially when there are problems which I wish to discuss to someone but could not find one. There are also times when heavy rains or winds comes as mother nature dictates I feel more worried and wonder what if floods comes or something terrible happen and I am alone in my house with my dogs what will I do. I sure know what to do but the process will be so sad - it means I have to struggle alone to survive. If I will die no one will be there to call me name and make me feel wanted. I don't even mind about my funeral - I don't really care if no one will cry for me. But honestly I am afraid to die alone. It would be good if someone is besides my death bed or if there is a flood and someone is to shout my name or tell me it will be okay. Whenever I am sick I go to my aunts place and talk to them about what I feel. They are already old now and I wonder what will happen if they will die then I will have no one to talk to when I am sick. Then at that time I will be so weak no one will be there to take care of me then. It is really hard to be alone. Sometimes I think about going to a place where there is so much fun and I will look for a guy to have me pregnant lol that is a funny thought but honestly I am thinking about it. I wish I that I will find a guy whom I truly love and who truly loves me too and our level is not far apart from each other. And we will not have a hard time to connect to each other and be together"
Venky
venkat.pecboy@yahoo.com
PUNE
India
" Living alone is best and worst part of any one's life. .yes u can enjoy every thing alone(Privacy,self -help)but in the worlds sight life is sharing u can be happy but some one must be there to share that happiness if that some one is with you the happiness doubles im 24 now im having luxurious life bt no one to share anything.

"And i observed one thing if u are alone, All problems what u are having through out the life will come into mind.u wont believe for me even the one problem came into mind that i suffered in my Nursery and that too made me sad even though i over come it bt i became sad because of that issue.

"Even for some people loniliness makes them to go for smoking,drinking etc but we can say it is not good in words but that shows how much he suffers being alone"
Matt
amon-ra89@hotmail.com
Brasil " Well.. I never lived all by myself, but I did live with roommates and with my brother. What can I tell you?
I can tell you that there are cons. Dont let anyone tell you differently. But really, thats just a matter of point of view. Some people hate going shopping alone for instance, some love it.
I was indeed very lucky with my roommates. We became very good friends in a small period of time. We had lots of beer, played video games, threw parties or just simply hanged in the living room with our laptops without really talking. It was very nice, a valid experience people should go through, but it shouldnt be permanent. Just like a great party, it comes a time when you're just fed up with it. I, like many others in here, cherish the power of CHOICE. Like someone said, living alone gives you the possibility of being alone when you feel like it, or throwing a huge party so you can be surrounded by people you like.
Living alone is not about being lonely, but being at peace. It is not about being anti social, but living according to your own "needs and wants".
"I pitty the fools" who say that someone only lives alone by sheer lack of other choices. Its all about choices, really. I'm moving on my own(no roommates) in a month, and just by thinking how it will be to get home from work, grabbing a nice cold beer and relaxing without people yelling, watching tv, playing loud video games or just being plain messy, I feel like the world can be a better place.. even if only for me ;)
"If you want to talk to someone, I'll make sure to reply your e-mail.,
John
jobstack@ntlworld.com
UK " Personally I cannot stand living alone. It is empty and cold. I feel like i just work to live, to be honest it does not feel much of a life. The evenings are quiet, its hard to motivate myself to do anything, financially is also a little tough. I was previously married for 17years but knew my ex wife 3 years before that. I loved married life and being a father, sure i guess i took some things for granted but doesn't everyone? One thing i am proud of is i never cheated on my ex nor any woman previous to her. I loved her and told her everyday and treasured my children s much. I never even realised that my ex had planned to divorce me nor that she had totally emptied our bank accounts ready for the day. You see i often had to work away from home, i hated doing this but it was a good job and good money. After being made redundant and asked back my ex said if i returned she would leave me, so i did not. I had to settle for low paid jobs in security working through nights whilst they were all tucked up in bed because it was all i could get. It became a lonely working life and when i came home i needed to sleep when the house was awake it was difficult.One day my ex-told me that she did not love me anymore, i laughed because i did not believe her. I said i thought we were all happy, yes she said i made you think that. I said i told you i loved you everyday, yes but that was not enough.

She also said that she did not want the burden of my recently diagnosed Diabetes on her shoulders. My ex had planned on divorceing me for 6 months without my knowledge, as it was a council house the law said i had to leave. My children were taken to their in laws by my ex prior to me leaving so her divorced and re-married parents could talk to them, when they all returned home they never spoke to me again. In essence i lost my whole family, i really couldn't believe it. I became homeless even the council would not home me, with the help of family and friends i found an apartment which i could just afford with their help in my low paid long hours security job. The flat had no hot water nor heating but it had a roof. It was torcher being alone, i was still in love with my ex and missed her and the children everyday. I cried everyday too for many many months. I have three children two girls 16 and 15 and a son who was about eleven at the time. He was the only one that would stay with me on the odd occasion but every time my ex would call him and tell him what fun they were having going places and he would cut my weekend short to join them. Even though i had equal rights it killed me to think it meant nothing in reality. Anyway to cut a long story short i managed to get a job with the original company i worked for and with their help now rent a house. Thats where my new emptiness began. I hope no one has to feel like i do, i fight with my emotions everyday i wake up, i can't sleep properly as so used to working nights. Life seems to go on. I wish you all well"
Carbunkle
smknchub@gmail.com
Arizona
USA
" I've lived alone for most of my adult life. I was married for 13 years and have kids whom live with me part time. I have seen it from both sides of the fence. Both situations have benefits but if I could have a choice I'd rather be living with others. Seems like such a waste living without the company of others. The walls that surround me echo with laughter once my children leave. I occupy my alone time with experience that help make up my essence. And those memories will be lost like tears in the rain."
Tom North Vancouver
BC
" I am 30 years old, I have never been on a date once in my life and I have NO wish live with anyone. Besides I've been betrayed and lied to SO many times that I just cannot trust anyone any more "
Wonder
wonderwoman@yahoo.com
Rowlett
USA
" I grew up in the counrty 3 miles from the nearest neighbor so I had to entertain myself. When I tried to have roomates, they helped themselves to my stuff, lied to me, and expected me to be their chauffuer, pay for thier cigarettes and then just smile and say its OK. I don't have to wash their clothes. I don't have to clean up their messes. I don't have to keep them entertained. I don't have to listen to them tell me why they wouldn't do that. I can watch what I want on the TV. I can have my quite time without having to be interuppted with honey-dos that have to be done right now. I don't have to keep someone appeased. My home can be as clean or messy as I want it to be. I do not have to be on someone elses time schedule. It's a struggle finacially but I would NOT go back to living with others. Ever."
garima
 katey.ben@gmail.com
Dehli
India
" M a 20 yr oldd girl and stay in a single room hostel,i love being alone even when i was small i use be in my own space.even in classrooms i barely talk to anyone....i want to be with whom, who understands my thought m a very quite person and am not at all attached to anyone not even my family"
Denzil
dd21_1979@rediffmail.com
Mumbai
India
" Living alone to yourself or living a life with someone are two diffent things . I have been compelled to live alone . Just trying to make sense with life . Just wanted to have you in my life once more so that i could restart my life in anew way. "
Nabil Hailat
hailatn@just.edu.jo
JORDAN `` I live with my wife and eight children. It is just a perfect life. yes, more work but it is more happinnes. I can not live a lone for good, if it is for one month or so it is ok but for longer time, it is very empty life`
Steve Oxford, Ohio
USA
" Dear Yogi, per your request, I have a few thoughts that might help you. For me, living alone doesn't mean I have to be alone. I have a current girlfriend/ lover that lives elsewhere. She understands currently that I cherish my personal space and I know she cherishes hers. We do not have to spend each waking moment together to show our love of one another. To the contrary, we know that the ability to live our lives independently is of the utmost importance. Furthermore, our relationship moves slower and gives both of us a longer period of time to really get to know one another deeply. We talk a couple of times everyday for about a 1/2 hour each time. Normally once before work and once after. We'll typically spend one weekend afternoon or evening together depending on our schedules.
I must tell you that the urge to spend every moment together at the beginning of a relationship is a very powerful force. But I have found that the discipline to control it has kept me from falling into relationships that would not be healthy for me in the long term. Furthermore it has allowed me to get to really know those women that were stretching the truth to hide a hidden agenda. Forgive me, but they do exist. I keep dating in the hopes to find an emotionally stable, financially independent and self-reliant woman that mirrors my thoughts on life. Is the one I am intimate with now the one? Can't say yet, but time will always tell. For me, I'd rather spend much more time searching then rushing into a realtionship that's doomed from the start because it was based on mostly emotion and sex. Ask anyone, most relationships begin in a flurry of excitement and intimacy and after a year or two it fades and people find how different from one another they really are. "
Yogi
freshvisionmediagroup@gmail.com
Delhi
India
" Living alone helps connect better with ourselves. In words, it is an opportunity to self realize. However,my only concern is fulfilling biological needs such as sex, and emotional needs such as sharing ideas.If anyone of you have an answer please let me know,"
content   " Hey del vechio are you really that stupid? How did you possibly find this site? It is mostly for people who have enhanced their lives by deciding to be on their own. You are a co-dependant insecure righteous jerk...take a hike"
Al Del Vecchio
- " The only reason people live alone is because they can't find anyone to be with. It's not in our nature to live by ourselves. Current state of affairs is a testament of how people have changed in just one century and going in the wrong direction"
Steve Oxford, Ohio
USA
" I'm in my late 40's and have lived alone for 8 years. I've had several chances to live with other females since my divorce but have decided that I don't want that right now. Why? I find the independence and quiet time very stimulating. I believe I have come to better understand my true self and in the process I can make the changes I deem necessary. I can now interact with others when I am feeling social and I can avoid it when I am not. I can avoid unwanted drama from others by simply distancing myself. This entire idea has greatly reduced the stress in my life and allowed me to learn to be more even keeled emotionally.

The first year was the most difficult because I had to learn that there wasn't any safety net if I fell ill, or if I had financial difficulties. The idea that there was no one to "rescue" me from life's unexpected turns taught me that I had to make important decisions daily to enhance my very existence. The most important aspect of living alone for me is this..........I have learned to sit quietly and look inward at myself, to truly get to know who I am and want to be. To say nothing out loud, but to understand and introspect, and in doing so, learn to choose what words I say to others carefully and thoughtfully. To realize the difference between real problems and small inconveniences.

To realize that the abuse, manipulation and control that others would have over me is that which I would allow in the name of not being alone. I would rather be alone and content than coexist with others who say they love me but merely find fault in who it is I am and choose to be. The fact that I can walk away from any given social or intimate relationship has proven to me that others treat me with respect and kindness knowing they have no real power over me. This isn't possible when you live with someone or others. To quote a favorite lyric, "Home is where the hurt is."
Sharmila
Asia " Hi. Life is just too short to spend being crying over faith. At times situation are such and we have to accept our unwanted loneliness. All we can do is not let life get away like that. We have to be positive and look at the positive aspect and re build our life in such a way that we are happy....."
Amanda Bristol
England
UK
" It's all fine especially the watching tv of your choice, walking around naked, eating whenever, you get to choose your routine but there's no interaction about opinions, tv programs, food, and the like with anyone once you're home and indoors for the evening. Even that isn't all bad, but what I fear is if I don't have to compromise and don't have to listen to some half baked convo that's going nowhere will that make me less tolerant and more selfish??"
wil
twilliams1@san.rr.com
San Diego
USA
" I have posted on here before.
Like P.R. I have lived alone for over 20 years. The nicest part of is when I get home and there's nobody there.
After work, I don't feel like talking to anybody.

But still it feels very lonely. Even though living alone is not bad, it seems bad when no one can be there. There seems to be no one to call on. I live in a condo and I'm not crazy about it. I want to move out, into a house. But I feel very stuck at where I am. I'm financially safe by staying where I am, but it's a great risk to just get out and leave. I'm not much of a risk-taker kind of a person. I tend to hang on to security, even though it's not perfect."
Don
don.xavier7@gmail.com
India `Hi friends, nice to meet you people who have more or less the same problem, I am 24 now, for the past four years I have been living alone, all I do in work and be back home, to be in a room with no one to talk its pathetic, why am I living like this I dont know, all I know is I am fed up.``
P.R. USA " I am 46 years old, male, have never married and have lived alone for well over 20 years (with the exception of one 18 month period where my brother stayed with me whiel he was working a temp job). I will never be able to understand how people can stand to share living quarters. I had room-mates in college, barracks-mates in the army, and shared an apartment with another student in grad school. Hated it all. Even as a kid, I really wished I could find some way to spend time away from my 2 brothers and mom and dad, although I love 'em. When I got my first full time permanent job after grad school, I got myself an apartment and have never looked back. Bought a house 10 years ago, and enjoy it even more. I love having the knowledge that after a hard day work -dealign with difficult people all day long, I can look forward to a quiet evening of peace and tranquility ---- and solitude. I've always been solitary by nature, and enjoy being alone more than I enjoy being with others.

I like people, but I like my space even more. In fact, I don't even turn on the TV for background noise, or "company", it's off unless there is something I actually want to watch, also no radio for "company" in my house, I just enjoy the quietness. I never get bored or lonely - I have too many household projects, yardwork, books, dvd's and football games and workout routines to keep me occupied. I really see no change in my future (I may move to a new town for a better job of course, but no change in my status of living allone and loving it."
Abu Nidal
oilprophet@yahoo.com
Louisiana
" I'm 27 and have lived alone for 3 years, since moving to a new state. I haven't met anyone and have barely talk to anyone. It's been the most educational experience of my life. The pros are: That you can always be comfortable because no body is around to watch; no one to support but yourself; you're free to dream about the future and make whatever you want of it; you learn how to take care of yourself such as sleeping, eating, budgeting, and work habits; there is no one to be forced to watch television or play games with; And you eventually learn to own your own self by learning what does and doesn't work for you. It's lonely but the pay off is too much to pass up."
Val
incognitoval@gmail.com
Alberta
Canada
" To Greg in Waterloo. You posted:

" I'm approaching age 50, and I have been on my own now for 2 years - not of my choosing. Yes, there are the typically quoted advantages such as living on your schedule, choosing your own rules, not having to compromise, etc.

I have to say however that for me, the detractions outweigh the advantages. For example, I have found that acquiring new experiences have very little value if there is no one to share then with. The idea of going to the movies, dining out, travel, etc. on my own makes such things almost meaningless to me now. Not being able to share ideas with someone else is painful. I've been on a short holiday off of work, and I haven't spoken to another soul in 6 days."

I've been living alone for over 18 months now, after splitting with my husband of over 26 years (my choice). I've been with someone wonderful for much of that time but he's been living alone for many years. I live in my house and he lives in his. While I love him to bits, I'm not sure he'll ever be ready to live with me or anyone else. I get your feelings of wanting to share your life - and you should. That's what I'm hoping for also. I've always been a bit of an introvert but have never had sharing problems.

Regardless, if you don't want to be alone, just don't. I didn't get through 26+ years with someone who didn't appreciate me because I was headstrong. That's what ended it.

But I can tell you that compromise is the key to being with someone and being okay with it. Compromise with the little things, not the deal-breakers. Seriously, make a list of the things you won't compromise on and a separate list of what you will. I did that before splitting with my ex and it was the smartest thing I ever did. I comprised a similar list of things I found important going forward. That list consisted of the things I didn't have with my ex: respect, understanding, patience, acceptance... I'm sure you get the picture.

The man I see now has all of those for me, and I for him. The only component we still need to surmount are the aspects of him living alone and being used to it. I love him and I have time. He lived with his own ex while she was his wife, and another prior to that. He may get there, maybe not. In the meantime, I enjoy sharing my world with him, and he seems to enjoy with sharing his with me. Our children have all met as well. I think we're both cautious because prior hurt is a nasty thing to get over. You just need to want it enough to warrant compromise. "

  "no one opts to live alone but the circumstances compel us to do so........ may be some have ditched us or one has become old and unwanted or repeated break ups of relationships etc
One sud be brave and sud have strong will power to carry on
my best wishes to u all"
Julie
cutebabyowl@yahoo.com
New Orleans
Louisiana
" I live with my parents and I am 38 years old, I am very shy and introverted and I am a nerd. Although I have been to college 3 times I have not been able to finish out my last classes and therefore not able to graduate. I also have anxiety especially about talking to people and meeting people and being social so I have no friends except for my sister and my ex husband. My exhusband was physically abusive. And also when it comes to job interviews I am highly fearful and that is why I have not been able to move out of my parents house. I have gone to counselors for over 10 years and taken various medications from psychiatrists but that has not helped or reduced my anxiety. I have also tried religion and joined many churches, prayer, meditation, and yoga. Anyway, my point is that I always dream of moving out and living on my own especially in a secluded cabin surrounded by woods but with other cabins nearby, like a community. I came to this website from a site
called webofloneliness.com because it was recommended. I have read 90% of the comments and have taken down notes. Why am I here? Mostly because I am afraid that if I had money and had a job and could afford to live on my own, what if I find out that I am too lonely? Another thing I am afraid of is not having a companion and living always by myself. But since I have gained 60 pounds from feeling hopeless and lonely and from not being able to meet friends and being stuck at my parents house, and not being able to succeed with school or moneywise, my self esteem has dropped significantly because I used to be pretty. I try to go on the dating websites but I feel too bad about myself for being overweight, in addition to the anxiety I have about meeting people. I have been anxious all of my life so that is not a new thing but Ive only been overweight the past 2-3 years. If I had a popup camper or rv I would live in it. My point is that my anxiety makes me fail in everything I try to do in life. So I am feeling very hopeless.

 What is really hard is seeing all the women my age with babies and children and houses, and I am too afraid to go to job interviews. I feel like a teenager stuck in a 38 year old body. I came here to see people's comments to see how it is living alone. Sometimes I imagine it would be awesome, sometimes I fear it will be a hell-hole. Like I said, I have no friends, and have anxiety around people, so it is not like I can just invite people over. Everything I do is alone anyway. I eat alone in this bedroom, and all I do is search the internet and watch tv shows. I used to go kayaking and camping, hiking alone but began crying because I couldn't bear to be alone in the outdoors anymore. It seemed like such a waste to not have anyone to share it with. If I had money, of course I would move out of this house. Actually I would travel the USA national parks in a camper. But how does one make money if one has anxiety and fear of people and of job interviews? I feel so incapable 24 hours a day. My life is like a nightmare. I feel so suffocated living with my parents and in this one bedroom. I have not been able to overcome anxiety no matter what I tried. How do people live with anxiety, make a living, and make friends? I want to live my life but I dont know how to overcome anxiety. Please if anyone has an answer, please help."
JustMe
Canada " I too have always been alone. Alone since I was a child until now in my late 20s. I finally let go of my parents who caused me so suffering in my life and a brother who I wanted to be close with. I decided to let them go because they're only happy for me when I'm down and I don't see them laughing at me anymore. I have no family, single, and living alone with friends who I don't want to get involved. All I do is go to work and come home to my empty apartment. When I'm off, I'm usually at home and sometimes go for a long drive until my butt hurts then go home and sit some more. I try to listen to music a lot for distraction, which helps a bit. I also try to draw and learn how to paint but my canvas is still blank because I have no motivation. I feel so alone, empty, I'm always crying inside, and I actually miss my ex the most. I don't care about anyone else except my ex who is now married and still trying to contact me. My ex and I were together for 8 years and i
t's been a year and a half since he got married. He wants to be friends and so do I but I can't help but to resent him and cry with the thought of him. I think I'm depressed mostly because of him and not because of how my parents treated me. I'm not sure"
Brian
traintyme590@msn.com
Canada
" my earlier posting was a bit dark. I have lived alone now for a long time and still would not want it any other way. While going through the grief process, everything can be called into question. But in the end we are all individual's, each with our own desires and wishes. Not following a certain path or regretting past actions are a waste of time. We cannot and should not try to second guess ourselves. Move with life, enjoy your time here on earth, and reach out to others all of the time, while enjoying your solitude "
Brian
traintyme590@msn.com
Canada
" I have posted before, now things are different again. I had my elderly father close by, and we had a routine of getting together, shopping, eating out, sharing meals and so on. Last August 28, dad passed away (83), and now a year later quite a bit has changed. The old routine is gone, some friends have faded out of the picture, and like the song from Phantom of the opera "you were my companion and father, now my world is shattered" - very true. The aloneness is different now, there is no other family member other than a few cousins. So called friends have stayed away, partly because they are afraid of my grieving. Life no longer holds the value it once did, and would it matter if "I" was no longer here? If so, who does it matter to?
Hard questions, tough answers, but life does go on, and maybe if there is truly something beyond this life, maybe it will be better. If there's nothing beyond this life. then what's the point?"
Pauline Leeming
tgo9354pm@gmail.com
Perth
Scotland UK
`Hi I am 58 and living alone here with my cat in a country village. In two and a half years of living in this village nobody has invited me in for a cuppa and a blether. In an effort to combat the depressed feeling of isolation and to socialize I have joined groups in the village, That has turned out to be the only time I meet village residents. I have invited people to my house for a blether, the only reply has been, 'Can I let you know'. Last winter when it was snowing I went to a couples' house were a group was to be held to find it cancelled. Then I dropped hints thinking that they would take up the idea that having a blether and getting to know one another better was a good idea. I said, 'I am going to go to the local hotel for a cup of hot chocolate.' My idea was completely ignored and I was only given a lift to the place of hospitality which turned out to be closed.

I moved to this area to be nearer my elderly mother who lives about 8 miles away. Before this I lived in an area were I had made some very good thoughtfull considerate friends.

When thinking about the lonliness which i am forced to cope with I think I know I haven't been here all my life but why can't you welcome new comers. A friend of myne who lives in the area I previously lived in has suggested that people are suspicious of a middle aged women living on their own.

The local church do nothing about rural isolation. The new minister appears to be concentrating all his efforts on the youth of the village. One time i was feeling so lonely that i asked for a visit frothe interim local church minister but he never came.

I am begining to think I will just have to move there is no point in continuing to live with the depression that all this isolation causes ``
John, Late 40's
john.earthdragon9@gmail.com
Orange County, CA
USA
" I have suffered from being alone my entire life. I have done everything I do in life, or do not do in life, because I am so alone feeling. I realize now that alone is natural as a human being, and that no matter how much of what I share with anyone else, I do so alone. We trade for what we do not generate ourselves.

I do many things solo and I enjoy them, but I feel like I am cannibalizing my own love, I am essentially masturbating when I play music or work in the garden alone. I do enjoy what I am doing and not sharing with anyone else, and that is the limit of what I get back, masturbation. Then I think to perform my music (which I still create alone as me) and get human feedback for it, I generate what they do not, and the same is true for the vegetables I share with others. I trade what I create alone in exchange for what others will give to me (positive feeling), but that is as good as it gets here as a human being. We have those two options for self fulfillment; Solo experiences/creations in your personal passions and talents, which is still true of all you do in the presence of others as well, and the sharing of what we produce in those solo actions/expressions in exchange for what they have to give us, so we do not feel alone, but as soon as the experience ends, so too does the
feeling of being connected, and that is true also of what you do solo in your passions and talents. Not alone is always a temporary and fleeting phenomena. It requires interactions, and when they stop you are isolated again. That is just how it is here, so it is not about your physical conditions at all. I feel alone when I interact with people I do not relate to well even though I am interacting with them. It is worse to not be alone in those cases.

The way I see it now, do the best you can to interact with people and activities that engage you naturally and while you are engaged you will not feel alone, even though you really are. In between those connected times I still suffer feeling alone.

Also realize that I am going to you to feel you, I want something from you, and I hope you want what I am and we can trade and both be satisfied. My ex felt really good to me, just to be near her general feeling I liked very much. I asked nothing else of her, I expected nothing else from her, the more natural she felt the more I liked her. She felt the same of me and we did well until personal damage and the expectations that produced got involved in our relating and we stopped trading our natural energies. We didn't get along any longer and it all became very lonely again. Not alone is temporary and fleeting. If we are not sharing and being shared with we feel alone. If we are not connected to a solo passion or talent we feel alone. We do so many things to not feel alone, and only interaction with good feeling energy satisfies us, and we are still actually all alone even then.

So do your best to not feel alone no matter you are in life. You always are alone, you always have been, and you always will be, so do what you need to do to get through it, and be prepared to trade for what someone else wants from you too, and hopefully you will both be satisfied and not feel alone. We can only do alone what we can do for ourselves. If you want something else you need to trade for it with someone else. You live alone your entire life.

All of that said, I don't want to live alone, but I know that trading energy long term with another person and both of you staying satisfied is difficult to keep alive. We still are alone, so do not expect to not feel that, and do not expect your partner to resolve that feeling within you. Realize you are both alone just trying not to feel that sometimes. Trade honestly. Do not over expect from each other. Even if you live alone that is still true of who you interact with. If you can cannibalize yourself and be happy that way (I lived that way into my 30's) then good for you, but I can't make it that way even though I am alone in this world too. That is still part of my life, but I do my best to trade for what I want and need form others too.

www.johngerdescreativity.com www.manifestyoursoul.com

Good Luck Everyone. "
Mahsa
mahsa_rose72@yahoo.com
  " Hello everyone :)
Actually its my first time writing in a social web page like this.
So I am actually 19! and I have never had the experience of living on my own! well, I only statyed 2 months away from home but then I had to go back! I really liked that 2 months! I really like to experience to live in a huge country like CANADA, because all my friends are there and I really miss them so soooo much :( but I can't afford the pay! :( I really want to become a Chemical Engineer but in today's world, MONEY buys everything you name unfortunately! :((( I miss my friends dearly!
I had to break up with the love of my life, only because he is there for studying and living and I can't go! :'((( I miss him so much! and now, I'm all alone! :( I like living alone, but I will get lonely and will miss my friends and my mom so I will just cry it out! :(((
Life has been so tough on me, I want to stay strong, but I don't think I deserve this since I'm only 19 yrs old! :(
Hope for a day when I don't have to worry!

God bless you all!
Thanks for the awesome experience :)
Wish everyone a happy and awesome life, the way you want it to be :)
Sandy Michigan
USA
" I am doing some research on how people who live alone take conscious measures to stay safe. We all have a heightened awareness of our surroundings and do little things to stay out of harm's way because we know there's no one else around to collect us should anything happen... at least for a while. Anyone who can help me by sharing safety precautions you take in your day-to-day habits to prevent a trip to the emergency room and keep yourself safe will be appreciated. Thanks in advance! "
Anne Kent
England
" I live alone and have done so for three years. I am in my thirties and have done the whole living with a partner, boomerang generation back home. Plus I didnt make the first move (with the ex) until I was 33. I hand on heart living alone. Yes I have very little money, plus my place is small (all inc studio flat/bedsit that is self contained) but the freedom of being your own boss is so rewarding! Living with others means you have to adapt to their routines, compramise etc. I am not saying I want this forever as who knows what the future holds, but what I am saying is take this with both hands and enjoy, because it is the only time you can be selfish and do what you want when you want. I don't allow myself to get lonely, I go out, see family and freinds, invite people round even do some things solo like visit the city. Go for a walk, even go to the library. When I do eventually settle and move in with another, I will miss my little pad, as it has given me so much happiness"
Vas
vasuke@singnet.com.sg
Singapore
Singapore
" Hi, I have lived alone for over 22years. I moved into my own place after my parents died and been thru the ups and downs of living alone. In the beginning, it was tough. I cried alot as it felt very lonely not able to share my home with. I realise no one is going help me but myself. I start to make new friends at and around my work place. I joined the hash running club and made new friends there too. I threw parties and invited my friends' friend and made new friends. Some of them became my best and close friends. I have learned living alone is wonderful, quiet, peaceful and very free to do whatever you want to. Recently, I had to quit my job due to health reasons. I found most of my work friends disappeared from my life. I still have some good friends with whom i go out once in awhile. I decided to rent out my rooms for extra income and companionship. My tenants are quiet and nice girls. I cook, clean once a week and freeze the food, read alot and
do some exercise and go out whenever possible. Life is simply but no complains. Yes, i do wish i can find someone to share my life with...but honestly i am scared to hahaha as i lived alone far too long. If you are feeling lonely, drop me line....we can be penpals. We all need friends even if we like to live alone.... Cheers "
Terrie
tl766@hotmail.com
OSK
USA
" I used to be such a smiley happy person. I am 46 and am lonely. My youngest son just left home to join the army and my oldest only has something to do with me when he needs money. We havent been that close since the youngest was born.
I live out of state most of my adult life until about 7 yrs ago. I moved home to be by my elderly dad and older sister, thinking they needed me and I needed them.
I have the best paying job I have ever had and I can walk in and name 90% of the people. I am friendly smiley and used to be so happy. Work is another story because of the people. I can walk to an area and know they are talking about me. I know it is my own fault. My best friend up here is a married man. He went back and forth over a year ago finally settling on not being with me. Yell at me all you want. I know its wrong. Anyway because of our friendship still work is rough.
My dad has chosen his step children over us. Time and again. I finally had enough and stopped kissing his butt.
I have no friends to hang with. No family to speak of. nobody but my dog.
I called EAP last week and am going to talk to someone cause I really hate being this pathetic. All I do is cry.
I know part of it is my son leaving, menopause, my dad and even my 1 and only friend being married. I don't want him anymore.
I am a good person. I am proud of myself. I quit smoking I am buying a house and I have 2 of the best boys in the world. I am sad. I am tired of being alone.
What do I do? How do I fix this? Help me please"
Dee Toronto
Canada
" I've lived alone most of my life and although I love the independance of having to do everything for myself...un-able (or unwilling) to lean on anyone else for support, I have narrowed the painful part of going it alone down to one key element. No-one to share the memories with.My job has taken me to some pretty remote and secluded places on this planet that can only be described as breathtaking...nervana really ! I once climbed a 14K+ mountain in Alaska, by myself, and when I reached the summit I rejoiced with joy for my accomplishment.I was proud, for not only had I accomplished it, I accomplished it all alone and without any help what-so-ever. But upon heading back down as I reflected on this wonderful feat, I almost started to cry..because I realised I had no-one to share it with. I'm not talking about the story of the climb, I'm talking about the physical memory of sharing the adventure with another person who was there and could understand the hardships
firsthand. I think the best memories have friends in them. I was alone for so long throughout the years from travelling and such, I lost track of all my friends...don't ever make that mistake. This is when I learned that its okay to live this life alone...just don't go through life all alone !! "
wala
Hebron " living aloan is helpful to be organised and comfortable. it helps me to be in a good mood"
Beverly
Kelowna
Canada
" After 10 years, my husband of 43 years succumbed to dementia. Six months prior our 40-year-old daughter married and moved to Scotland and my two dogs died. It has been quite the adjustment and the challenges are on-going. I have been abroad several times and find, although very exciting, it is also very isolating traveling alone in a couple's world. I have lost 27 pounds, am taking sailing lessons, bought a new puppy, oil paint, am in photography blaa, blaa, blaa, but I still have this emptiness inside my heart. I wake during the night with panic in my stomach but there is nothing wrong in my life. I am secure and relatively healthy. I tried to go on an Internet dating site but, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, I don't want to put up with out-of-shape, pot-bellied noodnicks who contact me. So, it looks like I will be looking to the future taking care of me and hope that I leave this world someday with a bang not a prolonged whimper"
angel.h2012
golf2003_2@hotmail.com
Canada " In my opinion, yes it is the best thing of coming out of my bathroom naked and walking to my bedroom, also the privacy having a lot of time to your self doing what you what and when you want.
When times I feel need for intimacy and closeness of an intimate relationship you have a lot of ways to kill that hhhhhhh ;))
As for me i kill it by traveling and meeting a new people abroad or writing poems because I will be in my top of Emotional and I will write with Passion."
Gerard Paul Lincoln
tbalata31@gmail.com
Santa Ana
California, USA
"I've been living alone since my divorce eight years ago. Actually when I was married after the first two years it seemed that I was alone. I have always been a loner type of person. Even the occupations I have had were those that did not hav much of an interface with others. Although many people say that I am gregarious I just never became very social. I enjoy doing things on my own but I desire at times to have the company of a friend. I miss the intimacy and closeness of an intimate relationship but it seems that now that I am in my sixties and the ladies I meet seem to be pretty set in thier ways (and probably I am as well). I understand that they are Mom's and Grandmas and I would never ask anyone to give that up for a relationship with me. That would be selfish and create a lot of resentment. I have a daughter but no grandkids yet and my daughter is deeply involved in her career, no time for Dad. She has her own life to lead. I like to stay very active and
I do a lot of outdoors activities but woman my age are no longer into that. I have to accept the fact that I will be alone for a very long time and learn to enjoy it and not be lonely. "
Tania
adresponse2007@yahoo.com
Mumbai
India
" I am in my mid forties, divorced, been in a few relationships which I thought would lead to a marriage but didn't happen that way hence it ended. Now since a long time I am alone and I find it very depressing. I do have a job but I am very unhappy in it because I am stuck in a rut. I come to an empty home everyday, I don't have any friends hence on my weekends I end up going out alone. The only person I am close to is my Mother who is also living far away in her village. I tried to achieve my dreams but failed many times and now I am seeing the dead end. With the passage of time, my dreams of having a child or a husband will never be fulfilled along with my vision of a successful career. I don't find anything good about a single life in fact its a curse and I hate it every moment. Water water everywhere but I don't have a drop to drink that summarises my life"
juliana sydney
australia
" i like living alone, but as i have no family and im getting older, im 59, i wonder what will happen to me in later years also i had an operation which makes me not feel well sometimes...but i still crave going out and travelling abroad, but fed up of doing it alone...i cant understand how i got into this situation...,"
Wil
twilliams1@san.rr.com
San Diego
USA
" I have lived alone for many years. But lately I feel like I'm really not liking it. I guess the reason is because I was diagnosed with a disease. I feel fine now, but I wonder what will come up in the future.

When facing a health threat, it's not nice being all alone.
I wonder what would happen if I were to die and no one knew about it.

I am thinking of selling my place. But I wouldn't know where to go. I don't like where I live anymore. But what makes me hesitate to sell is that the market is bad. I'd rather not rent.

Someone was telling me the other day that it's too bad I'm not married because of my health problem. If I was perfectly healthy, then I wouldn't need to be married. I have to agree with that. No woman is going to want me with my newly diagosed disease now!

(I'll give you a hint, it's not a sexual disease)"
marcio
marcioflauzino@yahoo.com.br
praia grande
brasil
" moro sozinho e é muito dificil mas passarei por essa tambem, moro na praia"
AmandaJane
United Kingdom " I have a similar situation to Damian where I split up with my long-term boyfriend of 17 years last year. It was hard to adjust, and I suppose I am still adjusting, but I am enjoying the certain freedom I now have. But I tend to probably over analyse on most things, because I have that much more time to think over things that are happening daily. Lack of motivation has kicked in, laziness and I was never neither until I became single. And it's hard when a break up happens when you get older, I'm in my late 30's, so trying to start again, make new friends, new interests, it gets harder as you get older as at this age, marriage and kids take over which I now don't have no longer. I managed to make new friends, got a new job, and took time out from the break up to do this rather than going out and having sex as a way to get over it. I like having my own space, doing my own thing, and getting used to living alone and being single after 18 months. You have to l earn to love being in your own company, love yourslef before letting someone else in. Get motivated and cure the laziness.,
Lorraine
West Islip
USA
" I have been trying to live alone for about 6 months. I have become extremely depressed and anxious. I am going through a divorce. The divorce was my fault. Now I can't survive by myself. I am contemplating going back to my husband after we both paid for lawyers, etc. I don't know if it I can go back, but I know that I am struggling so badly by myself that I had to be hospitalized for psychiatric reasons. I have no where to turn, I am co-dependant and can not survive on my own. I won't cook for myself and have lost weight. Everyday is horrible and my family does not understand why I can't snap out of it. When the weekend comes I panic. My sister hardly talks to me anymore b/c I kept asking her if I could move in with her and her family. I wish I could be more like the people in these other entries that enjoy living alone. I am so very frightened."
Poonit
poonitmistry@yahoo.com
Mumbai
India
" I am bachelor living the lone life but I keeping busy with the bollywood movies so no feel so lone!, "
Monique Australia
" I am 30 yr old and now single female. After a relationship breakdown,I moved back home with my parents for a little bit (too save up some money and heal from the breakup) I then made the decision to move out on my own, I wasn't keen on sharing at 30yrs old. I wanted my own space and to be able to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

There is times when it can get lonely and expensive but I like to think of how lucky I am that I don't have to deal with any horrible and annoying flatmates. It's all about the freedom! As for cooking, I tend to freeze any leftovers which I have for lunch at work or dinner another time.

I also like to be a bit of a homebody and Ill buy seasons of a particular show to spend the weekend watching, if all my married friends are busy.

I find that attending Meetups is a great way to meet people and get out of the house also.

I'd love to get a pet but most rental properties don't allow pets, so I guess fish will have to do :-)"
Anand
anandpatel12@gmail.com
Chenai
India
' I am elgeble bachelor in Chenai having the Bcom and interning to be accountant. My life basicly go to the work, coming home, reading accountancy books and enjoy IT. Not having the good relatoins with a suitabel lady making the life very lonely. Always good to be looking for the balance life but difficult if accounting profesion "
Tony Atlanta
USA
" To will: "" To Tony: This is an example of the grass is greener somewhere else. I have lived alone for many years (as I have said in my previous post). Most times I pretty much enjoy it but there are times when I don't. My main reason for the part of not like living alone is because of not having a special someone or friends to go along with living alone.

However, I do envy people who live alone and absolutely love it all of the time because they lived with other people and found out that they couldn't stand it. People like that seem to have a lot of peace within them that I wish I had.

Also, I've noticed that there are people who come on to loneliness forum boards (there are other boards like this I go on) telling us that we should get out of ourselves to volunteer, join clubs, church, and reach out to others. That's the answer to cure loneliness. Well, then, I have a question for those who do that. If that's the cure, then why do you come on to a board that's labeled "loneliness"? If you are working hard and making friends, then I would think that you would have no time to go on discussion boards. In fact, you would have barely time to even look at your emails"

I agree Mr. Will, I've actually grown to accept that I won't have a special someone and have no desire for this. I've actually come to terms with this in middle school. I felt like the odd one for stating that I did not want kids and had no desire to marry while all of my young friends were making plans for their weddings at such a young age, but how I felt was how I felt. Frankly, friends I've had, even as I became an adult, have been nothing but a pain in my neck. It's hard to focus with others around, and when I finally get time alone, I get on the internet and research, look up things that I'm curious about, listen to music, or even play games.

For example, I stumbled across this forum when I typed, "good cities to live alone" (or something along that line)because, although I would like to live alone, I would also like to live in a place where I'm least likely to get robbed or stalked and raped if someone sees that I am living alone. I would like to have the peace of not having to deal with kids, unnecessary domestic disputes, "friends" that want to argue, tell your personal business, embarrass you, or get in your way when you try to get something done, or people constantly asking for favors even when you tell them you are stressed and can't take on too much. There is also way too much misunderstanding and scapegoating to put up with people when you don't have to, and frankly, minimum to no contact (aside from matters of business) would be a peaceful enough lifestyle for me.

The whole "joining" a club thing would kind of defeat the purpose for living a life of solitude, but I guess people who post things like that assume that what worked for them may also work for you if you feel lonely. I understand that to feel lonely is to be human, but (call me a monster) I actually stopped feeling that way during my Senior (late Junior)year in high school, and decided I was better off focusing on my life and enjoying the peace I got when I did feel lonely and found things *besides other people* to cure my loneliness. I guess I became "numb" to the feeling when the hobbies I listed above went from what I did when I was lonely, to what I enjoy doing when I finally get to be alone.

I guess for clarification (if this makes sense) just because you aren't alone, doesn't mean that you don't feel alone; so when you become accustomed to that feeling and suddenly become bombarded with random "crap" *excuse my french* by (what feels like) everyone around you, I just wanted to find solitude and maintain my "minimum contact rule." So (figuratively speaking) as soon as I get my wings, I'll fly"
Shahidur Rahman
srtonu@gmail.com
Khulna
Bangladesh
" Some time a person suddenly realize that what he was, it was surfing on bubble in the economic point of reality, what he or she can't share with anybody , resulted , close in to loneliness , what about them , become a victim of who cares , nobody comes to share this unfortunate one . In this case my suggestion who has huge to support but him / herself also in the situation lonely syndrome can come out with there effective potentiality and ease the both life."
Charlie
Barrie ON
Canada
" I am a 31 male and have been living alone for 10 years, It is hard, but at the same time I don't want a roomate who is going to eat all my food and take advantage of me. Its lonely. I work full time and sometime don't want to come home, any suggestions?, all I eat is frozen meals"
PAOLO
musica.del-silenzio@libero.it
Grosseto
Italy
" Mi piace questo sito ove tutti possono esprimersi e parlare dei loro problemi esistenziali.
Vorrei consigliare gli utenti di questo sito di mettere la data del giorno/mese/anno incui scrivono il loro pensiero ed in tal modo ci sarebbe più stimolo per essere contattati.
Ciao da Paolo dall'Italia - Data 30.06.2012 "
Louise England " What a wonderful web site!
Several people here - interestingly, all women - have said that the freedom of living alone is the pinnacle of life.

How I agree with this - there's nothing like it and it took me until 60 years to find this out!"
Deena
Canada " I wanted to answer to the friend of ethiopa: Hailemelekot
hmelekotag@yahoo.co.uk,

I tried to write, but this address email has a fatal error. Am afraid it is not anymore his. But if you Hailemelekot or someone knows how i can contact him, please let me know. thank you"
wil
twilliams1@san.rr.com
San Diego
US
" To Tony: This is an example of the grass is greener somewhere else. I have lived alone for many years (as I have said in my previous post). Most times I pretty much enjoy it but there are times when I don't. My main reason for the part of not like living alone is because of not having a special someone or friends to go along with living alone.

However, I do envy people who live alone and absolutely love it all of the time because they lived with other people and found out that they couldn't stand it. People like that seem to have a lot of peace within them that I wish I had.

Also, I've noticed that there are people who come on to loneliness forum boards (there are other boards like this I go on) telling us that we should get out of ourselves to volunteer, join clubs, church, and reach out to others. That's the answer to cure loneliness. Well, then, I have a question for those who do that. If that's the cure, then why do you come on to a board that's labeled "loneliness"? If you are working hard and making friends, then I would think that you would have no time to go on discussion boards. In fact, you would have barely time to even look at your emails"
Tony Atlanta
USA
" I do not live alone, but desire to greatly. The people around me drive me nuts and I cannot get peace anywhere I go. Even if I die alone, I hope to do so in a nice and quiet place. I won't own any animals because of extra expenses, but the peace I will feel once I am finally alone will be priceless. This may not get posted because I don't exactly live alone, but the mere thought of it brings my mind such peace. I'll get to finally focus on the things that benefit my life without having to worry about aiding those that have no concern one way or the other about what turn my life takes. Plus, I won't even have to dress in the mornings lol (just shower). Hopefully I'll find a place where, not even the neighbors will bug you! I completely envy you people"
Mary London
UK
" To Sandra, Marlton, NJ. What your comments say to me is that you seem to be an angry confused person who is overanalysistic & one dimensional rather than offering constructive advice on a sensitive issue "
Nitesh Sah
getback2nit@gmail.com
Bangalore
India
" Hi i am a bachelor and going to live alone from today onwards, don't know for how many days or month but will have to.... i am feeling very scary even when i think of living alone.. with no one to talk to...Hope i can make out most of it by reading books or watching movies...,"
Nancy Aseern Holland
nanzee53@live.com
Goldonna, Louisiana
71031-8444
USA
" SSI is my income and I am 58 years old and disabled. Walking is a bit of a challenge so is paying the utility bills. I find I like my own company. But, I have 4 dogs and now 11 cats to keep me company. The cats multiplied on me I am seeking homes now for the new ones.
At times I would like to have company of the 2 legged kind. But most people either are afraid or allergic so they don't come around. And since I rescued the animals I feel responsible for them. I tried sharing my little trailer but that did not work out. I have electrical problems and I have some serious leaks. so I stay alone"
Shania
adresponse2007@yahoo.com
Mumbai
India
" I have been living alone for 44 years. I was married long ago but lasted only few months. It has been my wish since I was a teenager to have a family children and feel wanted and loved by a companion but these are just dreams now. Living alone is miserable, I feel depressed, lonely, can't find a meaning to my life besides I cannot find any happiness in anything I do. Mind is always desolate"
sandra
sandratillman@hotmail.com
Marlton, NJ
US
"First of all I want to clear up some confusion about being "HAPPY" for those of us who live alone and say they "LOVE IT"...there is a major misconception about happiness that it only comes when one is with another, so therefore, if you are not coupled up with another person then you must be miserable or feigning happines for the cameras called the world.

Happiness is a choice as is living alone. You either choose to be happy (or some version of it) or you choose to be miserable. Much the same you either choose to be with someone or you choose not to (as in being in a relationship). Now that I got that out of the way let me explain my main point. Most of us choose to be happy whether we are with someone or not, hence, we are "HAPPY" being single because we made that choice no matter our coupledom status.

Second being as though I'm "female" I think it stands to reason that I could have a "MAN" over at anytime since that is a benefit of being a "female" (not to mention you don't even have to be cute so if you are then that is a double bonus...by the way I'm above average attractive and reminded of this almost daily), therefore, I chose to be alone for various reasons some of which is obvious and most of us on this site/forum can relate to what I'm talking about here. Moral of the story is, sometimes when one says "I'm happy being single and living alone" it was a "TOTAL CHOICE" made by the person proclaiming it. This statement is not to be confused with saying it for the camera roll of observers who want to hear what the single have to say for their pitiful status. For me some days I'm blissfully happy and on other days I wished I had a companion. This is human nature to want another human being to share your life with, however, after the many failed attempts to have that coveted relationship with someone else, you "naturally" decide that it is not all that it is cracked up to be, therefore, you turn to that happiness you have inside you and "CHOOSE" to be happy and more importantly "CONTENT" (since happiness is so elusive) with the one person who will never let you down and that is YOURSELF. This means you become content being alone and are happy for the most part with that decision.

Now there are those ppl who do not know how to be "one with themselves" so they hate on those of us who have learned this survival skill and will try to blast us as if there is something inherently wrong with it/us. I say to those who feel this way that even if you were with someone else you would probably make them miserable because you haven't first learned how to be happy with yourself. Happiness comes from within not from without. To expect another human being to make you happy is a recipe for disaster from the gate. That is too much to ask of anyone to make you happy. That's impossible. Yes they may fill the void inside of you, however, once the smoke clears and reality pokes it's head in that relationship you will see sooner rather than later that it was doomed from the start. I use a lot of cliches and analogies to get my point across because ppl can relate to them and see the big picture more clear than if I talked in laments terms. It is those terms that ppl don't hear because of communication issues we all possess which is one of the main reasons so many of us are divorced in the first place. I've been divorced twice and on a third marriage and separated from that husband pending divorce. I've lived and I've loved and have plenty more loving to do. I do not feel that I will die alone nore be alone the rest of my life unless I choose to. I was born alone so I have no problems dieing alone, just that living alone would be more of the choice I would make depending on how the rest of my life goes. Ppl please do not doom yourselves to failure in wanting someone for the mere sake of having someone around you. It is not worth it. Just concentrate on living for the moment, love always & appreciate all that you are and all that you can be. In the end that's pretty much all that we can do.

Get out of the house, learn to play more even if you are an adult (most adults have jailed their inner child), reach out to ppl everywhere you go so as not to feel alone unless you just don't want to be bothered sometimes, strike up conversations with strangers if you want to, go to movies, restaurants, gymnasiums etc...alone...then engage someone while there to open up your pool of potential associates/friends...what I'm proposing is that you "LIVE YOUR LIFE" no matter if you are alone or coupled up and you'll find that you will have/meet friends and you will also know within yourself that you have the ability to form relationships regardless of your present circumstances.

Lastly, volunteer to do things where love is the reason for the volunteerism and this will expand your capacity to love which will alleviate depression for those of you who proclaim that the single/alone life depresses you. I find that it is really hard to feel non-essential in this life when you are the lifeblood or lifeline where love flows from. It's something about giving love in creative capacities that fills every void and is a surefire solution to depression. Live, Love and STAY SINGLE AND ALONE!!! "
bahram
bahram@bahram-khorasani.com
Tehran
Iran
" hello all, really i love living alone and i think actually I have good relating with other people but i only tolerate theme,
i live in Iran and here a single man or woman can't pay his needs prices, I hope a day come that everyone who want to live alone could arrive to his or her wish"
Wil
twilliams1@san.rr.com
San Diego
USA
" I am a single male aged 55 and never been married. I have lived by myself for about 20 years. All of that time seemed to have gone by so fast.
I have always wanted to have a significant other, but the right one just never came along. Plus there seemed to be a lack of chances to meet someone available.

For a good long time I didn't mind living alone. I did like it, but I hated not having friends or a special someone to go out with. I've had some seasons in the last 20 years when I had some great friends and having no friends. One time I had a real good friend that lived next door to me for about a year. It was so nice that I became spoiled after he moved out. When he moved out we remained friends for a few more years, but it was not the same as when he lived next door to me.

And now lately I feel like I hate to go home from work. I don't know what came over me. It's like I just hate living alone all of a sudden. I guess it's because of two good reasons. One is that at my job, it has scaled down tremendously with people. There was a time that I had so many people to deal with, that being home alone was OK. It's not like that anymore. Another reason is that I recently had skin cancer surgery and there were some conplications with it. It just made me think about what would happen to me if something very serious happened to me.

I live on the west coast of the US, but my sister lives on the east coast. She has suggested to me that I should move back there. I came from the east coast origionally.
I don't want to go back there because I never liked the place. Also, she is married and has a husband that's a jerk and two kids that I'm not very close to. I never wanted to have kids for my own.

The place I live at now seems to be going downhill. It was so nice for a long time, and now it just sucks. I don't totally hate it here, but I'd like to move somewhere else. I ask myself, "what am I doing here!"

I am so glad I found this site. I have been reading the posters on here and so many of you had turned me upside down. I went from hating living alone and feeling sorry for myself, to now thinking it's not so bad. Good job, people!"
Hitesh
Mumbia
India
" In India impossible to be alone....so many peoples everywhere lol!"
Vinita Singh
vinisingh1982@gmail.com
New Delhi
India
" I understand living alone is difficult but everything has some negative and positive things in it. We should always look for positive prospects and move on in life.

Enjoy your loniless and life."
SingleMama
Victoria
British Columbia
" I've been living alone since my marriage ended 14 months ago. At first I paced around, didn't know what to do with myself. Anxiety set in. I worked double shifts when I could. Dated the wrong men. Months went by. I started getting out with friends more, and making new friends. I decided to stay single, thinking that getting into another relationship would not help my inner feelings. I didn't want a 'rebound'. Rather, I'd focus on myself and my friendships. I started exercising more. Now, 14 months later and 19 pounds lighter, I can say that I like living alone. It takes a strong person to face reality and really self reflect. I encourage you to do it. It's worth the effort"
Lonely Man London
UK
" @ Helen, Aberdeen, Scotland. Sorry for your loss. All I can say is that at least you have many good years in a happy marriage and were not alone during that time. Some of us long for a successful relationship but simply can't find what we so much desire and end up watching the years slip away all alone. That is far worse. As they say 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Helen Aberdeen
Scotland
" I cry every day because I am now alone. I wasd widowhood nearly two years ago and have some wonderful friends but they all have families and committments and cannot be there for you always. I had the most wonderful marriage. We truly were soul mates and I just wish I could join him now, I have 1 sister (10 years older who was always very critical of me but when she was widowed my husband and I took her on holiday ever year and to the theatrer for 16 years until my husband died). She has been so nasty to me since his death, I really don't wish to see her but I have two nieces that I loved dearly. My husband died very suddenly and my family were wonderful to me at first but there were arguments with my sister (she criticised my husbands memorial service among other nasty comments) and now I have no family (I understand they would take their mother's side but they are 60 and 57 and should surely understand that anything I said that they found hurtful t
o their Mother was said when I was still in shock and the Aunt who loved and did everything for them that I could all their lives cannot suddenly turn unti the wickhed witch of the Noth. I nursed both my father and mother through their terminal illnesses with no help from my sister. Of course they now have husbands and families of their own but a phone call now and again or an ocasional visit??? I feel so very alone. My husband was everything to me - my best friend and my World and I cannot cope with this lonely life and no contact from people I did everything for all their lives - It is so very hurtful. How can anyone cope with this pain?"
Erin Duncan
Canada
" Living alone does equal loneliness and that's why it's an art and a skill. High tech your kitchen with a beautiful colourful computer screen.If you have the money don't be cheap and forget getting a laptop go solid like it's your lifeline. I have a mini computer that fits on my kitchen table. Then buy an equally beautiful television flat screen that you can see from all angles. Learn to cook from your computer recipes and remember, a glass of wine is great for lonliness but miserable for anxiety. Blog to all your friends get a pet for heaven's sake. Buy a blackboard and list all your priorities and get creative. Take up a business to make money because extravagance is the art of being alone. Revel in your freedom and get outside to see green things grow. "
Yla
Moncton
Canada
" I am a middle-aged female and worry a lot about dying alone. It is not that I will have nobody when I am dying, I worry that I will be dead for a long time at home before anybody will notice!

A lady used to live in a town not too far from me died alone, her hungry dogs mutilated her body after she was dead. It is sad that Canada doesn't have any agency to keep in touch with ailing people to make sure that they die with dignity??

If you are a single and straight female at least 50 years of age, and living alone, and cherish your freedom, I would like to correspond with you.

Thanks.,
belle
sexycrab91@yahoo.com
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia
" i feel already alone even if there are so many people around me, I don't mean friends are not good, but i just feel that only me knows myself better, getting to know what you really love and what you don't, make you easier to live by yourself. when you choose to live alone because you've been hurt before, just appreciate the feeling of being hurt, forgive and let go. its not easy to doing it, but once you in there, you will said to yourself, I am truly a hero. hero always does alone but always happy. :"
Mia Perth
Australia
" @Liam /Sydney and others who hold living alone positively. 195 countries, 7 continents, billions of people and we are alone. I took that life lessons were to tolerate each other have compassion, teach and be taught.. I dont think we were meant to live alone at all. I just think we have not really progressed even though we make all these positive excuses.

I have just become single and I decided to travel in order to see what I am made of. You know when you squeeze an orange you get orange juice. I wondered a lot of what I am made of actually. Am I shallow, egoistical, show off, sad, hurt person or there is more to me.

I just arrived in Barcelona and typing all this. Lead life alone maybe for a while .. yes but I think we all need a companion even a pet. But not to depend on it for happiness that should come from within. But to share beautiful moments. Maybe when I go back I will get myself a small pet."
tuneer
tuneer73@gmail.com
Kolkata
India
" no one opts to live alone but the circumstances compel us to do so........ may be some have ditched us or one has become old and unwanted or repeated break ups of relationships etc
One sud be brave and sud have strong will power to carry on
my best wishes to u all"
Venkat
Kerala
India
" I move from the Chenai back to Kerala and living the lonely bachelor life. Living lone sucks...really sucks!!!"
X Rotterdam
Netherlands
"Ppls: stay positive! Im college student phase 3, and moving in my own space in a week. I lived alone before, it was awful. But it was majorly the way how I treated it. I also lived with strangers, which is actually a lot worse. For me, living alone is so much better than with people that are not compatible. You can always find friends to come over. Learning about yourself and getting better control are important too! "
tuneer
kolkata
India
" When I live alone I can create my own fantasy world, have people over - I'm the Captain of my ship and whatever coordinates I key in are the experiences I and my "travel mates" will have. I now think the only person I could live with is a fur baby or a mate (lover)."
Rose Newcastle
UK
" To Jules, London, UK; Best of luck to you. I’m no counsellor but can I offer you a friendly opinion. I was 43 when I began living alone & looking forward to my new life. Don’t look upon your past relationships as failures but as experiences you can learn not to repeat or dwell negatively about – that’s the easy way – the challenging & positive way is to live your own truth & don’t sit on the fence or the years will certainly roll on & you may find yourself confused by thoughts of what ifs. Get out and do things even if they have to be on your own & develop your thoughts with something new & different you have never tried before which will also allow you to meet new people. If you don’t you can all too easily sometimes begin to prefer your own company & even resent visits from friends & family & surprise yourself how easy it could become for you to be alone. Key is find the solution to be alone but not lonely. Good luck, Rose, N
ewcastle, UK.
Jules London
UK
" At 46 soon to be 47 with a failed marrage and now after 8yrs, Ex boyfriend,I am about to live alone for the first time... I am both scared and excited at the prospect, reading all the comments on here has helped me realise I have a lot to look forward too! I have good Friends and Family so I know I will not be lonely...its just the long nights on my own that I`m dreading, but hoefully I will adjust to that, fingers crossed "
Rose
Newcastle
UK
" Congratulate yourself if you live alone by choice it can be the scariest & bravest thing you ever try. I lived alone emotionally for 27 years even though I was living with someone. I found courage to leave & live alone then spent 7 years crying on my own because all my friends kept disappointing me & I couldn't trust them or any man to let them get close to me again & set a high bar for what was acceptable to me. It was easier to live without the mind games & critics. Now in my 14th year alone my realisation is the only person who really cares & can do anything to change things is yourself. You could become a slob, have OCD, be complacement about your value, worth or perhaps rate yourself as a non-person or missfit; truth is others will see your reflection of yourself. If you are alone & lonely you choose to remain that way if you are negative about it & many others will let you get on with it. Even if they offer you a shoulder cry on with a smug smile on their face or tedious look hold the thought they may also be secretly envying your freedom of choice & independence."
dal
Bangalore
" I am a 32 yr female living alone in this crowded city. I separated from my husband two years ago due to domestic violence and soon i will be divorced. I have been in depression for one year and now after two years i think i am stable. Now i am getting used to it. Although living alone gives me lots of freedom and independence,but sometimes loneliness creeps in. It really sucks when you come home from office and you have no one to talk to. I am so deeply hurt from my previous relationship that i find it difficult to trust someone. And I have decided to stay alone for my complete life. But sometimes I also fear if my decision proved to be wrong. What if i regret later for not having a family. If anyone reading this have any suggestions for me..please do write. "
Shana
Canada " Living Alone means SOLITUDE - Quiet; No Insult on my Senses!

Life Experience alone can let you search for Solitude.
I don't need the interference of others, the abusive lifestyles of others, I just want to be completely and totally alone. I am not lonely, I am fully and completely content with myself and being alone!

Now STOP insisting it is not healthy to choose to be alone!
I'm far more mentally healthy than the Christians and Medically fake people who use psychobabble words like, inclusive, empowering, strengthening, blah, blah, blah!
I gain strength from myself and I don't need you to tear me down to try and build myself up! Respect our wishes to be left alone! "
Alone but Never Lonely Canada " To Nicola and Rhonda: I agree with you wholeheartedly!
Being Alone DOES NOT equal Loneliness! I have always sought out my own space, even when it was nearly impossible to do so. Too many family members, neighbors, acquaintances, community members, INTRUDE in my space. If I want to be social, I will call you, or invite you to my home, only briefly, for tea, but then JUST GO AWAY!

I do not want to talk about the problems of the world, or your perceived problems you think I have, I just want to enjoy life! For me, that means solitude! I can't stand the constant on-going phoney, desperate, socialites and religious salespeople, who try so desperately to try and sway you to live their way. It's like having to live at home for the rest of your life under your parents rule and demands, every single minute of the day! I don't bother anyone by staying in my own space, I don't demand that everyone live like I do, so why does everyone work so hard at making me feel that my enjoying my own company, is somehow dreadfully wrong?

I have spent my entire childhood and adult life helping everyone with absolutely every little thing they think they "Need" while being subjected to verbal abuse, demeaning comments, always finding fault in everything I do and so, I learned long ago, that there was never any intention for them to reciprocate. Even in my naive young adult days, I would ask for help, with moving, or lifting heavy items, or to take me to hospital when I was near death, simply to be told that they don't have time to bother with me, to find someone else who gives a damn, or expect me to pay them for their time with some outrageous amount of cash, liquor, or whatever 'need' they apparently had at the time. Somehow they convinced themselves that they were doing all this to "help" me. Help me what? Feel like a failure in life? Feel unloved, somehow flawed and unworthy? Interestingly enough, I have never I drank, smoked anything, do drugs, been promiscuous, lived in sin, done anything illegal (alt
hough others have lied and said I have, etc.)

I worked real life jobs since before I was even of legal age, because my family refused to pay for my necessities, outside of shelter, and made me pay rent to them since I was 12 years old. I worked in manual labour types of jobs, those that most people snub their nose at. No matter what I did, some apparent friend or family member, or both, always had some rude comment or nasty joke to make about you and the job, your lack of ability, your lack of intelligence, your lack of - just fill in all the blanks! There has never been an supportive person in my entire life! There was no comfortable place to be with others, ever. It was a constant power struggle, of who is better than the other! Who needs it!? Why can't I just be me....and just be, without constant opinions and criticism?

Even since I was very, very young, I dreaded 'family' or 'community' celebrations! Why? I was so sick of the "socializing" that consists mostly on gossip, jealousy and hypocritical ridicule. I was expected to be thrilled about the numeorus upcoming weddings, or other gatherings, including the excuse parties they had, even funerals, just to aggravate one another with old stories, old childhood childhood painful stories and grudges and one more reason to drink themselves into oblivion. Real healthy lifestyle. Oh, just as a side note, just because I'm from Canada, don't assume I am Native. A lot of these bizzare practices and unhealthy family life came from Europe too!

Just as do all Religious Groups and church goers do the same.....but in the name of "Jesus". Phoney, Phoney, Phoney!! They actually are convinced that they are holier than thou, by hounding people into living better lives....assuming everyone else is a big sinner, but they have been forgiven! Who says? What a load! The only people that become so reliant on the church are those who need a new type of crutch, instead of a life of crime, alcohol or drug abuse, etc. They, through counselling, believe they are better than others, now that they have found Christianity. Well, all the power to them. To each their own. But I do not welcome their attempts to try and convert me to any of the numerous types of Religions out there, because THEY think I am a terrible sinner, because I do not follow their One and Only Religion. I do want or need any of society's crutches....be it alcohol, drugs, or Religion. All I ask is to be left alone! I will politely converse with others,
but I want to be alone. No matter who you think you are.....YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO INTRUDE IN MY PRIVATE HOME OR MY PRIVATE LIFE. Do NOT ASSUME that I will reciprocate your B.S. hard life stories, so that you can run to your church leader, school leader, government intervention people......with what you think you derived from our conversation. WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE ALL SO DESPERATE TO FIND FAULT IN EVERYONE BUT YOURSELVES?

I have absolutely NO DESIRE to surround myself with numerous socialization 'strategies' of self-serving 'community', "friends", or romantic relationships, or any more children. Emotionally & Physically, I've been depleted, by societies' expectations and injustice. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, but want to be isolated from society, in my own home, my own large open yard, so that I can sing when I want, garden when I want, dance in the wind when I want to, WITHOUT someone sticking their nose into it with their perceptions, their unwanted loud and obnoxious opinions, their clearly unhappiness and intent to bring you down or break your contentment AND I won't be bothering anyone else when I do the things I need to do to stay physically, emotionally and mentally healthy. WE ARE NOT ALL SOCIALITES, and we don't run to each of them demanding they be loner's either.

I have never and will never, search out for friendship or relationships. This doesn not mean that I am anti-social, an can exchange pleasantries with people, but I choose not to become involved in their world, or they in mine! Any friendships or literally, haphazard 'relationships' (of which I do not consider a real relationship, as I did not consent to them and even told them I was not interested) were always initiated by others, initiated and unwilling to take no for an answer, continually trying some "new" method of wearing me down to the point of either giving in, or being 'involved' against my will. The latter is truthful of most, often because of their threats, against myself, my jobs, my ability to gain employment anywhere, threatening to turn my family or 'friends' against me-which would not be very difficult, and even went so far as convincing authorities that I was/am a liar, thief, insane, whatever they choose for the moment. It always amazes me that people who claim to be too busy to help you with little things, seem to have the time to spin all sorts of bizarre webs of stories, all in an effort to break you, to eventually put so much pressure on you, that you have to break, saying see.....I told you so! People who do not have any contact with you on a daily basis! People who see you at the grocery store or spending time in your own environment, maybe gardening, or taking in nature....or hanging out the laundry....go out of their way to find a problem with you! Why? It makes me wonder if they are ever content in their own lives. They prefer to subject their pain and anger towards someone who they don't really know, but push their way into their lives, because it is too easy to do to a loner!

The only thing that we need to be wary of, is the fact that others hate that we are content alone, so, as socialites who have a lot of people around, love to gang up on those who are more independent and don't need or want to hear the constant gaggy uplifting phoeny compliments or hateful nagging from others. They can pin anything on you, because you are alone and no one to back up your truthful story. Ladies, you can and will be easily prayed upon by the predators that look at you as being the strong independent type and will go out of their way to harass, stalk and put you in very uncomfortable and dangerous situations; knowing they will get away with it....because they have a network of their own nasty types of socialites, who will back them up in a heartbeat.....power in numbers....and they will use it against anyone they choose. Irony, they are often the reason we choose to be loners....and want to stay in their own secluded world! Just like me and many others....if we were just allowed to without constant harassment!,
Lonely Guy
Aberdeen
Scotland"
"All the lonely guys here should watch the Steve Martin movie 'The Lonely Guy .'
Shahid
srtonu@gmail.com
Khulna
Bangladesh
" Though I am also 53 yet I feel very comfortable when I feel right now I am attending some one who needs someone to attend him /her . Its not very difficult for anybody to understand the pulse of a old or isolated person if he/she mentally okay & friendly "
Jill central coast
australia
" Hi,i do like being on my own & i mean't to put in my last comment that i don't think that i will ever get married or live with someone again,only when im elderly can't takecare of myself! But for now i have my pets,family & good friends that's all i need"
a.loner
a.loner@rocketmail.com
philippines
" Hi. Thank you for having a site like this. Thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts. I'm a female in my early thirties and recently just realized that I really love living alone with a pet that means the world to me. Valued my independence even when I was young, and felt really comfortable being alone at an early age, but just fully realized it all now.

It also feels good to know that I'm in no way abnormal. At first I thought there might be something wrong with me, but after reading what you all have written in here, I just realized that there are other people on this earth that enjoy being alone.

Wish I can quote everyone that I can relate with.. I can relate with so many that I guess I shouldn't quote as it will make my comment longer.

Will try to share more in this site when I've gathered my thoughts in a more coherent way, hehe. :) Would really love to have friends from other places, so feel free to email me and hope we become friends. :)
louise
rancherlm@yahoo.ca
Canada " i dont like living by myself but the bcspca took my babies. i have ptsd post traumatic stress disorder. so i looked high n low and found two little souls that i could have as theroputic companions. then i took on another dog cause his owner went into hospital permanently. so i would take the dog to see his owner. was the only joy in his day. then the spca said i didnt respect their organization nor the courts so they took my healthy dogs to prove they had the power to do so. so i dont have any use for authoritive powers. the feelings when i wake up without my dogs is unbearable and i wish i wouldnt wake up. going to sleep is a blessing. i wouldnt mind being married again, but people do need their own space from time to time. i would like to find a nice, balanced rancher, but if not i will try to find my little dogs again. being single is a state of mind. some people can get by with themselves and others need socialization once in a while. i cry all the time about my dogs, everyday. i love cooking but cooking for one isnt very exciting anymore. i used to cook for my dogs because of the contents in commercial dog food. maybe if i had a horse again, that would help. i love horses, n dogs most.i would go nuts if i only had plants to talk to. someone has lent me a dog to work with till i get mine back, and that helps a bit. i think part of healing is being able to vent one's feelings, and this venue seems to allow that. thankx for reading my thoughts.,
Koki
mja.xene@gmail.com
Toronto
Canada
" It is the first time for me to live alone, I'm trying to adapt the new circumstance, it is not an easy life, but we are all lonely but we do not want to realize this truth."
jill central coast
austrailia
" I was abused as a child,bullied was not a good at school,social anxiety growing up!I could'nt hold down a job & was pregnant at 18. I didn't know any better.I got into a bad crowd always put in dangerous situations!plenty of boyfriends,until I Married an abusive man. I had another child!Thank god i got the courage to divorced him he was very cruel!i've been on my own for almost a year, after separating from my partner of 10 years.We are still friends & get on better now!Everyone should try it before living with someone!It makes you a better person.I'm stronger mentally now but still ill.I can cope with that!I'm back living close to my adult children & grandchildren.Everything just was too much for me a year ago & depression was severe.It is hard on your own being ill,but i was able to have community help,it's what i had to do!

Shopping from home has helped with the amazing world of the internet!My children are kind & caring as my little grankids are so funny & loving.I like living on my own. life is good at the moment.Things can change in a second "good or bad".Sharon from Melbourne,australia My heart goes out to you! I'm so sorry for your loss.I don't think that i will marry or live with someone againmaybe if my close family!But i'm 52 & still learning as i go along with life!That's what i think my life is all about! Being kind,loving,caring with empathy & always learning about life! Thanking those that fought for our freedom as it is ANZAC DAY today the 25th April in Australia. LEST WE FORGET...........,
Me UK " It truly makes me sad to read all these comments from very lonely people.

I'm 26 years old, and living alone for the first time in ten years - by choice.

For most of my younger years I yearned for companionship, popularity, friendships, and love. It led me to some very toxic friendships that brought me to my knees emotionally, and financially.
But I just felt that life just simply wasn't worth living without those bonds with others. I thought I was supposed to have lots of friends, get married, and have kids.
But as I got older, my opinions changed dramatically.

We are all alone.
It doesn't matter how many people you surround yourself with, how many children you have, wither you are married or single.
We come into the world alone, and we leave alone. Everything in between is what you choose to make it. Different relationships and friendships will come and go. Some will be fleeting, and some will last until one of you dies. But none of them last forever.

As soon as you accept that, you stop fearing loneliness.
In fact as soon as I realised that, I craved being alone.
My time away from other people is so important to me now. It's helped me discover who I really am, what I truly enjoy doing with my time, what I'm passionate about, and what talents I had hidden away under the surface.
I've had time to learn, about history, culture, science, religion and everything in between. I feel now, that I am in a better position to give something back to life, rather than merely wander through it dependant on my relationships with other people to give meaning to my existence.

If you are living alone, don't waste it feeling like you are missing out on something others have in life. See it for the gift that it is - you have time.
Time is something everyone seems to desire, but when given it, they don't know what to do with it.

You have time, so use it. Find out who you really are. Learn about the world around you.

And to those of you who, like me, made the choice to be alone. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who appreciates the value of finding your own place in the world."
Yus
ai.yus@hotmail.com
Kowloon
Hong Kong
" I was born in Hong Kong and received education in North Carolina, U.S. Returned in Hong Kong in 1989, I have been fully committed in career and only have few long term relationships. I am not the barbie-type gorgeous, but look young, decent and am well bred. Most men I loved are career achievers and the 17-year love relationship ended in 2009. It hurts! I have been living alone most times of my life. It takes some time and training to learn how to live alone but not feel lonely or any bitterness. Will be 50 in this May and retire. Friends keep saying that I am really too young for keeping myself in the house. That's true but I only want serious relationships and its hard to find the right man in the local community especially with my western mindset. I choose to live on my own, keep learning to enjoy rather than to fool around. Just not my nature. Lately I have been longing to travel around the world in a camper van. I guess my mind is out there. But I don't have the cour
age to go alone in such expedition. And it's hard to find someone to travel with. I keep my fingers crossed. That chance will come one day. Meanwhile, just count the blessing for every breath I take, as nothing in life is to be taken for granted"
Miguel Leon
Mexico
" I have been living alone for about 1 month and I am going out of my mind with boredom.I just can't function without anyone around to talk with, I tried studying and hobbies and it just dosen't work for me. My advice is to never try it."
M   " I've been living alone for almost a year now, and at first, I thoroughly enjoyed it. However, I wouldn't suggest it to those who tend to panic or who have some kind of anxiety disorder. I suffer terribly from depersonalization/derealization at times, and living alone has only made it worse. Even as I type this, I have the TV on in the background and light music playing in my ears, constantly reminding me that I'm not alone"
Alexandre Galin
alexandre.galin@videotron.ca
Montreal
Canada
" Living alone can be a blessing and a curse.

Being alone allowed me to push myself in my hobbies ( paint, draw, exercising ) I ll bet i d never would ve been as driven as I am if I were married. Most of the time once people get married they think they ve reached the pinnacle in their lives and they let themselves go. The drawback in being alone is that I wished I could have an exchange of ideas with someone. A great friend is what I miss the most.
I find that I don t exist sometimes even though I take classes, work out and have a great job. I find it sometimes tough . I d bet if I were rich I d have tons of friends."
AB
Global Village
Entire Globe
" It is okay to live alone but not okay to feel lonely. Some people just can't seem to stand people and some people for instance insecure girls always keep moving from one relationship to another. It is the case of different strokes for different folks. I feel that living alone is super because I am a straight guy and women can be a pain in the neck because they are so clueless at times and can get very emotional. Men at times are a bunch of wuss bags and have a hard time conversing with women. It is a nice to live alone because you do not have to give in to marriage as it is nothing but a part of social conditioning. Living alone means you can go anywhere, get back at any time, not really have to answer to anyone except to your own conscience if you are one of the religious types. I think that being celibate is better than being a philandering playboy who can end up hurting women. Some women are so beautiful and can create a real storm in my pants but I hold myself back because in the long run, hurting someone will come back to bite me in the ass. At the end, it is about, "to each his own".
J.
macomb
usa
" I have never lived alone. I went from my parents house to marriage to living with someone now for twelve years. At 46 years of age, I have lately been questioning the decisions I have made in my life and have wondered if always putting everyone elses needs ahead of my own has been a big mistake. I think alot about living on my own. Would I like it? I dont have the answer to that question, dont know if I am brave enough to find out. So far, all I know is that the men in my life have been a great disappointment. So which is worse, living alone, or living with someone and feeling lonely? "
Kuldeep
Chicago " What I think is living alone and with everyone doesnt make any diffrence as long as you happy and that depend person to person. Some people like everyone around some doesnt. so If you alone and not happy then think of people who are with everyone and not happy. You will feel better..."
Bobbie
farisonb@yahoo.com
cerro gordo
USA
" I have been living alone for about 2 years. Well not really alone. I have no significant other. I do have a very active teenage daughter. She is living her life to the fullest and I feel I am very lonely. I am not sure how to meet someone at the age of 57 in the small town I live in. I still work in education. My time off can be very lonely. I take my dog for walks, read, work in the yard. I find myself craving a companion."
Greg Waterloo
Canada
" I'm approaching age 50, and I have been on my own now for 2 years - not of my choosing. Yes, there are the typically quoted advantages such as living on your schedule, choosing your own rules, not having to compromise, etc.

I have to say however that for me, the detractions outweigh the advantages. For example, I have found that acquiring new experiences have very little value if there is no one to share then with. The idea of going to the movies, dining out, travel, etc. on my own makes such things almost meaningless to me now. Not being able to share ideas with someone else is painful. I've been on a short holiday off of work, and I haven't spoken to another soul in 6 days. I was looking forward to retirement at 55, which won't be long now. Now, what is there to look forward to? Spending those "golden years' alone? Lastly, as I approach a later period in life, the specter of a failure of health grows. The possibility of dealing with a chronic illness of worse alone becomes distinct."
Marco
marco24lai@gmail.com
Kowloon
China
" Hello there , I'm 21 and I'm chinese , filipino spanish mix.. Well , i live alone here in hk. I tell my parents to abandont me so that they can support my sister for study.. At first it was really hard .. Seperate from your family . You will miss mom cooking .. The face of my sis and mom laughing .. Father telling you what to do and what not to do , But what I realize is if you really want to be a successful man. You need to sacrifice , a lot of things .. I been living alone here already for 1 year .. I learn alot of things .. Especially about friends . I met alot of people by playing basketball cause i use to be a basketball player in my school before so i do got alot of fans " seriously " :) and i encounter people that will betray you . Want to be friend with you because of your money .. And etc .. And once if you dont have money no one is going to bail me out .. So i learn from it, i need to use my money wisely .. The feeling is hard .. Well i dont know what will happen to me in the future ..but i do know god have plans for me .. I will just do my best every day at my new work in a luxury store and i will learn from my everyday experience ... I know some day i will not be alone .. Bless you every one . And for those boys in 20s starting to make their step alone to become a successful man. Cheers "
JOHNSON
kadoojjk@yohoo.com
FREEPORT
TRINIDAD W.I.
" I AM NOT A YOUNG MAN BUT I FEEL VERY YOUNG. I AM IN A VERY GOOD PHYSICAL CONDITION AND MY HEALTH IS STILL VERY GOOD .THANKS TO ALLAH . I AM A MUSLIM AND I READ MY PRAYERS DAILY. I HAVE ALREADY MADE HAJJ IN 1989 WITH MY WIFE ISHUN MOHAMMED WHO DIED ON THE 1ST MAY 2009. SINCE THEN I HAD BEEN LIVING ALONE.I AM VERY LONELY AND I NEED SOMEONE AROUND 55 YEARS OLD TO BE MY COMPANION MAINLY MY INCOME IS OF SUCH THAT I COULD MAINTAIN A WIFE. I NEED THIS PERSON ALSO TO ACCOMPANY ME TO DIFFERENT PLACES.RECENTLY I HAD TO DRIVE ALONE FROM NEW JERSEY TO CANADA.
I LIKE TO LISTEN TO AND SING CLASSICAL ENGLISH AND SPANISH SONGS.YOU CAN KNOW MORE ABOUT ME IF YOU CONTACT ME. YOU CAN CHAT WITH ME ON THE INTERNET OR YOU CAN WRITE ME AT NO.3 SEERAM TRACE, CAJCUTTA NO 1, FREEPORT,TRINIDAD, WEST INDIES OR CALL ME AT MY HOME PHONE WHICH IS 1-868-679-6256 OR MY CELL PHONE ON 1-868-369-2285.
I HAD BEEN A SCHOOL TEACHER FOR YEARS .I POSSESS A BSC DEGREE AND A DIPLOMA IN EDUCATION.
THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR KIND CONSIDERATION.

MY REFERENCES ARE MR. HARDEO SINGH OF SAN FERNANDO AND MR. RASHEED KHARIM OF CHAGUANAS."
Chandan Jha
chandankumar.07@gmail.com
New Delhi
India
" i am living alone from last 6 years no close friend, no girl friend i don't know what happens to me i am 28 yr old i am doing my profession and i am happy with me. i don't need anybody, When I live alone I can create my own fantasy world, yes i am waiting for the girl who love me more than me. i never search her and i know one day i'll meet her,i don't want to be the part of crowed... i read books listen to music and talk to my family over the phone I Am The Best friend of mine.. I know The truth And I love to live alone"
Bava
Australia " @ Chris in Canada - your life and views on this are exactly the same as mine "
Chris Canada " Don't really have a choice really. I can't stand living with room mates as they always end up being messy and noisy. I always wanted to find a girlfriend, but circumstances and bad luck in the dating world and a few failed relationships in my past have rendered me alone. I choose to spend my free time alone now. I go to movies alone, I spend time at home alone. I find socializing is over-rated anyway because most people out there aren't genuine at all anyway, particularily those at bars."
aliyu_jamila
aliyu_jamila_007@yahoo.com
gusau zamfara state
nigeria
" :i lost my husband 3 weeks ago am living alone i dont think i will get marriage because my husband love me so much and we dont have any children and am a muslim it is not part of our practice leave alone it is not easy to get a man who is honest very religiouse who give to charity and love his wife eventhoug we dont have child he believe is from Allah for that am not eager to get marriage and have children what i requre to pray for him so that if i die we can reunite in paradise for that i dont anybody to bother me staying alone provided i observe what sharia has put on me thanks alot for allowing to state my comment"
UC Kuala Belait
Brunei Darussalam
" First of all I am a normal straight guy...I never had a girlfriend and I'm not kind of a social type.I rather stay at home playing games,washing my car,watching my favorite channel and reading books and I doing it all alone.well,I'm not really into people I don't like crowds,party or any places that have a lot of people,being alone it makes me feel calm.Lastly I want to say...I really satisfied with my life now...I love being alone"
Deanne Olympia
USA
" I like it. I have the freedom of my life not being controlled by another person. I can stay up as long as I like, do whatever I want and can afford, cook what I want, gain or lose weight, laugh or cry, and see friends and/or have a BBQ,Party or Potluck whenever I feel like it. I am safe, peaceful, and happy, along with my two cats, and small dog. I do not need to worry about jealousy except from them! And there is a lot of it in our home. We all live quality lives. On the down side, if I mess up one month financially, there is no one to bail me out.
I am 100% self sufficient and responsible for all my actions. "
Bobbi
www.acottagebythesea.net
East Coast
USA
" For five months of the year I live alone during the week in a cottage by the sea that I rent in southern Maine. On the weekends I drive an hour and a half to my home and husband. I'm not a recluse but I sure like time alone and I also love my family. During the spring, summer and fall I carve out time to be alone at home and I travel by myself as well.
I have a web site for people who like silence, solitude and simplicity, and who sometimes like to be alone.
www.acottagebythesea.net
Theresa
Edison
New Jersey
" I have been living alone for a long time first with my two children from a failed relationship, I never realized I was lonely until they left for college now I am a young 47 yr old woman who is just realizing how lonely life is without being needed by someone or having someone to discuss my day with. I try to keep finding the little things that make me happy but I still would love to be able to share my life with someone"
Ann-Marie
Newcastle
UK
" It's taken a while but I now love it..no more looking for the perfect man, no more doing stuff that I don't want to just to 'fit in'. If friends aren't available (even if they are)!! I go to the cinema, theatre alone, whatever alone. My house is just how I want it to be, no compromising on anything. If I were to meet someone significant it wouldn't EVER be a live in arrangement, my independence has ben much too hard won...Love it!!"
Breeda
Chicago
USA
" I was married at 24 and my groom turned out to be abusive. I left after a month. Now I've lived on my own with my dog for a year and there have been a lot of tough moments. However, it's more about what I went through. I find that living alone is a positive experience as long as you can live your life the way you want. For example, ha, "
MJ
jamierizon@rocketmail.com
Batangas
Philippines
" I'm 32, single and live in an apartment alone in a place where you have to ride to another town to get into a fast food house or get an hour ride for a mall. Exciting? Yes, at first but the excitement wears off and what is left behind is solitude. My work brought me here but it is my decision to accept it..in the end, I solely choose this life.

I am just an ordinary person, though I can be classified as an introvert, I manages to have friends and mingles well. I am a person who finds every ways not to be confronted with solitude head on. I'd rather choose to hang out with office mates, attend to birthday parties even if I'm not personally acquainted with the celebrants and usually stays late outside....just to shorten the time home and alone. Seeing women my age with families and babies sometimes makes me reflect...how it feels to be a mother..a wife? It must be a fulfilling experience! Sometimes I think maybe it's not time yet..but most of the time I doubt it. I got a little problem with trust and sharing my private life. No, I can't remember any bad experience in the past only that I grew up with parents who often quarrel. Whether this evolves into some kinda fear and distrust - is something I am not really sure of.

Living alone is not something I could regret of,,,and never will it be. In solitude, I can hear myself...what I really want in life who I really am. It's some kinda of achievement-that others fear of even trying... Being alone means freedom.

However, human are social animal...we are meant to share our lives!!! We can share it with friends, neighbors, office mates, org mates and so on...but I guess the ultimate socialization we can do is to share our lives to a person whom we can call our home. It may not work out well, but for me, at least I try. And maybe if solitude will visit me again, this time, it would be my real fate"
Moli
x_mooule_x@hotmail.com
Montreal
Canada
" hi there, i want to be independent but i am really scared to live alone in a big city (Montreal), for so much reason weird people, not be able to take care of myself .. and at home it is not the right place for a college student to success .. what to do? am I overreacting that isn't that scary ?,
Adrian
a_robinson65@hotmail.co.uk
London " well this is pretty Mutch the first time for me I'm now 46 , I split up with my long time partner after 20 years of being together, lived with my new partner who I still love, bypolar episodes got out of control and I assaulted my partner, something I have never done or am making right, I've lost my job friends and all hope am curantly living in a camper van , I cry every nite do not like this existence at all, am not finding anything positive apart from pain hunger and loosing the will to live, can't get a go as don't have perminant address, wow what a screw up"
Muffy Dunlap White Plains
USA
" I love it!!! Thanks for having this site for us. Living alone is NOT a synonym for selfishness &/or loneliness. All of us, who are alone, are NOT out to get a spouse. We are NOT desperate. We're happily childfree & spouse-free, etc. We are NOT cursed; etc. I had to set the record straight. Thanks for this very different and positive site.

Hi Seal, You might be tired of hearing this; however, so many of us are rooting for you and Heidi to work on working things out between each other..  "
Anna Brisbane
Australia
" I live with my son - I guess that counts as living alone. I have been alone since separation/divorce about 5 years ago. At first it was extremely hard, now I have gown used to it. Do I like it? Some things yes - the wardrobe is all mine lol, but mostly it's a little lonely but my son is great company. One day soon he'll be grown up & whilst we never know what the future holds I feel like it'll just be me. That is sad but I try not to be depressed about it. I wish it were different but it's not. The hardest thing is the financial side paying off a mortgage etc. and being judged by others. Somehow you're defective if you're living alone & there is stigma - particularly if you're a single parent. It is what it is and I am alone. Never thought or wanted to be living this type of life but it's what happened:) "
Margaret Dublin
Ireland
" Living alone maybe seven years, used to have more company, family visiting etc but now between bereavments and sibling marraiges. emigrations, I am largely alone and spend all time on own, tv, computer, used to go to gym/ excercise, have lost the motivation, suffocating slowly in these four walls"
Jose
Calgary
Alberta
" Hello wonderful people? first of all its nice to see comments from people all around the world.I was once living with my sons mother for about 3 years, unfortunatley things didn't go as planned so i ended up going back to my parents at this time my son was still very young and my mother gave me a hand when i needed most.two years later i bought a house and now live alone, i must admit for me it was a big change alot of adaptation to being done. At time's i fealt lonely, but for the most part i must say i enjoy my freedom and time alone, i also have my son who entertains me alot of the time and give's me love he makes me so happy when we're together. At the age of 31 i must say i look to god to give me what i need in life in order for my life to be fulfilled as a man on this earth, so i'm taking steps in making my goals and dreams a reality. But the fact of the matter is that i would like to have a beautiful women by my side and build a family one day, so i keep my options open and stay positive that such will one day come true...

Peace to all and best wishes in your encouters"
Robert New York
USA
" Single 39 year old male, divorced for about seven years, no kids and very few friend (which all live out-of-state). Not easy being alone since I'm not the out-going person. Sure it's kool to come-and-go as you please without the luxury of answering alot of questions, but that's what makes a relationship worth it's weight. I do more often than not miss the company of someone special. it's tough being alone but even worst being lonely. I don't recommend it. "
Julie
juliegemini59@hotmail.com
Australia " I just wanted to say hello to Anon from London U.K Hi Anon we have so much in common My heart felt something when I read your comment.I related to so much you said"
Kathleen
Walker
USA
" At 58 I have been living alone now since my youngest son went off to the Naval Academy and then a life as a commissioned officer. His father divorced me six years before that when our oldest son went off to be a Marine. I am a high school teacher, am active, athletic, a voracious reader and have several green thumbs. Living alone gives me a great deal of freedom but I have unfortunately given up some things I really like to do like the movies, the theater, eating out, dancing, etc. But my sons are healthy and happy sucessful men, I have two magnificent grandchildren that sadly live too far away, I love my work and I have weathered lots of crises and come out of top. All in all--life ain't bad"
martita
martiguz@eatriz.com
s.s. jujuy
argen tina
" vivo casi sola hermano introvertido, pero la paso bomba, leo, chateo, limpio, veo mis plantas, no mascota, trabajo en oficina tengo 71 años, viajo cuando puedo, duermo bien soy feliz, mi hijo unico casado vive en su propia casa con su flia, los nietos vienen de vez en cuando un rato y chau, no me meto con vecinos, pero tengo amigas que me visitan los domingos que tal?"
 alysa
narinlove82@yahoo.com
Cambodia
" Hi I think when they living alone, they can eat, read, watch TV, use computer and sleep without being interrupted. There are no waiting for the bathroom and when you are in there you can take your dear., "
The Lonely Guy Dublin
Ireland
" We come to this world alone and we will leave alone. In between we experience moments of togetherness and if we are lucky we may experience true love. It's the love that keeps the loneliness at bay., "
Dawn London
UK
" Hello Beautiful People, thanks for sharing (mostly) inspiring comments and for having the courage to be honest. I'm 40 and I've lived on my own for ten years, having been married twice before that, and I absolutely love it. I cherish the solitude, the freedom, the joy of calling the shots. My home is my sanctuary and although I love having friends round, having it all to myself is a wonderful gift. As for relationships, I've dreamed for years of cultivating a "Living Apart Together" or "Dual Dwelling Duo" relationship, which I believe would offer the best of both worlds - independence with togetherness :-) And I'm confident there's a lovely man out there who's looking for the same thing. I'l; keep you posted ;-) "
N Maxine Forney
nmforney@bex.net
Toledo
USA
" This year, I will have been divorced for thirty one years. I am a vital, youthful, fashionable looking seventy-three year old woman, and I would appreciate and cherish a significant other in my life. I have a very active Church life, I have three children ages 53, 51 and 50 (two daughters and a son). I am the proud grandmother of five grandchildren, and five great grandchildren, and I am still blessed to have my mother (who lives alone) and she's ninty-three years of age. I have everything except a male friend and partner.

One of the problems that I have, is that men attracted to me are either too young, too old or mentally older than myself. I enjoy first and fore most my Church, and Church activities, and would like to have someone who felt the same way about God and Church. I enjoy outings, traveling, visiting family, dancing, movies, theatre/plays and a man that is intelligent,taller than myself and well groomed. My life is good, but every now and then I miss having a grounded relationship. I recently stopped working and this is quite an adjustment for me. I don't like games, I like participating."
srinath
srinath2004@yahoo.co.in
chennai
India
" Living alone for the single women in chennai is extremely difficult and unsafe. I propose to build an apartmrnt complex exclusively for these people, so that they can form a community and be happy with mutual selp and security. Interested may contact me."
Tone
Bloomington
USA
" No family, single, self employed. Don't think ever been lonely. Always lived alone. Never thought of doing anything different. Happy "
dennis Hamburg
Germany
" nice to discover this website.. as an artist, poet and musician from the US living in Europe i need to live alone, be alone to compose, write, paint and just "be" alot of times i feel under pressure from others who don't live alone that I am missing something ( i was married once, i know the game) i wish i had some snappy comebacks,, but i enjoy it, and people relationships events travels etc come and go, my living alone is the sun that a lot orbits around.. anyway off to bed.... good nite! "
Zig Adelaide
Australia
" The past week has probably been the loneliest week of my life and the irony to it is that I am a mother to two young children under school age and I am also married and living with my husband. I have felt alone for the most part of my life and to think I was born a twin! We moved to this country almost a decade back.I do have friends but I have never been great sharing feelings with anyone - not my parents, not my friends. Perhaps to some extent with my husband in the past but now I am seriously contemplating a divorce - there isn't much meaning in remaining married when there is no respect or love in the relationship. I am hoping that getting to write it here will give me some emotional relief. I don't think I will for quite sometime be physically alone but I fear I am destined to this sense of loneliness for a long time to come "
Liam
Sydney
Australia
" There is of course no perfect way to live your life. Every lifestyle choice, be it married or single, has its pros and cons, its possibilities and limitations. You've just got to choose which you are prepared to tolerate and which you are not. Its that easy :)

For me I decided a long time ago that people are a problem. I like it simple and that is something people are not. They are needy complicated creatures, full of all sorts of internal tensions and contradictions. I wonder if its actually possible to truly 'know' or understand anybody else at all.

Even if you think you do know someone, people have a pesky habit of changing over time. Personalities are dynamic not static. The person you think you know, are in love with and are married to today, will in 55% of the cases be the same person you loath and will be divorcing in 7.5 years time. A divorced friend of mine once defined marriage as "You find a woman you hate, then you buy her a house". Harsh, but look at the statistics. I'm not making this stuff up. Over half of all people who choose marriage and living with someone, fail. Do you think those people might be regretting their decision not to live alone?

People can also be deeply unpleasant. Accidentally cut someone off in traffic (like I did about an hour ago) and see what I mean. Put a foot wrong in a city like Sydney and you will soon be reminded just how quickly a complete stranger can become a physical threat. People, I can do without them.

For me living alone really works. I come home from a long day of dealing with the world and the problem of people and as soon as I close that door its bliss. My home is like an oasis of peace and calm and the life giving water it offers is called 'Time'.

TIME is the big delicious secret of the single life. Living alone has giving me the time to truly devote myself firstly to my studies and then to my career, enabling me to become very good at what I do. This in turn has given me the respect of my colleagues and something which I never sought or expected; adulation from the young. A young graduate in her twenties at my practice actually said she 'worshipped me', which I find as amusing as I do faltering :)

I've recently made Senior Associate at my firm and I am doing quiet well for myself thank you very much. I earn well into six figures and this allows me to live near the beach and have a garage full of fun toys; a motorcycle and of course the cliche sports car. Not bad for a welfare kid who grew up with nothing hey? I attribute my success entirely to both hard work and having the TIME to do it.

So to all the people who have negative comments about living alone or are finding it hard to do so, can I very humbly suggest you may be missing the point here. Use your TIME. Read a classic, master a musical instrument, devote yourself to a martial art (I highly recommend Jow Gar Kung Fu if you do). The meaning of life is to experience it. Marriage and a family are one set of experiences sure, but they are NOT the only ones available to you. It may not even be a preferential option, the risk of failure as the statistics suggest is substantial; divorce is a better than odds chance and thats not even the worst thing that could happen, imagine for a moment losing a child (I cannot conceive of an experience more horrible).

Also don't fall into the trap of worrying about old age and 'dying alone'. Marriage is no guarantee against that. Half of all people who do stay married still die alone, remember someones got to go first.

Whether by choice or circumstance you find yourself living alone, be positive and recognise the possibilities that it offers. Use your time."
Janie Calgary
Alberta
" I live alone and I hate it. I hate it around Christmas and New Years. I have family still living but they have chosen to forget me. I have a daughter and three grandchildren who has chosen to disown me because she is Jehovah's Witness. This is sad as I could be a part of the kids lives but I don't condone the religion my daughter is in. My life is a sad state of affairs literally. It is always nice to have someone to talk to, I hate talking to myself."
DonnieM
dezinguy1971@q.com
Albuquerque
USA
" I have lived the single life almost my whole life. I know people always say, 'Don't worry, you'll meet someone' or 'When you least expect it you'll meet her' and they usually mean well when they DO say it. But, unfortunately, for someone of us...I hope a very, very small percentage of us, it doesn't happen like that. To someone like me, that's a pipe-dream, although I've done everything I possibly can NOT to let it become that. But, I see my friends and family are happy being those they love, and I'm happy for them. And, I realize I should concentrate on their happiness and not be selfish in wanting my own happiness in that way. That should be the source of my happiness...that those close to me are happy."
Danny
orinaba@yahoo.com
England " Sometimes I am happy to be who I am. But it is so very, very sad to be alone. Like others here I cry a lot; I was bullied; my parents were/still are reclusive. I don’t even want to see my family, even though I love them dearly. Obviously the feelings are not returned because they feel I am avoiding them… Pets provide a little comfort. Writing, drawing, gaming… maybe I am happy more than sometimes, but when I am sad… the sadness is not at all fleeting. I suffer from a deep depression, like most if not all of you. I sometimes feel like I want friends, sometimes… but I don’t have any way of reaching out and I am debilitating shy. I even fail at friendship online, people do not want to be my friend…. Maybe my years of being alone have made me so weird people gets vibes over the internet. If anyone wants to talk, I am good at comforting and advice. I won’t lie to you, I dearly need a friend… I have been delving into Christianity, just so I could believe there is som
eone out there who loves me, so sad…"
Marco
mbagli@hotmail.com
Ft McMurray
Canada
" I have been alone most of my life. I make friends very easily yet, I tend to push people away when they get too close. I am used to being alone and I love to be alone. I also hate being alone. These contradictory terms seem like a parody at times when I'm home wondering what will happen over the next few years. I wonder why I am the way I am.

I have had several relationships in my life. I am currently going through a divorce that I welcome and again, I look to with sadness. I enjoyed coming home to someone and discussing my or their day. Ironically, I knew the moment I uttered the words, "Will you marry me?" that the marriage was doomed to fail. I was so desperate to change my ways that I accepted that even to weather my own loneliness for awhile.

People tend to gravitate towards me. I make people laugh and I can be the hit of a party. I have an excellent career that I do not have to worry financially. I have virtually no friends that I could call close. I tend to have "work" friends but no one outside of that. I use my work as my social escape where I live a facade where no one truly knows the real me.

I love women, I like their company, I like their touch. I miss the comradery of having someone around. Of course, as a man I enjoy the intimacy of a woman as well. Why did my marriage fail? I knew she didn't love me and I pushed her away after a time. I was tired of being with someone that didn't want to be with me. I enabled her to leave. I was good to her at least I think I was in my own way. She wanted for nothing but if she didn't love in the first place the marriage was doomed from the beginning.

I will be turning forty years old next year which is quickly approaching. I look to the future with terror and apathy at knowing I will most likely be spending the rest of my life alone. Living a lie and coming home to an empty house just seems like a sad story for a pathetic soul. I digress, I do have a cat that keeps me company. Potso, entertains me as well as irritates the hell out of me. Everything must be on the floor it seems. I keep a tidy house but my decorating flair does not seem to appease Potso's desire to have everything on floor level.

Such is my story for the moment. I have put off trying to meet someone for the next couple of years at least. If it happens so be it but I am not actively seeking a relationship. Do I want one? Yes, I think I do. I have the answer you know? To what, you ask? Well to the age old question, "What is the meaning of life?" a question that philosophers have been asking themselves over the ages. You see, it's quite simple. The meaning of life is to experience. Not only experience but share your life's experiences with someone you love and that you know loves you in return. This is what completes a life. The culmination of memories good and bad shared through a lifetime of being with someone that matters to you. The reciprocal love you receive feeds the soul in a way that being alone can never achieve. No amount of music, art, literature, or animal companions can ever replace the love of another human being.

Those that seek solitude and choose a life of being alone are singular beings. We are an eclectic if a sad bunch that all have a story to tell. I welcome any feedback or critiques. Feel free to write me"
Jayadev
jaynand85@yahoo.com
  " Hi Guys...
Well I don't have much experience in living alone.....but I feel its worthy to be lonely... if you really know "how to live it" .......
About 2 yrs ago....I was in a relation for 9 months, before my GF brokeup with me.... She thought that if she stayed with me...she`d spoil both of our lives....& she wanted to leave.....so I let her go.....
I always enjoyed feeling her presence in everything I do.....So I just stay alone.....not because I can`t forget her....just b`cos I don`t want to forget her...!!!! Its not the the milestones in life that really matter...Its the moments...!!!
Every moment felt, is every moment lived.....SO Learn to enjoy little things in your life....for, one day you`ll look back and realize "they were really big....!!!!  take care...& be happy.....
& if you don`t mind...keep in touch......
Garland
Shreveport
USA
" On Feb 14 2012 I will have been divorce 11 years. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. I'm also quite alone. I have a son in college and 3 states over. I see him on major holidays. That's fine, I don't want him to think that he needs to entertain me. Sometimes I think that I should put myself out there and get a relationship going. Then I think again, it's not that easy. People take advantage of you. It's not that I'm scared...I'm not, I just don't want the drama. I live a stress free life. I want for nothing, but still I don't think its good to live alone. I've had a secret heart attact. I manage to keep it from my son and family. I don't know it this is a good thing. I was proud of myself when I pulled it off. Not so much now.

My problem is that I've taken too long to get back in the game. I wish now that I have gotten back in after 2 years. I find that I don't have the want to anymore. I'm only 55..this is so sad. I don't feel sorry for myself...don't get me wrong. Alls I'm saying is don't get use to being alone...it becomes a habit and thats not a good habit to be in. We all need the touch of another human, the warmth of the body next to you on the couch or bed. I don't crave the sex anymore, I daydream about the touch....how sad.

I through rambling, thank you for this web sight...Keep it going."
Kimay
pink_magician15@yahoo.com
Marikina
Philippines
"I have lives away from my family ever since I was 11. I was always living in a boarding house. I just graduated from college and I got a job in a place far from my family. I can't even go home for Christmas. I am living with my cousins in an apartment but i feel like I am so alone. I go home, eat dinner, watch movies then sleep. The hardest part is waking up in the morning with no one to talk to, no one to eat with. I realized that I have lived away from my family for too long and I want to experience how it is to stay with my parents. I can't help that feeling that one day i can be successful in terms of career or other things but there would still be some parts lacking--like being with my family. i so miss them!!!"
Seal London
UK
" It's the loneliness that's the killer! "
Ganesh
ganeshpatel@hotmail.co.uk
 
Bangalore
India
 
" Living alone really suck! Many years I am living with family of 17 peoples in the one house in Kolkata then I moving to Bangalore for IT job and taking a flat alone. Really suck! Really suck! Ganesh feeling very much lonely now! "
Anon
 
London
UK
" I'm going through one of the worst periods of my life. I am 41 divorced, lonely, unemployed and broke.

My relationship with my ex-wife was the only long-term relationship I have had in my life but our marriage ended after only 18 months. We got divorced 6 years ago, I was devastated and I'm still alone today having been in some unsuccessful short-term relationships since then.

I am a highly qualified professional who lost a well paid job two years ago due to the financial crisis and have been unable to find work since then. I am struggling financially now and I'm in huge debt. This situation has compounded my loneliness and isolation.

It seems like everything has turned against me now and my bad luck just doesn't go away. I'm a good person - I never hurt or cheated anyone in my life, always respected others and live by the law. So why am I suffering now? Over the years people have commented that I am a handsome man. If that's the case then why am I so lonely? Why can't I find someone to share my life with? I hate the lonely life. I miss intimacy, love, affection and just the simple things like to hug someone and hold onto them. I know what love is and I know I can give it to someone if only I could find her. I just want the loneliness to go away. I am lonely through circumstances not by choice. Until I find her I continue to live in hope "
Simon
jechahboun@gmail.com
Chefchouen
Morocco
 
" i born single, i pass all my childhood alone just ma grandfather and grandmother was with me but the was so big i pas all my time alone ,playing, listen music or go walking with my black dog, my life was so beautiful i liked so much until now im alone, i live alone like my childhood, i sleep alone in my bed i do what i want with music, TV and eat i think only for what i like. so beautiful this life"
lonelygirl Toronto
Canada
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present."
 
Donna Canada " Hello...I am over 50 and live alone. I love living alone, my kids are grown, I am divorced & moved to another city, blind after I divorced & never looked back. I would say I live some what like a hermit, go to work come home, but I have no responsibilities to speak of but me. Being able to do what I want when I want, go & come as I please, I do like it, yes being lonely at times does come, but my grand kids cheer me up. I'm not saying I wouldn't change but I won't go looking to any time soon.....Happy Trails all!!, "
Anne USA " I hate living alone. I enjoyed being married and what came with that. I would gladly have a house that is messy because he did not pickup anything. Only get to sleep on less than half the bed. I have never had to give up anything when I lived with anyone. I enjoy the company of others not being alone. Have not found any great and wonderful things about living alone."
Lorraine
l.wintle@me.com
England
 
" I have spent many years living on my own and for the last 7 years living with my husband so I feel I can comment on both sides. There is nothing worse than being lonely but when you have someone you also have to take in to consideration their feelings which means you cannot be as independant or I guess what I am trying to say is that you have to compromise.

Unless you are happy in your own skin then you will never be happy whether with someone or on your own. People can interact with others if they choose and I also agree about the pots regarding keeping fit to keep the feel good hormone levels up! "
  goa
india
 
"It gives u freedom to organise yourself as u please. But life is more about meeting people, talking to them, go out with them, share with them your happy moments and the not so happy, caring and being cared, being made to feel someone cares for you and there is someone u can care for"
Rosemarie
rosemariedebruin@gmail.com
Wollongong
Australia
" I DONT LIKE LIVING ALONE. IM A RECLUSE AND CRY ALONE MOST OF THE TIME. I HAVE 4 DOGS AND 2 CATS BUT I WANT A PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP. IVE BEEN DEPRESSED FOR YEARS. I CANT EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL. I HAVE NO FAMILY OR FRIENDS. I AM TOTALLY ALONE. IM 43 YEARS OLD AND SEPARATED 4 YEARS AGO BECAUSE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. SOME DAYS I ONLY GET UP TO FEED THE ANIMALS. NOBODY LOVES ME."
K London
UK
" I've never had a relationship and still live with family. I think it is very likely I will be alone for the rest of my life. I always wondered what it'd be like looking after yourself at old age. It is possible?"
Fred UK " Have been living alone since my divorce 10 years ago. I think I'm now so used to it I cannot see myself ever living with someone again. It's changed me and I have become somewhat introverted and a little selfish over the years.

The novelty of living alone does wear off after a while though. I honestly really enjoyed being alone for about 7 years, the last 3 have been less enjoyable though.

Of course, the same may well apply to not living alone, I don't know, I never got past the 7 year mark with my ex, but until the itch hit her I really enjoyed those 7 years with her too.

I don't get lonely, well, maybe twice over those ten years have I felt lonely, but I do regret never having kids. Of course, for that you need to have met the right person, and I never did. That plays on my mind a lot nowadays. I was raised to be a provider, protector, and I do often feel an emptiness in my life for not having that role to fulfill.

In short, living alone is fine but I would have preferred for my marriage to have worked out and be sat here with a family round me. It's life, and it's not a bad one either.

Ultimately it's just a state of mind, whatever your situation"
satender rawat
satishsattu@yaoo.com
dehradun {uttrakhand}
india
" living alone is not a big deal....leaving alone is really difficult"
BellaTerra66
 
New Mexico
USA
" I'm in my early 60s and have lived alone for the last 22 years, with a 4-year break for my second marriage (which was NOT good -- worse than the first marriage of 22 years). So now I've been alone for the past 13+ years straight. And I like living alone. The first year was hard -- 22 years ago -- but I wouldn't trade it for anything now. I love men, but -- been there/done that. :-) ///I think it's harder for extroverts to be alone than for introverts to be alone. I am very introverted. I think that makes a big difference"
Caroline
chilly50@hotmail.co.uk
 
Scunthorpe
England
 
"My son and daughter are both at University now, we dropped my son off today. I had a bit of a cry sat in his room, but now I feel so positive. He was ready to fly, and I'm thinking to myself 'job done and done well!' I've spent a couple of hours cleaning out my kitchen of all junk food and stuff I can't eat (I'm diabetic). And I know it will still be as clean, fresh and tidy in the morning! No dirty dishes piled high in the sink (I did teach them, honest!!), and no stress, just me and the good Lord and my pet cockatiel. And I'mm off to the gym tomorrow and I'm quitting smoking this week, just being able to eat when I want is so what's the word ... liberating!, "
Howard
 
Savannah
USA
" I've lived alone in between bouts of being married and living with a girlfriend for approximately 15 years. To be honest I enjoy living alone. I currently live alone although my 15 1/2 year old Daughter is coming to live with me (and I can't wait). The advantages of living alone is I can do whatever I like, many times at a minutes notice with no explanations. I can buy whatever I like with no explanations. What I've discovered is when living alone I actually have less of a need to engage in extra curricular activities to occupy myself. It seems I do not have such a need to express myself or my protect my identity as much. However, when living with someone I always looked for an outlet and probably (although I'm told I'm lots of fun to be around by women) froze them out. I like company but not so much that it encroaches into my life. Perhaps I'm selfish I don't know. Too much routine brings on boredom yet when I live alone I'm very routine! It's a conundrum.

One thing I do know is living alone in a rented apartment is much less lonelier than in a house I've purchased. I think it has to do with a feeling of being rooted and stuck with a house, whereas an apartment provides a feeling of fluidity. I've owned three houses and felt the same way each time. This may sound like I'm not responsible, however, I'm quite the reverse.

One thing I can suggest for those of us who suffer from loneliness and a lack of direction is exercise. If you dread certain days or times, simply exercise. Now I don't mean some sort of ambling around I'm talking about REAL exertion, whatever that is. It will drain all the anxiety out of your body and when really whacked out feelings of loneliness and despair simply cannot compete in a brain that is tired yet full of good life giving chemicals. Trust me it does work. I run and it does it for me. It will get you through the day and begin to lighten your mood. You will begin to feel different. Don't be put off thinking unless you run or cycle or whatever for the length of a marathon it's not enough. It's whatever your body feels is exertion plus some extra effort. Then later when you relax you will find your mind will not automatically wander back down those dark alleyways. I hope these few notes are helpful.
Nicola T.
 
France " Sleep in the bed diagonally with three cats strewn across the duvet. Not to listen to someone else's burbs, farts, TV noises, snoring, energy-stealing loud yawns, incessant talking, inane talk (so hard to get away from if you share a house with someone) and just too too much of anything (I am an empath).
To not be subjected to rejection in the house you live in, either physically, mentally, or both (oh, how hard this is if it does happen). To be alone with my thoughts. To talk to myself (and answer). To not have to lift someone's mood up in order to not be dragged down by it. To not have to look presentable if you're not going out. To sing out of tune. Just 'some' of the reasons why I love living alone.
I know a large number of women in my age group (50-60) who lived with several men in the past but have not lived with any for many years and never will again.
I'm not made to share my house with someone. I am a loner who likes people when it suits her. I cannot live without people, but I cannot live with them either. :)  Believe me, I've tried. I know.

Follow up comment:

Is it my imagination, or is the comment on top of the web-site "... just anything that deals positively with this subject" overlooked?  Many of the postings on this special site are very very long and may deprive others of being read once you've read a few of the biggies. I would limit the number of characters a bit :) Just MHO. Is it possible to add a date of when people posted?  "
 

Graham
gjg7rh@aol.co.uk
UK " Hi everyone i am just about to hit 50 and face the terrifying prospect of living alone for the first time in my life. (divorce pending) I have read all the comments and insights on this page and feel encouraged and scared in equal measures. On one post I read someone suggested that if we are all lonely perhaps we should all meet up with each other. I  think that would be difficult geographically, however we could all do the next best thing and communicate by email so if anyone just feels like talking please send me an email I no I do"
Anon UK " I have had a strong experience with loneliness and it has been very hard and distressing. My school life was often very violent and my family were also violent and emotionally cold and I would often isolate myself for long periods of time, alone and confused at the family behaviour and struggles of growing up. I was raised in an attic. My mother was emotionally distraught and my father was usually absent, I had few friends and did not get on well with people, and the neglect was so bad that I had to go to a psychiatric hospital. After college I simply drifted from job to job not really caring about anything or knowing what to do. I left the house and despite my good education I went on to work more dead end jobs but at least I could afford a place of my own. A few more years of this and I saved up and moved, drifting from place to place and always with this confused and unhappy feeling, the situation got worse with solitary drinking, which I struggled with for many years. It is hard to do anything when you have suffered a humiliating and abusive background and now no one loves you and there is no one to look after you when you fall, and you are too proud to believe in God or to beg to others. It was really strange to discover how isolated I was and that some of the things happened weren't 'right'. I also discovered I was really suffering physically from the solitary drinking and from not taking care of myself but continued it because I felt there was no other way of dealing with life. Finally this year I have succeeded to go to the gym, learn how to cook, physically take care of myself, groom correctly, study for a course while working etc. and I have also learned to stay more emotionally stable. I still have nightmares about the family breakdown. I keep reading on the internet about how to learn to "be happy" with yourself or how to find your inner child etc. This is such a joke. When you are seriously lonely and cannot cope and are having constant emotional breakdowns from the loneliness then there is no help. No meditation or medication will pull you through. My life has been devastated from loneliness, in order to cope you have to throw everything you've got at it. Don't give it a second otherwise it will win. The main motivation I've had to trying to keep control of myself is to make sure I do not go back to a psychiatric hospital. I've seen how people are broken while living in hospitals and become reliant on their caregivers. No that cannot happen to me. People who crone at others for their loneliness are missing the point or painfully lonely themselves. I'm 29 and I do not care if I am 29 or 89, I think this experience of loneliness has taught me to be stronger. But I do not want to be an emotionless shell. And I am afraid that my life alone will keep me alone. If that happens I will probably go back and live my life in care. But I will take my own advice and do everything I can and anything I
can do to overcome it."
Stu Manchester

United Kingdom

" I have lived without adult company for two years now. I am 41. I am divorced and have my children half the week with me and share child care equally with my ex wife. Got divorcd 4 years ago and are still good friends with my ex wife. Six months after I got divorced I met someone else. We lived together foir just over two years. I loved her dearly and thought the world of her, however she had a different agenda and nearly destroyed me both physically, emotionally, mentally and financially. I just didnt see it coming....love is blind they say, well I certainly was. Until one day I made the decision to walk away...I couldnt stay with someone who was such a control freak and who was clearly unhinged.

I got myself an apartment and finally began to get to know myself. I realised that I had nearly always been in relationships since I was 15 and that this was going to be the first time I was truly on my own. And its been this way for the past couple of years. Ive had some casual relationships with girls, but nothing more has came of it.

Im now very unsure about things. Part of me likes the single life as, with the exception of my children and work, I can come and go as I please and can do what I want. But then there is part of me that gets very lonely and longs to have an adult to share my life with (and yes, I will say it...I miss having a loving sex life).

So Im not sure what will happen. Part of me believs that it is out of my control, and that God, or the Universe needs me to be on my own for a while longer and that I will meet someone when the time is right. Another part of me thinks...could I really live with someone else again???

Good luck to everyone on here, and I hope you all get what you want and need "
Diane
druff@hotmail.com
 
hartland
canada
" I have lived alone most of my life,I thought it would be nice sfter all the children left home then you would be time for me. But from 1983 it is now it is lonely I would like to meet someone to talk to once in awhile"
Anita UK " It's a very good site, I'm able to relate my feelings with everyone here. I'm a 33 year old female had lived alone for 5 years after a broken marriage. I was lucky to get a good friend 2 years ago with whom I spend majority of time going out, watching TV, having food together etc, but he is looking for a girl to get marry and settle down soon due to his family pressure.

I will be surely isolated again and it will be difficult to cope up again but is not going to be new anyway as I lived 5 years on my own alone before.

Living alone was hard initially but later situation became better. My mind settled, relaxed and got free from stress as compared to my married life where I was completely stressed out and was about to suicide at one point. It took great strength to recover and apply for divorce.

After my divorce, I spent my time at work, built good friendship network, I kept my flat neat, clean and beautiful, fresh flower, candles kept me relaxed. Watching TV, searching internet on any topics like business, economy to yoga, meditation kept me occupied. I started to enjoy the freedom, I started to think big like to do something to the society, travel extensively, learn new things, understand new culture, tradition, enjoy the nature etc.

However, at times, I get this feeling, that, whether I'm making the mistake of choosing to live alone rather than finding someone to share life with and build a family. Because when I was at young age, I enjoyed the comfort of being in family with parents and sisters. Now without anyone, even though I'm alright now, but will I ever miss these things in future when I get older?

I heartily admire those brave hearted single soles! "
 
June Norwich
England
" i have written on here before and often pop back to see what others have written. Although i am older than her, i was struck by lisa the last person on here and how her feelings mirror mine.i never felt i would get married or have kids, my mum was always telling me as an only child id end up alone, but i used to tell her what could i do, i wasnt unattractive and even now im in good shape for my age, and am told look much younger, but still im alone,an on dating websites, but not impressed with them. Like lisa, i do worry about dying alone and no one finding you, very recently just down road from me a lady of70, not old by todays standards who had worked for same company til last year, was found dead in her home, she laid there for weeks, her old boss said shed had good social contacts, well hardly if noone noticed she wasnt around! when i told a good friend of mine that worried me she laughed and said you daft cow it wont happen to you, someone would miss you off facebook and we all care too much to let it, and yes i do have good friends i know, this women never gave out her telephone no it seems, and im very social, but it does make you think. i too would like to meet someone but not to live with permanently, i dont think could stand it but as time goes on i feel it wont happen and so one has to cope, if i have a free weekend, thats when it hits me and of course now my dad died last year i have little family, that makes it worse, but it must be faced, but sometimes it is really hard and dont think friends with partners often realise what its like.

I agree a nice comfortable home does help make you feel better, i have a nice little e flat which i have furnished very confortably and i always sit down to proper meal at the table,no tv dinners which i am sure lots of single people have.

But sometimes if you live alone, that isolating feeling comes over you, however many friends you have as most of mine have partners, i do get included in lots of things by them i know, but you havent anyone, they have and it is hard, and im not sure if deep down you get used ever to living on yout own all the time."

 
Lisa Manchester
UK
" I live alone and I love it. I don't think I am cut out for living with anyone else! I'm 44 and have never married or wanted children. I have many female friends who are very like me in that regard. I used to think I would meet someone and settle down, but now I don't think I ever will. I hope though that one day I will meet a man who likes his own space as much as I do, but I seem to attract lonely men who want to live with me after a few dates.
I would advise anyone living alone to make it a priority to create a nice home for themselves, and to keep it clean. (In the UK, there are furniture projects which provide used furniture and household items for people on benefits or very low incomes, and of course there are car boot sales and charity shops)
I love my home, and have taken great care to make it cosy and welcoming. If your home looks depressing, you feel depressed. I've met many single men who live in squalor, but don't know any women who do. I think often men don't see the point of looking after themselves.
The worst thing about living alone is sometimes I worry (especially when I can't sleep) about dying alone, having a heart attack or stroke with nobody to rescue me. I sometimes have a terror of the dark and have to keep the light on, (just like when I was a child) and long to have someone snoring besides me. I don't miss sex, because I can have that whenever I want (an advantage of being female), but I do miss having a companion, someone to make me laugh and to share my life (just not every day!). I think I would be more intelligent and lively with a partner, and worry less, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who is not on the same wavelength. I've only had one partner who came close"
 
tweety New Delhi
India
" I have been reading all these comments and basically what I felt is that none of those who live alone are happy, even those who claim that thy are.

There's a purpose there are 6 billion people on this planet. 6 freaking billion! This fact should be enough to ignite hopes for those who feel they will never be able to find anyone to share their life with someone. Find ways.

In India, we live together as families, most of us. But you still tend to feel lonely when you can't relate with those around you. I've had troubles growing up too. When I was in teenage I wasn't physically alone but in other aspects I was. I know loneliness is not a pretty place to be, and those who claim they like being alone only find a way to make it pretty. Now, since I know what it feels to not have anyone in your hour of need, I have made this motto in my life to touch someone's life with the loving heart God has blessed me with, and just to be there regardless of everything else.

The solution to our problems is love. All we need is love. Really. The beauty of love is it grows even more when you share it. And when you serve others with the love that you have in your heart, you unconsciously fix your problems too.

All of you are beautiful souls, each and everyone of you. And I hope that you be strong and always strive to be better than what you were. Love, Girl. 23
Racheal MO
USA
" I'm 28 and just got my first place. My parents let me stay with them while I was going to school and sort of waiting for the economy to "bounce back" ha ha, that's not going to happen, it seems. I found a little apartment not far from where I work and it seems like a peaceful sort of neighborhood, but I still can't bring myself to actually sleep there, even though I've paid for this month and everything. I just felt like it was something I have to do now, if I wait into my thirties that's just pathetic, and how will I ever really learn to be a self-sufficient adult if I don't leave my parent's house? I will miss my mother terribly, she's my best friend and because I know she will miss me just as much it makes it even harder, thinking that I am hurting her, even though we both know everyone has to go through with this. I never thought of myself as weak, or overly emotional, but I've cried more this week than I ever have"
margaret kent
UK
" ive lived alone since age 28. now 47. apart from one year with a guy who i kicked out!i like my own company very much and have been in the caring profession for nearly 30 years and give a lot to my patients, so coming home to my private space has been my salvation at times! at first i found it tricky rather than hard, to come home alone but found a pet of any sort, was what pulled me back happily each day. a pet needed me and i needed that. as ive got older tho, ive had times when ive wanted someone to care for me and got quite low about it and no doubt i will again. i am someone who needs space but also have conflict because i want someone to be close to and havent always made wise choices with men because of that and tend to pick up waifs and strays in that department but still hold on, even tho things get difficult. i had the chance of taking in lodgers a few months ago and found i just couldnt give up my privacy to that, though i know i could with the right person. i own my house and car and have done well in my career but im now middle aged and thinking of the future living alone, trying to come to terms with it. i do consider im far more capable than some women i know who cant bear to not have a man and i refuse to 'settle' for someone as friends of mine have. i feel mostly, there are huge advantages to living alone....you dont have to negotiate with anyone about home life on any level but having said that i am an idealist at heart and would hope to share my life with someone one day. until then tho i dispute the worlds perception that those living alone are 'sad' people because i think it takes great strength to manage your household and life alone because all decisions and choices are left to you alone and im almost certain that those who share their homelife with others find if they have to 'go it alone' suddenly, they can, fall apart on a practical level at first. so we should be proud of our accomplishments and abilitie
s to change fuses and lightbulbs and all the genral household stuff. i know i am! :-), "
Jimmy Baghdad
Iraq
" Hi there, just wanted to share my expirence about loneliness, I've lived with my parents until I turned 18 and graduated from IB, my dad sent me to study in the UK and I started university soon after the IB, I didnt like the dorms that I lived in as they allowed a wide chance for socialization and constantly talking to people without having a time alone, I didnt feel good or bad it was just neutral, I got depressed at times cause I did not haave a girlfriend and with time I realized am not good enough to have a girlfriend so I accept the fact that i'll stay single for a couple of years or even more, after my first year in Uni I bought a house in the city I was studying in and stayed alone in my house, I was depressed at the beginning but then I realized this is the life am ganna live throughout and after my Uni so I feel much better now living alone just cooking my own food, watching TV alone, Work on my own and just do everything on my own :D So for anyone who  is depressed and lonely cheer up cause alot of people are living their life just like you so never feel alone :), "
Tina Amsterdam
Netherlands
" This is the second time I am trying to live by myself, it used to be like punishment, the first time I got really bad depression in just a few months, this time I am prepared to have guests over and force myself to go out and see people everyday.
When I was small my parents kind of "forgot me" at home for some years, I guess it is because of that freaky experience that I am so afraid of living alone.
The problem is that I have a lot of difficulties making friends, because I am very shy, and life seems to pass me by unnoticed. Sometimes it feels like there is something wrong with me, but maybe there isn't, and I am just too sensitive and most people aren't. The only periods in my life when I was happy were when I was living in a community, or sharing a house with nice people and having a steady social life.
Men I won't even mention, they don't like me, for some still mysterious reason; the idea that it will always be like that kills me - my plan is to recover from some health issues I have and start doing volunteering as a way of life, so at least I will always have some people around.. "
Anonymous Montreal " at least better then being with someone you hate ;)"
S London " I remember a comment from a movie; "Your world is so small, yet you lock yourselves in smaller boxes" or something like that... Looking at the statistics, I find it amazing how fragmented life is. How we so exaggerated the process of individuation, becoming individuals... The problem is not about finding ways to entertain myself or being productive as a person living alone. It is about being part of a world in which the whole humanity is isolated from itself, from its true essence. An evolution that cannot be reversed but has to take its course and  reflects onto my life in form of loneliness. Cause and effect... Some may find this way of thinking quite exaggerated. But I think simply because as every single thing in the world exist within the same context it is impossible to miss the connection. We are so disconnected in the world of limitless interconnectiveness...It is not about physical proximity, or the requirement for it or the unnecessary of proximity thanks to electricity, silicon chips hence the net... It is about deeper mental processes lost so many millennia ago replaced by the constant desire to have, to touch, to boast, to compete, win....Everybody is alone no matter how many people they have around them, so scarred by the very same things that they do not even recognize as scars...But there is a contradictory side to all this. I can only be human and continue with my humanization among other human being as a social animal. However, I can only be and do this among real human like beings, which is not about the shape, ability to talk, contemplate and act. Being human is about having minds untouched by all those scars and relating to others without the mediation of the scars"
Emigrant
 
dublin
Ireland
" I'm 28 years old polish fellow who's been living and working in Ireland since 2006. In my country I was living with my parents and that was utterly humiliating experience. I felt so weak and powerless those days.  After high school I went into the army for one year (the longest year of my life). I don't need to explain that being in army I was totally deprived of freedom and dignity, to say nothing of basic human rights. Anyway, I do not regret that episode in my life.
After my military service I was on a dole for six months still living at my parents place. After I lost my unemployment benefit I was motivated by hunger mainly to take some casual jobs as my parents didn't support me except of giving me a shelter. Depression made it all even more twisted. In that period I had a very serious crisis and I attempted to commit suicide by slashing my wrists. I knew that I have to go away, though not necessary this way. As my country joined EU and I was entitled to live and work, study, etc. legally in some EU countries I decided to emigrate. I sold all precious things I had and borrowed some money. I bought a one-way ticket to Ireland. I don't know why but I was always curious about this country, history and people living there and when opportunity arose my decision was immediate. My first job in Ireland was very, very hard... I was dealing with farm animals. I wasn't really familiar with this kind of activity at all. At that stage I was sharing a cottage with the family I was working for. That remote place was at close proximity of Sligo (western part of Ireland). After few weeks I was physically exhausted but mentally revived and I decided to leave that job and find something different. I saved some money so I was able to survive. Things went not necessary well and for some period of time after I quit the job I was homeless wandering around and sleeping in abandoned places. Nonetheless I didn't give up. After few weeks I arrived to Dublin. I found a job in construction sector that was "a piece of cake job" comparing to previous one. I found accommodation in a big house occupied by countless number of tenants. Most of them were uncouth heavy drinkers. I shared small room in that house with one roommate for six months. Later I found a nice job in a food  warehouse. My salary increased and I was able to rent a room on my own in shared house. In the last three years I moved out and in several times. Recently I decided to rent my own place. I've been living on my own just for few weeks so at this stage it is difficult for me to judge: I have a sense of freedom and independence and having loads of hobbies I never experience boredom but sometimes I realize that living for myself only is not enough. I have very few friends (actually they are mostly my workmates). From time to time I pay a visit to whores and I do it rather because of unbearable feeling of desperation, isolation and loneliness... I'm definitely not sex maniac kind of guy. I have an overwhelming impression that I'm getting older and older and that probably I lost my way in some period of my life... Maybe the real, full life is passing me by and my journey through life is meaningless, purposeless misunderstanding?
 
Tony Phoenix
Arizona
" I live alone for two reasons. One is that I have Asperger's and it is difficult for me to relate to people and meet a female who will understand me. The other is that because of sexual abuse when I was a child I have trouble letting people in my private space. So I guess both reasons either work in sync or cancel each other out. I have learned over the years to fill my time with various hobbies, forms of entertainment and pastimes. I am often on Xbox live or the PSN network. I watch a lot of movies on Netflix. I have become quite the good cook. Holidays and Sunday mornings are the hardest to deal with. Those are times I associate with being in the company of a loved one. You never get used to being lonely; you only learn to accept it to a certain degree."
Elizabeth Canada " I'm 56 years old, unpartnered for the past 13 years.  Have had two children with me until recently when the youngest moved out to travel and go to college.  Now, I'm an "empty-nester", living on my own and holding a mixed bag of feelings about it.  I'm a good person and want to share some aspect of my goodness with another.  Beyond friendship.  And I truly value independence too.  I love to have space and time to myself  to explore, be creative, lazy or simply putz.  It's not an either-or for me.  I want both.  I'm a social being.  I have many really good friendships that I care and nurture actively.  I want to love, and be loved, hold someone in kindness and be held, care for another and be cared for too.    Is that too much to ask?"
vernon s khuzwayo
vernon.khuzwayo@gmail.com
 
Durban
South Africa
" well i got married at 23. my marriage has not worked out. i am now 29. i find myself having to move out and find a place. i am afraid. i ahve no culinary skills to speak of. i am not great when it comes to making friends. i do not have family. it is just me myself and i. i will miss being married though it broke my heart to be in a loveless marriage. i will miss my son. lord help me,i am terrified of living and eventually dying alone. financially i am a mess. if i do find a place how will i afford it.. today i took a brave step after, last nights argument, to find a place. called around. i hope i find something. i hope i find someone to share me with...  wish me luck :(,  "
Harmony India " 45 y o girl here from a country in the Asian Continent
Wonderful site - so glad to discover a place where we can share the feelings - feelings that other coupled/families/people who have never lived truly alone,  cannot really relate to.
Living alone raises intelligence for those who know how to use the TV and Internet wisely ... yes, weekends and evenings suck big time. But it's always good to know that "It's better to BE alone than to wish you were".
Women  live alone better than men do - generally speaking.
Most -not all - men need the stability of a woman around them; most  - not all - women don't need a man crowding their space.
People who were once married/ living together and then suddenly living alone may find it a lot harder than those who have always lived alone - in general.
Benefits are plenty - your own schedule, solace and time to meditate, no need to rush through housework, do the bed only if you feel like it. Watch a movie at 6 am just because it's on TV and you missed it 10 years ago! Eat only the foods you want, choose the furniture you want.  Exercise, practise yoga as and when you like without worrying about what you're wearing at the moment. 
The best bit - for me at least - is having the freedom to think for myself.
The downside is downright dangerous  - be very - VERY - careful of the many formerly close friends who see your place as their free, discrete, unpaid safe haven. I've cut off friendships  after they used my place to hide from abusive souses ( yes, I know - they don't ever consider  that *I*  am the one who needs to then be protected from their stalker spouses - who incidentally they run back to the next morning as if nothing happened).
Many married men assume that they can use me and my place for sex. No, their tiny little brains cannot understand the words
F*** O** or milder words than that. I've had one former (platonic, male ) friend blatantly announced to me that he will use my place to bed his girlfriends whenever he came into town...!  He didn't get why he'd offended me. Men. When they find out I've struck them out of my life ( and their opportunities to bed who they want, when they want and most importantly - WHERE they  want i.e in MY place that I pay and care for - they then start the b***tching about me. Over time I've grown immune to the b****ching and give as good as I get at times.
 iow -  learn to fend off the users and spongers quickly. You'd be amazed at who they are - and how insidious. "
 
Hate it
 
Rustenburg
South Africa
" I live alone and I fucking hate it. I moved out of my parents house because I''m turning 30 in a few months time and felt bad because I'm still living with my parents. I don't mind being single that's not the problem, but living by my self is awful, there is no one to talk to when I get home, no one to eat with, just no one, I  hate it and wish I could go back home "
Jessica Saskatchewan
Canada
" Loneliness is just a state of mind.  A lot of people are surrounded by their friends and love ones and yet still lonely. I've been living by myself for almost three  years now, I get lonely sometimes but I always think the positive ways to make my life happy and not succumb with loneliness. I kept myself busy at work, volunteering my extra time or drive to the country side for relaxing mood.  It works for me "
DAVE
SUNDANCE_118@YAHOO.CA
Kingston
Ontario Canada
" ive been living alone for about 20 yrs now , after my divorce. do i like living alone ?? i love it ,,, although i have had many relationships with women, i like my own existence better . i like my own space , at the moment im in a relationship with another lady , who has the same lifestyle as myself , but also likes her own space , therefore kind of living alone herself , we all have choices in his world so we make the best choices of what is best for us , whatever they might be, i like living alone , i only have myself to answer too , my mistakes are my own am i lonely ,, no ,, as i have many good freinds which i see on a regular basis my ex and i are very good freinds also ,, im retired , but i do work a few days of the week , for fitness sake ,  living alone is a choice , be lonely is a choice also , if you dont like being lonely , then get out in the world , say hi! to someone strike up a verbal exchange and see where that goes ,, who knows , but thats your choice int it ,, so have fun , be good to ourselves . and live and love ,
 
Karen Lorentzson
flatrock61@gmail.com
 
El Dorado Springs
USA
 
" Loving alone can be very liberating! Embrace your freedom and then find time for activities with others after all people are social beings and we all need hobbies or dates or club time or church whatever outlet you find will fill a natural need! u ur best friend the world is beautiful n so are you! "
Luz Jeannette Luccioni Jersey City
United States
" I have moved twice because my neighbors would enter my apartment when I would go out and they would search my mail, look through my closet and take some clothes, thrash my place after cleaning it, and put scratches on some of my pots and pans, replace my screwdriver with an old one. I have call the police but they do not do anything because there is no sign of breaking and entry. I think they pick my lock. This really upsets me because I try to get along with my neighbors by saying hello to them. I am a private person and like to spend time by myself at home. I like to go out and meetup with friends."
Harry B
 
Nova Scotia
Canada
" I was married for 25 years and saw two children through to adulthood. I've been separated for 14 months and live alone in a remote rural setting. Though initially sad to loose one reality I now embrace this one. I actually love living alone and do not get bored of myself. If you find yourself living alone, respect yourself, watch the internal dialogue and have self-discipline. Keep a routine, do your chores and have pride in yourself and belongings...SHAVE! Everyday!.  I have a busy social and professional life and ALWAYS look forwards to coming home. I've met and been out with a few women but it's going to take someone very special for me to ever give up the pleasures of a private and quiet home life. It's blissful "
 Kathleen USA " After reading so many heartfelt comments it appears there are several kinds of "living alone" situations. Many people live alone because they haven't found the right partner and are agonizing over ever finding them. Loneliness is their companion. My heart goes out to them. Others live alone after leaving the nest, graduating from school, etc.,and haven't truly started their life yet. No partner, but plenty of optimism that one is on the horizon. For them, living alone is a temporary state that they will enjoy for the time being. Then there are those who live alone because it is the lifestyle they have chosen. Often they found themselves alone for one of the previously mentioned reasons and decided to stick with the solo life. That decision changes everything. When you choose your lifestyle, everything about it changes! Some say we are meant to be with someone else. Everyone has a right to their opinion. AND that's all it is, opinion.
Those of you choosing solitude, please don't accept any guilt for enjoying your life. For finally taking care of yourself first. For allowing yourself to become so engrossed in an acitivity that the whole evening melts away. It would be hard to be that involved with something with a partner or family moving about on the sidelines. And let's don't feel guilty because we're doing what we really want, instead of working on a relationship because our society insists that's the "norm."
I have been living alone for 9 years now, and even when I'm stressing over car repairs, or some unplanned bill, I manage. I live quietly, and plainly, and I love it. It took a while to get my head on about it. There were 10 kids in my family and I've been getting up with a baby since I was 10. I hadn't taken a bath by myself, or even visited the toilet, alone until I got married at 17. That tiny bit of new privacy was such a revalation and a joy! At 48, after the failure of my third committed relationship I was so broken that I could barely raise my head for a year. I won't go into details-all of us have had broken hearts, we all know how it feells-but I decided to make my life on my own. I CHOSE solitude not because I didn't want to love, but because I realized I aha never gotten to know myself. I didn't even know what to make myself for breakfast. I was always thinking of someone else. I started experimenting and found out a lot about myself. Sounds dim, maybe, but when you spend your whole life taking care of other people you end up being little more than a mirror for other people's needs.
Now I work on my art every day, my writing, and I am a vegan. My 2 cats provide all the companionship I need and I enjoy my own company enough that being with other people is fun because I choose it-not because I'm afraid to be alone.
Maybe if I'd been healthy enough to do all this at the beginning of my life I would be in a healthy relationship now. Then again, maybe I wouldn't have been foolish enough to be broken 3 times before I figured out that I was always going to choose the wrong person because I wasn't a complete person on my own. I don't think about things that way much, because it's a waste of time and mental energy. My philosophy now is "It is what it is." I see every situation in the moment and work from there. And my life is full., "
Cynthia Victoria
Canada
"  I'm a 58-year-old woman, living alone now for 5 years after my ex entered his second childhood and rode off into the sunset on his Harley with his Internet-sex-site date on the back, wearing my helmet. I've found--vis a vis dating--that men of my age group want--and get--a partner 10 years younger. That would make a potential "boyfriend" (I HATE that word) 68 years old. Now, I just learned to snowboard over the Holidays. A 68-year-old "boyfriend" sounds more like a nursing job than a love life. But if you know of any attractive, single, male, 68-year-old snowboarders, be sure to drop me a line, eh?,"
audrey
 
quezon city
philippines
 
" There are times that I am happy living alone (I am working in Manila while my family are living in province), wherein I can do anything I want,   without thinking that my parents will got mad on me doing those things, simply I am free.  But there are instances that I am so sad, it is so hard to go home knowing there is no one you can be with, and depression becomes my companion '
molly
 
surrey
bc
" I am disabled and need and found a care and companion dog, after searching for over a year. She is in Huntsville Alabama and I live Just outside of Vancouver BC in Canada. I am begging for help to get her to me for a reasonable cost. If anyone can help please please come forward as I am desperate to get her ASAP. I love living alone and plan dinners with friends and soon hope to join dog walkers in my community."
 Zoroaster T. D'Elia
Deliazoroaster@yahoo.com
Vallejo
USA
" 34 years old, I just moved out of my parents house. The feelings of loneliness and dread overtake me but I haven't been out a year yet. Reading the accounts related to me here, give me courage and also scare the he'll out of me. My parents pay my rent,own my car and provide moral support on every level. And it is hard as hell still. Then I realize we all have the power to break this spell we cast upon ourselves. We just have to keep our brains active and our bodies physical. On top of it all I quit every substance i was abusing my body with. (pot, wine) now I have all the potential of the world ahead of me. I registered for my GED and am about to enroll in a comedy collage. I may not succeed at anything i endavor,"
Diane
 
USA " Is there a site for those who are living alone, and middle-aged, in a town where it's difficult to form friendships, as well as companionships?
I've lived alone for 9 years now, and up until about a year ago, isolation started to consume me.
The years prior, i adjusted very well living alone, and engaged myself in many activities without a problem. Doing things alone i.e. dining, traveling, etc. came fairly easy for me, but I've exhausted being able to enjoy activities without sharing that happiness with someone else; even just a local friend? Is there a site to guide me for friendships without engaging in single sites geared towards dating? Please make suggestions. The lack of personal socializing is becoming overwhelming!"
Sharon
 
Southampton
Bermuda
 
" Good Day All, I live in Bermuda and I do not like living alone. I live close to the beach and can go any time I want. There is so much I can do by myself (yes, like being naked in the house when I want, and leaving the dirty dishes overnight). I have everything I want except a companion who will stay with me overnight. I do have a companion but he likes being single and would love to live alone. I go to sleep at night and wake up in the mornings thinking about being alone. It is not a good feeling. I think about getting a roommate, even though my apartment is small (the sofa is fine) but I often think about not getting along with the roommate should a problem arise.
Can't have them both huh? I'm learning to live alone, but it is taking me time to enjoy it. I love myself and I love others."
june England "interesting website this, was googling living alone and found it. my story is only child of loving parents, now both dead, my dad died in res care this year at 98, he lived with me until 2 yrs ago, last year retired not ready but work changed so felt had no choice, worked in large company with lots people so miss that, also moved to city where i worked decided to go ahead with move although retired as i am a city person and never really liked my small hometown, and yes i am glad i moved, i love the city i live in, have good friends mostly with partners here but not sure how i am coping with living alone, thought i would enjoy it bow not so sure, think i would be ok actually living alone if i had a significant other, but sadly i dont, i am told look much younger than my age,i am slim, trendy, not bad looking but have never had much success with men ever, dont know why, i adored my nice easy going dad maybe thats why, ive always compared  men to him,

i dont know, tried dating websites waste of time,i dont fancy men of my age, prefer younger but of course men all want younger women dont they, and most of them seem to live too far away and as i said i love living here,ive no desire to move anywhere else, but sometimes the silent flat, not having anyone to talk to, i love talking,  sucks,and no-one to share anything with, i dont think humans are meant to be alone so much, lots hate it ive friends who put up with totally crap relationships with totally unsuitable people they are so terrified being alone, i can sympathise but surely thats worse,  i now haveto face the fact i will be alone for ever, and i am not sure if i can cope with that but what choice do i have, you cant create someone to love you sadly but i have to say i have always considered myself quite an independent person who has holidayed alone and done things alone but now i have just lost enthusiasm for that,it just feels too lonely, on here it seem s the world is full of us

Ordella
Ordella829@yahoo.com
Houston
Texas
"I guess I'm new at this total independence thing.  I've been married twice for short periods of time and raised kids alone for a total of about 13 years.  The younger one just went off to culinary school about a month ago.  There's such a big difference now.  Before, I was always responsible for everyone else, my kids, husband, and all of the kids at work because I teach high school.  There was never any time for me.  For half of my 47 years now, I always came last on the list and somehow I never got down to the last item.  Sure, it gets a little too quiet around here sometimes, but for once I can make decisions on what to cook or whatever without thinking about someone else's likes or dislikes.  I had always looked out for everyone else and no one did for me... but now I do.  It's my turn to be taken care of (by me... who else?) and I think I'll get used to it if I'm just patient with myself.  I have more than enough interaction with people at work and look for
 ward to a quiet and peaceful evening here at home to recharge my batteries for a new day.  I've always had my hobbies, and I also enjoy keeping in touch with my friends around the world on the internet.  You can never have enough friends, I think.  In fact, I've got "openings" for new ones if anyone is interested.   :), "
Kitty Atlanta
USA

 

" I've done both. Never had a room-mate, but had two husbands. The last husband was 33 years ago and I haven't had a date since. I don't get lonely. I have virtually total freedom, constrained only by interest and (occasionally) finances, i.e., trips to Tahiti, etc. I own my own home, am going to retire sometime in the next 5 years and can't wait to have more time to myself. They say it takes a special "breed" to enjoy living alone...I am that breed. There is nothing more special to me than the fact that I don't have to ask anyone for approval. To me, freedom is the pinnacle of life.,"
Lily Montreal
Canada
" When I first started living alone, I didn't know what to expect. I have to admit that I was afraid, though not sure of what exactly, perhaps of not knowing what I was getting into.
Now, several years later, I think that living alone is one of my most cherished life experiences. At this point, I find that living alone totally outweighs living with someone that the latter seem to have lost all attraction for me. Maybe living alone has made me more self-centered since I do what I want to do when I want to do it without having to consider anyone else, but this is a fault that I'm willing to live with :) After all, I think we are essentially alone whether we live on our own or with another. My experience of solitude has taught me a lot about myself - most importantly that I, am my best friend. "
Shaun
 
Toronto
Canada
" I'm 47, and have lived alone for the past 20 years.  I don't date because I'm financially unstable.  In fact, I'm currently unemployed and on the verge of homelessness if i can't get a job soon.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I keep getting turned down from jobs, and rejected by women. :-(  I suppose life turns out great for some, and poor for the rest of us.  It looks like Over the hill, broke, alone and homeless is how my life is turning out. At least I have my health"
NM Calgary
Alberta Canada
" I have spent my entire life believing I was not whole if I didn't have that partner in my life. The "one" I have believed in marriage and family and sought it out above all lese since I was a teenager. I've never found it. Truth? I cannot stand living with someone. I was married briefly years ago and have over the last 20 years lived with 3 other men in commited relationships. I'm tired of berating myself and feeling like a failure because my expectations are too high. I'm also too old to be naive. It's me.. not them. I'm not cut out for what I experience as the boredom and monotony of a live in spouse. I have lived alone. I love my company. I love my pets. I love knowing my environment will look exactly as I left it. I rarely experience loneliness when I'm alone. aloneness and loneliness are very different things. The loneliest place I've even known is in a relationship sitting beside a person you have nothing to say to. I know there are people who love being tog
 ether, who have found this "thing" with another person. I'm in my mid 40's with a very successful career, a great grown son I own 3 properties, I have an Rv I take on my own...all things I accomplished on my own. No one else has ever brought anything to the table, financially or emotionally. I know we all need people. We need to be cared for however being taken for granted is far worse than any moment of lonely blues. There are some people who are better on their own. Selfishness is sometimes simply self awareness. I'm tired of giving everything and feeling taken getting so little in return. I believe we are all responsible for ourselves and no one has the right to tell other people how to live. My current partner complains I don't tell him what to do enough, call him on his bs, run things. Why would I want to do that? And why would any self respecting person tolerate it? Some people are just that independent. We are still loving and caring but not everyone is cut out for living with someone. Perhaps it's time to stop judging and start accepting
Dave Toronto
Canada
" My thoughts...

A.) It's expensive when you don't make good pay. Sometimes you can barely make ends meet.

B.) It's lonely when you do have the free time, and nobody to share it with.

C.) It's difficult when you have to keep moving from place to place.  Moving is time consuming and expensive.

D.) It's the way my life turned out...sometimes wonder why I even bother at all.

E.) It's worrisome for the future.  When i'm unable to work/support myself anymore, will i have anyone who can help care for me?  ...or will i end up being found dead for a year? "
John
jtrboeing@verizon.net
Kenmore, Wa.
USA
" I am now living by myself for the first time in 20 years and I guess I'm a little confused still and lonely. My partner has gotten very ill with depression and tardive dyskenisia(involentary movements)She has the symptoms of alztimers and cannot take care of herself any longer.I caregave her for the past five years and it's taken a toll on me.I finally had to find a assisted living home for her, It;s been very hard on me but a necessary thing to do.I still go to see her several times a week to make sure she is taken care of. I bring her coffee drinks and snacks to keep her busy and have some things of her own.I'm living alonbe but not really. Letting go has been a dificult thing to do. I'm 66 and starting over is awfully hard.I just dont know where to start.She is gone but not really you know?I have no help from her family so I cant really just walk away. I  love her dearly yet I know I need a life. I wish I could say that living alone is fun but so far it sure isnt. Finances are hard because we shared everything but when she went into assisted living I stopped accepting money from her. Her expenses are enough for her to bare. She has enough to take care of herself (at least for now) so I'm not worried about her.I on the other hand am having a difficult time going it alone. Everything is now on my platter and I'm on a fixed income. It;s ok for now but who knows down the road. One day at a time I guess.I just needed to vent a little.."
Teri Scotland " I have lived alone for over 25 years because my marriage failed and I never met anyone else. I brought up my son alone and he is doing well. I remind myself often that The things I have achieved, although not earth shattering, I did by myself and I can take pride in that. I also feel that I am a stronger person because i hve to deal with problems alone and solve them myself.
That is not to say that Living alone is always easy. I miss having someone to love me for who I am , even though I never had that in the first place. I don't go on holiday because everyone is in a couple and I feel as though i am odd being alone. all my friends are in couples and sometimes the conversation excludes me because my life is different from theirs.
however , I like my own company. I don't have to try and please anyone else( which I always do in relationships). I own my own house which I love. I can eat when I want ,go out when I want, come home when I want, get up when I want , go to bed when I want, read or watch tv. The list is endless. My married friends don't have this freedom.
  Yes, being in a close , loving relationship is the ideal but it doesn't happen for everyone and certainly not for me but living alone isn't all bad.
This is my first computer and I am new to the internet. I have never posted a comment before but I enjoyed reading all your comments.
I don't feel quite so different now"
Don
flakjakit@hotmail.com
Victoria
Canada
" Good day..
with the formalities over with.. lets dance.
ive been in here a number of times before for those that read back to the bottom of the page. for the sake of redundancy i wont get into that which has already been said. im still living alone and its still as trying as it always has been, that said i still hate it/ love it / condone it.lets just say loneliness and aloneness are still not diseases but conditions of ones  life style. your choice, there are enough 'choices' out there that if you really dug your heals in and looked it would be over in a heartbeat, however there are the choosy ones like me that are still looking for their 'soul mate' lover, friend, forever and wont settle till we/they meet. if you want to talk about how to live alone one must do it before you can talk it, so once you have graduated from the first year of being alone then there is no point sitting here typing out what you think of it. one or two or even six months of being alone does not substantiate one calling ones self a 'survivor' cause you aint seen nuthin yet. cooking , cleaning, paying your own dues to society and living the alone thing where your open to everyone's hypocrisy and their opinions about what you appear to them as they criticize you for being gay or sterile and cant get a date is still nothing till you have sat and felt sorry for yourself and cried till there were no more tears and you forgot why you were crying.. then get up and welcome the new day and perhaps a more enlightened train of thought.living in the pity pot is no where that we should be for very long or we get mentally wrinkly and its not fun to watch. go and grieve for whatever reason and get over it.. its a flawed world and so are you so learn to forgive YOU and the world and get back in the race.as far as living alone and being 'responsible' for ones self, that will come with time, it too is a learning curve that some of us just were not cut out to have happen. some of us were NOT supposed to be alone, ever or in anyway. we are not strong enough to do it end of story. on the other hand realize that when living alone if it hits the floor its going to stay there till YOU pick it up,, #1 rule of cleanliness. other than that the rest will be a hands on experience. live and learn through observation, if there's something moving in that meat you left in the fridge a month ago, then no it hasn't come back to live but what is IN is isn't living alone, and he brought the fam! so DON'T EAT IT !!! rule #2. are we giting it? good. if your evenings are lonely then get off your other end and learn how to entertain your brain. what are some of the things you have always wanted to do and couldn't cause of someone else being in the way or complicating or compromising your time, then
 go do it. mathematically, its as easy as simple addition, you either add someone to your life or take away someone, its the emotional involvement that stops us from clear thinking and it always will but if your not happy then its time to talk or walk. that's all and if being alone wont make you happy but its much easier and quieter then where's the problem? and you may save some money too.

i don't profess to have it all sorted out but i know what is working for me, and humanity relying as much as it does on commonality, something ive written today here is going to appeal to someone out there and perhaps be taken for gospel and help them with their situation. that's what we all doing here isn't it? looking for help? advice is cheap.. as cheap as we want to make it but there are some people that i would like to shorten the suffering time for someone. im one who has been to the bottom and survived. believe me if it were in my power.. and someone would believe me id be telling everyone as they did in that John Candy movie  " YOUR GOING THE WRONG WAY",,, are you smiling?... good keep those corners tight and twisty ok? be good be safe be happy ok?"

Raffaele
 
Brampton
Canada
" Life is about balance, compromise, love and sharing joyful moments with your wife and kids.  Living alone is living an unbalanced life, without purpose, without love.  I live alone and hate it.  Can't wait to find the love of my life!"
Flavio
flaviomayrinck@hotmail.com
Niterói
Brazil
" Don't you think that you can live only with a partner, but not necessarily having kids and all that? My point is, I don't really think I would like to have more kids, as I already have one from a previous relationship. So instead of having all this, maybe it's better to live alone

Well, I'm 39 years old and I have a 13 year old son. I've never been married, although my girlfriend has been living with me for the past 2 years. I had a lot of girlfriends along the years. Till 3 years ago I used to work far away from my hometown, so I was here only during the weekends.

I know my actual girlfriend for 6 and a half years now. She's 32. She always wanted to get really married and also have kids. I've been postponing this conversation as much as I could, but it got to a point where we can't live like this anymore. I don't really think I wanna have more children as I'm not such a family guy. So I think we'll have to break-up. She already said she'll go back to her mother's house until she can find a place for her.

I like her but I think that this will probably be the best solution for us. I don't really know what to expect. I'm a good looking guy, not the most beautiful around, but I think I'm much better that some. I work-out every day, keep my body in shape, etc. I like doing my things like going to the beach, playing my PS3, playing drums with my band, going to the gym, etc...and I don't think I would be able to give up on all these things to have kids. I try to be a good father for my son, but I know I'm not the best. I don't even try that hard to be the best.

I lived 10 years alone, from 97 to 07, but always had girlfriends and a lot of other girls. Maybe this is the kind of life that I can live. So I'll probably be back on the streets again knowing some more new women as well as reconnecting with known women from the past.

I kind of get sad about all this, because maybe it would be easier to just go with the flow and marry, have kids, etc...But I'm so reluctant in doing this that I'm really afraid that things would be much worse in the future with wife and kids. Who knows.

Well, I don't. I think it'll probably be good to be alone again. Let's see what happens"

Anne New Orleans
USA
" Hi  <smile>
I must say, I have enjoyed reading everyone's feelings; some positive, some negative, come comical and some depressing. I too live alone and have a mixture of all those feelings. Living alone is an eye opening experience. It is like looking in a mirror 24 hours a day. Of course, everyone's situation is different. I retired early; 6 months ago. I am 56 years old. I am divorced. I have one child (a daughter) who is living a good life with a good partner. I am truly happy for her. Considering what I experienced, I prayed her experiences would not be the same and thus far, its not.

My family and friends chuckle at me. I have become a hermit. I only leave the house to go to the grocery store, doctor, and drug store (lol). I have limited mobility which pretty much keeps me homebound. I have a few visitors (of my choosing). Others call and want to come over, but something inside me just doesn't want. I always give some excuse to discourage them and most of the time it works. I think this is a bad thing. The more I am not around human beings, the less I want to be. When you live alone, you become very set in your ways. I have interest that don't seem to interest other people (lol).

I enjoy metaphysics (Edgar Cayce, Dr. Raymond Moody, etc.), conspiracy theories; things of that nature. I love having discussions about such subjects. I enjoy listening to 60's and 70's music. To me, that music was the greatest. I even enjoy listening to music by Kitaro (which is an artist my friends have never heard of). Bottom line is no one shares my interest. I don't want any  one to pretend to enjoy what I like and I don't want to pretend to enjoy what I don't like. I always wished that someone would enter my life that did enjoy exactly what I did and didn't want a beauty queen. I am no beauty queen. I never was. I have always been over weight and still am.

Living alone means to be true to yourself. When you live alone, you can either be your best friend or your worse enemy. Its up to the individual to decide. When that loneliness creeps in, I just ask myself "will you be happier alone, or with someone?", and of course considering all, the answer comes easy.

As many of you have stated, the absolute worse is when you need to be hugged. Just hugged. That is when I most feel like I am the only one on the face of the planet. Of course, I have my beloved cat. He is a great companion, but unfortunately is no replacement of a warm embrace from someone who is truly sincere.
It is an adjustment and it gets easier. I too worry about dying and no one knowing till days or weeks later. So to cure that I have asked several people to please call occasionally to still see if I am still among the living (lol).

Seems like so many of you have had bad relationships and belong to the IGS (I Got Screwed) Club. Going through such an ordeal does make it more difficult to allow another person into your heart. If you still have hopes, I truly wish you luck. Just remember, there is so much more to a person than just outer beauty. There is a beauty inside that shines. If you have decided that living life alone is the best for you, I completely understand. Keeping mentally active and physically (if you can) active is the best way to overcome loneliness. I wish everyone happiness and good health. Thank you all for posting and sharing your thoughts. I enjoyed it. "

Kristine Tralala
Philipines
" I am 19 and I've been living alone since 18. Since i'm in college, I rarely see my family (once a year, every Christmas) and that fact itself makes me miss them more. Unlike most of the students do, I live alone, i cook for myself, clean the room i'm renting and do stuff by myself. Sometimes in my solitude, i find inner peace that i definitely won't find living with my folks back home and somehow, that's the best feature living alone could provide. I am new in this place since i'm transferring university and it's lonelier since i still have no friends. Hopefully, after the school year starts, i'll be able to find those few people who would somehow make me feel good.

Oh yeah, living alone sucks at first but it's best when you need to find what you're capable of. It takes time to get used to it but the everyday drama is worth remembering, just make sure that you get a lesson out of your time-to-time situation.

Sometimes, i feel like being "this" is something that i want to keep until i grow old (but still keeping responsibilities with my mom and my little sister). My dad died few months ago and I know that someday somehow, there will be only me and my sister and I have to finish college, get a good job and provide for her until she can stand on her own feet.

My idea of living alone is simply beautiful, not simply because you can decide for yourself but also you won't mind of others telling you what to do or when to do it. I am working part-time since i entered college and that makes me think i am up for anything the world could offer, i just know that i can make it. "
Amy Canada " I hate living alone, its like being partly dead.  Superficial interactions with class mates or roommates are not sufficient.  I think humans are an instinctively social creature, and without having close relationships with people/ a person that we spend significant time around and feel accepted by, our quality of life is reduced "
Ann Edmonton
Alberta Canada
"Living alone is great. I only clean up my own messes. I can eat breakfast in silence, undisturbed my my ex=husband's incessant chatter. I get to have a minimalist household -- free of packratism. I can read all I want. I have no more pressure to 'take care' of an adult (males) ld really have grown up long ago."
Brown Sugar Selma
USA
" Living alone is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way. Life is too short to worry about who wants and who doesn't. Just live and enjoy life!!!!! "
George Ireland " Originally from The Caribbean, I lost my mother to breast cancer at the age 18. I left home at 19 to go to Sweden to study, I was involved in a relationship but it didn't work so I threw myself into school and work.

I left Sweden and moved with work, and as a television cameraman, the hours do not lend to social activities, so work became social...

I moved to Ireland in 1999 and I lived with some people for a short time but I really missed my own space...

I have that now, loving it with my cat, Honey. So now, every time I walk in the door it's "Honey, I'm home!"

I was involved with a woman who did the dirt on me and got pregnant by someone else. So now I love work even more, I love my cat even more than that, and I love me!

I know I deserve a shot at a relationship where love and respect are mutual, but after being burnt, (not just by her now, but women who I've opened up to in the past) I am quite reserved, and I have accepted my role as provider for my Honey, who is always warm and fuzzy and happy when I'm home...  

It's not as horrible as people make it, it's actually quite, well liberating...

As long as I can pay the mortgage and get the bills sorted out, it's okay...

I trust me, I know I can't trust anyone else "
Ryan Maple, Ontario
Canada
" !!!!!PLEASE READ THIS ALL OF YOU!!!!!

Be zen. We are naturally social creatures, being with other ppl makes us happy. Having a "partner" is like having a best friend. Too often people dont take the required steps to reach that level and they end up being deeply emotionally wounded. Relationships take a lot of work, the more meaningful the relation ship, the more work that has to be put in.

Often people think that they are unattractive. Honestly, beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. So what if 9/10 people think youre ugly, is that because you dont meet societys beauty standards? If those people are following society's beliefs, then they are the ones that are truly ugly. In the end, we all become wrinkly, old, and have old bones/teeth/brains, etc. Are looks going to matter then? No, the personality will because ITS WHAT NEVER DETERIORATES. THIS is why true beauty lies within, because it never diminishes, never deteriorates...like the physical beauty. Nothings wrong with being attracted to beauty, but its wrong for it to be a major/only deal maker/breaker. there are MILLIONS if not BILLIONS of people in the world today. You mean to tell me that there isnt ONE person who is right for you? Youre stupid if you think so, cause the odds are against you.

Being lazy isnt an excuse, being ugly isnt an excuse either. Being selfish is probably the worst excuse. If you want to be loved then find it, or let it find you. THIS IS CALLED THE "LAW OF ATTRACTION", this is one of life's biggest secrets. Google/youtube it. When living alone, things can get depressing because of the simple fact that we are ALONE. We are NATURALLY SOCIAL BEINGS. You cannot fight what you are.

Love yourself before taking the rols of loving someone else. Believe in the law of attraction, and no matter how bad you have it in this world, there is always someone out there who has it worse than you. So buck up guys and gals. No one is ever meant to be alone. Sure things may not work out in life, but what sense does it make to stop trying? You'll only make things worse for yourself in the end. Work hard and strive for what you want. Because in the end, you may not get where your goal was set at, but youll certainly be in a much better position from where you were originally: ALL BECAUSE YOU TRIED. If you don't try, there really is no point in living. Love yourself, dont let things hold you back no matter how heavy they are. REACH for the stars, though you may only get up in the clouds....either way, you'll be off the ground WHICH IS WHAT IM TELLING YOU ALL NOW. Be it physical, emotional, or some outside force: move on, cause thats all one can really do. By not doing anything, you eliminate all possibilities. No possibilities, no choice in living. Life will make you sad, and happy...BUT DO NOT LET IT BEAT YOU. EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE IN LIFE. It's up to you to find it. Life is like a video game, you cna pick up the controller and keep playing until you win, or you can not play at all, but you'll never win. If thats the case, why still have the video game? Do you want to win? I'm pretty sure we all do. IT TAKES WORK is all im trying to say. Move on with life, dont stay stationary in it. when you die happy, you beat life. When you die accepting the ruts that life throws at you, you lose. you die a sad person. Dont die a sad person. Take your chance at life and make it the best you possibly can. Dont give up on being alone, sure its good for a while, but that feeling of loneliness will never go away and it WILL eat at you internally. LIVE LIFE, LOVE YOURSELF, and most of all, BE ZEN.

Ryan - a man who is celibate (may be involuntarily celibate, cannot determine at this time),
MG Ireland " I'm 32 and haved lived alone for the past 5 ish years and I love it. ( lived with friends prior to that) I have the greatest conversations with myself, you just wouldn't believe! Anyway, I;ve never really had a steady g/f, sad as that may sound and other than feeling like I'm missing the excitement of sex, I  quite like my situation. I work from home also so rarely see anyone from one end of the week to the other and that is just grand too. Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this and other times I wish I could go on like this forever!

A couple of my fav quotes..

"When all is said and done, you have only yourself to depend upon and that precious light within you called God almighty. Be even with yourself. Be individual with yourself. And love what you are so that your light and how you are seen, like the stars at midnight, becomes very bright and very beautiful."

" The moment one takes responsibility for oneself . . .And remember it is not all roses, there are thorns in it ; it is not all sweet, there are many bitter moments in it. The sweet is always balanced by the bitter, they always come in the same proportion. The roses are balanced by the thorns, the days by the nights, the summers by the winters. Life keeps a balance between the polar opposites. So one who is ready to accept the responsibility of being oneself with all its beauties, bitterness's, its joys and agonies, can be free. Only such a person can be free. . ."
Diane
 
Madison, MS
USA
" I have lived alone two separate times.  This is my second.  I don't like it.  I am a believer and am active in church.  I have a job.  I have grown children and grandchildren.  I am blessed but I still desire to share my life with someone but that seems next to impossible so here I am trying to tolerate being alone.  Friends are wonderful and bountiful but they can't hold me at night when I go to sleep or hold me when we wake up in the morning."
Jessica Houston
Texas
" I just moved out of my parent's house to an apartment in the city by myself.  I love/hate the freedom that comes with it.  I like not having to tell people where I'm going and who I'm going with, but at the same time, I wish someone cared.  I'm considering getting a dog.  At least then someone will be excited to see me when I get home "
Sonja Newmarket
Canada
" Good grief. What's wrong with living alone? I was married for over 20 years. Not a good thing. Now I have time to reflect. Do what I want, when I want. Enjoy my solitude. Read. Write. Get up when I want. Eat what I want. When I want. No longer catering to anybody but myself. Yes. Pure selfishness. Enjoy."
Tanvi
t.tanvi@gmail.com
Mumbai
India
" I want to live alone because i am scared to live with
people. i have a broken relationship with my mom , my sister and my ex-bf whom i loved for last ten years. It's little difficult for me to fall for someone else. i am scared i might hurt him and his family as well. So i have decided to stay alone , out of choice or may even adopt a child , but i hope that relationship works for me. I have many no. of friends who love me and i love them as well. But when it comes to close ties i can't handle it. I am 22 today and i can't see myself living with anybody under one roof in near future. I am willing to remain happy alone , but someone please tell me it will work"
Shawn Bangor
USA
" I have been living alone for four months now and it has its positives and negatives...I love being free to do whatever I want. I don't have to worry about a roommate not paying his/her bills or feeling like I have to act a certain way or getting upset when I can't have alone time... I have complete and absolute privacy. I am an only child so I have always felt alone, I just really enjoy my space. The two downsides however are that bills cost more and when I am feeling social friends tend to be busy which isn't the case if you're living with a friend."
ias Winnipeg
Canada
Hi ias --- got your great comment of 879 words it is a lot long and for it to be posted could you resubmit at about 200 - 250 words - the Editor of Living Alone 
Buffy
myboytrue@hotmail.com
 
Waterloo
Canada
" I'm 42 years old and have been living alone for 7 months after the break up of my 20 year marriage. I hate it. When my friends with families tell me they would kill for the peace and quiet it irritates me. Perhaps they would like a weekend or 2 of being alone but coming home each and every time to no one really depresses me. I have an old dog but lately i've become scared of what will happen when he dies. He is in the twilight years of his life and I would never get another dog by myself....they simply don't get enough attention with only one person looking after them. I do have a boyfriend but he has a busy life of his own and can't be around all the time. I guess I should feel lucky that I have him, my old dog, a nice house and a good job and friends but a lot of the time I just feel depressed and lonely"
Ziggy Winnipeg
Manitoba
" Loving it and hating it.

I am free to come and go as I wish, spend as much time as I want on my interests and see other friends who are also single and don't have immediate committed relationships. 

I have lived alone since ending an unhappy marriage over 20 years ago. Occasionally I've explored the idea of another relationship but I really enjoy my personal space to do my life and feel I am happier this way. I am a more introverted person who enjoys times of social activity but then like to have my space. Once I realized that introverted people can have a happy, positive life alone I started to enjoy my life much more - giving that up now in my late 40's in my mind would be difficult. I have friends and hobbies and life is mostly peaceful. I also like to travel alone although I would enjoy that with a partner as well.

There are times when I feel very alone as I deal with depression but connecting with friends and delving into my hobbies has helped me come through many rough times.

A wise lady I know said when her now husband proposed to her, she didn't say yes. Over a long period of time she told him he had to prove he wouldn't make her life miserable and that he wouldn't abuse her. She told him that she would be just as happy to stay single because she was a very happy single woman with or without him. She screened him for her own happiness insurance if you will. They are a very happy couple madly in love. If I were to meet another partner some day I would follow her example"

ponty
 
Toronto
Canada
" I'm 32 years old and still live with my parents. due to my some psychological problems, I haven't developed interest in living alone. now I'm feeling good and studying full time and feel like i should move out of my home. i've sorted out my psychological issues and feel confident i can live on my own. but it seems bit challenging to live alone after spending all of my life living with my family. my family doesn't force me to move out. but i think i should move out. it brings all kinds of pleasurable feelings when i think about living by myself. i want to know where things can go wrong when i decide to live alone. i badly want to live alone. but first i want to finish my education."
Ricky Alice Springs
Australia
" I am living alone for the past 5 years after a break-up.What the true feeling now I have about my lifestyle is that I could concentrate much over my career rather than anything else.A truely pleasant life style and even the city I use to stay is also a sort of nocturnal..back of nowhere..Just don't care about anyone and anything and don't let others to poke your life..

The greatest fun and advantage of a lonely life is the freedom of yourself.You can decide what you should do,what you shouldn't do..what you can eat what you can wear when you should sleep when you should wake up..no unwanted panic and pain..I am really getting gold out of this life style..I can select whether I wanna drink Whisky or beer,whether I wanna watch rugby or race,whether I wanna ride my motorcycle or my car,whether I wanna watch a horror movie or a thriller...

The most thrilling part is my weekend visit to desert and spending whole night there,just having a company of my 9mm.

This life is too interesting :-), "
Chris Canada " I've been single for most of my adult life and I've become so accustomed to my ways that I can't really find any room for anyone else at the moment.  I've adopted a sort of attitude when I was younger that "If it happens, It happens, If it doesn't, It doesn't".  I've grown more spiritual and wise in my years, and find that being alone allows me more headspace and time for me own personal growth.  I have good friends and clients which keep me connected throughout the days, and my evenings are spent reading, learning or otherwise enjoying myself."
Zehra
 
Pakistan "I live alone and have mixed feelings about it.

I have lived n family, in hostels and with my ex and kids, I felt utter peace no where, so it is more inside me than outside.

living on my own has made me see my faults and my strengths more acutely and I do like the freedom I have. But I would like to have a partner, nothing tops that.

Unless I find the right man, I am very happy being with me, I do love myself, narcissistic or not."
macgraphics
mac6621@gmail.com
 
Phoenix
USA
 
"I LOVE living alone, and I LOVE myself. I've been alone since childhood, coming from a broken home,  raised by a single mother and older brother. Father died when I was 7. Now I really am alone. They are ALL deceased. I never had problems with cooking for myself. I'm retired, have no debts, [no mortgage or car payments] and live solely on SS. I have never been more content. I am disciplined, healthy just under 6 feet, 160 lbs and 34" waist and am always busy. I appreciate what I have, while I have it now. I count my blessings; being healthy and not in pain is one of the best. I exercise 3X a week at home, go mt. biking every 2 to 3 days, always in the morning, weather permitting. My 5 year old truck has 7,000 miles on it. Have much more milage on my mt. bike. Never turn on the TV before 5 PM. Usually listen to classical music, oldies on radio/www/ipods , read a lot on my Kindle, and browse the www everyday, for the RIGHT reasons.  I
 'm NOT into porn, gambling, chat rooms or twittering. Keep abreast of graphic design and health subjects and some computer gaming [usually mind games]. I LOVE staying at home. I maintain the house and yard with no difficulty or dread, because I own them outright.
I thought having lost my dog to old age 3 years ago would be terrible, but not having a pet after 30 years of always having one, I like not having to be responsible for a pet or for anyone else, is also a blessing. There isn't a moment as I go from room to room in my home, that I don't appreciate having the house. I like keeping to myself and not having to share my home as I have in the past. Been totally alone now for 25 years, and I still enjoy everyday in my solitude. Retirement is great. I didn't realize how miserable I WAS, while having a job and living with someone.  For me, life is GREAT NOW"
Katie
 
Southern California
USA
" Had a long term relationship x 17 yrs- partner, family, house, lake house, trips, the whole thing package.   Now I am living with my dog.  I love it. Some moments  are still painful that it almost doubles me over-yet it has made me stronger than I ever thought possible. And, it has opened new doors and windows in my psyche- every day I discover something new- I look forward to each day.  I miss someone holding me and I miss being there for someone else.   My thought is, if it is meant to be, it will be.  Love yourself"
Chris Perkins
yetmach@yahoo.com
Lima
Peru
" I don't exactly live alone. I'm too poor to live alone (I'm a private English teacher in Peru). I rent a room in a big house where there are lots of other renters. But aside from a conversation in the hall every now and again, I don't have much to do with anybody else in the house. I spend most of my time at home playing guitar. I have no TV or radio because I`m into the spiritualiy thing and try to keep my attention in the moment and in my body as much as possible, not lost in thoughts or mind activity. I like living alone because most other people I know don't enjoy silence like I do. They always want some kind of noise or something to distract them. It's nice to be able to sit in my room in the evening and just 'be'.

Sometimes I struggle with depression. Being alone makes that difficult. It's not usually a good idea to spend too much time cooped up in the house. I live near the beach so I like to go for walk along the coast. I have seen so many beautiful sunsets sitting by myself along the 'malecon'.

It was nice to read a lot of these comments by other people going through the same situation of being by yourself much of the time. I especially enjoyed those who found the humor in the situation. It can be a tragedy or a comedy depending on how you look at it.

When I was a kid (by the way I'm 29) I had guinea pigs. For some reason I've always liked them. Perhaps I'll get one. It would be nice to have a pet. Getting back into meditation and yoga would be a good idea too. Going for runs in the evenings is a great release.

The best thing about living alone is finding completeness in yourself and not believing you need someone else to be complete.

Thanks everybody for sharing
Z.T.
 
Big D " Coming out of a 3yr relationship where she lived with me and the being alone for 3yrs is really getting to me. I just broke up with someone that I guess I should to must affection too.

Maybe it's just I want someone to care about me and want to know whats going on in my day. I don't know but being alone and not having someone care about you besides your family is just hard."
Shayne Canada " Living alone is always a gift, but it does have disadvantages. No matter how hard it may seem, it will always get better. Of course it is hard at first but it will not stay that way. It drains me every day just getting out of bed, going to work my 12-15 hour shift from may-october but it is really great. I am laid off until spring so I do not make much money right now, but I do not have anybody else to support, just myself. Right now I cannot even find a reason to get out of bed in the morning, but it does get easier, before I literally did not get out of bed in the morning, I just stayed in bed until I had to go to the bathroom. So I only got out every 2-3 days. I just eat whatever I can find that I can keep near my bed, like chips, cookie doughn chocolate bars, pop, anything I can leave in bed while I do everything. The worst part is that I am eating more and actually losing weight. but every now and then I just stay in bed all day watching tv and playing video games. I never have any friends over and I do not date, so it is all the more reason to stay in bed all day. all I can really say is that it is always hard at first but you grow into that type of lifestyle, nobody to tell you what to do, what to wear, what to eat, what to watch, and the list goes on. All you do is pay the bills and morgtage/rent and do whatever you want. It will always have its depressing moments but it has it's uplifting moments too. Nobody can laugh at you when something happens, nobody is around to hear foul language or see something they shouldn't"
Lee
leedxb@yahoo.com
Bombay India " I hate living alone but I have been a victim of bad luck when it comes to relationships.  I have always been let down when I felt something was close to achieving my dreams. Hence now after turning 42 years I have given up on my dreams and accepted my life as a single female. Finding a soulmate and love are not destined for all I guess "
ballerine
 
USA " I read a few of the comments here and it seems that most people are unhappy living "alone".  First, I would like to say that I choose to live by myself, not alone.  Contentment and true happiness cannot come from any outside source, be it a situation, event, or another person.  Being with oneself is a great gift, an opportunity for self realization.  Love is a state of being. "
Shane Moncton
New Brunswick
" I always loved living alone. I do not plan to start dating anytime soon. Living alone is the freedom of being able to do whatever I want, when I want to. I only have to pay the rent and bills and I can spend the rest on what I want, not what anybody else wants me to spend it on. I just need to support myself, so I only have a couple of decent meals a month, and I can get simple meals like macaroni and cheese, mr. noodles, rice & roni, just simple side dishes for under 2$ each. I always wanted to live alone, so instead of complaining about it I went out and did something about it."
Jon
Kotila18@cox.net
Surprise
USA
" I became divorced five months ago, but I was separated 18 months ago. At first it was extremely painful. But after a year, I began to love it, and I love it now. I wouldn't want to live with someone again (as I feel today). I love being able to eat the things I want, preparing meals I enjoy. I have a support system in my daughter and son-in-law's family, plus I have my son (almost 30). I think it's important to maintain a connection with someone and not isolate. Finding a hobby isn't always the easiest thing to do, but I found mine and it keeps me busy a good portion of the day (and no one interrupts me). I'm retired, so I can enjoy naps and sleep when I want to. I think that once one passes the initial stages of loneliness, things get better. I feel blessed to be in the situation I'm in.,"
Phocion
 
Midland TX
USA
" As a certified, card-carrying misanthrope, I must be alone.  I love being alone.  Being alone allows me to be happy.  Even one person in the room creates stress.  I have cultivated The Loner reputation at this apartment complex and no one bothers me, no one knocks on my door, etc.  Living alone, being alone, is heaven."
Veronuica
vthompsonn@aol.com
Bronx
New York
" Well I just moved into my own condo about a week ago. I can admit that it is strange living alone, but I also believe that we create our own happiness and misery. I am single with no children at the age of thirty, I dont look at my situation as something to be upset over, I look at is as an opportunity to make the most out of the time that God has given me. Take up classes, go for a walk, have dinner, go to a disco, go to the library and enjoy the serenity that comes with walking around your house butt-booty naked, I know I do"
  Dublin
Ireland
" im 19 and have been living on my own almost 3 months now.. its the most difficult thing i hope i will ever experience. i moved out in order to be closer to school but i am having regrets.. i have no friends in college (or anywhere else for that matter) and my boyfriend decided to break things off while i was moving out.. iv never felt so alone or stressed.. and i never realised how much energy it takes just to look after YOURSELF! buying food,doing dishes, taking out the trash, cooking, getting up in the morning.. everything is a struggle for me..i have at least discovered i dont EVER want children! i do think this experience will ultimately build my character but for the moment its living hell. i really hope i meet someone.. i couldnt stick living alone like this for longer than a few months:(, "
Irene Crowe
 
El Monte CA
USA
" Its nice not to have to get up early since I'm retired...I can sleep as  l o n g  as I want to or take a nap when I want to.  Course I do it at reasonable times to be sure the pets are cared for properly.  They're my company.  No incessant chatter, peace usually reins.  If I want company, I go out, or talk to friends on the phone.  I talk to friends every night.  I'm starting to care enough about looking decent, put on make-up when I go out front to water the lawn!  Ha!  I  have very nice, decent neighbors, which helps.  Living alone is better than being used by a spouse who feels they are superior.  I have a lovely grown daughter, and her significant other, who is like a son to me.  Thats all, folks.  It IS good to hear from others in like situations.  BTW, I don't cook unless its fried eggs!  There are such marvelous ready-to-eat meals, even for veggies, and no dishes to wash.  Paper plates are wonderful.  I went through a time of   feeling totally over-whelmed when I was raising my daughter alone.  She would visit him on weekends, but the brunt of knowing how to handle all situations took lots of help from counselors and friends.  Thank Heavens for them."
Molly
 
Vegreville
Canada
" I too have been alone for 20 years now, have four kids, seven grandkids and all of them gone. I am so busy with my volunteer work and my beautiful dog Bouncer, who keeps me active, and moving, and entertained, I have no time to feel sorry for myself; you see, I lost my children in the divorce, and when they had babies, they chose never to share them with me.  I know all about them, but I am not allowed to visit, send cards or gifts.I have accepted this as my fate due to the fact that 'his' family is wealthy and has a powerful estate.  I am glad my kids have a future.  Some day, maybe I will get to meet one of them, but for now I am getting an education by myself, working, out of debt, healthy, and 'finally free.'
I don't cry because I know it won't get me anywhere.
I know what goes around - comes around.
I am blessed by great friends and my 'wonder-dog.'
We need to be thankful for what we have, where we are, and the rest will eventually fall into place.  - I just know it will some day."
Sanju
ashsuas@yahoo.com
 
kedah
Malaysia
 
" I WANT TO MEET A GOOD PEOPLE. IM alone here...,"
Eli
elijgarza@juno.com
Detroit
Mich
"Hello all. I'm 24 years old and have been living alone for three years. I hate it. I'm a good looking person but cant find a female i am attracted to (body and mind). After two relationships, both not lasting more than two years, I have learned to not settle for less. As for friends, I've made some and got rid of old ones (not seeing eye to eye). The new friends i can't get close to them (depending on where i meet them. For example, work i can get comfortable with them). In any event, i am tired of coming home to an empty place with no one to talk to and things still in the same place i put them. Although i try to make my life busy--working out, visiting family, continuing my education, and soon joining a bowling league, it just plain sucks living alone. I would love to have someone i can converse with, hold, and love, but i guess it isn't time or may never be time, i don't know."
Rajiv
ravichery@gmail.com
Dubai
UAE
 
" It was extremely difficult for me during the first few weeks to live alone and away from my family, in another country. After a few weeks I have adapted to this life-style. I keep my radio ON all the time to avoid the silence. TV will make you idle and force you to sit or lie down in one place, so I found radio better. I do exercise and dancing for more than an hour daily. Do regular yoga (pranayama-deep breath). I feel more fit and healthy now. I don't like living alone at all and I miss my family terribly."
Sara London
UK
" Well, I last posted a message two days after I moved into a flat on my own - a week on and I can honestly say things are better! I've found myself getting into a routine and I'm really enjoying turning my flat into a home. I can honestly say there are benefits - quite simply I can do what I want, when I want - and that's refreshing! I'm still struggling with cooking for one (it never fails to be depressing) but I've decided I'm not going to turn to ready meals for one, but rather eat well every day, cooking something from scratch. So to all those in the same boat as me, don't give up and don't despair - living alone really isn't all that bad :) "
Sara London
UK
" I'm 25 and just moved out of my parents home a couple of days ago and I'm struggling. I just feel so alone. I've been in tears for the whole weekend panicking that this is what my life will be from now on; sitting on my on in a quiet flat. I'm so used to a busy, noisy house with dogs and cats that coming home to an empty flat fills me with dread. The stupid thing is that my parents live 5 minutes away and my sister just a little further but I feel like they'll be sick of the sight of me if I keep visiting them! What can I do to make my flat feel like home? Tell me it will get better? Please!, "
Tony
gnroses76@hotmail.com
 
Hollywood
California USA
" I've been living alone for 2 months; I know it does not seem to be much but it feels like eternity. Let me start by saying that i have lost everything i have owned. I lost my house and all my belonging. Now i'm living in my car; sleeping in different areas around the city. I'm doing this by choice until i get back on my feet. I have a stable job and just saving until i see something i can afford. The reason why i feel so alone is because i have not seen my family over a year now. There have not been any contact whatsover, all of my family are not in good terms and that is why of the separation. We just can't get along. We rather live far away apart then close. There have been attempts to let the bygones be bygones but no hope. And this is waht's killing me, the distance of the family.....i've always believe that family comes first but not in my case. All i have now is God/my job/my car and the road....       "
Maree
mare40s@hotmai.com
 
Gold Coast
Australia
 
"Maybe because in about to turn 50. I have been alone for about four yrs now, my husband left me for my so called best friend. I believe it was the deceit that keeps me from moving on and getting close to another human being. I do get lonely, I miss being held and loved and to feel special. yes i have had a few males past through my life since but I am still very wary. I do have kids and grandkids but they do their own thing. I now have a cat and i keep busy by working and getting out there. The whole dating scene well what a joke, most men my age want females who are younger or need to be average size, what the hell is average size. I am thinking about moving back to NZ to be near my family but it is so dam cold in winter over there. At least i will have family and friends around. One day maybe"
danielle
angeldeelite05@yahoo.com
Bronx
USA
" I hate living alone. moved out from my moms place a month ago. i cry every night. i don't even want to watch tv. I love my apartment but wished there was someone to share it with. thinking of maybe moving back home. please, someone tell me it will get better"
Kelly
mizkcreations@yahoo.com
Cincinnati OH
USA
" Ok. I hate living alone...and I'm ashamed of that. I like myself just fine, I'm interesting, have hobbies, but the loneliness eats through me. I work from home which doesn't help and I have a significant other who doesn't want to cohabitate. I've lived with someone for 27 years, the last 2 being alone and it isn't easier.

Linda from Anchorage "I have an artistic and spiritual soul" too, but I always feel alone. How is it that we are so different? I'm with a great therapist, I have good friends, but even 24 hours is hard. After 2 years it should be easier, right?

Solid suggestions would help?"

 
Rick
crusoe123987@aol.com
London UK " Of work ill this morning I have sat and read through many comments. In just about all of them I see my own feelings and thoughts expressed by others. Over my adult years I have lived equally alone and in a relationship, nine years of highs an lows with my ex and 9 years of the flatness single and alone. Although I preferred living as part of a couple and although I would like to meet someone again one day, I cannot see myself ever changing living alone now. Mainly because I am so comfortable being alone that it would take someone truly special to change that, "
C.C. USA " I have lived alone for 13 years and it really bothers me. My problem is that convincing a significant other to live with me seems to be the greatest difficulty. She won't consider it. I feel living together will bring us closer. Once you feel connected with someone, you want to be with that person all the time. Living with her, would bring that closeness and companionship that is lacking in my living alone life"
Sharon
fireheart@rocketmail.com
Melbourne
Australia
" Living alone, I am coming to the conclusion that I do not like it at all. My husband passed away 9 months ago and after having somebody in my life for 34 years the gaping hole that is there constantly is no fun at all. I use to relish my days alone when he was alive. He would be away with his work for 3-4 days at a time and I loved it. The difference then was I knew he would be coming home and I knew that I could contact him at any time. We had a great marriage and it is the little things that I miss so much. Our boys are grown men and while they are very good it is not the same as having that partner that will snuggle with you on the couch, celebrate the ups and downs with you, help you make the bed. There is only set of clothes to wash and iron, nobody to walk with, nobody to touch or be touched by. While I can come and go as I please, there really is nowhere that I please to do that.
Maybe as time moves on I will become more use to it and embrace it. Maybe at 54 there will be somebody else out there for, however at this stage I am still very much married and I do not see that as an option. I would be very interested in hearing from anybody in a similar situation on how they are coping and how to actually be bothered to eat a decent meal instead of a piece of toast. "
Gigi
gmg12667@yahoo.com
Buffalo
NY USA
" I have just gotten my book published about living happily ever after as a single person. It's called "32 and Counting? Living Happily Ever After Today" and it's available at Amazon.com. I think your website followers will enjoy this book and the perspective it brings"
Lupita
lupitaortiz1@msn.com
 
Arizona
USA
" In my case I don't live alone but its like I do. I come from a family of 5 my best friend my brother passed away in 2000, then my Mother passed in 2005. My oldest brother wants nothing to do with my Father so guess what? now not even with me. So My Father and I are all along. So I thought Dad found someone now and spends all his time with her. He is now living his life and I am happy for him. I was married for 16 yrs and did the big D in 1993 I had two boys with him and now they are on their own... 1998 I remarried and had my daughter she is now 9 my husband has a big family but they are a family that its all about them and their together ness if you know what I mean.. Anyway what I am getting at is my husband and I just got back together in nov 2008 we had divorced in 2007 go fig?? I know I do stupid things all the time and this is one of them that I am not proud of but I was alone and did it to make my daughter happy. wrong thing t o do now here I am doing this all over again. We dont like each other and now its even worst his mother passed in may of this year and I feel more sorry for him, so I wont go anywhere because I feel that he needs me..I think the hardest part is I cant do this anymore andill I feel all along its like I do live along he is never here with my daughter and I and I dont have family to go too so here is my story I guess what I am trying to say is you can live along even though u have someone if thats what you want to call it..Someday God will send someone to me who will really love me and be there for me and my daughter....."
alper
 
Istanbul
Turkey
" I m alone, have a story of course, but alone,
cannot find anything to do rather than tv, pc, or any other machine, cant eat well, cant have company on sleep, cant do many things i have to do with someone sometimes i ask for paid ladies to come over, just to have company, don't like this life, yet i am separated because i didn't want to share. worst part of being alone is working. I don't know the reason i go for the job in the morning, don't know the reason of working in the day, and don't know the reason coming back home, the empty building.  im sharing these feelings a lot with my friends and family, they don't care after some point.
for suggestions, i live due to my respect to the cycle of my life, and hope..."
Dorothy
 
St. Louis
United States
 "I found this site because I was feeling so lonely and could not sleep. I was in a relationship for over 30 years and we were living together when he died three years ago. With no hesitation, I can say that I do not like living alone. I miss the little things about living with someone--having someone to talk to at the end of the day, to wake up with in the morning, the emotional and physical closeness. I have a great job, am financially secure, have loving children and grandchildren, but here is still a hole that none of this can fill. Because I am 65, I will probably never have another relationship. So I hope that living alone will someday be something that I do not hate"
Christine Salt Lake City
Utah
" I have lived alone off and on throughout my 32 years. I've been heart broken over a jerk for the past two years. I'm almost out of friends and I really don't like my job. Most every day is a struggle. So to take away the loneliness and boredom...I drink and smoke a lot.  Most people say I'm pretty, but I just have a hard time meeting men. I stress because I'm sick of being the 3rd or 5th wheel. I'd love to share my life with that special someone and there are so many things I'd like to do that I don't want to do alone. I'm trying to except that I may be alone forever but deep down I really "hope".
I got cat not to long ago, but now I'm afraid of becoming the cat lady. I've always wanted to be in a relationship. I guess that's why I'm alone. I sometimes feel like their are so many people that I will never find a true connection with someone.
I'm waiting to become comfortably numb.<
Alena
 
North Carolina
USA
" *Epiphany** I just came to the conclusion that I will never get married.  I've been afraid to even contemplate this b/c it was too scary and terrifying but even though it is painful at 31 it is just reality for me.  Sure, I'm an attractive, intelligent, professional woman with zero kids but I'm a dime a dozen in this city and the numbers are growing.  Attainable short term goals are now in my near future like long hair.  My hair should grow out to the length I want in two years tops (I just cut it).  And getting a manicure where they don't talk crap about you in Korean.  I live alone but of course I miss the love of a man's arms and his smell but once I'm dead it won't even matter.  I don't know if this will help anyone but I figure that as soon as you accept the fact then you'll do a lot better.  No need in having false hope?
Matt Sydney
Australia
" What wrong with living by yourself its like E.G never growing an arm or leg.
If you have never experienced love you have not lost love.
I have been single just about my whole life so far 30yrs.
Life is great as it is."
britanniacats
 
  " Hi Jesse I know what you mean. I've been alone for 8 years. I do get very lonely at times. But it has gotten easier as the years go by. I was a foster parent for 23 years so I was used to a busy household. I don't really have a good friend I can just pop in on to have tea and talk. So I go to the library to be around people and I read. I've also joined a group called the Red Hat Ladies.  I enjoy going out occasionally with them. I can come and go as I like which at times is nice. I rarely cook for myself so there's not a lot of dishes (that's a plus). From what I've read it's something you just become accustom to "
Anoni Maus USA " I enjoy very much since I am an Empathic Sensitive and need that.  I find things to do that I can enjoy doing alone.  I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and enjoy being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want.  Yes, it does sometimes get a bit lonely, but that passes quickly.  I am blessed with a lot of talents, and I try to use them for the glory of God and to help other people.  Once a person has experienced living alone, it really does change their life, from then on.  I think it's something every person should try at least once in their life.  It helps you to realize just how much of an independent, capable, and confident person you are"
jomlor@embarqmail.com Ohio
USA
"I enjoy this site and had come across it as I was searching for an answer to my problem of living alone.  I lost my husband about a year and a half ago, and it's been very difficult for me trying to adjust to being alone.  I feel that if God wants someone to come into my life, He will cause it to happen.  I'm just so encouraged by knowing there have been others in the same boat that have handled being alone in a remarkable way.  It can be a positive experience."
Jessie CA
USA

 

"I've been single all my life - in and out of relationships. Some great, some not so much. I've mostly enjoyed living alone - being shipped via plane back and forth between parents since I was eight and boarding school since high school equipped me for independence for the most part. Lots of friends, personal interests and the occasional boyfriend staved off loneliness too. I was having fun being single and on my own! But then, almost suddenly it seemed, I found myself out of my upteeth relationship, in a small town away from my friends, and closer than ever to forty. I feel more alone than I ever have in my life and all of a sudden I feel as though I've just missed all the good stuff - husband, children, the whole family and community thing. Living alone never really bothered me until now. I've read all the advice - have hobbies, pets, etc. Well, I have those things (my dogs are great, I have varied interests - so I'm not a bump on a  log) but I feel sooo damned alone now. I really don't want to troll for men simply to avoid being by myself - that is too sad. Can anyone else relate?!? ,
 gDP DePaolo
depgra@aol.com
coram
united States
"I've blessed in all aspects of my life. I'm 59 and a widow. I've had a wonderful journey so far and living alone is the best gift. Freedom to visit your own mind & explore. Didn't do that raising a family & working. Now I do everything I ever wanted to do, gardening, reading, pets, weekends out, but I have my privacy. I'm very content being alone because I like my own company"
Me
ddbouchard@gmail.com
Chelmsford ma
USA
 
" I like it but miss my family. My wife and I are separated and the worst thing for me is being alone. I come from a family of 7 which I was the youngest child. I am just use to being around family so when my wife and I separated I found that we are so different. her being chinese and me being an outdoor person, I.e. camping, fishing, mountain biking and hiking, she never came once over 9 years of marriage. I always went where she wanted to but when I would ask her to come and experience the world of the woods, camping and night fishing and just sitting by a warm fire, she would never go.
I like that I can do what I want, but want I want to do I don't seem to be able to do it. I feel lonely often and wish I had someone who enjoyed the things I do. Music is another thing that was so different, think about it. I am a romantic woodsmen kinda  guy with a truck but work as a Sr. Engineer Computer advanced Computing. Make great money, but still wish I had the hole filled in me. God has done that to a spiritual point, as I am a christian but being human (from missing one rib, if you know the story)I wish I had it back someone next to me not being or in front but just side by side. Then I can live with that person.

Find her for me."

 
John UK " Living alone is an art and also when you live alone you have more time to think.

Living life alone can be fulfilling but only if you can see how difficult relationships can be because your attitude is that you don't have those complications of power struggles etc.

I think its the passion with another person we miss although its brief and the longer it goes on gets stale so we have to use our imagination .

No No ! give me my freedom the joy of it and my independence"

Betzblue
dragonflygurl4u@yahoo.com
Portland Tn
USA
" I posted from Central Oregon before I retired, and am now living in my own home ( Bought my first home, due to a foreclosure & sheer luck) I am taking care of my 90 yr old father who is in the early stages of Alzheimer's so it's sort of like I am alone most of the time. I used to fret about being alone something fierce, as I was once prone to panic attacks in my younger years ( living in a horrible, violent community full of idiots, hookers, dopers and thieves). (I was none of the above, just cheap rent).
I have since, made peace with my fears & anxieties. I am not involved in a relationship ( and have not been since 2003) I find that I am my own best friend, I can take out my own trash, plant my own gardens ( providing myself with flowers), unplug my toilet, change a light bulb, handle a mean paintbrush, watch what I want on TV, listen to my music, laugh or cry when ever it suits me, get tattoos if I so desire,  not have to hear someone snoring like a grizzly bear, not have to fake " oh baby you are the best"( when he really wasn't) not have to get all dolled up , if I prefer lolling about in jeans and t shirt, Don't get me wrong, I do long for stimulating conversation now & then, but I don't like having to beg anyone for attention, and that's not only about men...it's also about family members who call only when they need money, the rest of the time they are "too busy" to give a rats arse.
So I busy myself with taking care of my hero ( father) and writing, and gardening, and enjoying life one day at a time. Cheers "
Rich Conshohohcken
USA
" The freedom of living alone is incredible. Quietly is rebuilds any lack of confidence a person lost! You don't have to argue with a roommate, feel uncomfortable living in the same apartment with somebody else and it is a great test as well. If you can't live alone than you will have problems living with someone else!"
Paul Canada " I love it and I hate it.
I have been alone now for 3 years after a long term relationship and raising 2 great daughters who are 18 and 19 now.
I honesty don't think I will ever find anyone to spend the rest of my life with. I see lots of woman that I would love to meet but never actually go over and chat with them. I seen a woman the other day at lunch and I thought...wow..she is beautiful and she was sitting by herself having lunch....I wanted so bad to go over and introduce myself and ask if I could join her. But I didn't. I miss having a woman around, the smell of her when she walks past, her beautiful smile when we see each other, her soft skin and silky hair.
I really am a nice guy, have a good job, a nice house and love to travel. That said I really don't think I will ever find anyone to spend it with. I believe this will be the worst generation ever for people living alone. How can it get any worse. I miss you and I don't even know you."
John
john63871@insightbb.com
 
Lexington
USA
" I've been living alone for about, 6 years now. Yes, it has its advantages and disadvantages. Thats Why people call me a hermit. That's is ok too, I, pay my bills, don't have to worry about someone els paying their half the rent.
 If, i live alone then that is the way the man upstairs God, my higher power whats it to be.  If my igher power says that im ready for a relationship with a Femail, and She,s the boss, then that time has not yet come. When you live alone3 its up to me to keep t5his place clean (condo). It sure is nice to here youself think at the age of 55, i can not make that much noise livin alone, but do need to have respect for my niebors, and keep the tv sound  down."
Sharon Sarawak
Malaysia
 
" I love living alone, except the part about security.  I was attacked by an intruder a few years ago (being female and living alone makes you more vulnerable, I guese).  After that I adopted a dog and a few months later, adopted another puppy.  Now they're my constant companion.  The best part about living alone is I can do what I wish to do without having to consider other people's feeling.  However, it does get lonely sometimes.  And of course in my culture, it is not normal nor common for a young single woman to live alone"
Trent Melbourne
Australia
" I've been living by myself for almost seven years now and can't wait to find a good woman to share my bed and bathroom with.

I thought I'd found her only to discover, after spending 18 months overseas setting up what was to be our home, she didn't hold the same aspirations.

Sure life can be grand living by yourself for some time...no stressing about annoying habits, cleaning up, the freedom to do what you want when you want; but when you find that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, there's nothing else better on earth than waking up to that person, and knowing you're not going to be alone again.

Well that's what I prefer...and to those of you who haven't found that yet, wait till you do. It's an experience worth sharing!"
Mario Quebec
Canada
" Hello everyone i am a man and i am 41 I've been living alone since 15 years and happy...

i think i love this lifestyle cause it gives me freedom which to me is priceless...also in other words i can be myself...
I am very curious so i do lot of different things like music, computer gaming, carpentry, decoration, reading and i have a house so there is always something to do...but i also enjoy to chill and watch movies...i mean there is so much things you can do...btw my father died recently and my mother is now living alone...i bought her a playstation and showed her how to play ...now she have something to have fun with makes her life a little bit more interesting.. she is 63. I believe we are all here to find love but it seems to me love is not really the answer because look around you it doesn't last...So what is left for you?...to fill that emptiness...Serenity ,wisdom and hope...have a look at the big picture...Most of us live in a world full of opportunities...i mean i live in North America...and tomorrow anything can happen...i live for the moment...

i can meet that soul mate anytime tomorrow or maybe not.
i can meet my real best friend also or maybe not...what will
you do in the meantime? waiting? no!!!!!better start living...
NOW...Everyday i feel like i am the luckiest guy in the world ...I am imperfect but i learned to appreciate my imperfections...i am not rich but i learned to appreciate every penny that i can spend...i am not beautiful but i learned to find all the beauty around me so it makes me feel beautiful...even when sometimes you feel too much things are against you...be strong, be yourself, don't compromise, don't change to please people (its a trap) please yourself...i know it sound selfish but you don't know how much you contribute to make everybody's life better by making yours better...now i know i ll be misunderstood and a lot of people will interpret on the negative way ...my suggestion is read it again and again until u are positive about it...I love music...when you feel that u are losing faith in humanity just listen to your favorite song ...to me music is a strong proof of how beautiful the soul we have can be...what man can do...it applies for everything... art, architecture, cooking, wine, speech, poetry, gardening and technology...just by sharing my thoughts with you i feel no void i can almost feel the love...:)   Have a great journey..."

Kris Dey
kdey@flexiblefoam.com
 
 

" I ’m 53, a widow of 10 years, no family or close friends; I tend to isolate.  I have MS which limits me.  Where (besides a bar or church) can I meet people?"

John
 
Stroud in Gloucestershire
United Kingdom
" Living alone is not so bad, In any case in reality we live alone up there in our brain and look out at the world through our ability to see. we are aware of the noises around us the sight's to and if we cannot hear we are more aware our ability to use our feelings and senses more.

At anytime no one can be certain what we are thinking or feeling . Being aware of the above helps one to cope well because you realise we are all alone in reality and the mind would have us think if we have a friend or a partner we are not alone but in reality we are pretending we are not alone.

We all stand alone however having a friend or partner is supportive to a degree only and vulnerable to change. Those who cope well alone are happy with their own company .

There is no such thing as normal what is ? We are what we are and nothing can change that not even a partner or friend. We all need to accept we can live alone if we are happy with whom we are and if we are not then we need to try to understand ourselves more and to change our perceptions for it is fear that leads us astray from reality."
Amy Toronto
Canada
" I have been living alone for 9 years.  Like most of you I have come to appreciate all the positives.  I am in my fifties, very independent, love my life and generally, pretty happy.  I just wish that there was some way of connecting with other like minded happy singles who just want to meet new friends, socialize more and generally enjoy all life has to offer without feeling like we are on a mission to find the 'special someone'.  Any suggestions??,"
Ray London " Ive been living alone for 5 years, Im 25 now, I have a decent job, but I have no friends or a girlfriend, I live away from my family. I care for them, and they care for me, but we don't understand each other very well.

People make me feel alienated, and I alienate people, which used to make me feel guilty and believe that perhaps I was a bad person in another life, or the child of the devil.

It is never my intention to do so, so I chose not to feel this way. Why feel bad because of people who don't understand you? I might be a weirdo, but Ive chosen to be a happy one.

I always go out in the weekends, eat in restaurants, go shopping, go to the cinema, travel, read, play the guitar etc

I am always in the best company I can find. Oscar Wilde said: to love one self is the beginning of an affair that will last until the day that you die. And I think it is true.

I used to have a girlfriend, we understood and loved each other very much, she had to move on, but she gave me the best time of my life, even though it was hard when she left, I will be forever in gratitude to her for making me happy"
Rather not say
doglvrusa@hotmail.com
Pennsylvania
USA
" I just found this site today....it's cold damp, and rainy outside, so I don't know if this is the best and will be the most accurate account of my feelings.  I've been living alone, after a divorce, for 20 years. I have children that live away from home. I used to date, had some marriage proposals which I passed on, and now just losing interest in going out with men.  I have a decent; although, small social life, have the love of my animals, keep busy with neighborhood activities but still I find myself lonely and depressed for something else.  I've tried dating sites on the internet - the anticipation is exciting, but am very uneasy about actually following up to answer anyone, so I don't.  Here's my question to everyone (maybe somebody out there has had experience with this):  If I move to another area in the US, could/would this possibly change my life? I think about "starting over" which at my age, scares me.  I took early retirement so I don't have the camaraderie of people at the workplace - I do volunteer work but I'm the type of person who needs and can handle a lot of things to do - it keeps me going and my mind working.  Some days I like living alone - no one to report to, no pressures of sex, can do what I want.....but on the other hand, no one to discuss everyday happenings, cooking for one (ugh!) etc.  I'm finding that this site can either be depressing or a God Send. "
Jim Terre Haute
United States
" I have been living alone now for going on 13 years. After my divorce (which was very difficult and changed all of us forever) my kids and ex-wife that is and even my parents and siblings, I think divorce affects everyone. Anyway, living alone is a lifestyle, whether it is by choice or because of other circumstances. For me I just keep thinking that I will meet the (one) but after 13 yrs I have pretty much given up. I think that if you are strong in character then you can over come the pitfalls of living alone, I mean there are some things that are nice about it, like I have seen on some of the other posts, going around in your birthday suit and the such, doing things the way you want to with out worrying about how the other person is going to react , or get their feelings hurt. But I have to wonder what my life would have been like if I would of had things different, and had a loving woman to be my partner, friend lover, etc. Deep down insider I really don't believe that human beings are meant to be alone, we need to feel acceptance, love, closeness, warmth from another person. I think that we can survive being alone just fine because we just learn to accept it and learn to cope with it, but deep down inside I believe that each person really wants to be a part of feeling the human touch and just don't admit it because they want to appear strong and act like it doesn't bother them, but aI don't believe them."
Lee
eloheem2@comcast.com
 
Portland
Oregon
" Something just pop in my mind and I thought I'd google men that like living alone, just to see if anyone else was out there. My thoughts are that women are more likely to live alone and that most people except that as normal, but not so normal for a man especially for a middle aged man to do it. I love living alone. There are times when having someone to share personal things with would be nice, but I love being an artist, chef, musician and even if I just do those things at home they seem to keep me interested and busy. For me the hard thing is keeping it that way, I love women and they seem to love me. If I get involved it's hard to keep my life all to me so I try to just have causal encounters and just maintain a friendship if I can. I do in my thoughts want to meet someone that fits into my program and me fit into their life and idea of what a relationship should be. But I've been single for along time, and I do like it.I will be single until I fine that person I could live without, but life is just so much better with them, then without them. I  have been married before, a long time ago."
Karen USA " I was just goggling to see what people think about living alone.  I never realized there would be such an array of comments. 

Well, I have, most of my life lived with someone, parents, friends, sisters, children and husbands.  Even between my first marriage and second there was no "alone" time.  It was too scary for me to think I had to make it by myself. This last relationship I was in, I never thought he would leave me but one day and one email later, my marriage was over.  I still had kids living with me at the time but back in December my son decided to move back in with his Dad.  So I have been alone now for 3 months, for the most part, living in a new state.  I have been on a search for a man that would be faithful to me and knows how to communicate.  Dating sites and scammers, go hand in hand.  If you want a decent place to date, online, it would have to be a pay site, the scammers don't go to them (the ones from Nigeria and such)

Anyways, I am getting use to living alone and the more I live alone the more I like it.  Not having to answer to anyone, not having to feel obligated to have sex to keep a relationship going, I get up when I want and go to bed when I want.  Right now I am happy with the way things are, who knows I may hate it do"wn the line, but for me, I think this living alone, just might be okay"
Devlin London
Canada
" I've only lived alone for three months, but I still don't like it.
Then again I'm only 17. When I'm at school, work, or doing something it's fine but as soon as I'm at home doing nothing it really sets in and I don't like it."
Rohit
 
pune
India
" I am the most confused person ever somebody has imagined i think so i am living alone from last 4 years no freind, no girl freind i dont know what happens to me i am just 24 yr old i am doing my studies and i am happy with me i dont need anybody When I live alone I can create my own fantasy world,(Trust Me I Am Not A despreid) i am waiting for my dream girl i never search her one day ill get her suddenly i know that  but i am happy because everybody is alone and i dont want to be the part of crowed... i read books listen to music and sometimes talk to my mother over the phone  I Am The Best I know That And I love to live alone"
Cheryl Toronto
Ontario
" Well here I am, living alone, I wanted it, but day to day, I work hard and when I get home, I feel lazy and somewhat depressed, about living alone. I don't go out, I don't keep up with friends or try to make new ones, because then I would have to out or clean my place to have someone in. I take care of my 2 cats, and for me, I feel like I am missing who I once was, a very happy, full of energy woman, who had everything once and now feel like I have lost everything I had. Not sorry I have taken risk, but lonely at the thought the things I did, have left me nothing but myself. My choice, but now I need change.........how to go about it? I don't know. I am alone and have nobody to ask."
Brian
traintyme590@msn.com
Canada " I have posted before. well I still live alone, and still enjoy it. My work and contact friends keep me exposed to social obligations, but my time at home is mine. To do as I please, when I please (would not give that up for anything)
A person has to be able to live with themself, and for some, they need to work at that aspect. I think of the thought, we bring nothing into this world, and we surely take nothing out!  so enjoy life, smell a flower, pat a dog on the head, say Hi to the neighbour, but above all do not take life so serious., "
Ramaathaas
rambaw1963@gmail.com
Penang
Malaysia
 
" Well.. after reading all the comments, only now i do realize that i'm not alone in this world anymore. 've been married past 18 years with three lovely kids. Unfortunately, since the beginning of our relationship as partners all went wrong and both of weren't really happy. We were living for the sake of the kids and the society. As time passed, we weren't respecting each other and finally everything ended. She took all my kids with her and prevented me from talking or seeing them. i loved them so much and had all the things done for them before but when they themselves didn't bother to call or talk to me.. i felt really upset and just kept silence. till this date, it's has been already a year since i saw them lastly. i tried locating them but failed. And the worst part of my life is trying to get adjusted with the life alone as i'm a disable man.
My only good pal is this computer and the internet connection which really accompanies me at the moment.
I need good, sincere friends whom i can depend and pour out my feelings. Kindly mail me if you're interested.- Thanks."
Teresa
 
Calgary Alberta
Canada
" So many of these comments seem filled with yearning, for what was lost or never found. Relationship failure is a hard and painful reality. Love yourself the way you long to love someone else. It's a good way to begin "living" alone.  "
Nicky Burnaby
Canada
" I have always been living alone. I did live with someone for five years, up until five years ago. After that, I had lost my lucrative career and had to work every single day, just to pay my bills. I did find time to date others, but eventually, I had discovered that most people were users and players. I had always been looking for someone who could be faithful. Within the last several months, my financial situation got better, so I took a chance to date someone. But the guy turned out to be a player who pretended to be a long term minded person. The guy actually thought we were still in a relationship after five months of absence! After a couple of more dates, I realized I would be better off alone. But still, I wanted to be social, because frankly, I was tired of living alone. So I looked for a person who could just be a friend. Did that venture ever turn out to be bitter! Again, even a friend could be a user! So am I destined to be alone? I have a couple of friends who live outside of my province and area, so I am not entirely alone. I guess I am determined to find things to better myself and make myself happy."
Brenda Agazzi
British Coloumbia
" Me I think when you live alone you actually have to learn to love yourself and love just being alone do- ng the things you love. I love my family and a few friends but living alone gives me the space to just sit in silence, do the things I want to do when I want and eat when I want or clean when I want no matter what time of the day or night it is. I used to live with mates but I found that you had to do what they wanted or watch their favorite shows, share computers etc.  For all the rest of you who are like me its okay cause we go to work and see people and go out at our own leisure to be with people. I like my pets also but again they have their own rituals also"
PAOLO
musica.del-silenzio@libero.it
GROSSETO
TOSCANA (ITALY)
 
" Oggi ho visto questo sito e ne sono rimasto molto incuriosito. Ho il grosso problema di non conoscere la lingua inglese ma spero che attraverso l'uso dei traduttori on-line, qualcuno sia stimolato a leggere i miei pensieri e, se lo gradisce, anche a rispondermi.
            Salute e felicità a tutti  PAOLO
Mike
michael_bird@ntlworld.com
Reading
UK
" Moved around a few rented places in town with a girlfriend and with various mates over the years, and the two of us felt like staying in one home and buying it. I said it would be small and we'd have to pay it off slowly. I had my doubts... After the first few months she wasn't happy - it was something to get used to. It was fine for two people at the time...

These days it's just me and I'm really looking for someone else to join me. It's a tall order to pay it all myself, but good investment. No real need to up and move. It's been 8 years now. Practical way to be, in a way. Life was a lot more fun before. London would be a great place to go. Most people I knew round here have cleared off now. Most are married. I just need to move on"
Robert

 
Chisinau
Moldova
" Been living with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. There was a big age difference which was not acceptable here. So much pressure from her stupid village friends about living with an "old man" that she broke up and moved out. Best relationship of my life. I hate being alone.. but I don't have the energy to start over again.. I do know one thing though: "If you can't stand living alone with yourself, how can you ever expect to be able to live with someone else?" I have done it before.. but this time I give up, cannot put myself through the emotional stress of this happening again "
Ben Canada "I have been living alone since March 2007 when my wife died suddenly. I was 36 at the time.  One of the hardest parts of living alone was not having someone to talk to, to come home to and to wake up with.  Then there was the issue of grief."
Ulysses
 
Amman
Jordan
" I'm an atheist so I can not live in a place with people who are watching me if I do pray like them or not. Because if I do not, then they are going to leave me or possibly attack you. Another reason is that I can put my touches on my own own place like the place of the sofa and the place of the TV. Also, living lonely gives me the opportunity to read quite place. Finally, living alone makes me feel that the place belong to me "
JULES Phoenix
USA
"I have been divorced for over 20 years. Both my boys are grown but my oldest still lives with me AND its time for him to move out cause mama wants the house to herself!!!!! Does this sound cruel? I raised them alone and now I want to live alone. I don't want to listen to them yell at me anymore, I want to dance around the house if I feel like it or not worry about if I have a robe on or just sit and enjoy the peace and quiet. Is that wrong??? Seriously?  I am sooooo ready to live alone. Its time my kids grow up and deal with their lives without mom. You know, one day I'm not gonna be here and what will they do?  Don't get me wrong I dearly love my children, grandchildren and daughter-in-law but I don't want to deal with their personal issues anymore. Been there, done that. Now its their turn. I want to travel and live life but I feel like I have to be here for them constantly. Gosh I love them but gosh I really need to cut the apron string.,"
Pete
mazz1232002@yahoo.com
Kimball, Nebraska " Don -  Absolutely great post, really enjoyed reading, I am pretty much in the same position as yourself. Have to say I feel sorry for a lot of these posters here. -      Pete"
Don
flakjakit@hotmail.com
 
Vic
Canada
" ah,, the voice of christmas past is near and another xmas alone... but hey.. ? whats the problem?.. this will make a total of 5 now.. not counting the ones before i moved out here.. that should bring the total up to more that you...
i get somewhat perplexed at people/humanity.. but you have to cut some slack for those newbies that havent been alone yet.. its like going to the bathroom for a long period of time.. you KNOW there are people on the other side of the door... its just that you dont want them there with you right now. thats living alone. maybe 'not wanting' is a strong statement but.. sometimes i wish i was on the moon.
this xmas went by like the 12th of May... unannounced and somewhat unnoticed... i sent gifts to my kids.. they returned the compliment... and the day went as normal.
ive been posting here  for what may be 3 or 4 years.. i very seldom see the same names twice.. i sometimes wonder what has happened to those lost souls that are out of answers. believe me, ive had my 'face-in-the-toilet days' and they arent much fun.. however the sooner you deal with them.. figure out what you WANT to do with the rest of your life.. they go away. laugh and the world laughs with you... cry and your as alone as the number 1. but isnt that what everything in life IS.. about you?
if your no good to yourself.. your no good to/for anyone else.
its not the end of the world as many people would have us believe .. its about forgiveness and learning that we are humans and we are fallible.. we are prone to make mistakes..
its the learning process that stops the mistakes...on the other hand if you DONT want to learn.. then you get whats next.. mistakes. and you will continue to make them till YOU MAKE IT STOP!@!. i cant.. they cant.. she cant .. we cant .. he cant... you can. the things that hurt, can stop hurting when you stop 'allowing' them to... you have been empowered with this solution to everything in your life..
you either let it happen or you dont. thats all.. its that simple.. and if you have indulged yourself with a tad of emotional entanglement.. then that has to stop too.
take the emotions out of the equation and the decision is simple... yes or no.
thats all..... you live alone.. or not.. you let it hurt or not.. thats all..like turning on a light.
i live alone cause i want to..no.. i dont hate women.. matter of fact i kinda like em... ive been divorced for ugh.. so long i forgot.... no actually its been 30 years n' change.. ya.. ive come close to stepping up to the plate again.. butt.. it didnt happen.. ( read my other posts).. a friend of mine used the word 'compromise' in a reference to her marriage... her meaning of the word and that of the dictionary are two different ones... there are NO compromises in anything in life... why should there be?
you give more that you get back?... thats a good theory.. and im sure its the christian way but you DONT give away something of greater value for something of lesser value... ever!... this is why im alone.. and so choose to be... i wont compromise me for anyone.. and there are alot of women who think ill of that attitude... good!@ so be it.. everyone's entitled to their opinion and i respect that...
however .. thats why i live alone and you know.. its really not that bad.. using the word bad in context with the word good. you let go when your done with it.. not sooner.. however..the longer you hold on.. the farther that light seems to be.
people come into you life for a reason.. a season..a life time.. the sooner we can appreciate that and understand that there are times when the 'leaver' doesn't have a reason for leaving... or just doesnt know why.. the easier it is to let go. shake your head.. turn around and get on with your life... be glad they didnt stay longer and REALLY throw a screw into the clockwork..  aloneness isnt wrong... its a place you are.. a situation that you can/will change when the motivator comes along... want or need..
dont be in a rush... everything in life is on a time line..
it happens when it does. you cant hurry Christmas!@
and you cant hurry this................  be good be safe     be happy..............DOn,
William
wdwolf@gmail.com
Toronto
Canada
"I just spent my first year living, and being alone. I have one friend who lives out of town and am not in contact with my family. I know you asked for positive comments so I will keep them at least neutral.

I've never been a social creature but I also have never been truly alone. Unfortunately none of those relationships worked and I honestly think that I was meant to be alone. I also have come to realize I am asexual which is a whole other can of worms.

The first six months of living alone was brutal but I survived. A friend, my only, helped me get through it and come to accept that living alone is okay. I am starting to accept that and am approaching life now with the knowledge that I will be living alone.

Sometimes I am comforted by this thought, sometimes I rail against it and despair. Bottom line though I think this is the right path for me.

I don't know, maybe someone will come and sweep me off my feet and live the rest of my life with me but I am no longer driven by outside pressure to find someone. I ignore all the negative comments and looks I get when I say I choose to live alone and single. Despite the occasional bouts of despair and loneliness I feel it's the right course for me and am, for the most part, comfortable with it.

Some days are just harder than others.  I look to Mr. Bean for inspiration."

 
Sandra Surrey, BC
Canada
" Hi, I`m an attractive 32 year old woman living alone; at least for now. I`ve been living alone for 7 years now. Before that I always lived with someone. The first 2-3 years of living with yourself only were brutal, but now at least, I am comfortable with the idea. I love it and hate it at the same time. I can be a slob when I want to;-), but I miss the routine companionship of chatting with, waking up with, and snuggling with someone every day. As a woman my age with no kids, I sometimes wonder if I should just hop on the ``building a family bandwagon, to escape loneliness and feel more alive. For now, it is what it is "
monika dunns
 
London
England

 

" Because am single and living alone for most of my life, so I guess am started getting bored now so I just come across this site and find some of the comments quite too familar to mine. Am 38 almost 39 and I've never felt love or wanted by both parent and men that i've been with. I've never beein in a loving relationship because I don't think or ever believe that there's someone out there for me, to love me for me. I do love myself and I have a lot of love to give but the way I see soceity defines love, I would rather to live alone than to be unhappy. Over the years of living with a man for 5 years I always feel this emptiness inside, I could not feel his love or affection and also things he said and do confirm my findings, so as a result of that I walked out of the relationship and thats over 9 years and am still on my own. After that relationship, I met this other man and to honest its the same feeling am having, and I am 100% sure that my mind is not playing with me, but if am not happy then it makes no sense. My family and I are not close and I dont have any children but it bothered me a lot just for the fact that am getting older. I've never been in love before, my encounter with a few men dont last more than a few months, may be am too independent, I've never been to a wedding before because it will affect me emotionally. Am not desperate for a man and I don't need one to define who I am but it would be nice to fall in love and been loved and care for, I do have a job, I have my own house and I drive a decent car but am not into this material possession. Its quite daunting to see when you are sick at nights no one is there for you, everything you do you have to rely on yourself and God. You have to call and answer at the same time. I love to cook and am very house proud so I guess thats what takes up most of my time, I hardly socialize, but don't have a problem socializing. I also love to travel. From the  very day I can remember thinking about life I just get this sense of single minded and that am going to be single all my life, and as time goes on it just started to materialise that I was born to be single. Is only God can change it, but having said so there's no way am going to let myself been use by any man for their own gratification. Been single and loving it is a closure to some people but for me am just empty on the inside. I feel I have no form of stability. Am a spiritual person but am flesh too. Loneliness is a disease, why should one be on their own even at xmas and other holidays? Been alone is by choice because am not going to take up a man  just for having a man sake, there got to be some reason and genuine ones. Nowadays everyone have some form of hidden agendas, so one got to be careful, they could be after what you have and don't love you for you, but I hope one day that God will look beyond my faults and saw my needs and fill my empty cup"
Kate
nhkate@netzero.net
Weare
USA
" With more of us living alone these days there is a concern I have. Since we do not have any specific daily contact it is possible that we could have an emergency where we are not able to get to the phone. How would anyone know? How long would it take your friends to figure out something may be wrong? When would help arrive?

Do any of you know of a service, an email group or something, that has a list of members who would check in (put an "X" in a box or something) on a daily basis? This way other members could check on anyone who hadn't reported in.

I email a friend daily but I would like to build a format for a group of people to be able to check in.

Please email me any information you might have.

Thanks, Kate  (Am looking into this type of service - the editor Living Alone)
Barry
talkabout222@yahoo.com
Indianapolis
USA
" I just got up in the middle of the night and was wondering if there are any books on men being alone and living happily to the very end. When I look back I have been alone most of my life with very people in my life. I am the type of guy that never attracted lots of women--so I just stayed in school and got a PHD-and now wondering what went wrong with my life. I find that our culture mostly only values "looks" when picking a mate. That makes me sad, but I want to learn now to live the rest of my life happy--and not feel that I am wasting my time. From what I read on the web-it appears that living alone is also a journey--I wish I could accept that-- and not think that sharing my life is the only option for me. I want to live, truly I do, so it was in the larger plan that I always be alone--or at-least for the near future. "
Sharon
sharon@i-is.com
Clay
USA
" My husband of 5 years moved out September 30th, I actually fell out of love with him 2 and a half years ago and then I fell out of like with him period!  Our marriage was built on a lot of misconceptions on his part but I'm adapting to being alone again.  sometimes I wish I just had another person to be here to fill up the quiet spaces but I'm doing ok!"
nelly London
UK
" I love this site, and after reading the posts, i really don't know what to do- it seems that i will have to have another divorce, and im only 25- the very thought of it scares me to death. the first time it was just because we were too young and too proud, and now im a victim of domestic violence, im in the vicious circle of becoming violent myself, packing my stuff and leaving, only to be back in a few days. i usually stay with my family, but my heart softens, and then, there we go again.....so, i need to make a biiiiiig decision and realize that it is meant for me to be alone :(  "
Mark Kollra
mardarlala2012@yahoo.com
 
Tucson
North America
" Living alone can get some getting used to.  However, as time goes on, it gets easier and easier to cope with.  Coping with it usually means doing the same thing over and over again.  Doing things over and over again infers to such things as going to bed generally at the same time each night, capturing enticing positive thoughts as you drift off to sleep by thinking about what a productive day you've had.  You don't have to have a productive day everyday.  These positive thoughts stem from some productive days as setting small goals and accomplishing them as the day goes on with soft music in the back ground as you achieve yourself to a higher and higher virtue of moral settings in your personal life style.  Personal life style by setting standards for yourself in a slow peaceful course in the plight of your life.  The plight of your life for which your journey will be a peaceful one so that you don't get caught up in obstacles that are too hard to bare.  Just g o around hard obstacles so that you are not defeated by them.  It's nice to be nice to yourself and not to be caught up in a rut, or for that matter many ruts small and large.  Just remember that good things do happen those of you who wait.  First of all, you are who you are, so please don't try to change that.  In the same way other people are who they are, and why would you want to change them.  Secondly, please try to keep everything simple and gradually slowly search for opifanies that may enter into your life.  This is a gradual learning thing.  You were born innocent, so hold on to that innocence and again keep things peaceful in yours and my life.  Silence is a sign of intelligence as we listen more then we talk.  People will be attracted to you as you gradually live each day at a time listening more then talking.  By this, you will automatically be getting wiser and wiser.  However, let good things happen to you instead of you being impatiently trying to grasp the good things that you might be waiting for.  It will come, and we must circum to the fact that time is not an impatient thing but a gradual thing that if you let it, it will eventually bring you to good well being.  You don't have to know everything to be a reasonable person . . . you already are.  And it's perfectly fine to ask people for help if you need it.  You don't have to watch the bad news on TV, and you don't have to worry about dying anymore, because God loves you just the way you are.  The greatest thing you need to know is that you will live in eternal peace no matter who you are. You don't have to go to church to have a peaceful relationship with God from time to time.  Try not to worry so much because no matter what, it's all going to be ok in the end. 
Cail California
USA
" It's been about a week since being by myself in my apartment and to my complete and utter surprise: I have not felt the fear that I'd imagined I would.  In fact, I'm starting to like having the place to myself.  I do still see friends at least twice a week, so I think that is why I don't really feel lonely.  Also, I should have mentioned this before and I'm not sure if the site will allow me to post this, but there is a site called www.meetup.com that I joined about two years.  It's a website that was created for people of similar interests to get together and do something.  The "meetups" from that group has helped me tremendously and I've made some really great friends from it "
 marilu Maple
Ontario
" Here I am again.....I do read the comments...not daily but
at least once a week. yes I live alone and yes Susan the worst is to wake up alone....but it only lasts a little. Once I start to get ready for work the lonely feeling goes away. My real lonely time is Sunday morning...just have to make phone calls to my family members. I do go to dance Friday night and Sats. My kids keep me busy with their little ones...so work...babysitting and attend family dinners keeps me on the go. Life is not boring and life does require relaxing...so the word 'relax' comes to my mind when I am all by myself. Lots of people say I am lucky to live like this. Just take one day at a time and make the best of it"
Susan Oakville
Ontario
" I have been living alone for three years.   I am sixty two.   I feel as if this is the way my life will be now, and I have to get used to it.   The worst part is waking up in the morning.  There is no one to ask if I slept alright, no one to make me a cup of tea.  Even if I am not feeling well, I have to see to myself and make the tea.   I often think I could die in the night, and no one would even know..  My children both live quite close, they would be horrified if they knew how I feel, they think I cope with it very well because I don't talk about it.   People I work with are all living as families, I know they feel sorry for me because I live by myself, and I hate that.   I feel like a failure, especially since my ex husband has gone on to have lots of different relationships and even now is with a new woman again.   I tend to isolate a lot, which isn't good, but I'm not good at socializing,  its depressing to think that life is always going to be this way."
Pete
mazz1232002@yahoo.com
Kimball, Nebraska
USA
" Nice site but I have to say downright depressing to read. I hope each and everyone of you finds happiness and fulfillment. I know that may be a tall order. Yes I live alone too, have been for years but I have a business, some friends who call on a regular basis and I had two Great Danes but I had to put one down last August as she was very old and became ill. My best wishes to everyone. Pete in Nebraska "
Cail California
USA
"Today I'm moving into my apartment where I will be there by
 myself.  I'm absolutely terrified, I got no sleep last night because I  kept thinking about it and I'm on the verge of hyperventaling because I'm  so scared.  Is this normal?  I'm literally shaking with fear and I can't  concentrate.  I've reached out to a few friends, but only one understands   where I'm coming from. I feel totally paralyzed by my fear"
Mahnaz
 
Iran "I REALLY LOVE TO LIVE ALONE but I live in a country that it is not acceptable for a single girl to live alone. I am Muslim and I am a college student. what can I do?"
Sara USA " I guess it all comes to acceptance of what is, and making the best of whatever is.  I have been a single mom for about 10 years now.  I have been in three somewhat long-term relationships (about a year each) since then.  All three of those men broke up with me.  I know the first one didn't want the responsibility of a child (my daughter was 8 at the time).  The last two break ups I never really had any closure to.  I think that they both just didn't want the relationship, the part where they would have to give some.  Sometimes I feel like a complete loser because I can't seem to find someone who can show true care.  I especially hate the affect it may have on my now 14 year old daughter.  However, this is what I have been given and I want to be a good role model so I need to show her that happiness comes from within.  I will recite the Serenity Prayer to myself and keep chugging"
Jon
jkblooz@yahoo.com
El MIrage
USA

 

 

"  I just started living alone after 30 years of marriage. I've never lived alone in my entire life and I'm scared. I have a mental illness and depression is really troubling. I have little income, can't work because of my disability and feel empty inside. I have family (other than my wife) living close by, but I don't want to be a pain in the neck to them. I find it extremely difficult to socialize, so I stay in 80% of my time - alone. "
Cailin California
U.S
" I've been frequently checking this site and reading the comments for months now. I have never lived alone before; I went from living with my parents to living with a boyfriend (who is now my ex). I'm in my late 20's and in less than 2 weeks will be living alone for the first time. Part of me is excited about getting to do what I want when I want, but a HUGE part of me is scared! I will be going to an apartment on the second floor and the apartment complex will have a garage I could rent. I looked
at an apartment ratings website and some reviewers of the complex say they feel safe, other reviewers say they don't. It's mainly my safety at night that concerns me. I am dating someone, and I imagine he will stay over maybe one night, or that I stay over at his place. It's the other nights that freak me out. Does anyone have some tips for feeling safe at night? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!, "
Sherry Reid Warren, OH
USA
" I've been married 3 times, and I don't regret it. The marriages were learning experiences to me. Two of the husbands cheated on me, and the other one I decided to leave. I miss so much about the closeness of living together. Waking up alone, eating alone, sharing, caring and just having the one you love by your side. You go to bed alone each night. I was married for most of my life, and feel lost now. Hell, I'd even settle with just living together, but my boyfriend wants to live alone. I'm 46 and he's 50, but we can't seem to agree on this one issue. We talk openly about everything, which is great. But, that is an issue we don't agree upon. We've been together for about 2 years now. I guess I'm waiting and not giving up hope. I just can't understand how a person enjoys being alone every day. Being alone is very good for the soul, but not every day of your life. Its too short to spend what time we have here on earth. I still believe in happy endings. Yes, I have friends and social activities, but that doesn't take the place. I get to stay with my boyfriend maybe once or twice a week. I just want more.. he doesn't, so I settle. He's worth it... "
 
Lou
loulaguna@yahoo.com
San Juan
Puerto Rico
" Well, I have been living by myself for the last 10 years.

I find living alone much better than living with someone for the wrong reasons. There are so many co-dependant relationship going on. So, I have learned to live alone. I still hope I will find my significant other, but until then I do the best in living by myself.

Sadly, marriage is an archaic way of thinking. I mean, how can you promise in your 20's that you are going to live, love, respect the other person until death do us apart???????? This idea --although a fantastic romance one-- is not a real one. We all grow and what we used to believe in at our 20's is not the same as what we believe in our 50's. As we live and experience life we grow and we change our minds toward different subjects in life.

In my point of view marriage has become a social position issue. Most men and woman want to get married to a good position. Love, understanding, fidelity, sharing and companionship are nowhere. It's all about money and egos. Some men and woman, both, are looking for an economic solution in their lifes when they get married. You can see this when you read about these men and woman having to pay these high alimony after their divorce.

Then, a lot of men and woman are just looking for a good time and want younger people in their life. Again, no love, no companionship, no fidelity whatsoever.

So, I have learned to live by myself. Sometimes I cry my eyes out, specially on Christmas, New Years's Eve, San Valentine's Day, etcetera. I have started to read a lot of self-help books and spiritual ones. I have learned about co-dependence and about learning how not to believe everything people tell you. Again, marriage is not the only way. I think that we would all want to meet that special someone and be happy for the rest of our lifes. In my personal case I can count the happy couples with the fingers of only one hand (and I don't use all of them!!!!!!). If people would learn to live by themselves and not be so co-dependent, there would be many, many, many more people living by themselves.

Got go. "
lois walston
loiswalston@roadrunner.com
Nicholasville
USA
" I have been living alone for quite sometime. It is wonderful to live alone and it takes skills to live alone because you are basically on your own. You have to solely depend only on yourself and God. Sometimes when you are alone, you don't feel that it is necessary to cook a balanced meal, so you end up eating all the wrong things. At times it can be very boring especially at holiday time when everyone goes home to there families and you are all alone. When you have to attend formal affairs you are always unescorted. That is not a good feeling. Life is so beautiful and there are so many wonderful things to do and see. I am a beautiful African American woman who would love to have someone to share my life with. I am 59 years old and I am beautiful, intelligent and very self sufficient. I love to cook and my food is absolutely delicious. I would like to meet an African American man between the ages of 58 & 63 even though age is only a number, actually it really doesn't matter as long is he has Christ in his life, he is intelligent and very self sufficient. If he has Christ in his life than everything else falls into place. I know that God has that person already picked for me. Beauty is not that important to me as long as he has that inside Godly beauty. I am a teacher and during the summer, I love to travel the world. There is a whole great big world out there and I would love to share it with someone that is willing to share as well. "
 
Perception Lens
Mind
" What is a perfect life? It does not exist except in our minds. Is there any situation without 'disadvantages'. Everything comes with ups and downs. Why we always complain about the down side of life, when by the same token we have the chose to reflect on the good. Looking back on our lives, why we home in on what 'bad' and overlook the good.

Life is not supposed to be perfect, married or single. Surely its possible to married with a big happy family and still be lonely. Am I wrong? I get lonely specially in crowds.

Is it me? Did I miss anything. We need to change how we perceive life, that is what makes the difference. Its about nurturing a winning attitude - and learning from hard lessons. "
 
iam
 
soul
universe
" Hi everyone. I too am alone, reading about your different personal experiences was quite touching. For me, I wouln't swap my freedom for anyone or anything. I like company but value my space and freedom as truly priceless. I have been to various spiritual (a few) schools, and read some books too (am sure some of you here are the same). There are a few things that I agree to without any shadow of doubt, the premise - happiness, peace and joy come by going within (not without). Irrespective of what each of us wants from life, the place to look for is 'within' not anywhere else. There is nothing out-there. You can guess that the reason I agree is because I have experienced it otherwise I wouldn't be saying it. If anyone decides to explore going within, be warned that its not easy by any means. Buddha found reached enlightenment after 18 years (I was told this, so don't quote me on this), Lord Jesus Christ reached his full Christhood, or let the world see it somewhere towards the last phase of his life. This is not to suggest that it takes this long for everyone. It can happen in a moment or can take even some life times. Its the journey that brings the 'unfoldment' not the destination, so don't count the years or sit around 'waiting' but just stay focused and forget the rest.

The only way I believed any thing to do with 'spirituality' was to try it, without testing or without the experience words have no meaning or power. Same with our self-image. What makes it so real is our own belief - not what the world reflects or says. What we experience outwardly is something that was first born in our thoughts, and our faith/belief is what makes it manifest in the outer world. I tried creating this outer reality by thinking of things that I have never thought of before, and saw it manifest. Its spooky, but once I had the proof for myself alone without anyone's comments or input of any kind, it was hard to belief that I had created all the unhappy moments. Its not possible to see a clear cut connection with everything that is manifest, but a little proof is all that was needed to convince me and rather than question or complain about things that will never become clear or that no-one will ever be able to explain, its best to just let them go and move on to creating something new, beautiful and enriching. This in turn attracts all that you need to make progress spiritually, to keep you in alignment with your highest good.

As we can only speak about our own experiences, I spoke about mine. I have little interest in things non-spiritual, and spiritual things literally excite me, my heart rate goes erratic at times. It really gives me the buzz, same as a F1 car would on the race track. Being spiritual does not equate to boring or sadness, or lazy, or slow, or dim, its a lot more exciting than what is visible through our human eyes. The racing track is the whole universe, not just some insignificant small tracks that are barely visible from the outer space. Now that's a lot of 'tracks' to cover, wouldn't you say. And you can go a lot faster in space than anywhere on earth. swoosh

Embracing spirituality comes more naturally to some than others (skeptics). Being alone or loneliness is the perfect jumping board for taking a leap within, because you won't miss. Its for people like us (those who seek solitude) that embracing spirituality is easy. Each time we seek for something in another person or in the world outside, looking for satisfaction, joy, wanting to be loved (love of any kind), we experience pain. Because we are looking in the wrong place, its not out there, its inside. Look within. The answers are in the invisible, I found it by going within.

Well this is my story, I wanted to share and reveal the path I took to find happiness, joy and peace at times. I hope you can find it too, what ever path you chose to be on.

Love, light and blessings to all "
Ray G
eg_breakup@yahoo.com
 
Austin, Tx
USA
" I have been living alone and it is by choice.  I have a mental disorder called OCD and it kicks-in whenever I am around people. It is kind of a strange disease. Oh dear God. What have you done to me?.

It is not that I want to avoid people, but I cannot bear the pain I go through.  Also, it is very obvious to other people that I am weird. They become judgmental etc. etc.

I never stopped working even with this problem.  Fortunately I am making some progress. I am doing really good in my job recently. Thank you god.

I have decided to live alone till my last breath.  I don't get bored though. I keep myself busy all the time doing something.

As many people mentioned here, there are advantages and disadvantages to living alone. Disadvantages are missing fun with company of people, thoughts of dieing alone, thoughts of no one to take care when you are sick. There are many advantages."
 
Barbie
 
Tehachapi
USA
" I have lived alone on and off most of my life , I raised my kids alone, and they have all grown up and left hone. I am alone my roommate has finally moved out today he use to be my boyfriend when I realized I wasn't in love with him we broke up and he moved into the spare room for the last nine months. I am happy to have him move , but also like having someone else around as in roommate. I am going to live alone for awhile now I need to get back into my space again I miss it ,  I miss me , myself and Barbie. I doubt I will ever meet anyone who can love me the way I need to be loved  , I have never had this before. I wouldn't know the love of a man if it hit me in the face lol I do know what it feels like to be in love but never felt that in return. So lonely is being in love with someone who doesn't love you the way you need to be loved. Lonely isn't about being alone with the one person who you trust the most yourself. "
DOn
flakjakit@hotmail.com
 
Victoria
Canada
" ive been in here a few times and id just like to say in contrast to what some would consider me as a piece of dog dung... im sorry.. im not that.. i am a male/man/homo erectus/guy/fella/and the list goes on.. and ya ive been called ALL the names a woman can conjure up however... dog dung represents something that really isnt appreciated by me or the other decent men out there that do have feelings just like our female counterparts .. we eat breath and live much like women do and i wont have the goodness of some men slandered by someone who cant make the correct choices in her own men. 3 marriages and an assorted number of others.. sounds like 'fishing' to me.. or someone that doesn't know her own mind when it comes to a life long partnership.. ive been married once.. it became dysfunctional and it died a thousand deaths. i wont marry again just on the principle that why ruin a perfectly good relationship. marriage isnt what it was.. nor will it ever be.. its a good institution, if you want to live in one... committed or not... the respect has to be there for both parties or you just look like a dung slinger looking for revenge and someone to blame. anyone with the appropriate upbringing would know this. no im not dog ---- never have been never will be.. and i took what 'you' said personally ... being that i am a male... and you included me in the 'all men' statement..
go take a Valium and rethink your life.. you need to get some empathy for everyone not just yourself.. being there and doing that doesn't make you a survivor.. just a visitor.
finding some forgiveness and empathy for both the female and males that make up this world we ALL live in would be a good step...oh.. and im still living alone... and it aint that bad.
be good
be safe
be happy
DOn"
Ms. Solo
 
USA " I find a lot of comfort in living alone.  I really enjoy my living space being exactly as I want it and exactly as I left when I walked out the door.  I enjoy the silence so that I can think deep or not think at all and just watch a good show or movie.  But, of course, the cons of living alone are ever present.

Sometimes I miss eating a good home-cooked meal with an endeared one.  I miss holding hands and walking downtown on a lovely summer evening or crisp autumn day.  It will take a long time to find a companion who can help me overcome the memory of my departed spouse.  I am too young for the senior center and too mature for clubbing.  But I feel positive that the worst is behind me and I still hope to establish friendships.  I finally found a counselor who is helping me to put one foot in front of the other and not be so afraid of the future and the big, bad world.

Congratulations Tiffany.   I am glad that you have attained what you needed.  I appreciate your honesty about living alone being something to suffer.  I used to feel that way.  I only hope that while you are living with others, you still find your own identity as I must do.  Intellectually I know that other people cannot make one "happy."  Happiness is a general life choice.  But it is  sure is nice to have company, isn't it? "
patricia
pactis11@hotmail.com
sao paulo
brazil
" Tiffany, I guess people are different. my sister likes to have people around all the time, for instance. The answer is to live however you prefer!!! Love, patricia"
Tiffany
armstrong911@msn.com
Glenwood
USA
" I am pleased to announce that I am no longer living alone.  I sure did hate that isolating experience.  I still do not get how people like it "
patricia
pactis11@hotmail.com
sao paulo
brazil
" Hello, everyone. Thanks for your comments, Ed! I´ve just found 02 sites I´d like to recommend when you are just browsing through the internet: www.helium.com and www.changingpeople.co.uk. Lots of free articles on lifestyle, family, relationships issues and tips. Love to all, patricia,"
Ed Calgary
Alberta Canada
" Hi Patricia, I think it's about the same, difficult for women sometimes, and difficult for men sometimes, personally I am trying to win this struggle with being alone, refusing to give in that I can't have a successful life, it's more of a challenge for me now than ever before and at times I find that I am winning, in a good way......even when you ask if it's " generally more difficult " I think age, how long you have lived alone, probably a lot of different circumstances would warrant an answer, but I feel this subject is gender neutral"
patricia
pactis11@hotmail.com
sao paulo
brazil
 
" Ed, you´re right, I like walking alone a lot and doing lunch alone on Sundays, especially on bright sunny days!!! One question: do you think living alone is generally harder for men or women? "
Ed Calgary
Alberta Canada
" After 2 marriages and my second go round being alone I have found something that really works, and that is doing things alone that don't require company, that don't make me feel odd about being alone, it gives me a sense of self-worth, new discoveries and fun, look for them and you will find them, it will help the inner you........"
patricia
pactis11@hotmail.com
sao paulo
brazil
 
"I´m on your team!!! You have to love your own company to  enjoy your moments alone as well as with friends, family, lovers...   "
Vickie Blue Ridge, Tx
USA
" I would like to add something else to what I have already posted. I hear men and women as well, saying things like, "if I could only be married I'd be happy" or "if I just had a man or woman (whatever the case maybe) I'd be happy". These people are relying on someone else to make them happy. If they HAD a partner--what they don't realize is they'd still be unhappy. You can't ever rely on ANYONE or ANYTHING to make you happy. The only person or thing you can rely on is yourself and GOD. That's it. You can't rely on MEN or WOMEN to be there, to help you, to make you happy, to be faithful or truthful. You can ONLY rely on yourself. And until you try it you'll never know what you're made of, and how strong you really are or can be. There's an old saying, "what doesn't kill us; makes us stronger". I never knew how true that statement really was until I've gone thru everything I've been thru.

I have been reading some of the comments that have been posted on this site. Some are very insightful, helpful, funny, and brave. I applaud you. I know. I've been there. But then, there are those who are very depressed, some even sound suicidal. I don't get it. Don't get me wrong I'm not here to judge anyone, nor put anyone down. And I have not walked in their shoes either. What I don't understand is how can one let another person CONTROL everything they do to the point of one can not live without another. I just don't get it. If your NOT happy with yourself how can you be happy with someone else? You have to be happy with who you are before you can be happy with anyone else, or anyone be happy with you. The way I look at it is this, if I where to let someone CONTROL my thoughts, feelings, life, etc. then they have WON. And I'll be dead in my grave before I EVER let that happen. I'm a very independent person, in case no one has noticed. LOL. And in a way I guess that's good, but then again I may be TO independent. If there is even such a thing. I hope I haven't upset anyone. Not my intention at all. Me just expressing my thoughts. Just me being me. Vickie

patricia
pactis11@hotmail.com
sao paulo
brazil
 
" ias, I loved your comments, really, thank you. I see your point perfectly. I´m beginning to rebuild my life as a free being after seven years with a man who had the most ill mannered son I´ve ever met in my life. I´m glad I could teach him a thing or two about manners and respect for other people. But at 44  I´m  pretty sure my choice is to fly solo till the end. Lots of love, Patricia "
Vickie Blue Ridge, Tx
USA
" Hello. My name is Vickie. I am a 47 year old single female. I live in a small rural community alone and love it. I got married the first time when I was 19. I have been married and divorced three times. No children. I will NEVER live with, nor marry, another man. Thanks to my three ex-husbands and assorted boyfriends; I no longer trust men. In my eyes, when it comes to relationships, all men are worthless pieces of dog dung. All trust is gone. Since my last divorce, I have lived the last 9 years alone. Living alone has MANY advantages. You can sleep as late as you want, when you want. Go wherever you please, whenever you please. You don't have to worry about calling home to tell someone where you are and when you'll be home. My animals could care less where I went, or what time I come home. You can run around naked all day. Eat when you want, what you want. You can keep the temperature in the house as cold, or as warm as you want it.

 If you don't feel like cleaning house for a few days. Don't. If you don't feel like doing the laundry. Don't. Who cares. I have enough clothes to last me at least 3 or 4 months and never wear the same thing twice. (Just one of the advantages of being older and having a lot of clothes). You can stay up as long as you want without hearing, "are you coming to bed?" or "I can't sleep without you. Come to bed." And one of the BEST things about living alone is being QUEEN of the T.V. remote. You can watch whatever you want on T.V. without hearing "oh god, another love story" or "do we HAVE to watch LMN, or some other women's channel". And NO SPORTS. It's wonderful. I don't even allow sports on my t.v's. I had enough of that when I was married and lived at home with my brother and step-father. You never have to worry about going to the toilet and literally FALLING IN, cause the seat is ALWAYS down. There's never a mess to clean up. And you get the entire   bed to yourself. The list goes on and on. But you get the jest of it. Now saying all that, there's a few disadvantages to living alone as well. No one there to work on your car, or when something in the house breaks. Nobody to help you move something or hang a picture, mow the yard, plumbing, help with the bills, etc. You now have to pay someone to do all these things for you. And if you live on a budget as so many of us do today, myself included, trying to find a friend or a relative that has the time to do all this stuff for you is very hard to find. And I don't care what people say about sex. When you're single you don't get "IT" all the time.  That's so NOT true, unless you happen to have a significant other, or you're just a slut puppy. But for me, the pro's of living alone out weigh the cons of living with someone. But what's good for me may not be good for someone else. Living alone is a lot different than being lonely. You can live alone and have plenty of friends, family, work, etc. and not  be lonely. If one chooses to sit around and dwell about how alone they are and how nobody loves them. Then you will be lonely. Life is truly what you make it. And mine is heaven.  Have fun. Vickie
 ias Winnipeg
Canada
" Life was always hard for me until I started to live alone two years ago.  At home I had to help Dad take care of four younger siblings since I was 14.  Finally I left home at age 26 to live with a partner.  This did not work out.  Two years later I married another partner and we had two beautiful daughters.  He then left me for someone half my age.  He left me with two daughters aged three and six months.  From then on I had to do everything for the three of us - work, pay bills, shop, cook, clean, laundry, yard work, drive to/from daycares, absolutely everything.  I tried a couple of relationships during that time, one boyfriend for a year and another boyfriend for five years but in both cases we seemed to drift apart because I had too many responsibilities with my daughters.  The girls gave me a rough time when they were in their teens.  At last I had to send them to their father for three years.  I moved in with first a sister then a brother for those three years.  When the girls' father's home fell apart, I brought the two girls back home. I bought a house and finished raising them.  In their early 20's they still had not decided what to do with their lives and would not leave home.  They would party with their friends and make a mess of my home while I was away at work or on weekends.  They would not help at all around the house.  I was still doing everything.  Then I had a heart attack and had to have triple-bypass surgery.  After that I sold my house from under us and went to live with my brother again, for a year, because I was too ill to look after it.  Then I got my own apartment.  The girls came and stayed with me at this apartment the last six months I was there. I told them I am going to move to senior housing now and they cannot live with me anymore.  I told them I had sold our home because I wanted to see them on their own and independent before I die.  In July 2006, I moved into senior housing and the girls got their own shared apartment.  Since that triple-bypass five years ago, I have been in and out of the hospital, getting six stents and eight blood transfusions altogether, the last four being just last January. So now I live alone, with minimal responsibilities, for the first time in my life.  It was scary at first, but we have double security here and our doors open into a secured hall, like a hospital.  Yay!  I am so happy about my new-found freedom.  Finally, after all these years, hardly any responsibility!  If I was told back when I was young that it was okay to not get married and have children, how happy my life would have been. I do not regret the experiences of being married and having children and now grandchildren, but if that never happened, I would not know or miss it. I love to be alone.  I have built 48 photo albums of my boxes of jumbled pictures and negatives, putting them all in order by subject, date, and frame, and labelled every picture at the back in my own handwriting and on the front the labels are typed, to leave for my girls - names of the people in the pictures, the occasion, the location, the dates, and the frame number to match with the negatives.  That took two winters to do.  Last winter I started on our family history and genealogy, meaning I am on-line, printing, filing, at the library and at archives reading, taking notes, and copying, and now I have 12 binders of family births, marriages, deaths records and other documents.  I have traced all my grandparents' family trees to the time they came to Canada. I helped my home community plan and clean up the cemetery back home, mark the graves, take down the old Church, and put up a memorial where it once stood. I got to read many books I always wanted to read including the New Testament. I watched all the movies I ever wanted to, and collected over 400 VHS movies and over 400 DVD's. I have a lending library of movies.  I record which movies family and friends have borrowed, when, title, and date returned.  I have travelled a lot in the last couple of years and taken many pictures with my digital camera.  Next I wish to go back to painting in oils and watercolours.  I want to file electronically the hundreds of digital pictures I have taken since 2006.  What I am saying is there is no end to what a person can do with time.  Some people golf, others read. I try to do stuff that will matter after I am gone.  I am still working for my daughters (and grandchildren)I suppose, in a way.  Yes, I get lonely from time to time, but I think and talk myself out of it.  I say "Self, be happy your brothers' and sisters' lives are too busy for you.  Be happy for your children that they have no time for you.  That is the normal healthy way of things."  As for partners, it took me all of my 30's, 40's and part of my 50's to get used to living without a man, to replace the loving and intimacy with other things like shopping, the casino, and busy-ness. All along and still today I have men checking me out, trying to get cozy, but it has been too long, over 10 years, since I had a boyfriend.  I sit and think, "How would it be?"  I know myself a little by now.  I would be nice for a few days then I would get grouchy and wish I did not have to accommodate another person.  I would be angry that there is someone in my life I would have to look after and pay attention to, again.  Then I would be rude to him which he would not deserve.  So because I wish the men a good life and hope that they find a loving person, I stay away from them.  I just KNOW I would not be loving. I could not trust a man again.  Wifely trust died, was killed by hurt and sorrow, when my husband left me 25 years ago.  It will never come back in my lifetime, there is not enough time for that, given my Class V angina and heart disease. Good luck to everyone.  Have a great life."
patricia
pactis11@hotmail.com
sao paulo
brazil
" Just read an article on spinach´s amazing nutrients, so I´m rushing to the market to get some for tonight. Meal for one but i am excited to look up some recipe on the net and come out with something really nice!!!, "
Bridget Philippines " living alone offers great rewards, but it also tags loneliness with it. everyone who has been living alone can surely understand me when i say... you learn to experience and realize a deeper understanding of silence, stillness, awareness and sense of self.

and yet... the best realization i guess will have to be that, " life is all about relationships" . we can have all the privacy we want.. but at the end of the day, we seek for love and belongingness...

i just wish us all the courage, patience and positively as we await and strive to realize all the blessings given to us each day... these simple blessings should be enough to take us through another day :) "
patricia
pactis11@hotmail.com
 
sao paulo
braszil
" Hello, I have lived alone most of my adult life. I am now 44 and just out of a 7 year relationship without a closure. On May 31 2008 he said a few ugly curse words (absolutely not his style) and left. Doing ok now. First 4 weekends were really depressing then I managed to spend a week in Buenos Aires, Argentina and that was lovely. I´m kind of getting used to my single routine now. All your comments have helped me a lot during my healing process. Love, Patricia "
James Staffordshire
England, United Kingdom.
" I've lived alone for 14 years, in a small village in Staffordshire, and I've got to admit I do love it - most of the time. I think it developed from when I was a kid. I lived about 30 miles away in deepest Shropshire where my grandfather owned a caravan site business. The 3 houses that existed there were all in the family who worked for the business. I always felt secure and this feeling of immense space in which to roam. Not growing up in a conventional road with neighbours and other kid's to play with I developed a strong independent streak and had difficulties adjusting to the crowds at school. I'm still like that now, loathe crowds, noise and the general social hullabaloo. But I still need to see people on a regular basis (work's a good laugh, and there's only 3 of us there) otherwise I can get a little stir-crazy. It is much harder being on your own, emotionally and financially I think, although often I see the fallout people have to endure from their co-habiting relationships: Divorce, violence, mental cruelty, incompatibility, general boredom and fear of being alone - that I count my blessings. Another important point about being alone is the financial side. Not sharing bills, rent, mortgage, holiday's etcetera - this I find a real strain sometimes. It also gives me a strong antenna for noticing how many people are dependent on others for financial as well as emotional support. I think until you've lived on your own you are not a real person who can understand and appreciate what being an individual means. I wonder if anybody else out there has suffered jealousy and resentment from co-habitees who resent the 'individual' his/her strength and freedom. It's strange, but some couples don't seem to have a problem with the livealoner, and some are irked by it - I wonder who of these 2 are the happiest in their relationship?

Some folk's are very family orientated and suspicious of livealoner's, who maybe they feel threaten the family edifice and therefore the status quo? You need a thick skin and strong self belief to deflect these slings and arrows, but overall ,freedom comes first. The hardest thing is holidays, no one to really go with, as I have little family and a couple of on off friends who are married anyway - also everything's so expensive, with single supplements and everything - anybody got any tips for a single male in his early forties who hates beach holidays and crowds and likes Jack Kerouac, Henry Miller, abstract expressionism and playing blues guitar. Remember: THAT THAT DOES NOT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER!

Anna Ontario
Canada

 

" I am a 33 year old woman and I have been living alone for a few years now after splitting up with my common law husband.
At first I was scared. One thing that helped a lot was moving closer to my family, who have been a great support to me. I also moved back to the city I grew up in, so being in familiar surroundings helped me to feel safer. While I like most aspects of living alone, there are some
drawbacks:

- Nobody to help me bring in groceries or lift heavy items, help with chores
- It costs more for food, rent etc.
- Eating alone, I love to cook for others
- Love and affection from and for a partner (hugs especially)

Despite the above drawbacks, however, I have found that I really enjoy living alone 90% of the time. Here is why:
- I get to make all the decisions on every aspect of my life. No need to comprimise due to another person.
- Doing things myself has made me a more confident person, especially when it comes to basic car maintenance and fixing small things around the house.
- Not having to clean up another person's mess
- Having the freedom to spend my spare time in any way I choose without having to consult other
- Not having to deal with the bad habits of others (my ex used to horde items until the house was full of junk)
- Has helped me get to know myself better as an individual. Also, I have nobody to blame but myself if something is not done, so less arguing.
- Has drawn me closer to my family, who love and support me
There are a number of things I have found very helpful while living alone:
- Having another living thing to look after or care for. I have a great little dog who is always happy to see me when I get home. She also gives me affection and gets me outside several times a day. This helps to re-focus my energy outside of myself. Other ideas: Babysitting, pet sitting, gardening, houseplants, volunteering.
- Cooking ahead: I cook a large amount and freeze the rest in portions for quick meals.
- Do something social on a regular basis: friends, family, clubs, sports, volunteering, writing letters. This keeps you from feeling isolated.
- Keep a calendar on your wall and write in upcoming events such as birthdays, festivals, holidays, appointments, parties.
- Use your library to get free books and movies
- Write kind little notes to yourself and place them around the house. For example: Keep up the good work! or You can do it! Place these where you can see them. I use a dry erase marker on my mirror and it works well.

I have found that the most challenging thing about living alone has been keeping my apartment clean! However, knowing that it is my own mess takes some of the sting out of this task. I tend to just let things go until I can't stand it anymore and then do a massive cleaning. I wish i could just do a bit at a time but it is so hard!
Anyhow, I hope that this is helpful to other people living alone. Take care everyone! "
Xena Montreal
Canada
"  I condition myself to be alone. It is better because I am outdated by today's standards. When you are ugly and people avoid you, You have to adapt or die "
Leila England " I began living alone during 2003 when my husband of 44 years died. At first I found it desperately difficult but now, 5 years on I don't whether I would want to change things.

Of course there are a few problems for a woman on her own. If I am ill there is no one here to look after me, do my shopping et al. Also, jobs arise about the home which are impossible for me to cope with. Family are good, but always seem to be busy.

I do feel very alone sometimes and friends who were around before I lost my husband, seem largely to have drifted away for I rarely see them. My social life has vanished for no one seems to want to ask a single lady to functions with couples. Actually I find this difficult myself as everyone seems to be in pairs and I have suffered painfully in these situations to the point of feeling so isolated that I have become tearful and have had to depart to the bathroom to avoid embarrassment for both myself and friends.
Fortunately I do have a couple of close, loving and faithful friends who make all the difference. They visit, and ask me over on a regular basis, they phone and text me daily which is all really lovely and very comforting.

These friends got me a little cat 2 years ago and although nervous at first as I hadn't ever owned a cat, I love her to bits now and she is the sweetest and most loving of companions. I would be lost without her. I would recommend a cat for a pet to anybody living alone and feeling lonely. They are easier to look after and don't need the walks a dog would have to have. This is important for someone like me, for I'm older now and have M.E. which limits me physically quite severely at times.

I have hobbies that lend themselves to being at home a lot as I read many different types of books, write, and in particular write poetry, love to listen to music of all kinds and spend many hours with my computer.

There are friends who keep telling me how concerned they are that I don't go out much beyond shopping etc. However for most of the time I think I like it that way, and find pressure to socialise quite daunting.

I haven't been a loner all my life and in earlier years I was a schoolteacher which would not be the best job for anyone suffering from shyness. I feel that losing my husband and the massive adjustments I had to face have contributed to how I am now and admit that I do get emotionally distressed and confused at times, not knowing what I really want. I miss others, yet feel reluctant to accept invites to go places, and struggle with accepting them.

One area of my life I have great problems with is the knowing that nobody in the world looks at me and loves me above all others as my husband did and I with him. There is an enormous gap in my life without his love. Don't let anybody tell you that when you get past your 60s you don't need physical and emotional love anymore because I do and miss it dreadfully. I can wear my masks in the company of others and "smile" but back in my home the tears often come and I long just to be hugged, to have some tenderness. That is definitely a big miss in my life. That's why Bren my little cat is so precious to me. She may not be a human being but she does give me a lot of love. It's lovely to unlock the door and come back into my house to her little meeows of welcome, her rubbing and her kisses.

I'm sure there are many other issues that I can't think of right now, but to sum up I guess my feelings are mixed as to whether I prefer this life alone or would rather be with someone."
Twila
 
London
England
" I happened upon this site to see stats of people living alone and have enjoyed reading through everyone's insights. To those not happy with living or being alone, I can empathise; to those embracing singledom, I applaud you -I know there's hope because I am just getting to that place again where I feel genuinely good about my own company.

My story (in brief) is that I ended a 2 year toxic relationship about a half year ago after being single for many -mostly happy- years. I moved to the UK in part to further my relationship and put all my cards on the table before I left the US to my now ex, including finances, wants, asking about his, etc. Despite having moved over 3,000 miles, I seemingly still could not do enough to accommodate him, and after a year of no effort on his part to further the relationship, I just told him to piss off. - If someone cannot make up his/her mind about committing to you after two years together AND you are both (well!) over the age of 35, tell them to go jump! They are likely commitment-phobes and their problem of being terminally unavailable has nothing at all to do with you. - Anyway, although I was the one to end it, what followed was a huge sense of loss and isolation: I had left all my friends and family behind and I felt paralysed for months. Weekends would be dreaded as
sometimes I would speak to no one at all.

Since then I am still actively re-learning the positives of being alone and singledom. I started out by making a list of what I could do solo vs. what I was limited to doing when I was with him...the list was very much in my favour! There are the regulars, which you have listed, but then I have added others including travel, personal training sessions and e-courses, none of which I would have been able to embrace quite as much had I remained with him even in the best of times.

The thing to bear in mind is that being alone and being with others both have their struggles. Every time I have travelled alone or booked a table for one, it took a lot of anxiety to make it happen and still does, but the reward of taking the step outweighs anything else. It took time to grieve and I took that time without apology, but then you just have to set yourself free and take the leap as there are others out there who are living and enjoying it - why not join them?

What I find really inspirational are those who have had partners who have passed. In Italy, I met a group of older women on a tour. None of them had partners, but they made a holiday and did what they wanted. Bravo!

In all, if you have lost someone special to you, regardless of reason, they say the best thing to do is to live well. If you're the one who was wronged in parting, it is the best revenge, and if you lost someone through no fault of your own, it is what they would have wanted for you anyway.

Life isn't a dress rehearsal - get out there and live it!"
Otis Earl
 
El Paso
USA
" I'm living with my folks right now but I'm planning to buy a trailer and start living alone soon. There are periods when I'm home alone and I feel great. I love the quiet and peaceful moments and I'm not lonely at all. I guess living with other people is too stressful for me. I can't wait to move out and enjoy my life the way I want to"
JD
ruffedges63@yahoo.ca
BC
Canada
"I love being alone. I love silence and solitude. Guess I can be a couch potato, but read alot. That is not to say that I do not go out. I do go out, but when I chose to. Getting together with a group of people absolutely drains me. If one is lucky enough to find others who are quiet, gentle and at peace, sharing can be great. I have people in my life and most are good about accepting me as I am. Accepting myself has been harder than others accepting my need to be alone. I have a roommate, but rarely see her. Even when we are together, she can give me the space I need to be "alone" should I chose to be. So I guess I have the best of both lives. Would I recommend my lifestyle to others? My thought on that is: you need to be sure that you really can be alone as well as live alone. Don't get me wrong, I was married to a wonderful man for 25 years. We shared everything and I mean everything, until he became ill. When he passed away and I discovered life by myself, I thought I would fall apart. To be honest, came very close to joining my husband. Now, 5 years later, I am comfortable with the solitary life style. As many of you have stated, I go out when I want to. I belong to a "group" (for want of a better term) and can go to meetings if I chose. I never thought about just going out for supper by myself and getting my fill of the noise and chaos as someone else on here suggested. I think I'll try that. Anyway, if there are more people out there who enjoy being alone as well as living alone, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for just being here on this site. Makes a person feel that they aren't, "nuts," just like a different way of living...be safe everyone....JD "
betzblue
betzblue@centurytel.net
 
Central, Rural Oregon
US
" When I was young I hated being alone, and thought that living alone would be terrible. (Years of reading True Detective Magazines, scared the wits out of me, murder victims usually live all by themselves) So now, living alone in a very remote location makes me yearn for friends & family ( who are all scattered across the map) Thank goodness for email, Ebay & Amazon.com. Thank goodness for Direct TV, DVD's with Sam Elliott, Gerard Butler, NYPD BLUE, & John Larroquette & Billy Connolly. Thank goodness for 6 year old grandchildren who know how to write letters & draw wonderful pictures, Thank goodness for memories;

Being alone, I don't have to listen to someone else snoring, belching or passing gas. I don't have to explain my actions, I don't have to fight over what TV shows to view, what to eat, how to spend my money, or be told that I need to exercise a bit as the winter months have made me a tad chunky, I don't have to deal with toilet seats being left up or wet spots on my side of the bed. So being alone, has it's ups & it's downs.... "
Stephanie City: Clifton
Country: Australia
"I love living alone now, for a time I felt disjointed and lonely, but after 2 years I started to really enjoy it. Now 5 years later I don't think I can go back to living with someone again. I have a male friend who has a real hard time understanding this, as these days I like to socialize on the weekend but during the week I just want to be left alone. I am not lonely, if I need company I can get it, even if it is just picking up the phone. I used to feel like something was missing if I did not share my life and home with someone but now I run from that idea. I really think I will live alone for the rest of my life."
Phylis
phylisinmexico@gmailcom
San Miguel de Allende
Mexico
 
"  know there's no panacea for being without a partner, but there are things to do which make it less painful. My husband died 10 years ago and that loss (combined with the loss of youth, ouch!)is a challenge that's definitely not for sissies. I live in Mexico because I can live better here than in the U.S., I love the people and their warmth - and life seems a lot more touchable here. I give a lot of my time to the orphanage and it not only takes me out of my own skin, but it brings me tremendous happiness. Yes, I love children, but believe me after a day of being with them, getting their love and appreciation for every little thing
. . .I'm sure that I receive far more in the exchange than they do. So its the giving that I'm talking about, that's the panacea that I've found works for me. Cliche I know, about helping other people, but it's totally true. I know what it's like to raise self- pity to an art form -- but giving of yourself cuts down on the precious energy all of that self-pity takes. Think about your talents from cooking to listening and gift them to some people who will appreciate them. It will fill your heart. Saludos a todo! to you all "
CLARE
RINTYG@AOL.COM
UNITED KINGDOM " I have been caring for my disabled mum for many years and she recently died. I am now living on my own and not liking it. I thought I would. I always liked having time to myself but everybody around me is part of a couple or a big family or has children. Even if I have a really busy day, when I come home I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that there is nobody to talk to. Maybe I will get used to it in time but when I go out and see couples, I envy that they have somebody to look after and care for them. In addition, my 2 sisters also have partners but they are trying to get me evicted from my home of 30 years, because my mum owned the house and didn't write a will. I can't afford to buy them out and I have nowhere to go. If I had a partner at least I would have somebody to tell me it would all be ok. I have stopped eating because I just can't be bothered anymore. I honestly thought I would be able to embrace living alone but it  isn't happening. People in couples, including my sisters, don't include me or invite me anywhere, because I am single!
 Loretta Visalia
USA
" I was married twice, and the second marriage was over 22 years. At first I feared living alone after my last child got married. It's now been eight years since she moved out, and 14 years of freedom from marriage. I can say I've had times when I loved it, and times when I grieved over the loss of my whole family due to the divorce. But my children are glad that they don't see the abuse we had in our lives. I now believe my life is more at peace because of living alone. Now at 58 years old I'm downsizing my belongings. I can feely give things I no longer use to my children without first getting approval from a spouse. I can go to bed when I'm sick after I turn off the phone. I can cook, take a shower or listen to music any time I choose. If my life gets any better they will have to tie a rope around my ankle to bring me back down to earth. The proof that my divorce worked. my "X" remarried before the ink dried on our divorce
papers, and his cheating wife, bad health, and lifestyle is on the edge of grief, suicidal thoughts, depression, and anxiety. He has told our children that he cannot believe that I would ever live my life alone, drive 1,500 miles to visit family, or purchase a home all by myself. I found myself more at peace than at any other time of my life. I've had lifelong nightmare of abuse in my life. Come to think about it, I wish I was alone the day after I was born that's how much I enjoy it. Thank You Lord!"
 empathic_sensitive Lavender Beach
USA
" I found out about being empathic sensitive and know that I need to be alone most of the time to function. I found a really great self-help website that has so many wonderful pages of self-help and free recipes for someone like me. Here is the url to the self-help index:

http://www.geocities.com/joydoctor2001/Links.html

Here is the url to the free recipes index:

http://www.geocities.com/joydoctor2001/AphrodisiacRecipes.html

These sites are chocked full of things you can do alone and advice for coping as a person who needs to spend a lot of their time alone. I promise you will find lots of help here "
Katherine UK " Just dropping by again, reading more comments from those who live alone and how they are finding the experience. I am still living alone and enjoying it. Not even sure anymore that I want to live with anyone again. Do you think that being an introvert is something you are or become? I seem to need more and more time to myself to recharge my batteries. As much as I like to be around people and have fun I find that I seem to feel the need to be on my own an awful lot, for some peace and quiet and some much needed solitude. Do you ever feel this too???
I haven't been in a relationship now for a very long time either. Sometimes, I feel such pressure to be in a relationship (societal pressure, and also my mother!) but I seem to find it easier to define myself as a single person, and I guess I am also now too independant and stubborn to be in a relationship. But there are the odd times where I miss that emotional intimacy that only comes with the longevity of a relationship. Is it ok or normal to not want to be involved in a sexual relationship, and to make the decision to not actively pursue attaining one?
Do other people feel these things too I wonder? "
Max Pa
USA
" It's been awhile since I stopped by, about a year or so.
I'm still single and hitting the big 50 soon.T he lady that said she hates to go to weddings, because she hates to see people so in love etc..., btw , I'm male, I'm sure you know this as well as I do, that it's fleeting.
This is true: I've been in in at least 10 weddings in my life as Best man, Witness, and of course ushered many and 5 of those were split up within the 1st year.

I guess I was meant to be single, bcause, most of the time when my girlfriend & I split up, Down deep inside I was happy, because I really got tired of it!

I do have a great job, and good friends, lots of hobbies.
I can still date girls in their late 20's. I keep fit.

I totally agree that external things or people ca'nt "keep", To end that , External people, things can make you happy for awhile, but it's all up to you when it comes right down to it.So many people stick with people, who are bad for them. I see them fight constantly. Get a friend instead!, "
Rita
boobob2006@hotmail.com
 
Toronto
Canada
" Thank God this option was open to me!  I am separated, and while I have a child that I had to leave behind, (I am physically disabled), I thank God that I can live alone in peace.  My TV is great should I require a blast of noise, and my computer my companion should I need to reach out! 

I love living alone, and need my solitude beyond anything else.  I am about to launch into year three of alone time, and love it!!!!
PE San Fernando
Trinidad and Tobago
" Hi. I came across this website while surfing for information on coping with loneliness. I recently turned 40 and I have given up all hope of ever being married and happy. I have been in a relationship for five years. I had never been in a relationship before that and I was a virgin at 35 when i fell in love for the first time. The guy used me and treated me so badly. He constantly accused me of having other men and refused to seek treatment for his extreme jealousy. In spite of everything and desperately afraid of being alone I stuck with the nonsense until he dropped me saying that the relationship was going nowhere - this is when i stopped financially supporting him and giving him everything that he asked for.

I am an attorney at law and i make a fantastic salary. I have a number of hobbies and because i am good with my hands some of my hobbies actually earn me extra income ( Christmas crafting and decorating and drapery fabrication and cake baking). I have always had a hard time getting along with other people. I am not into crowds or gossip or just hanging out with no purpose. I have always tried to better myself and to learn new things - I took ballroom dancing classes (i love the Tango), I am pursuing a Master's Degree in law, and I did drapery fabrication. I much prefer to hang out at home and entertain friends as i love to cook and bake. This all sounds fantastic and why am I still single? I really don't know. I have stopped going to weddings as i feel a physical pain when i see couples so happy. I prefer to just lock myself at home rather than go out and see couples enjoying being in love. No matter what anyone says once you get married your life changes and you no longer have time to hang out with old friends. All my friends are married and have children and they have all drifted away.

Being lonely for me, in spite of my hobbies, great job, and financial benefits is like a gut wrenching form of punishment. I really loved my boyfriend and his taking advantage of me not only destroyed my self esteem but made the loneliness so much more severe. I am not looking for another relationship as i don't think that I can bear that happening again and I have to find a way to deal with this pain that I feel.

My parents and my siblings are all still alive but I am not really that close to them. my boyfriend was the first person to whom I opened up completely - even more than my family and he threw me to the curb and stomped on my head.

Under the circumstances i prefer to die alone inspite of the pain than ever having to go through that again."

Paulo Lisboa
Portugal
 
" Just found this site by nearly an accident for I was checking the web for some vegetarian dishes and found it very interesting for I am also one who lives alone... and LOVES IT a lot.

I lived with someone for almost 5 years and we split a little more than 5 years ago. I am 30 now and, with only one exception, I didn't get interested emotionally in anyone else during these last 5 years.

Throughout the times I passed from wanting to get back with my former other-half to wanting someone but not being ready to loving someone but it didn't work-out to enjoying being alone but happy if someone interesting came by and in my rules to where I am now: VERY HAPPY for being alone.

I am self-employed and most of the time I work from home. Given the nature of my job I am reasonably free to go to bed and wake-up at the time I want to. And this became an habit I don't really want to change. I want to work all night long, wake up at 11am because I feel quite ok this way. If I want to go for a walk with my dog, I go, if I just want to stay surfing the internet or reading a book I stay, if I happen to want to have dinner with someone I can call some friends, even married ones, but, usually, I feel much better alone than with human company. As a rule, more than 3 hours with someone starts to bore me and I start wanting to come back.

I don't want to share my life with anyone, at all. Recently I had someone deeply interested in me. Someone really handsome, who knows me for several years and it was then that I was certain that I am not in the mood for having anyone, at all, and that I enjoy being free to do whatever I want, when I want, the way I want more than anything else.

Loneliness? Well, from time to time I feel it although each time less and less, to the point where sometimes even the chip chat at the coffee shop causes me boredom and me wanting to be alone again.

Will I live alone the rest of my life? I don't know but most probably I will, yes. Do I feel sorry about that? No, not at all. Learning how to live alone and be happy, achieving emotional independence, being able to be happy on my own, understanding that happiness comes from inside us and can not be dependent on external causes was the greatest blessing that I learnt in life.
Wish you all the best."
lonewolfette los angeles
USA
" Wow.  I am actually really surprised to find out how many people live alone and feel lonely.  And a lot of yall are from my neck of the woods!  Cuz when I go out and about Los Angeles County I feel like the only person on earth who doesn't have a gazillion friends or a spouse.

I love living alone.  I had a rough childhood and no trust in men to begin with and then the only real relationship I had was a mess - we were both at fault and my heart was broken but I'm not even sure who broke it.  It's been 14 years and I have not seriously wanted a romantic relationship since.  I HAVE seriously considered entering a Convent but I don't worship Mary.

Mostly I'm really happy with my life and I have no wish to cohabitate but I do wish I had a solid circle of girlfriends with whom to do things on weekends since I am a desk-monkey during the week.  My friends are spotty, all over the country and I don't have a community around me.  I find that I relate best to divorced women who are older than I (almost 39).

So where are all of you cool lonely women?  The only obvious loners I see are at the local Trader Joe's and most of them look like miserable selfish people who are alone for good reason.  I don't want to become one of them.  I am so blessed to live in a pretty amazing part of the world that is so beautiful and has so many interesting things going on - I'm just having trouble finding women who need friends!  Everyone around me is married and I so do not relate to them.

And men too, don't count yourselves out.  I'm not interested in romance but I would love some guy friends - it's just that I end up attracting the pervy guys old enough to be my dad who want sex - so if that's what you're about, forget it.  Otherwise I think it would be so great to talk openly and comfortably and hang out with people of either gender...then my life would be just about perfect"
Me T-Bay
Ontario Canada
" I"ve lived on my own for the past four years. Was married twice before. First husband liked the shape of the booze bottle more then he liked the shape of me. lol 2nd husband couldn't hold on to a job or money. Then I caught him with than other woman. bye bye birdie!!
So now I'm alone with the two cats, that I didn't want in the first place but am glad now to have them has company. Was never blessed with children. My life is half over and have no family in the same country as myself. I work retail and so I don't have much money. I work and then come back to my lonely apartment. I'm a bit shy and find it hard to make new friends. What friends I have are married and/or living with someone. Single friends my age? I have a few male friends but that's just it. Friends. I want to find something more to do with the remaining bit of my life but where and how do I start. I want to be loved and love in return but How? I don't want to suffer an other heartache.
 
Why is life so shitty? "
E. Indianapolis
USA
" I am not living alone yet, but will be within the next year, as my best friend and roommate of nearly 8 years has just told me that she is engaged and will be married soon. I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong. But throughout the entire time we lived together, we have been inseparable. I'm not much of an "alone time" person. I've had way too much of this alone time lately anyway, with her being busy with the fiancé. I'm going to miss her terribly. Having someone to shop with, watch TV with, chat with, or just be silent around for me is a true blessing. Having that companion who will be up for spontaneously ordering a pizza with you late at night on a Tuesday can't be beat.

I don't think its the living alone that will be the hardest, just the living without her. It wouldn't be the same with just a roommate...that bond isn't there. We have been like a family, and made our house feel like home, but its not going to feel like that once she's gone.

I have also never lived alone in my life - parents to college dorm, then to apartments with best friend and other roommates, then apartment with best friend, then we bought a house together a few years back. I'm going to be terribly lonely. Not that I probably won't be able to keep myself busy, but I think having to do the little things alone will really get to me. Cooking dinner, or cleaning, or grocery shopping, or renting a movie.

In my opinion, there is nothing like the companionship that comes from living with someone you really care about and enjoy. Not just anyone, because as many of you have stated, living with someone you want to get away from would probably be worse. But someone who you truly enjoy spending your time with, coming home to after a long days work, and feel truly comfortable with is a great blessing in life.

So good luck to you all, I hope I can survive this as well as all of you have, and I may be back in a few months when things start to get rough :)"
Doug
doug@painted-with-light.com
 
Simi Valley
California
" have lived alone since 1980 when I was divorced for most of the time.  Well technically I did have 2 or 3 male roommates for short periods.  I don't mind living alone at all and don't really get lonely either.  At least not often nor depressingly so. 

When I was 28 I learned how to go within from a teacher named Maharaji that showed me peace and fulfillment was WITHIN ME, not outside of me.  This has made all the difference in my life.  If you want to know more about this visit his website http://maharaji.net and/or email me."
Tiffany
armstrong911@msn.com
Omaha
USA
" I get depressed living alone because people don't call me very often.  What should i do about this? "
Don
flakjakit@hotmail.com
Victoria BC
Canada
"Christmas is here for another year and with it comes the feelings and emotions of whatever your situation may demand..
loneliness, aloneness, happy to be rid of themness, wishing that we had someone to share it withness, and so on.. on that note,, as the saying goes, "misery Loves company"... i will be alone again for the third year.. and i am seriously considering 'passing over' over Christmas next year cause the people that were in my life and made Christmas a time of 'celebration' are not with me anymore.
sound a little extreme? not so to me.. theres no real reason to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas without having the chance to share it with Loved ones and family..
logic denotes that..
i wish you all a great Christmas and a better new year.. and in hopes that you DO find some sort of 'peace' .. some sort of way to deal with your situation.
be safe, be happy, DOn
B
elronds_pet01@excite.com
Dover
USA
"It really sucks. Loneliness for me is probably a mixture of self-pity and that missing feeling of being with another--someone to hold you and share with... right now I feel so empty and there's a sharp pain in my chest. Every time I try to feel great about living alone, I reality crashed down on me and barrs it teeth. No: society did not teach me to feel this way. I'm a social person that realizes she has no choice but to live alone"
b Canada " About 6 months ago, my wife and I decided that her disease had progressed to the point where she could no longer safely live at home. She is now in a nursing home of her choice, about a 1/2 hour drive from home. I visit her about 2-4 times a week, depending on her schedule and mine (thankfully, the nursing home provides social activities to keep their residents busy). She is relatively young, compared to the average age of most of the residents, so it is really unfortunate that she has to be there. She realizes however, that this is the kind of care she requires, and is doing her best to cope. She has made a few friends there, and keeps herself occupied with card games and the various activities that are scheduled by the staff. This realization has helped reduce the guilt I feel from time to time. Without going into details, we tried just about everything to keep her home, including building a house equipped for her needs (at great cost), but eventually her needs surpassed the house's and my abilities to provide for her care.

Caring for her for about 25 years as the disease progressed, I had to learn how to take care of myself, the house and property, and all the daily activities and responsibilities that most married couples share. I'm a reasonable cook and I can prepare food for one, although lately I find myself slipping in the 'healthy nutrition for me' department. I have decided to stay in the house we built, because I have developed a life-style around it - at least for now.

There are times when I feel free. I'm free from the daily care responsibilities that most of my married life I had to do. I'm free to go out and not have to worry about getting home soon in case she needs something. I'm even free to take off on a vacation once in a while without worrying about how she is managing without me.

There are times when the house is a comfortable prison. And to be honest, there are times when the visits to the nursing home are just an onerous responsibility that interferes with activities I'd rather be doing. All the neighbourhood social activities and gatherings are couple-oriented. I try to foster "guy" activities and contacts, but as I've never been hugely interested in hockey, football, or other sports, I'm not the kind of guy who is going to host a party geared to any kind of sporting event.

Enough rambling. I'm interested in hearing from others who may be in similar circumstances, and how they manage to deal with living alone, but still married to someone who can't be at home. I remain faithful to my wife."
GF USA Eric, I have been living alone for a bit over a year now.  I still haven't figured it out.  My problem is that I like being a homebody.  I am sure if I could find a friend that I fit with, it would be great to "get out there" and do stuff.  ''

Have you seen the movie "fight club?"  Didn't those characters go to support groups for afflictions they didn't even have just to have some place to go?

That is hilarious, but I am nearing that point. 

If you live in a bigger town, start checking out the "events" section and find something that grabs your interest tightly enough to make you bite the bullet and go it alone.  Force Yourself.  Do you have weekend swap meets or farmers' markets near you?  Even if you are just observing others and spending time out of the home,  the time away will make you appreciate your abode that much more.  How about the library?  Maybe a cute girl will ask for your assistance if you are looking confident and intelligent. 

Tomorrow I am going to go somewhere by myself.  If I can do it, so can you.  Think I will go to this huge shopping complex and just walk around.  It is supposed to be sunny and I hope warmish.
Eric Ottawa
Canada
" I have been living alone now for 7 months. My ex and I decided that our relationship has come to an end after many attempts at counseling. She decided to move back to Quebec city with my son of 4 yrs old. I don't mind living alone, I miss my son lots, but i am lucky i get to have him 9 consecutive days / month, but it is very hard to get back into doing things especially after being in a relationship of close to 10 yrs. What i have troubles in living alone is not the fact of living alone its doing things alone. I don't have ideas on what to do alone or how to meet new people. I find going to the movies is boring and depressing. Cooking for 2 or more is more fun than cooking for 1. All of my friends are in a couple relationship with kids, so its not like i could just expect them to drop their duties and do things with me. So how do i meet new people, and does anybody have any suggestions on things to do. I once considered my self a Human-BEING now i am  just a human-LIVING! ;-)  Thanks"
Julia USA " I'm just out of college and decided to strike out on my own and get a job where I don't know a soul. I have friends at work, but they all live out of town and commute in. I have a serious boyfriend, but he lives a few hours away. All of my family is a least a hour away. I've definitely learned to be more independent, but I hate living alone. I hate calling my family and hearing what they're doing together, talking to my boyfriend daily, but not being able to see him during the week, and not having anyone to come home to and separate my work life from my home life. I still don't regret my decision to come here for this year, but I'm moving as soon as my contract is up."
Jan
SECRETHILLS@zero.com
 
Coshocton
USA
" I was forced to live alone as my husband left me after 20yrs because he needed a change.  I absolutely do not like it.  I do not need to have help around the house, I just miss sharing my life with another person.  Thank you  jan?"
Tiffany
armstrong911@msn.com
 
Omaha
United States
 
"I  totally agree with Paul from Tecumseh (spelling is wrong i know),

" The moment I stop living alone and staying with family my depression goes away.  I know we have a choice to make our own happiness but I just constantly fade further and further away when I live alone.  I usually start out with focusing on the positive side of living alone but the more I live alone my "positive" side diminishes.  I am usually an up beat and happy person, but living alone turns me into someone I don't like and can't even begin to understand.  There has to be some problems to living alone.  There is a whole website dedicated to the details of it.  I find it hard to believe that there is no one out there who feels the same way as I do"

Gaelle Montreal
Canada
" I just moved into a two room apartment 2 months ago. I am a full time student. I've always wants to live on my own-always had that independent spirit. I don't regret being on my own, but sometimes it is hard. I have a boyfriend and a few friends yet I still feel alone. This feeling has been growing inside of me and I believe that it is time for me to expand my social network and start making more friends. I'm anti-pets, so I really need to put myself out there.

To get over my loneliness I will start reading, and try to meet new people. Good luck to all of you who are new to this as I am"
Brian
traintyme590@msn.com
 
Canada " I have lived alone for many years now, and continue to enjoy it. Just recently I have taken on a new position, going from teaching part time to full time, retired that part of my working life which has paid the bills and given me a comfortable home, and not missing that aspect. I have a few key friends, soul mate friends if you would. But supposedly that life mate they say we all have, has never appeared in my life. Am I sorry, do I regret it?.........No, you cannot miss something you never had. I have a good full life, and look forward to the future and what it may bring.

Enjoy your single, alone life, it can be very full and enriching.

Loneliness is just a state of mind, not a way of life!"
Tiffany
armstrong911@msn.com
Omaha
USA
" I don't like living alone one single bit.  It is too depressing and isolating.  I know there are people out there who like it but I completely don't understand that one bit.  Good for them, but I am definitely in that boat.  I am looking for pen pals. Thanks!, "

" I agree with Sophie from Australia....living alone made me so depressed that I almost commited suicide....twice.....i know it is said that the loneliness is all in the head but how does one control that???  I did everything i could....i joined a gym and went everyday for six months....i volunteered at the local hospital....i called friends and family every chance i got.....i got a dog.....i had parties.....i tried to become good friends with my neighbors....i read.....i watched tv.....i cleaned....i listened to music.....living alone still turned me into a psychopath....others see an instant difference in me when I live with others.....can somebody please explain that???? 
 

Maria Louis Woodbridge, Ontario
Canada
"Thank you Don....I read the article over and over and it has opened my reasonings.  Living alone is not a drastic situation, of course it has ups and downs and this article gives me more ups now.  thank you again"
Don
flakjakit@hotmail.com
Victoria BC
Canada
" ive been here a number of times and as i have read the pain and upsurging of emotional entanglement, the losses, the gains in some cases.. it still behooves me to think that there are that many 'co-dependent' people that actually cant live without someone in their lives.. im sorry if ive offended anyone and i DO understand that the 'old' attitude towards having a partnership with a male or female is STILL an archaic one .. living with the one you Love and cherish for the rest of your life... i dont think thats going to do it in todays society.. and i know there are peoples eyebrows going up their foreheads as i speak,, however just hear me out .. please.. if you go back through what i have written here you will get a somewhat "light" background as to who i am and the trials and tribulations ive been through..

everyone has their story to tell.. good and bad.. i know that pain .. i know the loneliness.. i know that i hate being alone.. however.. alone ( and for the sake of repeating myself ) isn't a disease!.. society has taught us that its WRONG to be alone and if you are, then there's something 'wrong' with YOU!.. a truly archaic attitude.. and its the attitude that we, as whom society views us to be, must change! its NOT wrong.. its OK!.. life happens and we reap  the benefits of having to have gone through it.. its a learning curve for some.. and hell for others.. been there, done that. sometimes more than i would admit too although in the 40 years ive been divorced, a person would look at my 'Love life' and wonder what ive been doing with my self!..;-) anyway.. i am a selective person as that there's no point in wasting my time and yours if there's no chance of us hitting it off . YES?

i just want to say to those that are feeling like life has gut-kicked them and left them for dead!..not at all.. i honestly ( and PLEASE don't condemn me for this attitude ) don't think that most of us are supposed to be with the same person all our lives... explanation :

as we grow ( key word). we may grow away from our partner..in many ways.. intellectually, emotionally, sexually, mentally, spiritually, and the list goes on.. we leave our partners for just these reasons.. to 'move on'.. to perhaps for a better world..   greener pastures.. better things.. and who knows, maybe a more satisfying life.. alone!

id leave you with this... be separate.. be individual.. be all the things you wanted to be when you were WITH someone and couldn't!... be you.. and for God's sake.. learn to forgive!!.you and all the others that have come to be in your life and that aren't now.. its not a 'fault ' thing.. its life!!.. ACKNOWLEDGE  ACCEPT  ADAPT..

if you live those three things.. you'll find life is a much nicer place to be.. with OR without.. and now,, you have a power.. the power do decide over which you want..
to be .. or not to be...its all up to you.. be safe and be happy
Eric   " That was an excellent article Donald and an inspiration to all of us I'm sure.  It has been two years for me now since the separation and I am, ashamed to say, still in a state of disbelief.  I very much want to forget the past and move on but always the ghost of bygone days comes and pays a visit.  I don't mind living on my own.  It has it's pros and cons just like living with someone does.,"
Jack
 
St Louis " Great site, great comments. I've been living alone, with my son, for about four years now. After a 2nd divorce I've committed to working on me and learning how to be self sufficient. It's been a struggle, in many way's I don't think I've healed from the 2nd time around though in many other way's I think my issues have nothing to do with that and more to do with life overall. The toughest thing for me is that I'm insanely affectionate and miss the touch of a woman (mentally and physically). I've had a few nice relationships with amazing women that failed for one reason or another. More than anything I think they failed because I'm still frightened of stepping into a commitment. Nevertheless, while I enjoy many aspects of the life, I find I'm more often lonely than not and tend to isolate myself with my thoughts far too much. I need to learn how to move on, move up and take direction in my life without relying on someone to be by my side. I've many interests and  things I'm looking forward to however I find at times, a lot lately, rather than take advantage of the time I've wandered into the land of moping and loneliness, not doing anything but isolating and being depressed. I'm sure it will end soon, I'm ready for it to end, ready to move on and live. The searching for someone has got to end, I should learn how to be happy alone and not want someone right? Hell who knows..."
Vicki
 
Anchorage, Alaska
USA
" No one telling me what to do is great. and I can do whatever I want. I have 3 grown children so have had many years of living with people. I love to write and am working on many projects. I still work 7-4 5 days a week, but look forward to retirement in just a few more years. My 81 year old mother lives downstairs in my duplex, so I do have contact with her daily, but really for the most part am alone in my home and I love it "

" Just wanted to add that it was great reading all of the comments on living alone. I looked for a site about living alone just to re-confirm that it was ok. I was very pleased to read so many positive comments about living alone"

Catriona
aarulzau@yahoo.com.au
Melbourne
Australia
"I am 27 and for five years lived in various shared houses (although housesat alone for periods) when I was younger and housesat I simply could not cope with the loneliness I was majorly depressed when my parents went away for six weeks leaving me to look after the house.
Now I am 27 I cope better when alone but do find it lonely partially because I have Asperger's Syndrome making it tough for me to make strong friendships. I have been living alone for four weeks now and am moving into a place on my own permanently later this month I have left my email address if anyone is interested in being penpals (do not write if you are interested in something sexual).,"
Donald Atlanta
USA
"Alone but not lonely...most of the time. I've been living alone now for five years. It was shock to learn that my wife of eleven years met someone else and fell in love. She moved out. When her new relationship did not work out, we agreed to give our marriage a second chance and she moved back it. It didn't work. I still loved her but my feelings changed in some subtle way that made our marriage feel empty. So, we got a divorce and I moved to Atlanta for a fresh start.

Initially it was very hard for me by myself. I was isolated and lonely. It didn't help that I am a shy person so making new friends was not easy.

I was simply amazed when I started to get used to living alone and doing things by myself. It took a while but I came to realize that I was OK with being alone. Alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely. Sure, there are moments went I feel lonely, but those feelings pass. I try to stay focused on the world outside my home and forget about what ever petty problems I think I have. It helps that I like to read and have a keen interest in so many things.

I remained close friends with my former wife. I am thankful I had a good marriage up until the very end and that we still talk and do things together. It doesn't seem like such a big loss. "
anonymous   " I'm 41, live alone, (except for my animals), and love it.  I relish the fact that when I come home from work I don't have to deal with another person--another person, making a mess for me to clean up, more dishes, house cleaning, cooking, laundry, financial, emotional and physical burdens on me--from that one person who does NOT contribute their fair share.  I will gladly pass on the usual euphoria of the first year or so of a new relationship to spare myself the break up part (that's me breaking up with them by the way) and the starting over/recovering.  I've been completely single for well over seven years.  The other half has NEVER brought in their fair share, I'm sick of being the cash cow, and in the end, I truly love being alone.  Love is not all it's cracked up to be--that's why they make all those romantic comedies (ha) which I do actually enjoy--because it's just a fairy tale anyway.  I feel sorry for those ones so dependant on another they can't even eat a meal without them.  The less people you love the better--narrow down the list to save yourself the pain.  Be selfish, be smart.  Living alone has more advantages than living with someone does--believe me--I know.  All the leftovers are mine!!  : )  "
Leigh Winston-Salem
USA
" Have you ever heard of having a significant other but still feeling alone"?
Nancy
annjcd19@aol.com

 
Niagara Falls
USA
" This is for Bluesman-South of Nowhere..
  I can relate to all that you wrote. If you would like a pen pal it's ok to email me...It helps to have a friend.."
Lynn USA " so it has been a year now since living on my own. empty nester-dom and widowhood hit at the same time. winter was the worst, so i am trying to figure out how to combat the harshness of the cold season and all of the emotional strain it brings on. guess i gotta join a gym.
hopefully i will be able to meet a couple of friends there as well.

i cannot lie--i feel the difference and full force of "alone" and "loneliness." i always thought that i was the sort of person who could pull herself out of ditches and believed that trying times only made one stronger. i don't know myself anymore and my beliefs have become fragments that i can't piece back together. each day it gets harder to have faith that things will improve.

what goes up, must come down the old addage says. does anyone know of any scientific principles that speak of what is down spontaneously rising up?

this site was designed to inspire and i really do wish there were some way i could inspire myself and others. i will leave you with this quote:

When so many are lonely, it would be selfish to be lonely alone. - Tennessee Williams"
redryder9@msn.com
 
MICHIGAN
USA
" WELL, HERE I AM E-MAILING AGAIN AFTER FIVE MONTHS OF WIDOWHOOD. I AM ADJUSTING. IF ONLY SLIGHTLY, TO BEING WITHOUT SOMEONE TO SHARE MY BED, MY THOUGHTS AND MY LIFE. WHEN MY HUSBAND OF 30+ YEARS DIED SUDDENLY, I WAS DEVASTATED TO BE ALONE. I AM A WELL- EDUCATED, ARTICULATE PERSON WHO NOW FINDS MYSELF OFFENDED BY THE ONSLAUGHT OF PEOPLE (MOSTLY MEN) WHO THINK I AM DESPERATE FOR THEIR COMPANY. I GUESS I NEVER PAID ANY ATTENTION TO THOSE SURROUNDING US AT CHURCH AND SOCIAL EVENTS AND EVEN NEIGHBORS, UNTIL MY HUSBAND DIED. I HAVE FOUND MOST TO BE GOLDDIGGERS WITHOUT ANYTHING TO OFFER EXCEPT THEIR UNWANTED BAGGAGE. YES, I DO NOT WANT TO BE ALONE BUT THAT WILL BE THE CHOICE IF THAT IS ALL I ATTRACT. MY HUSBAND WAS 13 YEARS OLDER THAN I AND I AM NOT SURE IF I WANT AN OLDER MAN AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. I JUST WANT SOMEONE THAT IS CAPABLE OF INTELLIGENT CONVERSATION, AFFECTION AND NOT A NIGHT BOYFRIEND (SOMEONE YOU CAN'T INTRODUCE TO FRIENDS) I WONDER IF THAT IS A REALITY IN MY FUTURE? TO ANSWER SOME OF THE OTHER COMMENTS...NO, I DON'T THINK WE ARE MEANT TO BE ALONE. I THINK ALL HUMANS CRAVE AND NEED HUMAN CONTACT, AFFECTION AND TOUCH TO HAVE REALLY LIVED WELL AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP THE SEARCH FOR THIS TOTAL HAPPINESS."
Ronaldo
ronnieblueseal@hotmail.com
Duarte, CA  Living alone is the best of times and the worst of times, at times " Been doing it for the past 25 yrs
Bluesman south of nowhere " For many years i lived with my parents . they were my best friends. i was in and out pursuing my personal interests and work. took a leave of absence from work to care for my father who had lung cancer. after his death i went back to work but had no interest in work. took early retirement from work but lost interest in favorite things. after a few months my mother became seriously ill. took care of her for 3 years .it was a terrible time. since she passed. i have been alone no friends or close relatives that i can confide in. i have tried to regain interest in past hobbies but a lack of money has limited most of them. now the days are lonely , but some reason nights are a bit better. i seriously doubt that i am compatible with anyone given the things that i really interested in. so i try make the best of a difficult situation. isolation, money problems, small town blues. some days are better than others. but living alone in a small town where you don`t share the interests of the majority can be very tough. especially so if you are a member of minority group and facing old age.,
Eric Canada " The statistics on how more people are living independently are encouraging and, for the most part, I do enjoy the serenity. I thought I had the perfect arrangement in that my gf was living in one of my other houses and we would have sleepovers two or three times a week.  Unfortunately, The One came along and she was gone in a matter of days.  I wish I could have given her more security (marriage) but I just like my alone time.  Splendid Solitude by Jonathon Poole is an inspiring story. "
Nancy
annjcd19@aol.com 
Niagara Falls
USA
" One of the greatest tools in learning how to live alone and doing it constructively is the book Living Alone and Loving It:. Written by actress Barbara Feldon. It's a rather small book, but each page is filled with joyful, and positive examples and ideas on how to live, not just survive living alone. It's an inspiration. You'll never view living alone in the same way again! It's a promise"
Diana
rare_breeds@hotmail.com
Alberta
Canada
" My husband leaving me was a problem yes. But an even bigger problem is my parents they are hovering, smotherers. Since we live always apart I have managed to keep the fact that my husband is gone from them. I don't know what to do. My husband hates my parents if they move in I will never see him again. Would like some feedback. Have included email"
lynn
birdluvr67@hotmail.com
Renton
USA

 

" ITS JUST THREE DAYS AWAY UNTIL I TURN FORTY, I HAVE BEEN LIVING ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW, AND I MUST SAY THAT BE Alone HAS ITS DRAW BACKS , I'M A SWEET ATTRACTIVE GIRL, USE TO BE A MODEL SO I GET PICKED UP BY MEN ALL THE TIME , YET IM ALWAYS ALONE. I DON'T HAVE MANY FRIENDS AND THE ONES THAT I DO HAVE I NEVER SEE. I DO EVERYTHING BY MY SELF FROM SHOPPING TO GOING TO A MOVIE AND IT SUCKS! WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ALONE THAT IS WHY SO MANY OF US LIVE ON THIS PLANET, BEING WITH SOMEONE IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN BEING ALONE!, "
IVAYLO
wwwivolife@gmail.com
Toronto
Canada
" ITS BETTER THAN SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH A PERSON WHO IS USING . ANYWAY I BELIEVE EVERYTHING HAS A MEANING THAT ONE DAY WE ALL COME TO KNOW. I WISH EVERYBODY HERE AND OVER TO GET THEY RIGHT SOULMATE "
Dark Angel Boston
USA
" Being alone is hard but, being with someone that gets on your last nerve is even harder. Better yet, they have to be the center of attention all the time. Too many people today are selfish. Those how are lonely on not wrong, they just don't mind sharing there live's with another soul. I think everyone here is a giver & that makes all us extremely special.. The difference between Gods children or not."
Diana
rare_breeds@hotmail.com
Canada " I have been living alone for 4 months. My husband of 29 yrs has an addictive personality. He decided that his job was more important than me & moved out. I have run my farm for 17yrs have never had an outside job. I hate being alone especially at night. I am deaf. At my age I don't see many prospects for the future. Not much hope of reconciliation unless he goes for help "
Rob
rkarten@peschmitt.com
N.J.
USA
" Well, sitting at the computer, I searched; "Living alone" just to see what would surface. I have been divorced and living alone for three years. I have a beautiful 4 1/2-year old son that I spend most of my weekends with...and he is everything to me!

I'm a fairly introverted musician/artist and have always felt more comfortable and at ease when by myself. Even as a young child, I was very content on being by myself - as most of the time now. I've always had friends, only a select few, and most of the time (in the past) in a relationship. I do concur with many of the people on this site regarding the benefits of the total freedom that oneness can bring - both emotionally and spiritually. It's almost a Buddhist-type of peacefulness that surrounds me due to, what I believe in part, is a sort-of detachment to other peoples' issues and drama. Don't get me wrong, I actually like people and I am very pleasant, friendly and compassionate. I just find it hard to relate to many.

I used to perform live, as a musician, for many years in front of many people, but then would scurry off stage to solitude :) In large social gatherings, I would just look at my watch waiting to be by myself again. Even though I was not drawn to the social environment and people, it WAS there. - I settled down and walked away from pretty much all of my playing and these environments when I married. When my wife left (with my son), I had never felt so useless and alone. I felt like 'nobody' - a non-existing shell of a person. Luckily the divorce and my relationship with her is extremely amiable - she moved on quickly!!! It's taken time to find myself again and my happiness within myself. It is now, as I am 37, that I'm starting to visualize myself being alone until the day I die (I'm not negative - really!). When I look at it that way - it's a little depressing. My friends say it's my own fault for not putting myself out there...but for some reason I do not have the motivation to go trough that 'scene'. I feel that I am a very loving and affectionate person, but only to that special someone. I would like to think that there would be a woman, somewhere, that I could express my deep romantic side to; but I'd rather be alone then to subject myself to aggravation, frustration and compromise.

I agree with a lot of you that the Holidays/New Year time is the worst, however. It seems so 'couple'- focused. I even have to hear it every year at the office Christmas party "what's wrong with you? Are you turning gay or becoming a monk?" I can't get mad - because unfortunately it is more 'acceptable' as the social-norm to be in a relationship with someone. I guess I'm not normal? - though reading some of the comments on this site - I don't feel SO alone.- funny. I'm definitely, in general, happy and content.

Anyway...I just wanted to share this with some people that I felt may relate. I hope everyone well., "
john mcdonagh
jmcb3@lycos.co.uk
London
UK
" I suffer that indefinable sense of lonely oneness although having being in relationship(s) all my adult life (43 now) I have felt to varying degrees lonely or alone. I have to share and fear and feel the other persons pain and joy.. I need connectedness in relationship to relieve me of the superficial day to day people who by and large I disregard. They mostly don't commune and are signed up hardened exponents of the "I don't give a shit about anybody except me" camp. This is not my sense of cosmic connectedness which omits the terrestial and extra-terrestial earth based religions.. In favour of a faith of who wrote the code! And if the coder believes in the beauty of their design then their design is not deterministic but provides us/we with the freedom to encode and therefore to determine what is humane...then I subscribe to a shared humanity..of love and humanity"
JOANNE
REDRYDER9@MSN.COM
Michigan
USA
" I AM NEW TO THIS LIVING ALONE AS MY HUSBAND DIED TWO MONTHS AGO SUDDENLY. I AM TRYING TO MOVE PAST THE PAIN BY WRITING AND GARDENING. HAVING BEEN MARRIED FOR SO LONG, IT IS DIFFERENT. WE SHARED PAYING THE BILLS ETC. BUT NOW IT IS LEFT TO ME. WE HAD THREE TINY DOGS THAT NOW PRESENT A PROBLEM IF I HAVE TO GO OUT FOR LONG PERIODS, ALTHOUGH THEY ARE GOOD COMPANY. I AM FINANCIALLY SECURE BUT MISS THE DAILY INTERACTION WITH MY HUSBAND. FORTUNATELY I HAVE GOOD FRIENDS BUT FAMILY LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE SO I WORRY ABOUT THAT. I'M NOT SURE IF I WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL THE THINGS THAT COME WITH THAT. SO HERE I AM WITH MORE LIFE BEHIND ME THAN IN FRONT OF ME. I MAY TRAVEL A BIT BUT I STILL NEED TO FIND A NEW NORMAL"
Fiona
alone@hotmail.com
Toronto
Canada
" This is my second year living alone. Living alone is definitely hard, especially after a long day at work. All I want is to talk and eat with someone. Weekends are hard too. I get really restless so am always in and out. I never really stay home for too long, otherwise I get too anxious unless am on the phone or msn. I like things being a certain way so I like that aspect of living alone. I don't think am easy to live with. I can't see myself moving back home. And after a series of failed relationships, am done plus I would rather be alone than just to be someone. So only solution is to live this life... and be my own master of domain"
Roxanne
shandryl@hotmail.com
Canada " I have lived on my own for 15yrs and love it. I spend some time with family & friends and love to do what ever I choose to do. I answer to myself and love the independence. :-) There are moments when I think a relationship would be nice. If it happens it happens, life goes on. I love my own company and do the little things in life to make happy. Life is too short to worry about the small stuff."
Nancy
annjcd19@aol.com
Niagara Falls
USA
" I have began recently to live alone. I lived with my Mom and took care of her for the last years of her life here. I have friends and relationships, but living alone is a big adjustment. Not sure how I feel about it yet. I am using this time to development Spiritually and in other areas as well. I would very much like to communicate with others who are sharing this lifestyle. Feel free to email me "
Laura
st1gettnby@yahoo.com
Las Vegas
US
" I had an epiphany this morning...it started with the realization that I have 7 siblings who haven't been a part of my life in years (and I've chosen to avoid seeing them at an upcoming reunion, because its healthier for me to not be around them). From that thought, I moved out to friends...and realized that, while I do have several wonderful friends in my life, for the most part, I have had very few "good" friends, over the course of my 41 years. I've also had few "romantic" relationships (although I did manage to find 2 miserable marriages along the way). Even my son, who I love very much, has gone off to explore his own life (in the Navy). In the end, I was left with a "Big Red Truck", so to speak....that I am very much "alone" in my world.

Why does that word sound like it ought to be a four-letter word?? Why is that thought...of being alone...almost always followed by the question "What's wrong with me??"?? In this world where "happily ever after" involves a marriage (even in the Shrek movies!), I feel judged by those around me...as if they KNOW there must be something wrong with me, otherwise I'd have a loving husband, too.

I never actively wanted to be alone...that wasn't my goal, as a child...and it still isn't my goal, as an adult. I enjoy having people in my life...I love to spend evenings in the company of others, laughing, playing cards, watching movies...doing whatever. In retrospect, all of the things I enjoy most are things that are difficult (if not impossible) to do alone. I love to camp, but don't feel going alone would be safe (for a single woman). Its not much fun playing Trivial Pursuit alone...even if I try my left hand against my right hand, somehow they both excel at the History, Geography, and Science questions, and they both suck at the Sports and Leisure questions!! <grin>

So, what's a girl to do?? "
Stuart
scottplamb@hotmail.co.uk
 
Edinburgh Scotland " I'm alone but it's not through choice. My girlfriend left me after ten years. To be fair the relationship had been on the rocks for sometime but it still came as a shock.

She has moved back home to London so it's not as if I can even talk to her face-to-face to see if there's any way to resolve the problem. I've tried phoning but it's not the same.

So, anyway, that's me living on my own. The crazy thing is when we were living together things often got so bad I wanted to be alone but now that it's actually happened I feel lonely. How ironic!

The saddest thing of all is that I became so comfortable in the relationship that I've lost contact with many of my friends. I'm now trying to get back in contact but it's been so long it may be too late for most. I have made contact with one old friend and we're meeting up soon so that's some good news!

Anyway, I've included my email address so if anyone wants to email me from anywhere in the world please feel free to do so.
Casey Canada " In searching the internet for a "how to" manual on living alone, I found a great resource at www.singlejoy.ca . This is a downloadable e-book that covers almost all aspects of living alone and creating a social life, whether you do or do not desire a relationship. You can learn how to deal with just about anything on your own, take care of yourself and have friendships, too, and this book gives specific steps on how to create that. Good luck to all who are uncomfortable or unhappy on your own.. you might want to check that out "
val
vbgi@sbcglobal.net
Houston
Texas USA
" I am 51 and have been living alone for 8 months. I am not sure if I like it or not. I guess time will tell. I feel like something is missing. I want to be happy living alone, but I am not real sure about how to go about it. How do you cook for one? What do you do during holidays? How do you meet other single people without getting into relationships? I have a dog, 2 cats, a job and in home internet. You would ask what else does one need? Hell I do not know! I just know the serenity is not there. I would really like to hear what other people did to get on their feet and live! I do not want to go to church. I would like to have something to look forward to everyday. Do I need to just give this time or what? I am not miserable - I just feel lost sometimes "
Gloria Harrison
gloria.harrison@fccc.edu
Philadelphia
USA
" I'm presently going thru a divorce. I was only married 2 years and was physically abused. I was devastated, to say the least since I met my husband thru my Church Fellowship Group. He had been married for approximately 16 years and his wife passed away from lung cancer. I thought that he was a strong Christian man, but everything changed right after the marriage. I was hit on 10/22/06, a date I will never forget. I took him thru the court system and he is out of my house since I filed for a PFA (restraining order). I can say, after 6 months, I'm just starting to feel better and believe that everyone has to make their own life thru hobbies and friends"
Greta
designr@gmail.com
Sandy Hook
USA
" I'm 38 and living alone for about 12 years, more on than off. I truly like it when my life is good, but when issues arise, I hate it. Even though I can pick up the phone, it's not the same as having someone in your presence. I'm struggling through ptsd/post traumatic stress disorder right now and the loneliness is making me feel worse, I'm sure when this current grief passes I'll return to loving my single hood. "
Mary Gormley Dublin
Ireland
" I live alone, not really by choice, but just because it's worked out that way. I'm never bored as I have a job and various hobbies, but I do worry about what would happen if I were ill and couldn't look after myself "
Carol
merdie55@aol.com
 
Margate
USA
" I have just come to terms that I can't live with anyone either in marriage or lust.  I am a better person when I don't have to people please or in my case man please.   I love not being on a schedule and not having to cook for someone.  I am 51 and divorced almost 5 years.  that was my second marriage lasted about 7 years and first marriage lasted about 4.  I bailed on both marriages because I was not happy or simply disappointed with my decision.  Truth is I married both times for wrong reason.   Anyway the living by myself (I don't count the 4 kids in my house) I mean living without a man  ----- Has been great.   I waited 10 years between the 2 marriages and should have never married again.  Oh well, can't see that happening again because I am too set in my ways.   I love my job, my home, my routines, my TV shows, my favorite foods, and my big bed.  I don't have to confer about anything.   I COME AND GO as I PLease and how can that get any better.   Oh and I tried the dating service and the old hookups with old boyfriends and that didn't work so here I am by myself and pleased as pie.    LOVIN the single life CAROL"
Wendy Schererville
USA
" I live alone not by choice but by death. I have been living alone for 2 years after losing my husband/best friend. My children are grown and I had the option to move in with them - I decided to give it a go on my own. This is a first for me. I have to admit on Sundays I miss the lazy mornings in bed with my husband but most of the time I have come to like being on my own. I have learned to do things around the house i never thought I could master. I have female friends that stop by and it is a very relaxed gossip time. I have a few male friends for when i want a dinner or movie out. If they are not around I don't let being alone stop me from going by myself. I would of never put my self alone by choice but my glass is still half full and I am learning to like depending on myself. Not sure I want to have to share all my time with someone else. Right now I feel i have the best of all worlds - the ability to be around friends ( male and female) when the mood strikes me or time to relax in my own space. Not sure I will ever go back to living with anyone again. "
alcy Pickle Lake
Ontario Canada
" I surfed into this site while looking for The Holleford Crater. My marriage ended in 1973, the year after I got my first long-term government job in Northern Ontario.

Looking back on it...it was the best thing that has ever happened to me .

Northern Ontario is home now as Saskatchewan was when I was born! Most of my closest friends live there and I live alone by choice.

A typical summer afternoon and I am repairing the downspout in case it rains...a chum parks his truck by the curb...I am going to see if the brookies are hungry ...just a sec n I will get my rod !

I am a fair to middling cook...I have a bank account...I dabble in the stocks I fish and travel...I read and do a little writing....I am at peace with nature, myself and my God.

BUT ...Traveling alone is not all that fun. I have an upcoming trip to see my sister in Washington state....a three day trip that takes me a week. I like sharing....I like doing for.....and I like new places- out of the way places- but this traveling alone has gotta stop ! I suppose I could take the train and rent a car BUT you do not see too many mooses like that.

My friends say to advertise.....seems like picking up sleepy hitch hikers to me. I just might have to -bite the bullet- so to speak. Any ideas !!
John Medicine
johnmedic@gmail.com
  " Generally all the aging people feel depression. Make them aware about the beautiful nature. Engage them in new skills with smaller children"
Sheryl
MissPinayluvsTai@aol.com
Huntsville Alabama " Well im 22 and i have yet to live alone. When i first moved out at the age of 19 it was to an apartment in town and with my best friend. It quickly turned into an unpleasant place for she and i to be together. then after that year went by, my current boyfriend and i decided to live together for a year. Now that our 1 year cohabitation is nearly over, i feel i am ready to really live it up. I am looking forward to listening to MY own music as loud as i like and not having to share my computer with anyone else. I plan to do little projects like building a small bench or a coat rack so i can get that sense of accomplishment. I am still close with my best friend, but we agree that living together for one year was all we could take. As for my boyfriend and I, I don't believe we will be moving in again until we decide to take our relationship to the next level (marriage-fingers crossed). I have no kids so I won't be worrying about anyone but #1. I do, though, want a dog. i enjoy talking to something that shows love for me. I have been told that a young woman who lives by herself and is self sufficient and independent is more attractive and sought out than one who is emotionally dependent."
Matt Arlington, TX USA " I've always been a loner and I love living alone. I'm not a hermit, though; I have friends visit often, but when I want to be alone, I can be. Even Superman has a Fortress of Solitude. I like to read, write, listen to music, etc. at my own pace on my own schedule. Granted, many things are more fun when you can share them with someone, but I have no problem at all living by myself. Recently I heard of a women so lonely she would go to the grocery store just to have someone to talk to; I cannot relate to that at all. In fact, to me, living alone means you avoid a great deal of crap. "Better to be alone than to wish you were."
P.J. Florida " Just found the site and am enjoying the shared comments. I've been living alone for a little over ten years. Granted it has taken time to get over feeling abandoned, unworthy, hurt, scared, etc. and all of the other feelings and sensations that came after the end via divorce of a 36 year marriage.

Finally I am happy about being alone. In all truth, even though I wasn't alone for 36 years, I was very lonely. Now I'm just alone but far from lonely. I have a great job, good friends and most of all wonderful kids who, although live far away, offer all of the love and support anybody can ask for.

I don't believe that I will ever remarry or even live with someone. I enjoy my solitude and most especially making decisions that suit just me.

Thanks to all who have written before and the sharing that is yet to come."
Bev USA " I happened upon this website because my daughter's hip-hop boyfriend told me that I needed a "censored", in reference to my being alone; but in reality, most likely because I don't approve of him or my daughter's relationship with him. This 25-year hip-hop follower is of the opinion that a woman without a man is unhappy. He does not realize that the only source of recent unhappiness for me is her relationship with him. That is another story, however.

The Internet is a wonderful source for possibly every subject and therefore, I searched the Internet for proof or at least support that one can be alone and happy at the same time. I did not need the proof for myself. Even so, I was thrilled to find sources that indicate that more and more people are choosing to live alone and are living happily ever after without a mate.

Please allow me to provide some of my story. I have been divorced since 1991 and tried dating and thought I wanted to be married again. I was relieved when my only marriage came to an end after 11 years even though I do not believe in divorce. At 34 years of age with young children at home, dating was extremely frustrating. After dating intermittently, I met someone who I felt was perfect because he had custody of two children, also. After this relationship ended, I closed the book on that part of my life and have kept to my decision to be alone. After all my spiritual source advises against marrying when your partner is still living... you know, the 'until death' thing.

Since a relationship outside of marriage is not an option for me, I devoted all of my time to raising my two children, my parents and my work. This has been very satisfying. Now, my parents are deceased and my son and daughter are not at home.

I believe, in part, that I have never felt lonely because I was busy with my children, had a close relationship with my parents and a strong spirituality. I am embracing living alone. I am 51 years old and I am devoting this phase of life to being good to myself. That is my intention for now. There is something that could change my mind... grandchildren!

I must add that I am never really alone. I have had a wonderful relationship since I was 16 years old. Although I have not always been good to Him, He has always been there for me. Through the years, I found all of the answers to life's trials in His book. "
Penny Winnipeg Manitoba
Canada
" As I get older I spent more time in my home, rather than socializing with friends. I still work, so, I still interact with people all day, but enjoy my solitude in the evenings. I have taken on more hobbies, so I always have plenty to do.. Sometimes I feel I get over stimulated at a social gathering, and I only stay for a couple of hours, I'm always to first to leave. I hope this is normal, or ok, as I don't want to slip into a person that hates people!! "
Cher Melbourne
Australia
" Hi to all out there. I have read many comments here so far and am impressed with the honesty of how people feel living alone. I especially appreciated Rachel in New York who i could relate to very well. Its comforting to know that i am also not alone in living alone (globally)!! You can walk around nude ETC. the only people i feel comfortable living with is my family but i cant do that because i am too old and i do have my own place but im just too lonely to enjoy what others would appreciate more maybe. No one can tell you how it feels unless you have done it yourself. Being in a relationship IS ALTOGETHER different to being single and living on your own. In fact the two cannot be compared as often in a relationship one sleeps over etc. and there is always someone to be with (not alone at all) so to those who are truly living alone and are single then you are truly the most courageous and most independent and can say to yourself and others that you have experienced what it is like to truly live on your own. I take my hat off to you. You face more fears, more doubts etc etc and you conquer more than most because you HAVE LIVED ALONE and developed genuine character building and confidence. YOU CANNOT BUY THAT YOU CANNOT BUY THAT JUST REMEMBER THAT"
Donna Winnipeg
Canada
" It is great most of the time but I find that I miss sharing things. Also, it's not so great for chores because you have to do EVERYTHING yourself which can be extremely time consuming & exhausting. Cooking for one is also ok except that one tends to end up with a gargantuan amount of food which is either discarded or frozen for later. I also find it somewhat awkward to go out for a glass of wine by myself or dinner by myself in the evening as you get those odd stares from people...wondering "how come she's by herself?" The freedom to do what you wish, when you wish is good. I have a dog & she goes everywhere with me. I have had the odd occasional relationship which eventually becomes cloying. I am soon to be 58 but look about 39-40. I work full time being retired initially in 1993"
AJ Greenville "For anyone out their who is trying to deal with living alone I have a great little short read book that just might make you see your loneliness in a different light

(Gift from the Sea) by Anne Morrow Lindbergh)

Everyone should read this.

I hope it helps you as much as it opened my eyes.

Thanks AJ"
Kelli New Westminster
Canada
" I live alone but it's not really by choice. I find it lonely. My apartment building doesn't allow pets -- I think that's really unfair. Many people in apartments live alone; it's even more mean to say they can't have pets.

I moved out of my parent's home just over a year ago because I wanted my own freedom and my father was not easy to get along with. There is no going back there, but I wish I had an alternative. Sometimes you just need to have someone around to tell your random ideas to.

Signed, - Single and living alone (not by choice), "
AJ Greenville

USA

" I also love living alone although, I am not alone. I have two cats and a 22 long rifle under my bed. That is not living alone.

And for Valentines Day all you singles cheer up. I plan to cook myself a great surf and turf dinner, an expensive bottle of wine and enjoy my ability to so.

Happy Valentines Day to all of you"
James
computarman@mail.com
 
Irvine, KY
USA
"I lived alone for 3 yrs and then i was in a relationship for a little over a year. During that year I spent a lot of time with my girlfriend. I stayed at her apartment a lot and she would stay at my place sometimes. I enjoyed the time with my girlfriend don't get me wrong, but I noticed when I once again came back to my own place in the country I was so much more comfortable and at ease. Phone calls from her were often time a disruption of the great peace, quiet and solitude I felt sitting on my couch with my cats who are usually sleeping lazily nearby. Maybe there is just something wrong with me, but I hate being in someone else's psychological space when I'm trying to relax. My now ex-girlfriend had few hobbies or interest so it seemed I was constantly responsible for amusing her. This was especially true when her and I were at my place and I was wanting to do my own thing around the house.

    To me the thought of moving someone into my place seems like a bad idea. Its like my place is my refuge from the world of social mask that we all have to wear when we are in public. I do spend a good deal of time in public and I can be pretty comfortable with crowds and people because it is part of my job. It's just so nice to me not to have to try to please someone else all the time.

    This makes me feel that perhaps I am just too selfish to be in a relationship. I don't like the feeling even when I was away from my last girlfriend of constantly having to answer to her. She wanted me to spend a great deal of time with her and I missed my cats and my place even if i was enjoying staying at her place.

    Anyway I love living alone at my place in the nice quiet country. There is fresh air and and no traffic noise. I can listen to my music and movies as loud as I like without disturbing anyone and my cats never communicate much to me except for things like "pet me" or "I want out". They never gripe or argue with me.

    Speaking of griping and arguing I hope to never have to go through another knock-down-dragout argument again.

When I'm in a relationship I never jump on anybody in that manner. However every woman I have ever been with seems to get some kind of sick pleasure from having a showdown once in awhile. I will discuss things with my mate but one thing I hardly ever do is say a bunch of things out of anger that i do not mean. That is the result of arguing when too angry so I say why do it since it causes disharmony and maybe some hard feelings afterwards. I used to tell my then girlfriend I didn't have to put up with someone breathing down my neck all the time because when I was alone at my house my cats never gave me any bad mouthing. Oh well I'm now back alone at my place with my cats and I'm asking myself in a logical voice, again why am I supposed to be sad that I broke up with my girlfriend. Oh well I will play an old George Jones song very loudly and try to understand why this guy was almost ready to kill himself because he had lost his woman. Maybe I'm just George Jones in reverse. "
     
Aunt Dupree Buffalo "Katherine in the UK commented on Valentines Day...Hey I use to feel down being alone on Valentines Day.. But then I thought, who knows me better than me...I who knows what I want for Valentines Day better than me...And who could possibly treat me better on Valentines Day then Me...So now every Valentine's Day I buy myself a chocolate heart, a red rose to remind myself of that..."
Barb
barb@odk.org
Lexington, KY
USA
" I am 52 and for the first time in my life I am alone. My husband (of 34 years) went into a nursing home four months ago and will not be returning home. I miss him something terrible. I see him almost daily but he is drifting farther away from me so I can't talk to him about little daily happenings. I have no family, no kids, just my church family and a few friends. The loneliness is crushing and sometime it paralyzes me. I feel as though I will have a panic attack. I do have a dog and cat which are so much company. At least when I come home from work there is something alive in the house. I am learning to eat alone, be responsible for everything in my life and just be strong. I have noticed that after I have cried all day and night that I feel much stronger the next day. Strange, huh? I enjoy the freedom of coming and going as I wish but oh how I miss companionship. Someone to talk to about my day, their day. I miss that special connection with a man. Knowing I belong to him and he to me. It is just a difficult time and everyone says time will help but God time goes so slowly. To all of you out there hurting.....hang in there. We will get through this and be better stronger people because of it. "
Laura
elleflan@yahoo.com
North Carolina
USA
" this may be a long one, so strap in people! first, i want to make the distinction of depression/loneliness versus living alone. i know. the chicken or the egg comes into play now. am i depressed from living alone so long, so soon, so whatever you want to insert here? or am i living alone and just happen to have depression from life's circumstances? one has to make this distinction in order to take the right corrective course.

i know, for those of us who are not adjusting at all well to living alone for whatever reason, we envy those who are just sailing along and we secretly want to slap the smiles off of their faces and pull those frickin' yoga mats right out from under them! why should it be so much easier for some people than others? why are some of us so fragile and others so resilient? there is so much suffering in this world it could break a heart and bust a mind wide open.

i am widowed by a man who i rarely felt companioned by and i lost my only child to college, then a life of her own. spouses and children are not a guaranteed "fix" for loneliness. be honest with yourselves and i will be with myself. those who are fortunate to have the right company and good chemistry don't understand why we cannot just pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and get into life. perhaps they have not been seriously abused or used or neglected. those people are not as shy or skittish as we others are.

all i know, is in reading some of these sad posts i feel vindicated, blessed, and determined not to be life's road kill.

my big fear is that i will become a bag lady. i won't always be unemployed, but i worry about my future. with all of these changes in my life, i don't know who i am, what i can do and what my value is. and i won't be grandiose and say that i will make a difference to this earth, but i will say that if i am very lucky that perhaps i will become essential to a few people. maybe just give them some comfort and they me. i just have to stay open to the possibility of it. god rest my mother's Italian soul. she used to say in her native tongue,

"laugh and the world laughs with you...cry and you cry alone." my laughter is coming. i can feel it welling up in me. plus too people, nobody wants to hang around a sadsack. or a desperate clingy needy other to suffocate them.

but by all means, beware of other people's devious plans for you. choose and choose wisely whom you let into your inner sanctum. me? i am lucky enough to have an insurance plan to go see a psychologist to help me learn about living alone, how to cope with grief and loss and numbness. i am not ashamed that i need someone to help me discover who i am after i have lost the roles of wife and mother. now don't start saying, "see, she has someone to help and i don't." i haven't even seen the shrink yet. this is what i have gathered from reading here. i have gained this urgent desire to survive. no, not just survive, but to live as fully as I can, as I can. and if it only means getting out there and finding my niche in the work world and coming home to an "empty" place and eating a hunk of meat and a vegetable and watching some tube, then if i can find real peace with that, then i am happy. think about it. i would have a home and some food. two more things that i would not have if i were dead.

when living alone and suffering, i have noticed that it is easy to concentrate on what one does NOT have. for me, i am going to start noticing what i do have. when i moved across the country after my husband died, i gave away almost everything i owned. and it was a lot. i wanted a new start. no baggage. but a funny thing happened on the way to my earthly solution. i came with me. now, i know it isn't furniture or pots and pans or clothes that makes us what we are. it isn't even the heart that beats in us. what makes us what we are are our thoughts. if i keep telling myself i am a loser, then i will become one. in one of the posts a man talked about holding the fort together. well, my fort fell apart. i am tired of standing in the rubble of my broken fort and i am going to step away from it.

and for those who want to reach out via telephone, there are hotlines in every state that you can call and talk to someone. if you need counseling, go get it.

if it seems impossible to find, KEEP TRYING. and keep on until you get what you need. we don't NEED another body around to keep us sane and healthy. we need to have a healthy mind to attract others to us.

and for you young people out there already talking of isolation and loneliness i must tell you that it gets harder to make friends as you get older. now is your time. whatever you need to overcome this funk you are in, you better go get it. take a few risks and reach out to others. you are young enough to take a little rejection. you are more resilient. take advantage of your youth and get your mind right while the gettin' is good. i am 42 years old. even i am still young and vibrant enough to take some risks.

so let's all get off our duffs and do something. thank god for this website. it gave me the chance to see i am not alone in my feelings and the hope i am going to pull thru and seriously enjoy living alone no matter where i go. thanks to you all.
Pam Middletown
USA
" Living alone, being single is a unique experience. For some it seems that it allows them a freedom to do what they want to do without repercussion. For others, it seems to be a prison that engulfs them. I think I might be in the middle. There are so many things I love about being alone and just as many things that I hate. I am glad the holidays are behind us... the hype, the expectations are too much to live up to. I've found at age 52 that it becomes harder, not easier, to trust the motives of the people you meet. I think that is a sad commentary on society in general. However, I am so very thankful for old friends, my children, etc. Peace of mind is what I wish for all of us who travel through this life solo. "
Kim W/S NC
USA
" For the first time in my 50 years I am totally alone. All my family have died, my kids are off on their own...a good thing. My friends are great, but they have spouses and lives of their own. I love my church, but still feel as tho I am floating out in space alone. It is scary knowing the only person you can count on is yourself. I am smart, capable, and can take care of myself very well, however the loneliness I feel is crushing. At times I feel almost paralyzed. I am 50 and it feels as tho the best years of my life have come and gone. I do realize that each of us is ultimately responsible for our own happiness. Right now, I just try to get by each day as well as I can. Hopefully with time the future will look a little brighter! I sure hope so"
Lizzie Arlington
USA
" I started totally supporting myself alone at age 16 up until I was 25 then I came to USA got married had two beautiful girls. I became a widow at age 26. Stayed alone until I met a guy got married and had two sons. I have been single again for 20 years it was lonely at first. Bar scene you don't meet the right people. I love being alone I love my freedom only one to answer to and that is God. I have a good relationship with my 4 grandchildren. I leave them alone don't bother never aksed for $$ I manage, We talk sometimes and I am positive I handle my woes myself and finances as best I can It is a new year and I have made lots of resolutions. Good luck to you all. My solution keep busy and be happy get lots of rest and eat healthy."
Katherine UK " Hi, me again! Another one of these regular visitors! Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

I stayed in on my own this New Years eve because I can't cope with all the ridiculousness of crowded pubs or clubs (esp at new year). Bottle of wine, a good book, cat asleep on my lap. It was nice, quiet and peaceful. Felt a bit lonely at the stoke of midnight - scary because I have rarely felt lonely living on my own before. Maybe it is just me, but I think Christmas, new year, and valentines day are the cruelest days for single people living alone. Even though I know a lot of it is hype, I still manage to feel a tiny bit lonely on these days and wonder why I am still single. I soon bounce back from it though, as I will this time. Does anyone else ever feel like this?"
Noble
tata@qnet.com
Quartz Hill
California
" Happy New Year 2007! I found this great site just a few days ago. I have printed out all of your comments (all 110 pages!), but I have net yet read all of them.

As I read your comments, my heart went out to all of you young people (under 60) who dislike living alone. I am a 77 year-old widower living in a very nice senior retirement complex. This place is over 50 years old, on 60 acres, and is very well landscaped and well maintained.

I have three grown children with families (8 grand children) who live nearby; I see them at least once a week. My health is fair.

The thing i miss most is not having someone with whom to share things, such as readings, news events, television, my many and varied interests such as Genealogy, History, etc., etc., AS Charles de Gaulle reputedly said, "Old Age is a disaster!"

The toughest fact of my old age is that I can no longer drive a car. Believe me, that really puts a damper on your quality of life! On the other hand, I no longer have any aspirations to visit exotic places. I no longer wonder if my old high school friends are out having fun, leaving me behind. Not having such illusions makes this intellectual solitude more bearable.

Well, hang tough, things will get better!
Elizabeth Sylvania " i miss having a companion...a lover....someone to hang out with and have Sunday brunch.. i feel like i have been alone forever.. live read all the books..taken the hot baths..done all the stuff your suppose to do ...but in the end im alone..i miss loving someone....."
Deb Minneapolis " I am 49 and I have been widowed for 2.5 years. I miss my husband very much, he was a huge part of me. I would never say he defined me but together we completed each other.

I do enjoy living alone but miss having someone to talk to, be spontaneous with, laugh at and with. I miss Sunday morning coffee and shopping the ads while he read the news. I miss having someone I can call or otherwise interrupt at anytime day or night, one that never minded. I miss the tenderness, the loyalty, the support and oh yes, the sex.

There were times during our nearly 30 years of marriage that I wished I could be alone. No kids, no husband, no one to answer to just the freedom to do what I please, whenever I please. You know what they say, "be careful what you wish for, you may just get it".

I am attractive, creative, educated and own my own business however, I am too busy and skeptical to have a relationship. Many believe if you own your own business you must have money. I don't have the time, or desire, to sift through that mental nonsense. I also tend to forget that I am as old as I am and seem to be attracted to very young men. Even those that claim to be physically fit look and act too old for me. There is no attraction so now I guess I am a re-born virgin!:-)

Holidays are very tough for me. My husband and I would shop, cook and entertain together. I just simply cannot get into that spirit any longer. I try and continue to fail. My children are great, as are my grandchildren but I was always the quiet one, the one that would be sure your needs were met but watched and just enjoyed the ambiance, my husband would play, talk and just complete those moments.

My husband always managed to live life to its fullest and I now see I was fortunate and blessed to have him carry me with him on his journey.

Living solo is not bad, it is just different. If I had an outgoing personality it may be better but for now it is a bit painful. I want to dance and sing in public but my personality leaves me sitting in a corner watching others enjoy life or immobilized at my computer."
Brian
traintyme590@msn.com
  "Merry Christmas everyone, and a happy new year. Most of my family have passed away over the past years. What is left of them are the cherished memories of days past. Christmas can be a hard time ONLY if you allow it to be. Keep up old traditions, make new ones, help out others in need. doing that gives value to you a person, who for whatever reason is alone, yet we are never truly alone.

I have decorated my home, baked, and am cooking dinner for my elderly father.  Enjoy your time alone, best wishes to all. "
flakjakit@hotmail.com Victoria
Vancouver Island
British Columbia Canada
" For everyone.. alone at Christmas or not.. a Happy Christmas and a Great New Year... be safe, ;-),"
Bette
betteanne@hotmail.com
Toronto
Canada
" I love living alone...but the world around me seems to think that there is something wrong with me. Thinking and living outside the box is not an easy thing to do. But you have to be true to yourself. Living alone doesn't mean being alone...it just means choosing to live by yourself. There is a huge difference. I wish the rest of the world would just catch up..."
Jim
deluxe.rider@hotmail.com
Iowa
USA
" I have been married twice, both combined years total 30. I have been alone now for almost 9 months. I'm still getting used to it. I am just beginning to adjust, getting to know myself, and realizing I have a bunch of freedoms that I didn't have before. I retired about three months ago, which now has added an additional amount of free time to my life. I would be very interested in hearing from people who are similar and how they adjusted, coped, etc."
yamini
surg_tech05@hotmail.com
 
New York
USA
" i have been married for 25 years now i am 45. i love my husband . as i am growing older i want to do things i enjoy and i want to make decisions for my self. my husband is a good person and a good responsible man and has taken care of me all these years. i recently went back to school and got a degree and has taken up an average job. i want to be able to do things i enjoy , go out Friday evenings with friends. etc etc. last 25 years i have cooked cleaned taken care of the children and been a faithful responsible wife. however i am slightly eccentric, i enjoy paintings and galleries, and music and hanging out with friends etc etc. me and my husband don't have much in common. on weekends we do stuff with friends . however now at this stage in  my life i want to have the right to do things i enjoy and make decisions for  myself. on Friday nights when i want to go out my husband wants to know exactly who i am going out with , what time i go out and what time i will be back and he wants me back before he gets back, every Friday he goes out on his own . i resent when he controls me and gives me deadlines .i don't mind his going. i had an arranged marriage soon after college. before my marriage i did what my parents wanted and after my marriage my husband made most decisions for  me. is there ever a time when a woman can make decisions for herself?? i would like to live alone but at the same time  i want a relationship with my husband. i want to be loved by him and i want to see him occasionally. my husband makes great money and i make only 30 k.  am i abnormal for having these feelings and desires?? am i selfish?? am i eccentric?? am i foolish??

is living alone better than living in a controlled relationship?? freedom at what price??
Ellie Gainesville
USA
"I was married the first time for 12 years and then the second for 17. Each time my spouse checked out of the marriage after about 10 years and we just existed living in the same house. I finally had enough and started working towards leaving. After five years of slow steady movement I finally left. For the first time I get to truly do my own thing and not feel guilty about enjoying life. I have family, friends and great things to do. There is no reason anymore to feel guilty or baby sit someone. I found a poem five years ago that started me on my way and one I live by each day. Happiness is found along the way not at the end of the road. As long as each day brings a measure of Happiness to your life you are on the right road :o"
Kindle
kindlewood@adelphia.net
Washington DC
USA

 

" I stumbled onto this website by purpose. I was wondering how others dealt with living alone. I have lived alone for a year now and for the most part of it I like it. On occasion I get hit with a wave of loneliness. The internet helps but sometimes not. When it gets like that I force my self to get ready to go out. If by the end of dinner I don't feel better I go to Borders or a coffee shop and mingle until I am too tired to hurt about it. I love not having to report to anyone. It took a while for me to figure out I could make a schedule. Up to this point I was scheduling around others. Now I make the schedule and have them schedule around me. I also learned to have a back-up plan - in case I am stood-up. I made up a list of things to do for when I am bored. Not just chores but fun solitaire things also. I quit smoking recently and that was hard. It was most difficult when I was alone. I learned to play Soduko, and now I have no problem not smoking. Other things I like doing alone: Yoga, write, and study. I do have a pet. I love my privacy. I don't worry if I die and no one notices... I just hate that my pet would have to smell it. I did go through that. I believe that is because you believe no one cares for you and that hurts. The truth is you know you can count on yourself and reaching out is only human. I wish you all well and hope you enjoy not looking for the scissors!"
Kathy Missouri
USA
" I'm alone but not lonely most of the time. I'm 57 and have been alone for 3 years now. I also moved from NYC to MO to be close to my grandchildren.
Most of all I miss companionship and having someone in my life."
Kay USA " I will be 58 years old next month. I have been living totally alone for 1 1/2 years. My husband died in 2000. I raised my daughter, who left for college 1 1/2 years ago. I was surprised at how lonely I felt when she left. I thought I would relish being alone and sometimes I do but sometimes I'm overcome with loneliness and fear that I will always be alone. At other times I enjoy being alone. I'm not sure I want to live with someone again but would love the company of a good relationship with a man. I miss being with a man. I'm trying to take this time to develop more spiritually and to work on some of the issues that have come up for me since being on my own. When you're in a relationship, raising kids, etc. your concentration is on them much of the time. When you're alone you're left with yourself and all the issues you never got around to dealing with. I want to feel like I have a "grip" on those before entering a relationship with another person. I keep busy working part time, doing yoga, walking, exercising, reading. I miss having someone to cook for as I love to cook and bake. I am hopeful that some day I'll find someone to share life with. I feel I have so much to share and contribute to a relationship."
Paul
anti666autry@hotmail.com
tecumseh
USA
" Are you kidding?  Living alone is awful.  My house used to be full of people living with me.  My parents and friends lived with me.  And when all moved out, I became a psychopath.  Living alone is AWFUL!  I love to be around people.  I like the hell that can develop"
hyun
chunghyuntae@netzero.com
Kitchener
Canada
" I let my wife go because she wanted to 4 years ago. I gave most of my property to her. She will take care of kids. After this, I travelled the world, from Canada to Europe. I enjoyed my life. Sometimes I feel solitude, but I exist in this planet with faith to my God. I became a religious man suddenly after separation. I met the Virgin Mary at the seashore of Nova Scotia. I felt I had to give up most of my property to the ex-wife, and then I will get free, absolutely free. Therefore I did. Now I am free to go anywhere. Next year, in Spring, I plan to make a trip to China and to see my parents. Life is the beauty of God, I think. These days I enjoy my life. Sometimes I chat with girls from other countries. It is good. Good Luck to all singles"
Katherine U.K. " I am 31 and live alone and I have to say that I truly love it!

What is ironic is that from the age of 18-29, I lived with a series of 3 boyfriends and even though I cared for them, I think that for the most part what kept us together so long was that I had never had the strength of character to either live alone or be single. These two issues were very intertwined for me - living alone and being single.

Being single has definitely been a good thing for me, though of course when I first became single I really felt like the rug had been pulled out from under my feet! The period just after the break-up was like a social and psychological rehabilitation - who am I? What do I really like/enjoy/dislike?

Living alone happened about a year after being single and I have been living alone now for well over a year. For me living alone is mainly a very enjoyable thing. I am pretty introvert anyway, which probably helps. I like that I can come and go and do as I please without having to consider someone else. I can also indulge in my favourite 'secret single behaviours' without offending anyone - like staying in my pajamas all day, eating food straight from the tin, drinking straight from the carton, crying my eyes out to black and white movies on a Sunday afternoon, and sometimes letting my kitchen sink turn into a swamp! I am in the lucky position now of owing my own house and I've enjoyed decorating my house to my own tastes to the point that it feels like a true home. I also keep myself busy with a lot of hobbies: reading, yoga, keep-fit, art work. I have very good friends that I have regular social contact with, and I have an enjoyable job.

At this point in time I could not ask for anything more, as I am very contented with what I have got. Sometimes I miss having that special someone, but I certainly do not miss all the baggage and problems that seem to go along with it! For me I would rather be (as a very good website puts it: www.quirkyalone.net ) "better to be untethered and open to possibility"!

One more thing, I am a regular visitor to this website and have been reading the comments posted on here for over a year now. I have found this forum very interesting and inspiring, and can empathize with much written on here. At times when I have felt lonely or disheartened it has also been a great source of comfort. So thanks to everyone who has posted on here and I wish you all the very best, wherever your lives may take you :0)"
k . moorthy
 
colombo
srilanka
" i am mr.moorthy,christian,engineer(building/civil),m.s.engmanagement degree admission -distance learning(california coast university),graduate,m.i.const.m(u.k),a.m.i.e.t(u.k),civil eng(lond),3-year dip in civil eng(india),computer & internet(srilanka),engineer(srilanka),member of catholic truth society(u.k),7 years engineer experience (srilanka & gulf countries),alone living in colombo city,srilanka, because my mother & 2 sisters live in canada and have no contact with me due to anger on me.so, i have been earning myself and living independently.at present, i have been looking for friends through many web sites for my life upgrade.recently, i have got a job to work in dubai,u.a.e.now, i have been expecting visa to earn money and settle abroad.i have been living in colombo city in srilanka in rented room in a guest house.i pay rent 7000/= (sl rupees).i use to have food at hotel/restaurent.i wash my dresses myself,press dresses myself,clean my room myself,travell alone myself,go to church on tuesdays & sundays alone myself and eat at hotel/restaurent with other unknown people.i welcome alone females to join me through any relationships/friendships.my mobile no in srilanka is 094--0779891821(24 hours).at present, i am an independent bird at the age of 45 years old(unmarried) and am able to join another independent bird/birds towards life path.welcome you.my e.mail addresses;"
mia phillipines " I think living alone is not for everyone..but there are some who are well adjusted to living a single life. I feel that married people have more worries in life than those who are single. at 33, im just okay being alone..but i sometimes feel scared about my future.it sometimes comes to me just like this night, it is not the finances that some of us scare us the most,it is not what people would say about us, but more than anything, it is the loneliness of living alone, especially when you get really really old.anyway..What is keeping me strong is the fact that God will look after those who will put their trust in Him.. He is the best companion ever!"
jonathan akron
USA
" well i really like living alone....i was in a monogomas relationship with someone for 4 years...he dumped me because he said we had drifted apart and he was no longer in love with me...well i was devastated for almost a year...all i did was eat and sleep i just existed...but now i have been in my new apartment for almost a year and i actually LOVE it alone!....yeah money is tight because it costs more to live alone...but i think its worth it....like someone else put it...I am the captain of my ship....and i can do things the way i want to...and not have to worry about anyone else....i can watch the same DVD's over and over again without someone bothering me about it...i can be online for as long as i want to without worrying about someone else ....its been a good experience for me....at first...i was so afraid to be alone...seriously i was terrified...that i would be lonely or depressed...but once i actully did it...because i had no choice...it was much better than i ever thought it could be...now i never want to live with anyone ever again...i dont mine being in a relationship but never a live together relationship....living alone has taught me so much about myself...what makes me tick...and what kind of person i really am...i get to be alone with my thoughts...thats key for me....living alone is awesome,"
Randy Okmulgee
USA
" I am a 31 year old man living alone for 4 mo after a seperation from 8yr relationship. I do believe it gets easier but I still have hard days. I would love to find someone if God wants me to have somebody. I think its his way of making me a better person so I must have faith its for the best. I'm staying flexible on the idea of living with or without a woman in my life but I am defenitely lonely alot of the time. I work alone and that probably doesnt help lol."
John
paydate17325@yahoo.com

 

Chambersburg, PA
USA
" I'm 37 and have been living alone for 6 years since my divorce (I have my daughter part-time).  I still have mixed feelings about being alone.  Sometimes I am resolved to the fact that I will be alone for the rest of my life and that's OK.  Other days I desperately want a relationship.  It seems that I have a hard time meeting women and when I do it never seems to go anywhere.  I do enjoy the fact that I can do what I want whenever I want, but it would be nice to share it with someone.  Maybe someday I will be where many of you are, living alone and loving "
flakjakit@hotmail.com
 
VIC B.C.
Canada
" Well, the odometer just clicked over 58 years on the 5th of august, and in all for that is real, i am beginning to believe that i will live the rest of my life alone / without a 'consecutive other'. the summation of that is the jury is still out on if thats a good idea or not.. i know as you lose some of your mobility and agility through age or medical reasons, you should have 'someone' around that you can rely on to lend a helping hand, and for some of us the reluctance to realize that we are getting older and may have to give up things we used to do and need a hand is a bitter pill to swallow. im living a comfortable life..i am retired and now can take things as they happen, not as they were before. ive done a lot of personal growth alone and its been a learning journey for me.. i like myself more and have time to love me too. thats important if you intend on having 'another' in your life again. my cup is full, i dont need/want/require to do any 'sipping' from her cup for any reason. being alone has, as we all know, its lonely times when a soft shoulder, an attentive ear, or just a hug would be nice, however we who are alone are not the only ones that are alone. even those who are 'with' someone feel loneliness too. so maybe spending those timeless nights when a hug would be nice, isnt a bad thing.. it just takes a 'need to do' attitude.. enough said.. and remember.. be good to yourself, your the only one you get :) be safe "
Lee Douds
l.douds@verizon.net

 
Venice
USA
"I live in a quiet neighborhood and worry about die in my sleep and I could lay in my bed for months before discovered. Need some type of alarm that I reset every morning. If I am going to travel I could unplug at my house so alarm will deactivate"
Frau einsam
sana_sameer_71@hotmail.com
 
Vienna
Austria
" I think most of the things in life are habits.

Living with family or living alone is one of them.

I came from big family living in Asia and now moved to Vienna. Being very religious I did not let any male enter into my life unless he is not committed (Quran, Bible and all other religious books stress this). And that put me in a position to be all alone for the last 6 years.

I am 35 year old girl from Asia, living in Vienna.

Living alone can be wonderful and could be worst experience in once life.

I really love Quantum Theory, maybe you will understand me after seeing What the Bleep Do We Know!?

Loneliness can be killed by developing lots of interests and do not wait for someone to light up your life. As all of us are takers and hardly any one giver. So learn to give and take things back from life itself.

Living alone gives me the opportunity to read and think. I read Rumi, Kabir and many other Zen Masters. Listen the book "Power on Now" and understand the idea of being happy. But it does not mean that I can apply it all the time.

As Rumi said:

Soul receives from soul that knowledge, therefore not by book nor from tongue.

If knowledge of mysteries come after emptiness of mind, that is illumination of heart."
Vanessa Rose
califvanessarose@yahoo.com
 
huntington beach
usa
" We all die alone (even if someone is sitting at our bedside). Living alone prepares us for the inevitable. It also provides the opportunity for spiritual and personal growth. You can't hide from yourself; your shortcomings are in plain view and living alone gives us the time to examine ourselves and grow into the best human souls we can be."
Brian M Calgary
Alberta
" Having read a sampling of the comments, I find this is a very valuable source of comfort and positive reinforcement. I am a middle-aged man, divorced after 25 years of marriage, some happily, some very painful. Although I find my solitude hard to bear at times I know that the single life is the only way I can live a successful life. Whenever I think about trying to find someone, it takes about thirty seconds for me to discard the idea. I am too set in my ways to ever live with anyone again. My ex-wife has a friend again, and I am happy for her and wish her all the best, but I think that i was always meant to be on my own. Being around other people too much always stresses me out. I am always happy to get back to my own place and crash (ie. be myself, as opposed to wearing some kind of "social mask") Sometimes I think I am weird, but most (90%) of the time I just don't give a shit what anybody thinks anymore. That's the beauty of older age I guess!"
grace
 
victoria
canada
"I have been living on my own now for two years, my husband left me. The pain has at times been unbearable, and at times I wonder if it will ever be gone. As to being alone, it can be great, but I too believe that we are meant to have a partner to share with. I especially miss the times that are the quietest, they seem to be the most intimate and rewarding. Learning how to do everything on my own has been a challenge but I still haven't learned how to get out there and meet new people and keep busy and social. How do you do that when you're most happy at home with someone special? Any helpful hints out there?"
Max's Place Lala Land
USA
"This is a very comforting site.

I've blogged here before. All I can say is if you write on 1 side the advantages of living alone and the disadvantages, overall I always end up alone, I guess it was meant to be! If you want to be a stronger person, you ought to at least try living alone. I feel in the long run it's the best way. No matter what anyone says you usually die alone anyway.

Thank-you! Max?"
Rose
 
Ohio
USA
" It's going on two years since I have been living alone (again). My life has been a series of marriage 10 years, living alone with kids for 8 years, marriage2 years, divorce and living alone with one kid for 5 years and then falling in love and cohabitating for 4 years. Now that I am in my late 40's, my kids are gone, I am truly alone. I am sorry to say that I don't love it. I tolerate it because there is no other choice. I believe that as humans we were not meant to live a solitary life. Living alone and singledom is not for me, even though I have spent at least 1/2 of my adult life singularly. I miss the companionship and the consistency of having someone to talk to, to eat with and to just "be" together in quiet times "
SavageAngel72 Ontario
Canada
" I moved into this apartment on March 3, 2006. It's a bit challenging to keep up with bills, but I find keeping a check-list and a budget helps. It's been quite an adventure. This place is newly furnished, pretty much everything in it is brand new, and looking around it sometimes, I'm still racked by thoughts of disbelief that it belongs solely to me. "
Judi
nice1024805@aol.com
Waukegan
USA
"I love living alone for the peace and quiet. My food is not eaten, and things are the same as I left them, when I return home. I can read, write, sat on the computer, and no one is asking me anything. My bathroom and kitchen is as clean as I left it. I do not have to worry about anyone "snooping" in my stuff. I can turn on the lights anytime and no one is begging or stealing my little money. I do not have to clean up after anyone but me. I do love people, but outside my home. Once they enter your home, they become dishonest gossips"
mike
tellit2her@yahoo.com
huntington
usa
" After a 28 year marriage to a woman who I thought would be there forever experienced menopause and walked away from it all. Now its time to move on and live my life to its fullest potential. I am glad that I am domesticated, and can cook, clean, do the laundry and all those things that most men hate to do. Finding ways to stay occupied such as reading, church, activities with community, but it just seems like there is something missing, gosh I wonder what it is? At times I feel that solitude is pure punishment, but try to stay away from thinking too much, as it feels like your behind enemy lines at times. Doing well, but its totally different to me "
Stephanie USA " I just found this site and love it!! After 15 years of marriage, I have been alone now for 6 years. Wow! What an experience it has been. At first, I didn't think I could live. Now, I don't want to live any other way. What a liberating experience. To anyone struggling, I would suggest getting out in the community as much as possible. I have made wonderful friends and can still come home and enjoy my peacefulness. Since being alone, I have enjoyed everything from horseback riding, belly dancing, glasswork, yoga, tai-chi, and too many more to mention. I loved reading this site. I made me feel like there are so many people like me. In the small town I live in there are not too many of us single people around and many of the emotions posted here I have felt as well. However, we all just keep going. That is the most important part. I wish everyone well. Thanks for this site and the support "
Kristina Houston " Being alone beats waking up to someone who could care less about you or be a danger. For the time that I was married, most nights my husband would stay out late with his friends and I would sleep alone, he'd come in early in the morning and sleep during the day. I was left to amuse myself and clean up after any mess that he made. Sharing an apartment with his friends was worse. He told me they were there to take up some expenses but all they did was live off of us most of the time and left messes. I rather have my own place, THANK YOU!"
Debbie
redhotbettyd@hotmail.com
Buffalo
USA
" ITS REALLY SCARY!...BUT I HAVE 10 KITTIES, SO THEREFORE....I AM BLESSED!"
heavenlly
herrifv@aol.com
irvine
united states
" I am a older professional woman, i lived with my son and his family for 9 1/2 years me and the wife didn't get alone, we moved separately, i sold my home, now i am leasing and alone, i miss my 9 yr old grandson we did everything together. living alone sucks, i have no friends just acquaintances at work, and i am miserable, i feel like there is a empty space i me, and frankly i don't know what do do, i feel what is left for me death to a older woman is all that is left. i am financially secure i work everyday, don't need a man for taking care of me, nor do i need drama, i had enough of that with my daughter in law and her kids, that were not my sons kids. anyone have any ideas for me. I have fish, but they can't talk back"
Sue
 
London
UK
" I've been living alone for 4 years now and I continue to grow into my independence. I still find myself wondering what my ex would think of this or that and then realizing that i don't give a ? anymore. When I feel lonely I think of how much I've grown so far"
Graham
gmiles@sympatico.ca

 

Windsor
Ontario Canada
"Living alone is great for some people and not for others. especially not for me. I was a firefighter for many years  before I retired and from my experience being alone is no good. The reason: when you die you die alone and that can take a long time. I've seen many times. It's also a fact that individuals who have a partner live longer and live happier lives. Get someone for yourself, you owe it to the both of you and to your longevity."
AJ
iamjerkmagnet@yahoo.com
SC
USC
" Yes Financial worries are a hard part of living alone. I have lived alone for 13 years and the hardiest part was learning to live below my means and learning to save for a money drought, job loss or what ever else life can swing my way. And believe you me that I have had a lot thrown my way, but keep faith in yourself and get a money making hobbie."
S A   " Financial worries are the worst. I think I may have to rent out the other room. But I don't want to... I'm just worried about being able to afford my place on my own. But the being alone part.... is great "
Darkchoctaw Paris
Texas
" I just got my heart broken by my male best friend of 14 years. I have just decided to not think about love, marriage, and close relationships of that sort for a while. If it happens, it happens. "
JIll
jfmc1038@adelphia.net
Euclid
USA
" Just found this website and have found all the comments interesting. I'm 61 yrs old, and have had times over the years when I've lived alone. I've always hated it. Now I find myself alone again, Only this time my fear is it will be forever. I got a dog. She's adorable, but not the same. I recognize all the advantages to living alone but feel lonely most of the time and need to find a way to get over the sadness of it.

There must be something I'm missing. I assume time will help, but in the past I was alone almost 9 years and still hated it. Any insights would be appreciated "
HomeAlone Montreal
Quebec Canada
" I agree that living alone requires much more responsibilities that it seems. It's not for everyone. However, the fact that living alone brings loneliness is wrong. Loneliness is a feeling. We cannot create feelings. We can only experience it.,"
Robin
anovellady@hotmail.com
USA " I live with my 10 year old son but it is not the same as having a partner. Deep down I know that 90% of my stress is caused from an adult relationship and most of the time I dread going on dates. I came to this site because I know that I am better off alone. I just need to figure out what to do with myself. You spend so many years working on relationships and thinking about someone else and then one day you realize, MY GOD! these people make me crazy. Right now I am trying to keep myself from being depressed. In truth, I love being alone. I don't really want to live with anyone. I guess I miss the attention. I am divorced by choice and never regretted that move but I guess I thought I would fall in love again someday. Now I think, maybe we are not all meant to fall in love. I read a book called Many Masters, Many Lives, it is about reincarnation and it gives a deep meaning to our lives and our purpose. I am trying to figure out my purpose. I am reading this site for strength "
carolsuezq accoville
USA
" i miss the companship but love everything else about it"
LeaveMeAlone UK " Am 40 yrs female. Been living 'alone' for over 6 years. I found, living and exploring life alone, has by far more benefits than disadvantages. Being alone I have learnt so much about 'running' my life. Eg, getting work done, finding the right person for getting a 'job' done. And the most important thing about living alone is, once I accepted my situation I found myself constantly asking this question - 'How do I solve this problem single handed?'. Stuff like moving heavy and bulky stuff around home, shopping for heavy/bulky stuff. There is a kind of 'magic' in living alone - it literally forces you to find solutions where on the face none exist. And there are many occasions when having gotten over problems I had to pat myself on the back and say 'I didn't know I could do that?'. This gives so much confidence and is such fun. Its the kind of fun like playing computer games where one has to 'uncover' all possibilities to find a way out before going on to the next level.

And trust me, we have so much hidden potential that once you find it, it would leave you in 'disbelief'. And I have a bad back, a permanent neck injury from a car accident 10 years ago, weak wrists etc. Its so weird that sometimes I have to wonder - if I really made up these injuries. But don't get me wrong, due my health problem I do have limitations, somehow friends I do manage. I strongly believe in being 'self reliant', hence push my self into the frame of mind 'I have to do this 'MYSELF' and no other way.'. Sometimes, solutions don't leap at you right away, but that's the fun of being challenged.

I love the challenges of being alone, solving problems on my own. Its such great fun. And this is what motivates me and keeps me going. The more challenges the better, it means more learning, discovering and confidence, ultimately more of 'self-reliance'.

The icing on the cake, was finding calm and peace. Calm equals, peace and bliss. I spend a little time doing meditation each day, and ever since I started, I found a deep calm, that's difficult to explain. This too in many ways, helped in understanding 'nuts and bolts' of life. The people with whom I exchange words are, while one is shopping or when one has to get some work done. There are 1-2 people that I might see, once or twice a year, talk to family 3-4 times a year over the phone. And thats about it. The reason for this is, people always try to tell you what to do which is very annoying and not helpful at all. And sometimes they will ask too many questions about things I have no desire to talk about. But they just don't understand, so I simply removed them from my life as they were a source of 'stress'. Hence I feel so much at peace and calm being alone. Slowly when I got used to all this - I have reached a stage where I find it difficult to spend time with people. I have develped a low tolerance of having anyone around me at home. Few hours is the most I can take, more than that and I want each person to LEAVE. But I have no regrets and I wouldn't change a thing.

By the way, as I am self employed, working from home for the past year and half, so I am more withdrawn the public. Since I paint, I need solitude and calm, to get into pure deep creative state. This life style is just perfect for me. Although I would like to have a child of my own, but I could always adopt one. And I am in no rush for anything, will take each day as it comes.

If anything, I wish I had started living alone sooner in life, I would have enjoyed life a lot more for a lot longer"
Jim Melanson Toronto
Canada
" Living alone and loving it!!!! Most of my life I've been with someone, family, girlfriend, wife, etc. Now I'm 40, single, on my own, have my own space decorated MY way, I do MY thing when I want to and I love it!!!! I may just never cohabitate again!!"
Lisette
 
Wicklow
Ireland
" Three years on despite everything I miss the company of a man. There is a void that never goes away. We went everywhere and did everything together. I have dated many other men but find only they have enough baggage to fill an airport and adjusting to their ways of doing things as difficult as it is for them (for me) I'm sure! I wish I had been taught to live alone at an early age "
janardan
bkjanardan@gmail.com

 
Hyderabad
India
"Now i am 26 young guy living lonely , i find a female lonely partner. who is broad minded and ....."
Masoom
masoomh@hotmail.com
Dubai
UAE
" To be honest I am getting pretty worried about how much I enjoy my own company....sometimes I actually have to convince myself that the silence I go through on certain days should not be so much fun and so peaceful......but the beauty of my own gentle existence minus small chatter, conflict and generally the general flow of life, the hectic pace etc.....is just soooooooo nice '
Tracy Hamilton
Canada
" Hi, I'm still here and still living alone with my cat. Living alone still has it's moments of delicious reclusiveness...I wonder if living alone has permanently sculpted me into a person who can never live with anyone.

I just came out of a relationship (?), (well a love-swapping thing anyways) and now I am in that kind of wondering mood. Living alone for many years now. I have "adapted". I accept it because I have to. I used to think "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger", now it's " What doesn't kill me just hurts like f**king hell!" Good Luck to all of you loners out there. It isn't easy. But you get a lot more time to be by yourself and that can be a nice thing as well as not. I know I won't settle for less than happiness, so I guess that is that. Hope my mind can take it. Some days are better than others. Some just totally suck and I have very little energy. Wish things were different, but I am doing the best I can with my life, and sometimes it is better than excellent."
ct Canada " Living it and loving it (most of the time) !!
Blondie101 Providence
USA
" At 47 years old, I have found myself alone for the first time in my life. It is terrible. My fiancé of 9 years decided to up and leave. He wants to sell the house we lived in. I can hardly take this new and uncomfortable time in my life. For all who have a relationship - take care of it, cherish it.  Being alone hurts!"
JPF New Jersey
USA
" I have been living alone for a little over 2 years now. After spending my college and grad school years living with roommates in various apartments, I took a job out of state and plunged into my own apartment, which I LOVED. I loved the freedom, the independence, the fact that I was able to do this at the age of 25, I had such a feeling of ownership over my life. After one year of living there, the agency I worked for closed and I was transferred back to my home state, and I got my own apartment here. Lately I have been miserable with it all. 27 years old now, and am really missing the company of a friend/lover to live with. I am much happier when socializing, and want someone to share my life with. It is also so expensive... I guess being 100% responsible for ALL bills, decisions, repairs, etc is "character building" but is also bank account depleting! I share the sentiments of someone else on this board who said that they could be passed out on the kitchen floor for days and no one would know.... that freaks me out now, where it never did before. I also find that the things I thought I would be doing... entertaining friends and family, dinner parties, etc... well they don't happen often at all. While I do have an active social life with different circles of friends, I find that at the end of the day (almost every day!) I come home to an empty house and it is depressing!"
Margurite
 
Upper Marlboro
USA
" Being alone is never easy in the beginning. But as time passes, things get better. I think it is only human nature that compels us to disire a mate. Unfortunately, the right mate is hard to find. It is far better to live alone that to be with someone and still be alone. The old saying is true...I can do bad by myself. One day I hope some one will come along who appreciates me. In the meantime, I have to appreciate and love myself."
Hugh Jazz
ilovethearena@hotmail.com

 

Guelph
Canada
" Sometimes I like to get really drunk and stumble about for my own amusement. I'm so lonely. Please talk to me. I like cooking for one. Usually I just eat cheetos, naked, sweating, watching American Idol on a bean bag chair. Sometimes I get really mad a Simon and wish that I had friends to get mad at him with. Don't hate me because I'm honest. And Sweaty. Also another great advantage of living alone is that I don't have to argue about what to watch on T.V.....hence I just leave it on American Idol...or sometimes when I'm feeling frisky Canadian Idol. I wish there was a 24 hr "Idol" channel. I'm missing it right now. Better go"
Aj
iamjerkmagnet@yahoo.com
South Carolina " Hello, I am a 44 year attractive and rather smart women, who has been living alone for 10 years since my divorce. I really enjoy my time alone. I have 2 wonderful cats that always soothe me when I am down. My job requires me to interact with people for 10 hours a day so I am not lonely for people. When I am home I try to keep busy in my little house by doing things I enjoy. I love to work in my yard, which brings me so much instant gratification into my life. My parents live about 4 miles from me and we have a great time together and we really help each other out a lot. We respect each others privacy. But, I feel as if I have missed out on a whole life, not all the time, but it is February 06 and I wonder what it would have been like to have a real marriage, children, home and growing old together. I look at my friends whose children are getting married or leaving for college and see their pride, it does depress me sometimes. This web site I just happened onto has opened my eyes to see their are a lot of single households out their in this small world. I do realize I would rather be alone than with someone and alone. "
elle Los Angeles
US
" I recently turned 26 and am living truly alone for the first time. I moved out of my parents' house a long time ago but have always lived with a boyfriend or friend and had someone around. Six months ago I moved 2000 miles away from my family and friends to California and six weeks later found out I was actually 3 months pregnant. I had been attributing all my pregnancy symptoms to the stress of the move and did not believe I could be pregnant because I was actually on birth control (it really is only 99% effective I guess!) The baby's father chooses not to acknowledge me or the baby which is super convenient for him I guess because I am so far away. I used to be the life of the party and now I find that some days I go without speaking to a single person. In only a matter of weeks I will have a new baby to take care of so I suppose I won't be completely alone but I really wish I had someone to share this experience with. When you're pregnant people really keep their distance, I guess they assume you must have someone else there for you, so its impossible to meet new people. Even when I do I know they must really wonder about me because when I tell them I live alone they treat me like the plague. Now I feel like I've probably lost some of my social skills and "edge" but I know I have a very big task ahead of me and will probably be alone for a long time because now I will have to be extremely careful about other people to protect my baby., "
Karty
skartykn@yahoo.com

 

chennai
India
" I have lived alone for almost an year. But i use to bring my friends to my home, prepare them some dish of my own. I chat with neighbours. so i haven't found it that though. But mind you i was in a semi urban area where i can mix with them culturally"
Prennis
prennis@netzero.com
Boston USA " Hello, I am a native of Northeast Louisiana I moved to the Boston area about a year and a half ago, since then I've made no real friends besides a few folks at work. So I spend a lot of time alone I am divorced and find it difficult and boring going through the routine off going to work and coming home to an empty apartment. My only day off is spent doing laundry and grocery shopping, then it's back to the job! I feel that I should have some social life but the bar scene leaves me with a hangover I'd appreciate any advice on some positive things I can do in my spare time and ways to deal with the loneliness "
Melissa Albany Oregon
USA
" I've always wanted to live alone since I was a teenager. The ultimate escape from dysfunctional family syndrome. However, I'm bored all the time. I have no t.v. because I hate t.v. Plus, I can't afford one anyways. I have a cat named Royalty, who mostly sits by the heater all day.I wish I had a video camera. Can't afford one though. Otherwise I'd film my cat playing fetch. She thinks she's a dog. It's cute. I read my Jehovah's Witness materials and look forward to their visets. I feel closer to God than ever. I just recently started building things with popsycle sticks. A fish and a star. I do vollunteer work to build job experience, so some one will hopefully want to hire me someday "
Cal Australia " I been living alone for 20 years. At first I though it was only a matter of time before I met someone got married even had kids but not even close. I am getting on now but even when I was younger there were no dates or any of the fun stuff. You get used to it but as I have no family or friends I wonder what would happen if I was ill or anything"
Bill Duncan
Canada
" It's been over 2 years now since my wife left me. I am feeling better, but not whole yet. I've never really liked living alone and I still don't. Thank the Lord for my dog, he's great company. But I miss the interaction and comments and conversation and just the sensation of another life that cares if you live or die. But then I've felt dead for 2 years anyway, so who cares."
mureil
dimur39@hotmail.com

 

Montreal
Canada
" I have lived alone for many years when the children first moved out I loved it now I would like some one to share my daily hobbies with or to have a good laugh with"
Tami
 
Alabama
USA
" I lived alone since I was 16 not really alone but felt alone when my dad died to me it's a horrible feeling. Then my mom met a wonderful man and you can never replace a father but you could get close to it and when she met Arthur Smit is was the closest thing I had ever felt again to a father.... "
Sergio Burns

 

Scotland " Writer researching loneliness at Christmas would like to speak with anyone
 who has  experienced this, or will do in the future. Looking to contact all ages,
and looking to speak to people who have been in this situation for whatever
reason. Can be contacted at sergiob1@usa.com  ) or if you have any ideas
please let me know. I am willing to talk with people and take advice "
GG USA
Northern, Az
" I was married for 37 years to a tyrant (my wife). (Other than that, she has many redeaming qualities!) Now, I am alone, and likely will remain that way. Reading Richard Proenneke's biography of self-suffiency in Alaska for 30+ years was alot of my inspiration. I like people, but I have interests that are curtailed by hanging around others: being a musician, etc.

I have been at this for about 6 months. I sometimes get lonely, but I love the freedom. So far, my advice to those struggling with loneliness is to stay busy. If you have hobbies, or jobs that keep you out of too much introspection, I think you (and I) can do very well. Since I have no choice, I'm going to give it my best shot! May God bless all of you! Too bad we don't know each other! lol! GG "
Mary USA " I am living alone. I've been living alone for about 7 months now. I left my husband back in June of 2004 to live with my mom and start a new life over again. I went through a lot of conflicting emotions in the beginning. I missed having a relationship at first. Then I started looking at other couple's and families and saying yeah he is probably cheating on her. I have 2 kids. So it is sort of difficult to be without the last piece of the puzzle which I considered the head of the household. I am now mommy and daddy. but sometimes I just want to be a young woman. It is very rare that I let a guy into my circle where I start to actually care about him. But when it does happen. I seem to always choose the wrong guy. I feel like I always need a man. If one is not available then I am calling on another to fill the empty space within. God forbid when nobody is available. I require alot of attention and care. I am very needy right now. I hate myself for my life choices and I have nobody else to blame but myself. I am very attractive and I get approached by different guys on a daily basis. I still do not meet the kind of guy that I would even consider trying to get into a relationship. I don't even give them the time of day. I sometimes try to convince myself that I am happy alone. but deep down inside, I want a man. I feel that I need a man. But I am so picky that I cannot find one that is good enough for me. When I say good enough. I mean a true individual that just doesn't want to have sex. I always meet guys who don't give a ^&*$% about me as a person and only just initially want to have sex. I want someone who wants to get to know me and love me. I have married men who chase me and that is such a major turn off. A married man ONLY WANTS TO HAVE SEX. What more can he want from you anyway. HE'S MARRIED. any how I am once again a young lady that needs plenty of love and attention. I feel alone. But i am definitely better off without my ex husband who I catered to and treated like a king , who in turn betrayed me in the worst sense possible. I do want a man but not just any man. I do not like being alone. But I do know that I need to love myself and accept my circumstance before i can attract the right type of man into my world. Thanks for listening."
Max;s Place
It's New Years Eve & I'm alone.
  " I could've gone to to a couple of places, but, not to anyplace that I would really look forward to going to, if you know what I mean. I have a book to read I get over a 100 tv channels and I'm well stocked with beer.

I'll probably be asleep when the clock hits 2006, oh well, my life won't be any worse or better for it. I talked to a good friend of mine and he says he's got to go to his mother-in laws tonite and he does'nt want to go. Guess I'm better off then he is.

Anyway, Everybody on this site,"HAPPY 2006 AND BEYOND!!!, "
flakjakit@hotmail.com Victoria B.C.
Canada
" Like Brian, ive posted here before and visit occasionally.. i m still " alone".. and ill be spending Christmas the same way.. my family is back home. we'll do the " web-cam " thing and its nice to see the kids ..the faces and the like.. i live in a rural type of situation.. and its where ive wanted to live all my life. id be hard pressed to think of a better place to live. i miss having someone / companion to share my life here with, however there are times and i do say a lot of them now that i really do not require "her" here with me.. i can stand my own company.. and i treat myself well.. as i would the lucky lady that would choose to be here. my own personal outlook is that for the better part of the population, we are a social type and i do believe that everything is nothing if not shared with someone you love.. just my opinion.. there will be those who disagree and thats fine.. im ok , your ok.. im alone..not lonely.. i keep myself busy and theres not a lot that i cant do alone that i couldnt do WITH someone..being alone isnt a disease as some would think... some by choice.. some by consequence.. some .. just because its them.. its what ever "mindset" you want to have. so in closing.. Merry Christmas to those who ARE alone for this Christmas season.. .. be safe "
Brian Canada " I posted before, and have come back from time to time and read other peoples online thoughts. Now I am 50, and never married, never wanted to be, and never understood the games people play. I have my own house, and have filled it with things that are special for me, and enjoy the time alone.

I work, and teach part time at a university, and during the times that I have no classes, catch up on reading. The TV is a bore, and for all the channels, there is very little to see, hence I use only an aerial, and get 3 channels, more than enough!!!!

the word "alone" is so scary for so many people, and I wonder is that why so many stay in relationships, when in truth they would be better off alone.

One has to know ones own self to enjoy being alone. Meaning what? I live in a rural setting, but am close to a small town, and have neighbours not to far away. For me this is perfect. For others complete solitude is their choice. On public TV, they have shown a fellow (now passed away) who chose to live in Alaska, alone, and well away from other people. He did this, I believe, for 35 years!

So to all, enjoy your time alone, enjoy your time with fellow workers and friends, but most of all enjoy your life whatever the circumstances are!!!!! "
Nate
doctorbonehead@yahoo.com
 
Portland, ME
USA
" I love it. It's a catch-22 though...I have a daughter that I see on the weekends and my ex-wife (who has been married already two times!) finally met a sugar daddy! Hwe has a boat! He drives a Lexus SUV! My daughter even said she got a necklace the other day! Yeah! I'm so happy. I tried the traditional route and it didnt work. I like football, pot, beer, music (Im in a few bands), I love sex and women. Now I can do what I want minus the strees of living with that witch! I hang with my buds, go to a few orgies, go to the gym.....I do what I want. Let this moron deal with the insane ex! Yesssssss. I win!, "
Willy
willywilliford@hotmail.com
Jasper,Tx.
USA
" Divorced after 28 years, living alone was frightening at first. In fact I didn't get along very well. My hair was falling out, I didn't like being in my apartment, I would stroll the aisles of Wal-Mart to keep from going home. Things are better now six months later. I have been trying the Internet Dating business with very limited success. I think I was so lonely, even though I tried to hide it, that I scared ladies away. I am 49 and I think the women my age are a lot smarter than the girls were the last time I dated, 30 years ago. I seem to get better every day, even to the point of looking forward to going home and doing whatever I want--whenever I want "
Jeff Mid West
USA
" Living alone brings about a kind of ownership of self "
Bob
bobnoyola@hotmail.com
Inland Empire
USA
" I have found that once the dust settles, living alone is not all that bad, I was married for 25 plus years to a wonderful woman, we thru the years lost respect and trust for each other, sad as it is to say I will forever wonder what if and why? Moving forward at times has been tuff, it only makes me stronger each and every day. my advice to all of you is to remain busy, stay focused on your dreams, someone will come into your life for all the right reasons, I have grown up and now I fully understand my purpose on this planet, it is sad that it took such a great lesson to figure it all out. Here I am moving forward....."
Claudia Germany " I just recently became a widow and I truly find myself like alone on this planet. i feel isolated and just have no fun in life anymore. I know time is a healer and I hope I start healing soon or get used to being alone."
tim
timjyinster@gmail.com
shaftesbury
UK
" good reading...cute tune "
quintar
quintar_51@yahoo.com
Toronto
Canada
" I agree with the general opinion that living alone is good, yet it's tough not having someone to talk to. I've lived alone for a year, then was in a relationship for 7 months, now I'm alone again. It is tough always doing stuff with yourself... that's how people develop imaginary friends :) I think that it's good to communicate with other people who live alone... just to have someone to talk to. I really don't want to die alone, but at the same time, I won't stay with someone just for the sake of company.."
Victoria
 
Scotland " I openly admit that there are good things about living alone - I don't have someone else to tidy up after; I can eat when I want; I can choose what telly I want to watch; I have less laundry to do; I can run to my own schedule (if I want to work late at the office, it doesn't matter). That's just the problem though - IT DOESN'T MATTER. I miss having someone to care and worry about me. If anything happened to me, the first pointer would be that I hadn't turned up to work for a while. That thought kind of depresses me"
julianne
baby_juliit@yahoo.com
manila
philippines
" I'm a student writer at our publication . I write at the feature section AND OUR TOPIC FOR DECEMBER ISSUE IS ABOUT THE LONELY PEOPLE DURING CHRISTMAS I hope someone can e-mail me the effects of this loneliness in your psychological aspect, in your attitude, in your being or simple you as a person "
Edie Boston
USA
" I have been living alone, on and off, for about 8 years. Right now, after several failed relationships (none of which were live-in), I think that I will die from loneliness. For the first 4 years I was alone, it was fine, I was happy. But at some point I got tired of having to self-levitate all the time--no one to talk to in bed, no one to hang out with on Sunday mornings, no one to help me with the house and the yard, no one to take me to the doctor when I'm sick. I am trying to meet people, but it's hard, since I live alone, work at home, and have no children. I do get out every day, but there are plenty of days when I am aware that if I was passed out on my kitchen floor, no one would find me for days. It's so depressing. So, I hate it. I like my space when I am with someone in a romantic relationship, but this is way too much space for way too long. I don't know how I'll ever feel okay about it "
Joanne
joannekwok@kol.co.nz
Wellington
New Zealand
"I've been living alone for 7 months and am loving it. Before coming back to NZ to live I worked and traveled for 10 years. I'm very independent and stuck in my ways. I've had several long term relationships, but have decided there is no point living with someone unless they are the absolute perfect person. I love being around people and enjoy an active social life. However, I do enjoy my own space, being able to do things whenever I want, cook whatever I want, have full control of he television/stereo/computer/telephone etc. I'm extremely neat, so to have someone around who wasn't as neat would just drive me nuts. I've been thinking that if I do eventually meet the "right" person, I think that I'd prefer living in seperate homes. It would be exciting to have somewhere else to go....

Anyway, those are just my thoughts "
sam Canada "Been married twice and lived alone more than being in a permanent relationship. What scares me more than living alone is living with someone whom I cannot get along with.  Advise - have lots of family and friends for support but don't live with them"
Diana Fayetteville
USA
" I will be living alone in a few days he is packing. I have never lived alone before 13 years of marriage no children. The unknown is scary. Any advise from the seasoned living aloners?"
Carol Midwest
USA
" I met my husband 17 years ago, but have only been married 10. it is a 2nd marriage for both. i am 18 years older, but our activities, conversations, interests, were all so similar we truly never thought about the age difference. We have truly been happy 95 % of the time. When i met him i owned my house, now due to many illness and no insurance i have a mortgage. My husband is now in jail. it appears he will get a 30 year sentence at which time i will be 90. I visit him twice a week, we write several times a week. I live for his letters and i just write him about the house and our pets. But tonight it is cold and windy, my little house dog is asleep, and i don't have enough money to pay my bills. I thought maybe writing this would make me face the reality that he might never be home again --that i am alone. If i had the money to pay my bills i think i'd be alright, but right now its so overwhelming. I am disabled so certain good paying jobs are out. Thank you for listening "
carol
 
London
UK
" I really enjoy being alone. There have been several times in my life where I have lived alone for long periods of time. What I do is I sort of prepare for it. What I mean is, ...I list all the things I can do with this time when you really NEED to be alone. For example,....I have hundreds of books to read, I am learning a new language, learning to play a new instrument, researching certain topics of interest that I have never had time to do, working on some new hobbies, go to some interesting spas I've read about etc. I know that (like the other times) it is not going to be a permanent situation. I will meet someone new again some day. But during this time, I figure I will do the things that I just won't have time to do when I am involved in a new relationship. And when that happens, I'll be a more educated and perhaps have many new experiences to share with the new person in my life"
Noor Kab Elias
Lebanon
" Well I'm a teenage girl I have never live alone but I think that will be a good experience :get in the morning, prepare my breakfast,....... "
ehab cairo
egypt
" It is something in my nature .i could not tolerate being with people for a long period. i just found myself wanting to be alone, living alone, being with myself. like a whale i go out for sometimes to breath and go back into my sea"
Dan USA " Like many of us, I have been married and am now single. In my case I have been married twice. In both instances I married before knowing her. So I made a "Personal Policy" not to marry before 2 years. This has saved me from making a third and forth mistake.

If I feel lonely or start thinking that marriage is the greener grass I remind myself that there are worse things than being alone... like being miserable and stuck in an unhealthy and unloving relationship with legal consequences. Or going through the pain of divorce, which for me was the hardest thing I've done.

So for me, it's about attitude, gratitude, and seeing through the glass clearly. If the divorce rate is 50% I sometimes wonder how many of married half are happily married. Most of the married guys I know are less happy than I am.

I like living without the games, betrayal, and resentment "
Susan Baltimore " Here it is 9:30 Sunday night and I am sitting here thinking how sad I am to be alone. Not to just be alone but to realize that I have to be totally responsible for myself in all measures of my life and I get scared at times. I could pick up the phone and talk to someone but the missing link is the person who use to be here and left. I got so dependent on him that I took for granted he would always be here for me. It's like being hit with a brick.. One day here, next day gone and fear enters in. I found the first year without him to be almost unbearable but going into my 2nd year I am managing much better. We use to have so much fun, always going somewhere and the days were filled with laughter.
I get irritated at times to be constantly surrounded by people who have someone else to love and to depend on. It just blows my mind as I think I am a pretty nice person that I am ALONE. I don't like that word as it represents isolation.
Fortunately I do have a life whereby I keep busy and get involved in things and have many a good day. Good wishes to all; goodnight."
Linda Texas " I have been living alone for 7 years, and I find that I really like the solitude and serenity of being alone. I think everyone needs alone times...some more than others. As for ME...I feel free to come and go as I please, I'm in control of all my remotes, eat when I want (or don't want). My creative side comes out easily being alone also."
Linda California " I was married for 16 years and always felt alone and misunderstood! Now I've been divorced for over a year and I've never been happier. I do what I want - cook, eat, clean, when I want - visit with who I want - and avoid who I want! I've always been a loner, my hobbies are all solo things - art, dressage, writing, where as my ex couldn't stand to be alone always had to have people around to entertain him. He also didn't have a shred of imagination or a creative bone in his body! He just waited for somebody to tell him what he should do next, did whatever everyone else was doing, or did the same things over and over again. I know I'm different, I like silence! and if I want to have a fun conversation the homeless guy down the street or my neighbor's cat are always up for an interesting chat! (LOL! only half kidding, my neighbor doesn't have a cat) I don't sneak around and hide from life, there's just too many interesting things going on, if your open and friendly the world will be too. Axe murderers are a rare breed, the rest are just people. Just don't make the mistake of thinking it's the world's responsibility to take care of you and entertain you, its your's and your's alone single or not. "
Kate Australia " I read posts on this site about people living alone for months, even years. I have only been living alone for 4 days and I can't stand it. I think it would be very easy to live alone if I had friends who cared to call me (not just me calling them all the time) or even just someone who I had a decent conversation with.

I am a university student but despite subject related questions I hardly say a word all day, not because I choose not too, because the only person I really have to talk to is myself!! :)

My husband (ex-husband?) has left me, I agree with what someone said earlier about my sadness being more a grievance of a lost relationship more than actually living alone.

I really hate living alone, it is too quiet. There is only one thing I like about living alone is not having to cook for anyone but myself. But gee I wish I could talk to someone, they say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness, I say it is an obvious sign of loneliness/boredom.

Living alone is so boring, I really can't take it, but I have no choice, I just hope in time that I will get used to it"
 Maxs Place Pennsylvania " Flackjacket has it right. I just turned 50. My sister is on her 3rd marriage in 10 yrs. She told me in her last marriage, she felt like she was alone all the time. She married because she did'nt want to be alone and look what happened.
I am considered attractive and intelligent. I've never been married, but had a few relationships. I find getting together with friends that I've kept to be enough, besides who knows, if I ever get hitched, maybe I'll yearn for the single days. Like they say, ''Most people want what they do'nt have''. The other mans grass is always greener,etcc, etc...Live for the Moment!"
chichi
 
McCook
United States
" I have been living alone for most of the past eleven years. It is nice being able to come and go as I want, but I do miss having someone to talk to. If not for the people I talk to at work, I would sometimes go days with out talking to another person"
flakjakit
flakjakit@hotmail.com
 
Victoria..B.C.
Canada
" heh.. way to go Mark.. like your "Pink Floyd" comment... comfortably numb... been there . cant count the times.. however.. dont give up.. never give up, never give up , never give up the ship!!... ive have been gutkicked by the best of them.. and i still believe in love and there IS someone out there.. ya just gotta believe.. yes.. even after the bomb lands and the shell shock wears off.. shake yourself off and get back in the fight.. if its worth having and you want it bad enough... quit looking for it.. itll find you.. just when you least expect it and from someone youd least expect it from.. i live alone, have been for a year now... well actually longer but im giving my self the bennefit of the doubt... i did for some 12 years.. and like you got numb .. till i was ready to love myself and understood the the world is full of givers and takers.. ya just have to find the balance between the two.. shes out there.. how doesn that saying go? " if we should live to be 100, may i live till im 99.. so i wont have to live a day without you"... somethng like that.. i have many days AND nights when a bit of human kindness would have been nice.. but id rather spend my life alone than waste my time and hers if it were wrong.. leave you with the truth than love you in a lie!!.. i look out my window and see the woman whos lost her husband last year to cancer.. shes alone.. the man across the street, broke it off with his partner.. hes alone. the woman next to him.. shes alone.. and all of these "lonlies" are over 55... as i am... so i dont feel like i have a disease as many of the " togethers " would seem to see it. it is by choice.. till someone comes my way to change my feeling towards living alone... be safe.. DOn,"
mark
numb1953@yahoo.net
valley center
usa
" 3 failed marriages 6yr 5yr 5month i'm 52 and comfortably numb .. i gave up on dual happiness 3 or 4 yrs ago .. i spend my weekends surrounded by grandkids .. i sure miss having a lover and a partner but don't miss fighting being lied too and cheated on and trying to please someone or cater to there every need .. like marriage being single has just as many good parts as bad ... if only i could find a perfect match but like i said i've pretty much given up "
Linda
 
Greensboro, NC
USA
" It's wonderful not to have a man on your heels, criticizing every move you make. The most wonderful thing in the world is to be able to drink a glass of water when you're thirsty or eat when you're hungry and not be criticized.

Know a woman with a retired husband? If you do, she'll tell you that the husband is telling her how to do everything she's been doing on her own for years, but since he's retired, everything she does is wrong and he has to tell her the "right" way to do it.

I am grateful for every day. I don't need a man to harass and criticize me 24/7. It's better to live a modest lifestyle on my own than to live a high-end lifestyle dependent on a hypercritical and abusive husband.

Most of the things people think they want are not necessities. When we learn the difference between desires and needs, we learn to live on less and enjoy it. When we live within our means, we empower ourselves."
Jana
janastratizar@yahoo.ca
 
Toronto
Canada
" I am 36, working female, divorced for about 10 years and have been living alone ever since. I like it but I also hate it. I have learned to dine alone and do things that interest me, cultural things, films, belonging to groups so when I come home, I don't think too much about my loneliness. I try to keep many friends but not too many of them share my interests in culture or travel. I travel alone too. Shop alone, walk alone, jog alone. Occasionally I share a friendly smile. I do feel isolated at times as I see persons without my gregarious, social and fun personality shacked up or married "
Amanda
 
Lyle
US
" I love living alone. I am 19 years old and have lived alone ever since I graduated High School 2 years ago. I am moving to a new complex, and the hardest thing about it is they won't allow my best friend (cat, Charlie) to come along. He used to keep me from being scared. I know- I sound stupid, but when you are alone it's amazing who you find yourself talking to! I can't exactly talk to (or pet) a fish now can I?"
shady
shadys9901@yahoo.com 
easley
USA
" Death would be a welcomed vacation "
Lisa
lavona@wachsco.com
 
buffalo grove
IIlinois
usa
" i am 36 yrs old and i have been single for the past 10 years, I have been living with my parents all this time and i dont have my own room or closet because i have 3 brothers living at home too and the home is small for all of us, I finally bought my first condo and never lived alone and i am nervous!!! my parents live not even 1 minute away and the people in the building they are older people but very nice, they don't allow pets! i remodeled the condo and it looks great finally its finished and i am planning to move in 2 weeks after vacation, can someone give me some advice please!!!! "
Nancy
nperk10195@hotmail.com
 
Oak Ridge
USA
" I have lived alone for twenty five years. The only part I hate about it is that my neighbors see me as a person whom they (husband and wife teams) can push around. I have lived successfully around the world including the Middle East and didn't have the paranoia that I have now. Eating alone in a restaurant, going to a movie alone, shopping and other solitary activities are mostly ok but the people who try and take advantage of a woman who is alone are numerous. We don't even want to talk about the car mechanics who "see you coming." The married women all seem to think they can push me around too. I am a teacher and when I came home when I was married, I could tell my husband this and that and he would support me by saying "you aren't a public servant so these people can't call you and make demands on your home time. What a relief. Now, they call, email and send notes. I hate this. I wish I could sell my house and run away. Better still, I wish I could find a friend who wants to share my house with me. I want to buy a motor home and travel but not alone. All my siblings are married and they take turns stealing things from my house that belonged to my mom. They have their husbands to back them up so they keep doing it. I'm feeling victimized......."
best
 
anaheim
USA
" I love being alone, however, friends sometimes think i am gay/ or dislike women. I hate when they start to attack me because they think being alone is abnormal."
Carol
Boston
USA
" Well right now I absolutely HATE living alone. And I always thought I would like it because I'm a loner but I have never felt so lonely and unhappy and lost in my whole life. I just moved here six weeks ago - I separated from my husband of 32 years (I am 53), leaving my two older kids (25 and 27) to live in the house with him. I decided that I needed to move out to find myself, rather than keep the house and have him go. The last few years for us have been loveless and sad and depressing and I felt that was the best for both of us. I don't regret leaving him but I don't like living alone at all. We had a relationship such that we could both pretty much come and go as we please so I already had space and plenty of alone time when I wanted it. This is different. It is so empty and unhappy here and it's not like I don't live in a very nice place. I don't have a job yet - I stayed home with 'the kids' for years. Maybe that will help although I'm scared to get out there because my skills are so old. I wake up in the morning and say is this it? Is this all there is? I walk around in a daze, I clean every so often, do laundry once a week, sit at the computer a lot, I hardly eat or cook - for what or who? - and I drink Jack Daniels whenever I can. I do have friends but I am so unhappy that I feel I burden them with my depression when I'm with them so I ignore their calls and make excuses why I can't go out. I have a special man friend who I was seeing toward the end of it all whom I dearly love and enjoy but he hardly comes around. I would enjoy him more and be much happier if he would be here but he is trying to find himself, too. Aaaah I don't know. Sorry to have babbled so much. But the bottom line is that I HATE being alone and my dream is to find someone who will truly love me and I eventually want to make a nice home with this special guy and NOT live by myself. "
michael
liquerdemalt@hotmail.com
 
burnaby
canada
" first and for most you have to learn to like yourself, once you have accomplished that then things really do get better. i still walk in the door and say " honey i'am home " but no one is there. it just gets better with time and you know living alone really isn't that bad. i don't answer to anyone but myself and yes sometimes it's lonely but hey, i do what i want when i want and with whoever i want. just learn to like yourself and the pieces just fall into place. enjoy life and love it cause we are not here for a long time but just a good time "
flakjakit
flakjakit@hotmail.com
 
VIC
canada
" ive been reading the comments stated here and have come to the conclusion the the human being is terribly abusive, uncultured, assumingindividual!!.. just to name a few..no to exclude, disrespectful .. blabla..!!.. i mean if you want to have someone in your life for ANY length of time there are certain parameters that have to be met.. its no wonder that we are living alone.. i do realize the after a time living with the same person, be it male of female, commonality sets in .. in the relationship, in the sex, in the workings of the family, if that be the case... and you always hurt the one you love... cause they are the closest to you.. and for what ever the reason, we figure they deserve it!.. however when the shoes on the other foot... its " hey, what the hell is wrong with you?"... what did i do.?.. we've ALL played that role... and hey Steve, ive burnt water!!,,, don't feel bad.. i like the solitude of the aloneness, its nice not having to account for yourself... but why should you?... why should you be " expected " to be accountable for anything but your OWN life... its called KARMA.. taking responsibility for the who / what / where/ why/ and how... of you... if you take responsibility for someone elses life and travels... its called " co-dependency"... every one for themselves.. and no, that doesn't mean..cutting yourself off from everything thats going on but being part of things and contributing.. constructively.. as far as im concerned when the honesty dies, then the REAL communication stops... when the fun stops its time to go... if you are not honest with yourself and everyone else in your life.. then it becomes a lie.. for life..! and then you become resentful to you and everyone else cause your lieing to them and you.. hence undirected anger... and sooner than you can say " what the........." your living alone! heh! and burning water..! in order to inderstand why we live alone i truely believe that you have to have lived with.... someone.. not just your cat or dog!.. you have to see how people work and what you can do for/ with them in order to make it or break it.. not just what you can get away with.. im 56 going on a hundred somedays..and yet mentally i feel 30... however... that doesnt make me more desirable to women... nor does it make me more apt to live alone.. it just makes me me..just like the rest of us reading these posts... and comparing notes.. we're alone because .. thats all... just because.. and that changes when we make that " choice" and it is nothing more that just that .. a choice to change our lives and become one with another.. not two! one! and then the work begins again.. the nights are long sometimes and what is life without sharing.. you can have it all and it means nothing without having someone to share it with.. be it a sunset.. a bottle of wine.. good conversation or the phone bill!.. i like the idea of living with.. however for now.. thats not happening.. for me..
thousands of hearts being borken by the minute .. however your is special cause its you.. and by all means grieve!!.. and do a damn good job of it!!. you dont want to have that dragging behind you when the next one comes into your life... cry swear hate what ever it takes .. let it out and let it go.... and in order to move on.. FORGIVE!!... i know .. youd rather die... then so be it but until you forgive everyone involved ( that means YOU TOO) youll be clutching on to threads that will tie you to your past AND THEM@... and you dont want that do you??.. .. but in closing id like everyone to listen to a song that ... (and pardon the plug.. but i couldnt have writen it better my self... ) .. by Keith Urban called........ " youll think of me "... d/l off winMX or what have you and give a listen.. it fits my burden like a shoe!!.. Cya later and be safe..."
Max
Guadalajara
Mexico
" Hello I really loved all your posts. I just started to live alone, my girlfriend and I just got separated, we have a small 3 year old beautiful son, and we never got married. I just started living by myself and i feel great, but I miss my son, I do not miss her, I think in the long run this is better for us, not for our son. I feel great being alone, I always loved to have my space, and could not have that with my ex, I believe I will be able to achieve many goals that I have living by my own, I am 25 now, and my dream is to build my own house and live healthy, and have my son living with me someday. Sometimes it hurts to think of these 5 years went by, and i really do not have memory of real good times, it was mostly fights, I guess we get very attached to our mate, and we really forget the stuff that really matters to us. I know there was no love, it was mostly insecurity on both sides, I pray for both to find our spot in life, and that our son is happy."
Michelle
cornish100@hotmail.com 
. " I love living alone and I think it's a shame when people don't appreciate the full pleasure of it. I have a full life and work full-time (regrettably). Living alone gives me the space to be with me and to not have to talk to anyone if I don't want to. I have lived with people (as lovers and friends) and my choice would always be to live alone. I come and go as I choose, I clean when I want etc etc. I also have the bed to myself (apart from when I choose not to!). There are so many advantages to living alone. I can also appreciate living with people, this too has its good moments. It's all about where you are in your life, how comfortable you are with your choices and how you feel about yourself. Relish it!, "
Steve
steve_adair@shaw.ca
 
Richmond
BC Canada
" For the first time in my life, I am facing the prospect. Married at 18, split up at 54 (! ) Living common law since then 'till now, and now that's going sideways. Facing the prospect of being finally on my own. Looking forward to it? Don't know. My kids figure it's the best thing for me. Perhaps they are right. Still it terrifies me! Fear of the unknown! How do you fry a shirt, fold an egg..er.. I mean fold a shirt, fry an egg?! I'm useless domestically. Good luck to all those similarly inflicted :-) Cheers and good luck!,  "
Vic
Chicago
usa
"I am 43 yoa and have never lived alone from my parents home to the military to a 20 year marriage. I find what a change you have to do from reorganizing your life which I am finding hard to do to finding new friends Living alone sucks for now but hopefully I can get past the rough spots. I found Vic's story from Canada to be very touching" 
flakjakit
flakjakit@hotmail.com
 
VIC
canada
" Married at 20..WOW!... 3 kids .. divorced at 32.. had 3 relationships then decided to dig in and let it all go by.. after 2 serious back to back relationships that failed, i then spent 12 years alone.. no female companionship at all.. no female anything at all.. i want to make sure that the next time id really WANT IT.. id have a clear mind and soul.. a full glass and all the other stuff that makes us non- co- dependent.. 
i then met a lady from out here and chatted with her every night for 5 months every night.. ( free l/d) i then packed up and left my home of 52 years. all the doors were open and it was the right thing to do.. we met and fell in love . after a few months i bought the " ring" and set a date for the following August.. i knew of her cancer and we promised each other that if it came back we'd be there for each other.. well i crawled into bed one night and she said " i dont want to get married". ya........... ok. i didnt feel that it was the time to discuss it and i left .. i returned the next day and she said take the rings back.. we talked/ i talked/ she listened.. and i left.. took the rings back and moved out.. she was nice enought to help me too... ( i still wonder about that)... she was in tears when she drove away.. i didnt see her but for one time .. a week later for lunch.. still no reason for our break up.. she never did tell me.. i called her once just before xmas 2004 and told her that id been having gut feelings about her being " ill " again.. she said" im fine, hanging in there"... after new years i found her in the " obits" .. dont ask!... i had a gut feeling!. if there were ever a hopless moment in my life it was then! i called her brother and talked for a while that night.. and found that she had been cremated and where her last resting place was.. i got in the car and drove there and it wasn't a good night for me.. i realixe now what she had done.. given me my freedom back so that i would not be burdened with her and her death... so she knew that night when she told me it was off..
i met another woman that lived a good distance away from me and we settled in with a l/d " thing.. we did a lot .. and i mean a LOT of talking each night on the phone and pc.. we drove back and forth for months.. and it was getting to her.. i wanted her to move in with me .. however.. she wasn't ready.. so i waited... and waited.. and and and.. time took its toll on us and she decided to start dating where she lived...as the plot thickens.. she and i have been leaving each other for months... initially i broke up with her last xmas.. and we have still been talking about "us" even thought shes living with him...i have created my own closure with this in order to retain my sanity.. however she still wants me in her life.. sending me e-mails .. phone calls to make sure im ok ( what with me living alone)... anyway... i still love her and i know there is still that certain " something" that shes not getting from him... so ive chosen to be alone again.. i miss the company of her.. among a number of other things.. however .. since xmas of last year... ive lost my X g/f.. my X fiancée... and my 14 year old best friend.. Button.. my cat.. that was the hardest day of my life!!... so i don't think the shrinks would advise me to be/ spend a lot of time alone... but it doesn't bother me.. anymore.. i sleep well , eat.. go out.. do housework.. have an active mind...but being a human.. and being the sociable mammals that we are... i DO miss the tenderness of a companion.. it gets quiet here sometimes.. too quiet .. when you can actually HEAR yourself think.. i guess it happens to us all.. like the saying goes... " hes alone in a crowd"...i don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.. Button was a great friend and companion however you can only kiss your cat so many times!!.. just ain't the same... and please do think im in the " pitty-pot"... not at all.. nor am i lonely.. however i AM alone... and i don't like being alone.. and being a Leo alone...  '
Susan
sue2u1972@hotmail.com 
Anchorage
USA
" I've been without a significant other for about 5 months now. It has it's up's and down's. The hardest thing for me at first was learning how to sleep alone at first. Then most nights I discovered I liked it. I'm a really light sleeper and movement or noise would wake me up. I still don't sleep very well, but at least I have the bed to myself. I think for the most part I like to be alone and I can do what I want. But I really miss the intimacy at times. Having someone to snuggle with or make love to, when the mood hit. I guess I feel like some of the women here who's lives have revolved around there men. I used to work very hard at trying to make my mate happy. I'm pretty laid back and I would usually go along with whatever he would want to do. I'm not totally alone. I have my friends and family and my daughter. Who still lives at home. I have gone through 3 major relationships the last one I married then divorced. And have had dated about a dozen other men. It is hard to find someone you truly can love and trust. I haven't had very good luck with love. I'm about to turn 33 y/o and I am a large (but attractive I think) woman. SO it is doubly hard to get a man to give me a second look, let alone fall in love with me. I think that is the fate with all overweight people that "we" have to work harder to be with someone to make up for our physical appearance. Pretty messed up, eh? Well, in a society where everything is based on materialism and beauty "we" don't have much of a choice. Hurrah to all those people out there who are not doormats! I wish I could say I have joined the ranks. I've wisened up a bit, but well, like most everything else in my life i just have to learn things the hard way. Possibly, my biggest obstacle for being someone is that I don't love myself. If your not happy how can you make someone else happy? Well, even you are depressed (which I am half of the time) you still deserve to be respected and loved. Everyone deserves to be loved. And I've done some pretty messed up things. And I've had some messed up things happen to me. Does it all balance out? I don't know. What I do know is live and learn. Everyone tells me I would be happier if I was thinner. And that may be true. But it is a lot easier to gain weight than lose it. I'll get there someday I hope. But until then, I hope that I will find someone to love who will love me back. I think that when and if that happens I might still like to live alone, but have him spend the night on occasion. It's always nice to know that you can send 'em home when you want. :),  '
Chris
c-ramsay@shaw.ca 
North Vancouver
Canada
" I am having hard time being without someone to love, hold, treasure, and be intimate with. I am almost 36 years old and no one to share my life with. I have two kids I see regularly but have no-one to love. I am hopeful romantic but dating services are too expensive for men. Especially, when you have tried a lot of them with little success. 

I am tired of being single with no one I can share with."
Steve
Colorado Springs " Yogibereal your note about being too harsh and shaming yourself is dead on the money my friend. WOW I am letting it go myself. it does feel great. I read in this months copy of Razor yesterday an article called The Break Up gut...or something like that...anyway talks about pepes stuck on the past and not looking to the future. You cannot change even five seconds ago why bother to try... great posts! ty "
Darkchoctaw
darkchoctaw@yahoo.com
 
Dallas
USA
" I hate it but I like it sometimes. Allow me to explain. I like having the freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it without having to answer to anyone! I like the fact that when I need alone time, I can stay away for days without anyone bothering me.
I hate that when I get past those moments when I have gathered my thoughts from being alone, and now need someone, there is no one there. Yeah I have friends, although acquaintances is a better word, but I haven't found that "friend that sticks closer than a brother" yet! I don't have a best friend and it hurts. Maybe I somehow push people away too!
I am afraid to be in a relationship. First off, my family members are extremely dysfunctional. I am afraid that my potential partner would look at them and think of me as one of them. I think I am the only "Normal" person in my immediate family and that embarrasses me. What man would want to be around that? Second, I am very overweight. Although I have an attractive face, men don't like me for anything other than friendships. Maybe its peer pressure for men to show their friends their size 6 girlfriend! I don't want a man who did not like me for who I am as a big girl! I don't want a man who thinks fat women are weak and will do anything to get and keep a man either. So I appear to be stuck out.
Third, and most important of all, I have herpes. As of right now, there is no cure. However, this STD is no more than a nuisance. I rarely ever get any of the blisters reported by persons with HSV-1 or HSV-2. That is what really hurts me. Why did I get this disease that is uncurable and I don't even suffer from the virus physically? I only suffer physiologically- especially when I have to tell the men who are interested in me that I have it- only to be turned down.
Fourth, my aunt and my father molested me when I was younger and I believe he was the one who gave me this disease! 
I did not choose my family members, I did not choose my past afflictions, I also do not choose to be alone. 
I finally began to trust people and then people's stupidity hurt me. I am forgiving, but I am tired of always being the one to make the effort to keep a friendship alive. I need someone who will make every effort to love me that I am making to love them!! I am alone but not always lonely. Music, food, driving, and the outdoors help take my thoughts away from reality-- and I do a lot of each of those. I grew up hating people and thinking that people are mean. But now I know a lot better! I need people, but genuine people are hard to find. I guess you have to filter through a lot of "bad" before you finally reach even one "good". But how much longer do I have to wait for a real man? And if I am never to have a man due to my affliction, then how much longer must I wait for just one good, true, close, honest best friend? My heart, my soul, my entire being aches for real friendship. God, Bless Me!!
I am not worthy, but I know it is your will!!, "
Yogibereal
yogibereal@yahoo.com 
Chicago " I was married for 16 years and lonely for the last 3 with no hope that my spouse was really interested in being with me. I finally left my marriage as I figured that if I was going to be lonely with someone I would much prefer to be by myself...I am so much happier now that I am alone (all one)I feel whole again...I feel like there are so many possibilities, so many people to meet to say hi to to reach out to...I would encourage you all to check out this movie; "what the bleep do we know"...I think all the problems in the world are a result of our judging ourselves too harshly...we do put so much guilt and shame on ourselves...Why ? because we are taught this from an early age...I have be celibate for 4 years now...I am 38, earn in the top 1% of wage earners and am fit (work out 4-5x /week). I have been approached by many women at the gym but feel that I am so happy with myself why bother screwing that up. I don't share the loneliness that you all talk about...I did when I was married though

Check out this movie and let me know your thought...KEEP on ROCKING THE FREE WORLD.." 
Cathi Farrell
Quispamsis, NB
Canada
" 10 years! Celibate, and ambivalent about it. Sexual intimacy aside, I miss having someone to talk to about all the trivial impedimenta that we all tolerate. The kids--now grown-- are great, but it's not the same. Towards the End, I suppose, I didn't have that luxury either, but I still miss having another adult who cares about me. Sigh. I adore being a grandmother, but--at 53--is that all there's going to be? " 
Cara

Santa Barbara
US of A
"Blues1970 i feel the same exact way"
Blues1970
blues1970@dodo.co.au 
Melbourne
Australia
" I always seemed to be alone al my life. No by choice of course. I don't look forward to weekends because I know I will end up doing nothing at all. Except clean the house do the shopping. I don't want to be alone anymore. I look forward to Mondays so I can have something to do at work. I mean how sad is that...I don't know what to do anymore. "
Steve
semorgan08@adelphia.net 
. " Just an update...I am on my 23rd month alone. Just finished a 46 hour work week. Now the weekend...hhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm...Well, my 9 year old is going to be here but I have worked nights for the past few weeks so I am sleepy now but wont be tonight. Maybe I'll stay up all day...lol...Being up at night is different...more quiet with time for thoughts to run rampant...hehe... But fortunately I get to go back to a day shift starting next week. I check the site frequently for updates and it's almost like having friends. Thanks to all. Steve "
Carey
Tampa
USA
" I am a 45 yr. old man who has lived most of my life alone and have never been in a relationship. During many years of therapy, I learned to enjoy my own company. I had a cat, but he died last year. I took long trips by myself during summer months and loved it. Now I've lost 146 pounds, which has given me hope about being in a relationship one day. And guess what? HOPE HURTS! Everyone I know is telling me how great I look and congratulating me on my weight loss. I feel great about that too. But living alone really hurts again, because now I have hope about being in a relationship...AND I WANT IT NOW!!! What does all this mean? BACK TO WORK ON MYSELF AGAIN AND BACK TO THERAPY I GO! Life is wonderful and life sucks all at the same time. And now I can't use food to dampen my feelings. But I'm glad I found this site. We loners gotta hang together! 
Kevin
tcbin2004@sbcglobal.net 
Milwaukee
USA
" I am 31 years old and divorced. I don't get to see my daughters anymore. I last saw them when they were 8 and 9. That was almost 5 years ago. Since then I have moved around this country from Texas to Baltimore and finding myself back in Wisconsin. I have been in and out of relationships my whole life and for some reason only found women that felt the need to hurt me and make me feel like I am not allowed to be loved. For the past year I have lived with my mom just because she is as lonely as I am. My sister who was 34 and my mother's only daughter of 4 children just recently passed away, so moving in with my mom was a good thing. She needed someone to talk to as much as I did. My father passed away in 1992, my brother, who is 32 lives in Baltimore and my oldest brother who is 38 lives only blocks away. The brother in Baltimore calls a couple times a month, The brother who lives blocks away only calls when he needs something. If he doesn't need anything he never calls. We have to force him to come over for holidays. Even then he finds reasons not to come. Living with my mom gives me some companionship, but having someone my age to talk to or even watch a movie with would be fulfilling to me. I often see couples holding hands when I am out going somewhere or doing something. I often see myself loathing them because they have each other and I have nobody. It wouldn't be so bad if I was a jerk or a bad man that treated women poorly. But in fact I am alot like my father was. I am old fashioned. I love treating women like a lady, always showing and telling them how much I care about them. They just never return it. I am not like woody allen ugly either, so there is no obvious reason for my loneliness. Moving around so much, I have no friends to talk to or go out with. My only social intake, other than my mom, is people I talk to at work. I bury myself in watching movies and listening to music. If I was suicidal, I would have killed myself years ago. But I guess the thought of someone someday walking into my life and staying keeps me going. But it gets harder everyday with my bitterness towards couples and women growing stronger everyday. All I ever wanted in my life was a family of my own. A wife, kids and even a dog...lol. I never wished to be rich and famous. I just wanted a family who loved me as much as I loved them. A wife to grow old with and become my reason for living. I hear love songs on the radio and I often change the channel or turn the radio off due to I get bothered by the thought that I don't have anyone. I see so many women stuck with men who are complete jerks and treat them badly. I REFUSE to become a mean person just to get a woman. I guess I would rather be nice and alone then bad and mistreating the one I love. Everyone has something that keeps them going everyday. Waking up next to the one they love, their job, their kids or even an interest or hobby. I guess mine is that I have the hope that someone will accidentally walk into my life and the fairy tale begins and never ends. Every morning I wake up and listen to the Shania Twain song "UP". I felt the words to that song so deeply that I made it an every morning ritual. It always seems to start my day in a good mood. I hope others can relate to my story and realize that some people are not alone by choice. Everyone has feelings that are equally easy to hurt. So next time you see a stranger on the street or even sitting by himself at a restaurant looking sad and lonely, just remember, maybe he doesn't want to be alone. Maybe he has no friends or family and truly is ALONE. A "HI" can go so very far for a person in need of feeling liked. "
Karen
kalynne@valornet.com
 
Texas
USA
"I found this website tonight. I found a lot of the comments very interesting. I live alone and enjoy it most of the time. Tonight is not one of those times. I would like to have someone to talk to. I am 53 and have lived alone off and on most of my life. I did not consider myself alone when my children were growing up but now they're grown and gone. I have four dogs and they are quite entertaining but not much on conversation. Sometimes I long for an adult human voice (I teach school) and a hug. My children are busy with their own lives and live 1000 miles away. Most of my friends are in relationships and not free to socialize. I am taking a class at the local college and enjoy the class and the studying. I've thought about volunteering or getting another job (part time). I'm not sure what the answer is. Any ideas?"
Barbara 
barkat@rogers.com
 
Newmarket
Canada
" Today I didn't hear from my family. The only one to talk to was my Jack Russel Terrier, which I love dearly. But this doesn't make for humane contact. 

I decided to talk a walk through a beautiful path that our town takes a lot of pride with. During this beautiful walk in a wonderful warm bright day, brought me in contact with a couple of people. One was to tell me that I was walking on the bicycle path and the other was to tell me that I needed to walk on the inner lane of the walking path. None of them considered that had I walked in my proper lane, I would have tripped them with the leach . Needless, I came home very confused and frustrated that I don't have anyone to vent this complaint to. Thank you for that............... "
snolady
Northern Ontario
Canada
" First of all the worst loneliness is when you feel alone and you are in a relationship. I am now 60+, recovered from brain surgery (..no not a transplant..LOL), live alone and love it. I have been married twice, in 2 other relationships. I found that, while I have a healthy self-image,my partners at the time gravitated to me because they needed healing. My family got cross with me and told me to start enjoying life and stop trying to save people from themselves. A lot of the sad lonelies think that a relationship will cure their feelings....NOT!! If you are consideribg re-entering that scene...heal yourself first so you are ready. I spend a lot of time in pogo, a game site, where you can strike up a conversation while playing games. I live in a tiny town that has active dinner theatre,a rec centre with aquafit, dance, aerobics, skating and much more. Some of us meet for coffee/muffin weekly to babble gossip,, whine about our booboos.. lol.
One last note...if you really want a relationship.. learn to be happy...most are not attracted to a sad sack. GOOD Luck.. Keep Smiling!, " 
Luke
UK " I have just alone for the past two years. In general they have been the most unstable, unhappy years of my life. There have been brief periods of happiness, but in general being left alone with my own company has created nothing but despair. I have become increasingly introverted after the breakup of my last relationship, and rarely socialize. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable around other people, even my best friends. I used to be to life of the party. When you have no-one to talk to,you just bounce your thoughts around your own head and the echo keeps getting louder. I am 24 years of age and feel more like 70. I feel old before my time, I should be out having the time of my life, I should be in my peak. Instead I'd rather hide in the corner. 

I'm now considering a house share with some friends. Financially I'll be worse off, but emotionally I'll reap far superior dividends. I have to do this. If not the consequences do not bear thinking about "
Nancy
Marina
CA
" I have been divorced 20 yrs - I was a single mom and since my daughter grew up and had her own children, she has lived with me off and on as well as I have had roommates - I am now living alone. I had hoped to of been married by now - just hadn't met the one I could fall in love with and think of marrying until 2 yrs ago - after 18 yrs! finally! BUT...the one I met, well he had been married 4 times and also had other relationships that didn't work - so now he says he enjoys being alone and not ready for a commitment. A big part of me totally understands yet a big part is so frustrated because I finally met the one I could live with and it is this man '
. . " Hi...I'm a man. early 60's....been married a few times....still married but chose to have separate living qtrs....and finding it very fulfilling, altho I'm finding that she isn't as fulfilled with the situation as I am and I am not as fulfilled as I would be if she were....oh well...so goes life. I chose this because it is best for my peace of mind for one thing, and for the financial thing for another believe it or not, .... its a long story like 22 years worth...but suffice it to say its best this way....at least when she tells me where to go I DO have somewhere to go other than my vehicle. I love my woman but there are our time when all I know to do is run and running is what gets me into trouble with her as she translates it as "divorcing her...when all Im doing is trying to survive her incredulousness....cant live w/out her or with her as the old saying goes....I'm an oldish Montana cowboy jus trying to get along...so long., "
Tony Perry
perry04@alltel.net 
morehead
USA
" I live alone and I like being able to walk around the house and do what want but it gets lonely sometimes. That's all part of it when you live by yourself and I'm a student a college and I would like to talk to you but I don't know your e-mail address to be able to talk maybe you can help me by talking to me. I do what you do when you are at home alone.
My name is Tony Perry and my e-mail address is perry04@alltel.net "
Brian
traintyme590@msn.com 
Canada " I am about to hit the big 50, and am not in any relationship now, and quite frankly loving it!
The only family close by is my elderly father, whom I see on a regular basis, and selfish as it sounds, would like to limit the time together. Too much history, but I need to let it go.
I have a small house in the country, and am in the process of making it mine (after only buying it last fall)
Cooking is a bit of problem, as most recipes have too much spice in them, and are for large groups, so the book offered at this web site will be what I am looking for, I hope!
Alone is not a bad thing, only if a person cannot handle it though. The freedom to do what one wishes to do, without being told when and how to do it.
I may have rambled a bit, but it's nice to see a site like this one, only found it this evening!!!
I enjoy being alone, and when my time comes someday, I will have no regrets, no what ifs, no, if only......
Thanks for the chance to ramble "
Curly
St. Petersburg, FL
USA
"  I'm from up north, where my family and friends still are - my roots. I've been in FL about 8 years - I moved here with a boyfriend, we were together several years when we broke up. I moved out and lived alone, but then met someone else who became my husband, so I was never really alone. After 3 years of marriage we divorced, again I moved out but then met someone else who became my boyfriend, and again I was never really alone even though we didn't live together. This relationship was not a healthy one - it was almost emotionally abusive, I had no alone time at all. After some torment, it's finally over, and I'm living in a new place, alone, and no new relationship in sight....I'm not looking, though. Well, I wasn't looking the last time, they were just there. So, nothing is here now. Living alone is great, I can come and go as I please or not please and have no one to answer to....but I am truly alone. I have no ties here in FL anymore. The friends I did make turned out not to be friends at all (I say that my ex-husband got custody of our friends). My last boyfriend wouldn't "let" me have friends. It's hard to meet new friends when your hitting 40. It's hard to open up - I tend to keep to myself, for various reasons. It can get lonely, though. While I'm alone, I'm going to work on me - taking care of me, paying off my debt, working on my self-esteem and self-confidence, fixing what's broken, strengthening what works. I see this as a gift. The people who love me and care for me live somewhere else - here, it's just me, I need to love me and care for me. I think they call it strength. :) All in all, though, being alone has many advantages. But we need people in our lives, we need interaction, in addition to needing ourselves "
Zoe
Yorkshire
UK
" I have lived alone now for 2 years and although there are days when it is great to have that freedom it does get very lonely.
Its the days that are the hardest for me as I am not working.
I had terrible panic attacks and depression for the last seven years and finally gave in to medication which helps so much, but now I am on sick benefit and left to fill each day on my own and its hard.
I try so hard to think how to change things but having spent so much time alone I feel I have gone from super social to completely unconfident around people.
I am 29 and so young minded and funloving but just dont see people .
I have my boyfriend who gets annoyed I rely on seeing him for company, I guess its a pressure on someone to be your only source of comfort.
I used to have lots of friends but most of them have moved to new towns and we just kind of drifted.
I forget who I am these days.or who I was cos most days are tv in the day for an hour then get ready, walk to shops for some milk and come home.
Nights I sit on the computer and just browse around on it really.
Not the life I saw for myself ever but I guess only I can make that change and hopefully one day i will.
If anyone is trying to decide whether to live alone i would say go for it as long as you have lots and lots of friends and a busy life.
Thanks for giving me the chance to share my story. "
Nungi
nungi_17921@rediffmail.com 
Bangalore
India
" I had a very depressing period with my Boyfriend. Whenever I was with him, i feel like committing suicide and when I go out of him, I will think of continuously. I was in great confusion about the life and finally decided to be alone. Firstly, i was scared. And later, I have made a goal out me. I started thinking the whole world and all the creatures as my own kids. I started loving them, helping them, being with them made me more relaxed. Till you taste something, you cannot appreciate the taste like that if you live alone and started helping people who are in need, you will just feel great out of you and surely will enjoy the life. Family is just taking care of certain people, so we put a big circle and thinking everyone is our relative, we can just enjoy the life. And also, people in the same county can make a association and have a monthly meet and can help each other in the need. Its just my suggestion.
Any comments !!, "
Lonely 
borncntrygrl@hotmail.com
  
Canada " I hate being alone. I was married for 35 yrs. when my husband died of cancer 2 yrs ago. I miss my companion and lover my best friend. I miss having someone to share and confide in. I miss our coffee's in the morning on the deck. I miss his just being in the same room. I hate cooking for one person and the lack of someone's arms around me. If I get the opportunity I will marry again because I want someone to love and their love in return "
Kerstaini 
Greenville
SC 
" I am alone, even in crowds. I am not anti-social, just not able to fit in. I hate being alone and being lonely, but I can't end this life-long affliction. People like me at first, then eventually hate me. Even my parents hated me. Tragically, I am not suicidal. Past attempts on my life by others have (obviously) failed. It seems I am bound to walk this earth in silence, alone and in sadness."
Robert
toronto
canada
" I love it. While I do have a cat, it's great to rest when you want, clean up when you want, all without someone "nattering" at you all the time. My only obligations are work, and paying my bills to the best of my ability, and after that...I belong to no man or women. How could anyone stand it with others around. They demand demand demand, and poke and prod until you go crazy. Living alone rules... "
Christy Laine
ChristyLBuist@marykay.com
 
Greenwood, South Carolina
USA
" I can't wait to start living alone! I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. I have lived with a boyfriend/ex-fiancé from then until now, 24 years old. Now I am back at my parents house while I get myself established. As sad as the break up was I am now seeing that it was for the best. Now I can truly be ME. I don't have to conform to the pressure to making someone else happy without regard to what makes me happy. I've felt lonely for a long time. The "funny" thing is that I have always been in relationships. Now that I am totally "free" I feel relieved and excited about life. I'm so ready to have my own place -just me and my two pups... pay my own bills... Join a hiking / backpacking club (for some social interaction and recreation)... Start mountain biking... I can't wait! I don't want to give up ME ever again. I know that I will enjoy having my own personal space. 

I believe we CHOOSE to be happy (or not). 

Good Luck everyone - I enjoyed reading your posts, "Tylana", 
Hi
Long Island
New York
"I love living alone.

At 43, divorced with no kids, I see the pattern in my life: Whenever I had a boyfriend, my life and my sense of self suffered greatly, more so during my marriage. And I've been involved with great people and some not so great. Whenever there was no other person sharing my mental or physical space, whenever it was just me and my music (Alone, I hardly watch TV. It distracts me from me.), everything else in my life neatly fell into place. I mean job opportunities, my self-confidence, my perspective/outlook on life, my appearance, my health, my disposition, my finances, just everything, it all came together beautifully. At one point I even became totally debt free! The reason for this, I think, is because since I know what I'm doing when it comes to me, figuring out what someone else is doing with my heart, feelings, welfare, etc., be it boyfriend or male or female roommate, it takes all of my energy to have to focus on them. 
It leaves me too drained to properly care for and focus on myself as much as I need to. 

Although I've been told I have it backwards, I give everyone a thousand points upon meeting them. Some say I should give "0" points and let them earn them... I have to think about that one... Anyway, as I get to know them it's up to them to lose points by doing things that hurt me. When I see the points dipping, I end up putting my guard up and I don't function well in that atmosphere. That's when my world starts to slip apart. By the time they get down to, say, 400 points, that's when I ask myself: "Am I happy?" If the answer is "No", I ask myself: "Is this person toxic?" If they are, I get them out of my life. 
And that's even if it's a relative. Amazingly, once I make that decision, and am alone again in my house and heart, I BREATHE! I actually feel relieved!

So for me, I no longer think there is something wrong with me the reason I spend so much time alone. No, living alone, I learned to like and treat myself as my own best friend. I treat myself the way I treat others and would like them to treat me. At least, I try to.

I also think a part of the difficulty in meeting people is our society has few pockets where everybody grew up together... Everybody is from somewhere else these days, no matter where you go. Makes it difficult to find someone you have a lot in common with. Same sex, different sex, doesn't matter.

So, I may spend my next 43 years alone as well, but as long as I have me, my country, reggae, jazz, hip-hop, pop, country and international music, everything will be fine!

Today is a great day, and tomorrow will be even better! 

Thanks for reading this and the chance to share., 

I love living alone."
sinling
KL
malaysia
" Quite frankly i don't like the idea of living alone. Yeah i've pictured the luxury and freedom of it in my mind from time to time but when i do end up being the only one home for an extended period of time, it gets lonely. Then i realized i like people though i may be bad with them. 

I've had both roommates and housemates before. I feel the idea of "co-op" style living is the best, ie having housemates. i get my own room and privacy and company is never too far away. Could i be wrong? "
Rose D
littleflower_57@yahoo.com 
Dublin Ohio
USA
" Me again! Another week end come and gone. I did get out on Saturday to see a very old friend. And my son did come home for the week end from school (only to go out to socialize with his friends, but hey, that's a good thing). I spoke to my parents on the phone...only to hear about how old age robs you of your health, your mind, and your dignity. Wow! What a treat that was! I am 47 years old, and have raised my family, own my home, have a fairly decent job, and no one to smile or laugh with. Sorry but this living alone business SUCKS! All my life I thought I was an introverted loner.....only to find out that I am really an introverted person who needs people!!!! Go figure

Me again! Another week end come and gone. I did get out on Saturday to see a very old friend. And my son did come home for the week end from school (only to go out to socialize with his friends, but hey, that's a good thing). I spoke to my parents on the phone...only to hear about how old age robs you of your health, your mind, and your dignity. Wow! What a treat that was! I am 47 years old, and have raised my family, own my home, have a fairly decent job, and no one to smile or laugh with. Sorry but this living alone business SUCKS! All my life I thought I was an introverted loner.....only to find out that I am really an introverted person who needs people!!!! Go figure "
mick
mickamok@hotmail.com 
Rochester
USA
" I'm 43, and I've lived alone, quite contentedly, for years ... until I moved out of my hometown for the first time in my life. Feelings of loneliness and isolation overwhelmed me, and I developed a fear of being old or sick alone, or dying and having no one find me for a while. My son, I've discovered, won't be there if I need him. That makes me sad. And my mother won't be around forever.

BUT, I'm making an effort to change. I've joined a book club (that only meets once a month, which seems sufficient for a loner who's tentatively seeking new friends). I attended the first of a three-part Living Alone workshop. I've contacted a Red Hat Society, which I'll probably join. I'm considering volunteer work and square dancing classes.

What's difficult about living alone? When you're sick. When time stretches interminably before you, especially weekends. When the phone doesn't ring for DAYS. Having no one to come home to. (Thank goodness for my cats!) Finding out that YOU'RE the one who's been messing up the house.

What's great about living alone? The same things many here have mentioned: eating what I want, when I want; sleeping when I want to; coming and going as I please; doing chores when I feel like it, vegging when I don't; and having total control over the television and computer. Best of all: wearing pajamas all day ... and going braless!

I like living alone, for the most part, and I'm realizing that my recent feelings of loneliness and isolation can be changed. The negatives of living alone can be dealt with by being less of a hermit, by reaching out to others myself instead of waiting for them to come to me, and by seeking new interests and relationships in my life. 

I don't want to be alone when I'm old or sick. However, even couples have no guarantees. Someone has to die first-unless you die together, of course. <wink> 

Ladies, we do have another option. The Golden Girls. <cheesy grin>"
Doug
hobart@netins.net
  
USA " Know what is worse than living alone ??
  Wishing you did
 That's why divorce is so expensive, it's worth every penny, "
Ray
fr7272@hanmail.com 
Seattle
USA
" You aren't a child anymore. If you are really an  adult, you should live alone and you have to raise the independent mentality!! 

Don't you think so?"
Scott
scottsokay@yahoo.com
 
St. Paul
U.S.A
" For some reason, I've always been an introvert and an underachiever. Years ago, I realized that I'm tired of living life alone, however because of my lack of social skills, the worry of having to explain to someone that I've never had a serious relationship, not knowing where to meet others that share my interests (photography, reading, bicycle riding and astronomy) and lack of places to meet others has made me somewhat discouraged. I'm 42 years old and want to start living. Last year, I finally went skydiving which gave me a high (no pun intended) for a while, but now I'm back to where I was. I still haven't given up hope, though. "
Kay
Greenville
USA
" Wow...Where do I start? I guess it would be best to get these tears out of my eyes. I'm almost 30...I live alone...I hate my job...I have no friends here...I work, go home...drink or pill myself to sleep...just to start all over again. I broke up with my boyfriend this week because we see each other maybe two weekends a month since we're almost 3 hours apart and the last time he was here I begged him not to go, but he had to...which I understand, but my heart hurts and each time he leaves or I leave him, a little piece of me dies again, especially when I'm back here at this new city that I know nothing about...I've had health problems and the doctor says I'm depressed...no big surprise there...anyway...I'm a loner by nature...but I still get lonesome sometimes....a lot of the time.....I hate my life, I hate everything right now, but not everyone...just myself, and the predicament I've put myself in...my degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on, I've had more jobs than I can count...and I'm slowly pushing everyone I love away from me, just because I wanted to gain my independence, move out on my own, have my own life...well, I got what I asked for...my own place, a job, a car and a lonely heart....I don't even have cable to keep me company...just the self-help books and sad love songs on the radio...all the prozac in the world could never take this away from me...the lonliness that lives within me...that's in reality...my best friend....she never leaves me....., "
Nancy
Greenville
USA
"Is the better part over?" Willie Nelson sings. Ah, not of love but life, I ask. Now 60 years old I have tried to live alone since the year 2000. The world did not end then as expected, but my world did. My husband of 36 years died - he was only 56. At first I thought, "okay, my children and four wonderful grands will keep me busy", but alas, my daughter moved with her family first to Missouri in 2001, then to The Netherlands in 2004. My son decided he no longer loves his wife; The tension in that household is unbearable. 
There is a man in my life whom I visit for two to three weeks at a time - he lives in Florida. This is not an answer because it keeps me from being involved in the area to which I moved (near my son, ha) several months ago. Yet, I'm afraid to get invoked with groups here; It feels so awkward and would eventually mean giving up "the man". It is difficult to function in a couples world - and it is a couples world.
I don't need to interact with someone all the time, I just miss knowing there is someone else in the house. Where are the Golden Girls? I guess that's just the fantasy land of television. 
I work out at the gym and spend time with a couple of girl friends in the area, but I feel non-productive and useless. I worked, raised children, took care of my mother (for 15 years), and also my husband before he died. Now I'm on idle. Alone. 
For those of you who are able or have learned to be alone, you have my admiration and respect. But, some of us are pack animals; We need to be part of a family unit. But, for me, that part (the better part?) is over. "
Kate
Minnesota
USA
" I have lived alone for about a year and a half now and am 25 years old. Man, it's different to live alone in an apartment compared to dorm life in college! In college, if you were bored, you could just go into the lounge and chat with other students at any time. 
Now, it's so difficult to meet new people; all that I do is work, go home, snack, watch tv, sleep and repeat every day and also work one Saturday a month. This is my first time out of my parents' house, but for some reason want to move back home (my parents are cool with this idea) because my work schedule won't allow me to study something new to improve myself to find a new job (I work until 8pm every night)...and there is NO chance for changing my schedule as they won't hire new people even though they need to desperately do so!
Well, I think a change is needed for me at least. I used to like being alone but lately have been super depressed and lonely...almost like my college degree is worth nothing and I don't know what goals I want to pursue, how to do it or how to get support and meet new people...I think the first step is getting out of this horrible job (working at a call-center for auto loans), and see what other options there are for jobs that will allow me to feel useful and to give me free time to meet new people and do enjoyable things!
Anyone else out there going through the same things?? I believe it's the "Quartlife Crisis". Trying to survive a cold, cloudy Minnesota winter doesn't help either! uff-dah! 
Now is the time to experiment with new things...if you're young like me, I think we need to get out there and do new things. If you're not married, don't have a house payment and hate your job....now is the time to change without regrets....life is too short to be doing something you hate and to remain miserable. (this is me rationalizing my possible decision to go back home, take some time off in the summer--hopefully it won't be career-suicide--and re-evaluate my life.. then maybe go back to school or experiment with other fun jobs). 
arrghhh.. OK I needed to vent too! I wish I was rich!! (me and everyone else in the world wish this too) hehe!
bye...what are your comments/opinions???? advice???
K8
marjorie damasco abaya
marjorieabaya@yahoo.com
 
Vigan City
Philippines
" my first time to live alone in my 32 years. i have stayed in farther part of my country but only physically detached from my family. this time, i am on my own deciding what to plan and prepare on my own without worrying about other people's comments or reactions. living alone helps me find myself, the limits of my soul, my strength, and having a more vivid definition of love of liee and how to love and appreciate more those people i love and care so much. more importantly, i am at peace with myself and with my heart and this makes me feel so happy and complete"
Rose
Dublin Ohio
USA
"What an interesting site. I was looking for information about living alone, when I came upon this site. I can relate to almost all who have written comments here. I am a 47 year old single woman, twice divorced and just coming out of a 4 year relationship with what I consider my "soul mate" (if there really is such a thing). He is a beautiful man that I still love and admire very much. But alas, even soul mates have problems, and he felt it better to part. I have lived sort of alone on a off during my adult years, but never truly alone until now. My youngest has left the nest and I find myself experiencing the empty nest syndrome. I work, come home, eat, do what ever I want to do, and go to bed alone. There are moments of sadness, but I think that has more to do with grieving a lost relationship that the fact that I live alone. There is the freedom of doing whatever I want, when I want (within the constraints of meeting obligations to work and extended family and friends), and there is the pleasure of not having to live up to anyone else's expectations. I have always needed alone time, even when living with others, and have always been able to find that time because I know it is vital to me. Perhaps that is why I have problems with relationships, I am not sure. 
The only thing I am sure of is that in either existence, alone or living with others, there are always going to be moments of loneliness, moments of unhappiness, restlessness, boredom, etc. It is part of the human condition never to be really satisfied. We are all striving to have more, be more, experience more. I think I read something in one of the comments about the grass always being greener on the other side. I find that this is true for most people at one point or another. I think the most important thing to remember is that life is not stagnant, but ever changing and ever evolving. It is best to remember that "this too shall pass".
William
wsanare@yahoo.com
 
Arusha
Tanzania
" Very soon i would living alone. I don't know how life will go. Waking up in the morning prepare my break fast!!!!!!!!! i don't know where to start but I believe i will make it.

I'd never marry or living with a woman though i'm 30 years but i hope one day i will marry if i get someone of my dream.
What would i be doing days when I'm not working - that is my big question. But don't care I enjoy reading, music exercising, swimming so i hope time will pass. "
Barbara
robi585@aol.com 
Bronx
USA
" I enjoy living alone 99% of the time. I eat when I want, watch what I want on tv. Spend time on my computer with out interference. The one percent that I don't like is I get lonely and I find myself reaching out for company. When I get these feelings I call a friend or my Mom and talk, or I go out with friends " 
Patrick Greene
nrjetik81@yahoo.com 
Williamston, NC
USA
" Being alone is second nature to me. I've been at it since i was a outcast in high school, so i will embrace the fact that i'll live alone when i move this fall. Hell, from the looks of it, i'm not afraid to die alone either '
Cara
cabie567@aol.com 
Santa Barbara
USA
" I have been living alone for five months or so; it has been an up and down emotional roller coaster for me. I just turned 21, and it has been a little difficult to live alone sometimes. At the same time I feel like it is a great challenge. I figured if I can be happy living alone then I can be happy no matter what. I'm still try to figure out things for myself and this is a perfect opportunity accomplish them. To my fellow living aloners your comments are great and inspiring. Thank you. " 
Cliff 
blues1970@dodo.com.au 
Melbourne
Australia
" I truly do not like being or living alone. I have always been alone. I had the "big C" (cancer) ten years go. And it seemed everything I hoped for in my life has gone the wrong way. I only have a very small group of friends, but I always feel like a budinski or third wheel when I am around them. I normally do not stress about anything. Even today Feb 14th Valentine's day. It's more harder than Christmas alone.... "
fred
kewlkat3@hotmail.com 
inwood
canada
" i like living alone because there is nobody to criticize and pester you. sure, human nature creeps up with thoughts of having company, or a mate, but, when you, see all the divorce/arguing/hurt children from divorce/well you get the drift. i just can't be a part of that cycle of misery. 
male or female, we all make our choices. you have yourself for company, you are never really totally alone! LOL! " 
Steve
semorgan08@adelphia.net 
Colorado Springs
USA
" Thanks for the posts! I enjoyed them them all. I admit to being a little introverted. I too have been alone for 21 months and living single. My main support and complaints of single life sound familiar here. I miss the intamacy, but not the hassles. I miss the company but not being broke due to shelling out dough on a whim everyday. I enjoy the private quiet time BUT often wish I could really find someone like myself. Someone I will just know and click with when I meet her. I am very passionate and believe there is no place I would rather be than in a womans arms. But alas, it's not all roses an candy everyday. Do you remember "Scent of a Woman?" Being single is almost like losing one of your senses at times...but maybe it will open my eyes when I do meet someone. ...really, I would have a hard time giving up my freedom but at the same time I will enjoy someone again when the day comes, try and make good decisions and know that I can live without anyone "
Sue
Aurora
Canada
" I wrote some nonsense without putting my two-cents in about what it's like to live alone:
I get to eat what I want when I want.
I go to bed when I want the way I want.

Most of all, I don't have to do the things a lover wants to do just to be nice and considerate of them: I don't have to go to movies I don't like, or go to movies when I just want to cuddle up in a bed with a book, I don't have to go out and spend money day after day at a restaurant when I know it makes good sense NOT to spend money eating out. I don't have to clean up after anyone, or do their laundry. I don't have to clean up after myself or do my laundry any sooner than I feel like it. I don't have to share anything. Mostly, I don't have to spend money I don't feel is disposable income. I don't have to pay for cable that I don't use, as I don't enjoy much television. I don't have to put up with a television in the bedroom. I don't have to put up with having a dog if a the man has a dog. I don't have to put up with not correcting spelling because the guy can't spell and is embarrassed about it. I don't have to put up with a guy's moods. I don't have to put up with a guy's complaining. 

I can do my own driving, and have just my modest payments for things. I don't have to worry about and try to fix a guy's poor planning and poor finances. I can do my own financial planning and I don't have to take into consideration a partner's preferences. I can do without and live with share accommodation, thereby be able to set aside savings, whereas within a relationship it is not easy to share space with a paying third party.

I don't have to stock food and pay for expensive meats for a man who likes meats, when I can make do with far less expensive grocery shopping that suits me. I can plan and pay for a trip that's not expensive because it's only me going.

I can decide absolutely last minute to go somewhere - whether on a 3-day vacation, for a drive, on a ski trip - without consulting anyone or asking anyone if they want to go. I so want to live my own life.
I no longer want to live close to a boyfriend's financial woes because of their lack of planning.

In fact, I just want to start a new business as well as maintain my own current suitable income. I want to do very well, and I can, now that I'm not held back by complaining males who blame their own financial circumstances on everything and everyone else"

Sue Aurora
Canada
" I don't live truly "alone". I have some male friends who I see - one far more often than all the other friends and family combined. And my family and I talk a lot - especially two of my cousins and one of my sisters. So I don't feel alone. But I haven't been in a long-term serious relationship since September 2002 when I ended a relationship that was causing me a great deal of pain.

In general, it seems to me that there is a pattern in my life of putting myself second to the man in my life, and not living the life I want. Now that I'm 48 and therefore closer to the end of my life than the beginning, I've taken a good look at my pattern of "self-sacrifice" to benefit the men in my life. I am not content to say I lived a life of NOT performing music and NOT enjoying as a single person, ultimately, the company of a man or men who are confident, independent, NOT out to control me, and NOT going to ruin what I have attained through being irresponsible. Maybe I thought I would live forever. I wish I had woken up years ago so I didn't waste so much time. Life is for living every day, and I STILL don't do that. I work, try to catch, up, distract myself with a DVD or this computer until 11:00 at night, then go to sleep too late to be well enough rested to get up EARLIER than usual to make serious headway into getting things done that have been on my list for up to 3 years.

For whatever reason, I didn't realize that I was "sacrificing" what I wanted in favour of doing whatever the man in my life indicated would make HIM happy. It is an interesting pattern. I believe I will simply repeat that pattern in all relationships if the man is needy, so I'm determined to live alone in order to reach my goals. Then, if having a particular man in my life will not jeopardize what I have attained, because I need a man I judge is not needy, then, if I am attracted to him, I will pursue a relationship with him.

I would like to be happy in my life and in that way attract a man who is also happy in his life.
My fear is that I will lose the sexual urge - you know, "use it or lose it". 

I don't know why I prefer living alone right now. I was in committed, long-term relationships most of my life - at least I was committed to them. My last serious relationship ended two and a half years ago in September 2002. Ending it was extremely difficult, but the hurt of living within it was worse. I had to cut off all contact in order to ensure the relationship did not start up again. By February 2003 I started going out with someone who I dated until the summer of 2003. Since then I have been living single.

I am not lonely, because I have family and a few friends who I talk to frequently. I have goals that would not be goals if I were in a committed relationship. Most of my life I gave up goals in order to be in relationships. Most relationships hurt me, several of them financially. Then I dated someone for about 6 months, but it wasn't right
RoseMary
rosemarymartinelli318@hotmail.com 
San Jose
USA
" I've never lived alone but soon will be. I'm terrified. I don't know if I will ever be able to sleep in my home alone. Friends and family say I will get use to it. I sure do hope so. It helps reading all your comments.,"
Richard P. Smith
MrRichardPaul@msn.com
 
Tampa, Florida
United States of America
" My beloved wife left Me in 1983. I have been alone since then. I moved to Florida in 1991 to care for My Mother Who died of cancer in 1996. Alone again. I have tryed to hold the fort so to speak for all these years. I feel I have done well.
Do not dispair. You are Your own. Live Your life. Do good. Do no harm "
stac
stasinsta@yahoo.com
 
fort smith
us
" I have been married 3 times, and started very young...I'm now 39, and have been single for 8 years, I have choosen to do so, knowing that I failed at marriage and relationships, I've found the older ya get, the harder it is to accept others in private times...meaning, living together and such...I often feel sad about this, but then again I feel happy at times, knowing I have no one to answer to, not that I do that much...I like to read, watch movies and such, but seems I've always had to change being me, for the person that wants to be with me, so...I choose to be alone...but it's sad alot...this site has helped me realize that I'm not the one at fault, but just haven't met that other person for me...thx's so much, it's given me hope "
Andrea
BlackbirdsRevo04@peoplepc.com 
Buffalo
United States
" Well I am 21 and I just moved out of my parents house for the second time. The first time was with a friend for a month and then I couldn't stand her anymore so I moved back home. Plus I was only 20 min away from home. Now I am 1hr 1/2 away from home. My boyfriends family lives out here but he went back to college where i use to live (where i met him) to finish school. But I don't know anyone else out here. Except for 1 or 2 more people but they live 1/2hr away. Before I moved I was soo excited to start out my life on my own, live on my own, work full time and go to college. Well day after day its the same old thing. I work, come home, eat and sleep. College hasn't kicked in yet but I have a feeling that I will be even more stressed. Its like I am stressed with boredom. I basically lived with my boyfriend (more or less just stayed at his dorm every night) back at home and now I don't have him here. No family or any friends to chill with. I hate being alone, living alone. I even bought a kitten and it didn't help. Now I am feeling miserable and it seems like these feelings are making me miserable with other parts of my life, like with my boyfriend. I think I am sinking into depression. I need to get out, meet people, pick up some new activities. I am desperate to make friends. People are suppose to be happy living on their own before living with someone else. What if I was to never get married, I have a feeling I would be some depressive soul. Everyone else is telling me how proud they are of me for actually moving out and living on me own. And I am proud of myself too. But I didn't realize, didn't think I would be so bored. I sound so ungathered inside. Well I feel better now that I have vented. All I can say is I hope college keeps me busy. And if anyone is in the area and is in the same kinda situation like me, lets talk "
Hailemelekot
hmelekotag@yahoo.co.uk
 
ETHIOPIA " I need help from those who knows about what living alone means
You know I am living in a society where the government attacked its opponents by character defamation. In a society where mass media dictated by few individuals how can I introduce my self for the general public I suffered the past 14 years with out any help I suffered a lot. I need help I could not get it from my people show me the way. I ask excuse for my English "
Susan
susanbethca@yahoo.ca
 
Montreal, Quebec
Canada
" Living alone is something I have done for most of my life. I am 43 years old. Something changed 5 years ago. I lost my dearly beloved father and my maternal grandmother the same day. They died from independent causes. It was the most tragic event of my life. I also had extended losses of my mother and my brother who both live in different countries (U.S.A. and overseas). These relationships were toxic before my dad and grandmother passed away but when they passed away, these other relationships finally ended. I now am left with hardly any family and I face my 'loneliness' each and every day. I have been climbing back up the mountain and trying to redefine my life. I have never been married although I am not against it and perhaps one day it will happen. My whole sense of 'self' got lost and I am redefining who I am with respect to friendships, work and life in of itself. Am I a happy person - sadly enough deep down inside 'no' but on the outside most people could not tell. For the first time in my life I have such a hard time living alone. I wish there were more groups for people out there who have no family or who have gone through a crisis and are seeking to renew their lives. Unfortunately our society is not very good at healing scenarios of this nature. I will stop rambling. Thanks to anyone who has read this comment. Hopefully living alone one day will become a more 'peaceful' feeling within - right now it is no longer of that nature. And, the computer does not substitute true friendship but it does fill the void as it is right this second as I write., "
Yasser 
yas_acc@yahoo.com
 

Toronto
Canada
" Man, i used to like the idea oF being alone but now , man let me tell you it's driving me creazy today is like the day befor and towmorrw it's not much diffrent than yeastrday. to finding someone to talk to some kind a dream and day by the it's just getting wrost man i really do find any reson for me a life i think if i just diad no one will even notes  excpet my BOOS i'm 29 and i feel like i'm in my 50's 
i really don't konw if i have to feel better that i'm not the only one feel like this way or just sad that so many os out there!
Mitch
vanox53@sbcglobal.net 

Reno
United States
" I was married for 26 yrs to the same woman. One day I was asked to leave, I did. At first it was a new adventure. This lasted about two months then the loneliness crept into my life. I took a couple classes to be with others but couldn't concentrate. I felt alone walking the crowded halls of the school, knowing that I had no one to come home to. Soon depression set in and I knew I had to meet another woman. Well, I did and it lasted a year. I was still living alone but saw her once a week. That gave me something to look forward to. I recently broke it off with her and alone full time again. Now comes the fight to stave off depression. So I bought some books on living single and enjoying it. Maybe I will find my true self this time around. Just hoping "
Marie
soudre@colba.net
 
Montreal
Canada
" I love not sharing the bathroom and going naked in my apartment if I want to (Not to mention staying in my pajamas all day if I so chose) Also, I love eating what and when I want. However I dislike eating and sleeping alone most of the time and not getting immediate feedback from my ideas, thoughts, feelings etc. "
Mike
almadeanlee-miscellaneous@yahoo.com
 
Eloy
US
" I've been living alone four years now...and it has certainly been an adventure and sometimes it is really scary. This past year was perilous, to say the least! I've had a heart attack, triple bypass surgery, kidney removal due to cancer, prostate surgery due to cancer and parathyroid surgery. I went thru all this alone.. except for some rides to and from the hospital from some caring friends. There were times when I would lie in bed and wonder if I would even wake up alive the next morning. Now, I am so much better. I have my health back and I am planning to move to another city. I am 66 years old and being old and alone has its risks. But you know what? I would rather live alone than be held prisoner in a bad relationship. I have a kind of freedom today that I only dreamed about years ago. "
Michael
mrodino@neo.rr.com
 
Wadsworth
USA
" Having lived alone for the past 5 months after being married for about 5 years, it is definitely a big difference. Living with others has it's good points like constant company and conversation, however, living alone has quite a few benefits. Just the fact that I can come and go as I please without having to tell or ask anyone is a big benefit. Of course, it does get a little depressing when you're all alone in your apartment, especially since I'm relatively new to the area and don't have a bunch of friends to hang out with."
Wendy
wld4tigger@msn.com 
VA
USA
" Holly: Thanks for the pat on the back, I needed it. I'm adjusting to my situation and trying to make the best of it. It is always nice to have someone say encouraging words, thanks. :O) " 
Jeff
jeffmf@earthlink.net 

Toronto
Canada
" Great site. I live alone. Sometimes I love it. Sometimes I don't. I basically enjoy my solitude and I need lots of it because I write for a living, journalism, film, books. I've spent most of my working career in the USA and may move back this year. For now I am in what is considered a rather cold city, literally and figuratively. I have friends and family here. But I miss the energy and vibe of places I've lived in in the U.S., such as L.A. and New York. (I was married to an American, no kids). I find that volunteer work, yoga and my vegan diet help me stay balanced and centered. Thanks for all your comments. I love to get e-mail, too! Jeff "
Jean
mima53211@yahoo.com 
Milwaukee
USA
" Jeremy in Madison, I wish I knew you. I copied your poem. Your words regarding the mundane things we love about having someone in the house with us touched me. Thank you. "
antoine
paris
france
" it is my 4 months living alone. i enjoy being with myself at the end of the day. but having no one to talk to, or to tell your stories is really hard, so the problem isn't about the apartment (living alone or with someone)
so living alone is great, but being isolated from friends is really hard "
Tom . " Hollie, I took no offense. I don't expect the grass to be greener. Besides, Southern California is desert.:) But seriously, I've known from a very young age that the heart is truly a lonely hunter, and I, along with every other conscious being , grope blindly for solace. For me, life is simply moments, that if I'm lucky, can be shared with someone who is willing to clutch them with me; the rest is all filler. Sadly, I don't see "forever" in anything or anyone. I guess I find it best summed up in Macbeth: I paraphrase; Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. Hollie, thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate them. Continue if you like. If you wish, I've previously posted my e-mail address. Bye:)"
Hollie . "Living Alone: Tom,

Your note was really interesting. No offense, but the grass looks a little less green on the other side of the fence for me now. 

I don't know what you're going through, because I've never experienced it, but I guess a person can feel alone even when they're surrounded by family sometimes. 

I hope that you find what you're looking for and if you don't, maybe at the very least, you'll get a new perspective on your life and that will help."
Hollie . " Living Alone: Wendy, 

I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone. I read your comments and I felt for you. Years ago, I was in a similar situation myself, but without children. It sounds like you're trying very hard to find the light at the end of the tunnel, and that is a wonderful quality. In my case, it took a while before I could get my stride again and sometimes it was a bumpy ride, but each day, (no matter how strange it felt) slowly but surely, I felt better and my guess is, you will too. You deserve a pat on the back for hanging in there, reaching out and sharing your thoughts on everything. 

Treat yourself really well now.  -  Hope it all works out.
Tom
tjholt45@yahoo.com 
Newark
USA
" I've never lived alone, but I constantly fantasize about it. I'm 52, married 26 years with grown children, and the thoughts of living alone are overwhelmingly exciting. In fact, I'm returning to school and seriously considering a big East Coast/West Coast change of life. While I love my family, I can't help but feel that at this point I'm suffocating. I've read a number of comments from those presently living alone, and sense deep sadness in some thoughts. For me, I believe it will be a great adventure. I know I will be living a Spartan life (short funds), and I certainly will miss my family (I'm not a complete cretin), but I'm hopeful that the daily humorless grind I'm now living will be upgraded to a more rewarding existence. That's it in a word: since before a very long time ago I will be experiencing "hope". Hope in seeing, feeling and experiencing something new. Certainly, I will pay for this experience with sadness and loneliness, but, at the risk of sounding cavalier, nothing in life is free. I am also willing to pay the price because I wish to meet new people on my own terms; not simply as an extension of someone else's life (you know, this my husband/father). While I'm certainly not a gregarious sort, I certainly can hold my own socially and feel comfortable meeting new people, and the possibilities seem endless. At this point my only concern is how well will this former New Yorker fit into the Southern California culture. Don't know, but if I don't like it I'll just turn around and come back. Wish me good luck "
Wendy
wld4tigger@msn.com 
VA " I'm very new at living alone, not really alone I have three boys aged 11,8,6, not really good adult conversation though. I have never ever been alone and its really hard. Two failed marriages, although the first one didn't affect me the way this second one has. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the quiet, the empty bed, the less food to prepare. I'm sleeping downstairs on a couch just so I don't have to go into "our" old bedroom. It's strange though, I am not missing him as much as I thought I would, when he left, I cried...now though I'm happy my house is peaceful. We don't have to be careful what we say or do, that is great. On the other hand, I just miss having him here. I think I might be nuts or something, not sure. I've had plenty of time to think and this living alone thing has put me in a new perspective. I feel like I really need to figure out who I am and what I really want out of life. So hopefully, with time, my heart will heal and I will learn. It's just so lonely doing it. :( "
Judith 
peeverjm@auracom.com
  
Chatham
Canada
" I Love living alone!!! I work full time and when I come home I can turn on a CD, a modest fountain, pour a cup of hot chocolate and RELAX with my cat on my lap. The outside world (and its problems) are gone for a while. I don't have to worry about making a meal for anyone but myself. If I feel like enjoying a good meal at 10 at night or 11 in the morning its my choice!!! And yes, I am a good cook. If I wish to share, than I can call a friend or a family members. Or, I can just set the dining room table with my best linens, lite a candle and enjoy it with some good music. 

If I wish male companionship I can attend a singles dance with no attachments or obligations.

I tend to ME first - my best friend!!!!! 

If someone should come along to share my life again that might be nice but I'm not really looking. I am 57, once-widowed and once divorced. I would enjoy corresponding with other singles who enjoy LIFE and all it has to offer. This site has my permission to include my e-mail address in this submission "
Mr. Deepak Jani
jani_deepak@hotmail.com
 
Gandhinagar
India
" Your loneliness is unique and difficult to get inspiration as it is always differd from person to person, however you have left good impression and something to feel about your loneliness. Yours ever remaining , Deepak
Maheen

Pakistan " I completely agree with what Beth, Lake Forrest, IL USA says. It's always been more fun for me being alone than with people especially those who never stop talking. You wait for one topic to finish and they start another. After a busy working day, I prefer to be on my own. But, I've always felt guilty for my needing to be alone. It seems so mean and selfish considering how nice ppl have been to me. So I try to compensate in other ways like picking up their laundry etc. Thanks Beth for reassurance "
Hollie
Canada " Someone once said, "You cannot not be alone, until you love being alone." I'm 44 and I've been in a couple of common-law relationships and I've loved very deeply and lost. 

Sometimes I think the grass is greener in couple-land and then I'm reminded by friends and family, that being in a relationship doesn't mean that problems go away, they're just different problems than the problems of being single. 

I love having a man in my life. God it's wonderful! :) But in my experience, it isn't always perfect. And being alone isn't always perfect either. 

For me the worst part about being alone is that it takes a lot more effort to connect with people. No one is going to knock on my door and plead for my friendship. And my married and coupled friends are often much busier and they don't remember or have never known what it's like to be alone for a long time. 

So it's up to me to find those other people that are living in their solitary worlds in their homes, by themselves. If we all stay in, we'll never find each other! I wish that was different. That to me, is the biggest challenge. 

Also, I really feel sorry for myself when I'm sick or sad and there's no one around. I miss someone noticing if I'm all right or not. As Bridget Jones said, "I'm afraid I'll die in my apartment and be eaten by my dogs." God, that would be sad eh?

But whenever I feel like the saddest specimen of life, I remind myself of something that seems to help me. Maybe I'm deluding myself but here goes.... 

"We're all going to be alone sooner or later." :) 

Even couples will be alone one day. If that sounds morbid and cynical, I don't mean it to sound that way. 

Their spouses will pass away before they do, or they'll leave the world alone and leave everyone behind. 

Call me crazy, but I take comfort in that, because I figure I'm getting more practice, so that if I'm ever alone again, or loose again, I'll be more relaxed about it. 

At this point in my life, I figure if I can love ANYONE, (not just a boyfriend or partner) but friends, family, strangers, children, pets and life itself, then I'll be okay. 

For a long time, television, movies and fairytales had me believing that romantic love, is the ONLY love that matters. Romantic love is a beautiful and amazing love. No doubt about that, but there are other kinds of love that are life changing and unforgettable too. 

I think this is a wonderful web site. It really helps to know that we're not really alone after all. 

We're all in this together and there are millions of us. :) "
Niall
clubbrugge2005@btinternet.com 
Rothwell
England
" This site has been a tremendous inspiration to me. Reading the comments of others on how they feel about life alone has helped me a lot - particularly at times when I feel low.

It is Christmas time and my first one living on my own. The media and advertisers/shops etc. here in the UK promote Yuletide as purely a time to go and blow hundreds/thousands of pounds on presents for people and then surround yourself with them to stuff loads of food and drink down your necks. But some of us don't have loads of loved ones to do these things with and so there is a natural tendency to feel left out of things over the festive period if you are living on your own.

I'd feared I would feel really down over Christmas, but it has actually been quite peaceful and enjoyable. No blazing rows with ex-wives, no confrontations with the ex-mother-in-law and no arduous car journeys to see ex-in-laws I had nothing in common with. Instead, I spent Xmas Day with my mum and had a nice time overall.I went to a place and a person of my choosing to spend 25th December - rather than having people and places imposed upon me as in married years. 

I have had nearly a year of living alone now and have posted here twice before on how I was coping/not coping with it. In the last twelve months, I divorced, had to leave my home of quite a few years and in November my dad died. Along with all these things, I found myself living alone for the first time in my life at the age of 41 Life has been hard. At times I did not think I'd cope, but I am still here. On balance, I am far happier living alone than I was in the last few painful and bitter years of my failing marriage. Life alone has brought me some degree of peace. It has certainly built character and created self-resolve in me. 

My ex soon found somebody else and is now in a new relationship. I don't feel the need to do this at this time. I don't want to rush in and start another relationship just for the sake of company. I feel a couple of years of living alone is a journey I have to take. It may well be that I will live alone for the rest of my life and if that is so, I don't dread the prospect as I thought I once would. Happy New Year to you all "
Steph
scf292003@yahoo.ca 
Toronto
Canada
" I have lived on my own on and off for over 10 years.

I just turned 31 & need my space. I partied a lot the week before Christmas & worked overtime Christmas week so I've been overstimulated. :)

I just turned off my phone & will stretch on the couch, listen to CBC & read the papers.

Bliss!
joe
runningbear43160@yahoo.com
 
tipp city oh.
usa
" I really getting to hate living alone i been single now for 2 or 3 months i moved away from a bad relationship so now im starting over with no friends an no one to talk to or share idea's or just have a normal conversation with except people i work with an i use to hate the idea of getting up an going to work as problay so many others do but as of late I really can't wait get to work LOL (NUTS AINT IT).but anyway I look back the last 15 years of my life an I noticed one thing I did anything to go from one relationship to another an become some one I am not just to prevent my self from being alone so maybe this isnt such a bad thing gives me time to look at my life an try to do things on my own just wish i had friends to talk to other than work.far as eating we won't even go there between roman noodle soup an short things to eat like chips mac an cheese lol my eating habbits are to far gone an it isnt i cant cook I was a prepcook for a well known resort so thats its not i dont know how to cook just why should I make something a when theres no other to injoy it?,an far as home being cleaned problay I have the cleanest home in all of ohio so another words living alone really does suck thanks joe "
Rude
rpachecoone@hotmail.com
 
Albuquerque 
USA
"  I have lived alone now for about 6 years, everyday just comes and goes ..
the sun rises you get out of bed. the thing i find most different is not talking to another human for days, and when you do you can hear your voice and its just weird. Taking your time and thinking about how you are gonna do things alone, like cooking and picking up heavy things. but i guess overall i do like it...except the talking part..:o) "
Noel Pugh
Noelart@earthlink.net
 
Simi Valley
USA
" After two divorces, and being dumped by my last woman friend.
I am truly alone, none of my children live in this country, and leaving California would be difficult to do. Walking around naked is no biggie, I lived at a nudist resort for years , I miss that too. But here is an interesting thing, when dozing in front of the TV, I get a strange feeling that I am NOT alone, that someone is in the room with me, and its a comfortable feeling, and it is not the same person or same each time, but it seems that they KNOW me. "
Paul
Columbus, Ohio
USA
" Divorced 4 years ago ... My daughter moved out last summer. I had to put my cat down a few weeks later. My relationship with my significant other ended two months ago. Now, at the age of 46 I am truly alone for the first time in my life. It's quite a change ... it's very quiet ... almost spooky! But I like it. Music ... reading ... coming and going as I please. I can relate to what was said earlier ... I tend to give of myself completely in a relationship ... and find myself feeling taken for granted ... ending up resentful and selfish. That's no way to live. I miss companionship, but I owe it to myself to do this "alone" thing at least once in my life. Nurture myself. I cancelled my cable. I'm reading a lot more. I quit smoking and drinking. I started working out. I can go to school ... volunteer ... and yes, sit around in my underwear if I want to. I'll probably get another cat pretty soon ... and now I have the time to invest in real friendships "
Angela
apaulk@hotmail.com
  
Lake Dallas
Texas
" Hello,
I am not really living alone. I have my 3 boys with me, the oldest is going into the army at the end of August.
I do feel so alone though.
I am 35 years old and with a man who is 43.
We live in separate homes and I spend a large amount of my time commuting to him.
When invited to my home, he always finds a reason he can't.
I have no friends that I feel comfortable talking to about this. I am getting out of this relationship ASAP, but am needing a place to go for comfort, friendship and some good advice to get through this and find myself again "
Louie
louisrocque2000@yahoo.com 

Metro Detroit
US of A
" In my late 20's I ask a doctor why I seem to be in such bad shape after a relationship ends, He said with a quick reply, You have Manic !!

So I think that some of you might want to see a doctor if you have to much of a problem living alone.

I can say that I am now in my 50's and with a few relationships behind me I am finally starting to find out who I really am, "Better late then never" 

I think it's a little exciting to see what life is like on my own and not be in a panic, I feel like I am just stepping onto the road of life and I wonder what I'll see.

Feel free to E-Mail me on this, I had to go to great extremes on learning how to get by for just one month, I am now on my 6th month alone "
Beth
Lake Forrest, IL
USA
" Almost everyone who has posted sounds like an Introvert. At least 25% of the population is introverted. Introversion is not shyness or social ineptitude (although extroverts are likely to think of introverts this way). Introversion is about where you get your energy from. If the primary way that you rejuvenate is by having alone time, you're probably on the innie side of the spectrum. If you find you get the most energy by being with and around people, talking to people and having people talk with you and be around you, then you are more likely to be on the extraverted side of the spectrum.

Ever since reading "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney I have understood why I am so comfortable living alone and have grown to understand how relationships *can* be draining and sometimes take more from me than I'd like to give, energy-wise. I also realized that I find it exhausting to be around people who simply *do not stop talking and could not stop to save their lives*. The extreme extravert thrives on having an audience. The introvert can take or leave an audience, and does not live for one or feel completely worthless without one.

Loved the book. It should be linked to this website!

I'm very social and spend a lot of time with people all day long, and many of my friends are extraverted. I "extravert" myself all day long, but at the end of the day, I LOVE coming home to my own place all alone, at whatever hour I want to, not required to report my happenings to anyone unless I wish to. I've gotten so comfortable with living alone, and I know plenty of men friends who have too, that I am certain there will be bigger populations who simply "date" and never (re)marry because they enjoy their alone time so much. However, with the right partner who understands your needs and has similar needs, introverts can still find a way to have relationships and still get their needs met. 

Introverts, you are not social misfits or snobs just because you prefer to rejuvinate in your alone time and you don't seek out massive amounts of people and interaction to fill you up every moment of the day. If you don't believe me read The Introvert Advantage
Bill P
jwpjr32@hotmail.com 
Dartmouth
Canada
" I think living alone is something we all need to experience. some of us get use to it and enjoy it. and their are those like myself who would rather be with someone. not just anyone. someone who would have all the respect in the world as I would have for them. I've come to the conclusion that finding someone is just as hard as finding a job that pays 100,000 a year...I know its all about being ready. you know. breaking the normal routines that we get ourselves caught up in...being alone does have its peace of mind. but two people with the same peace of mine in a whole pie...God said that "It is not good for man to be alone".
Jo
tigerjo@metrocast.net 
. " I think it is the peace of mind it gives me. I made up my mind, after almost a life time of living with people, to live like this. It has been the best 10 years of my life. I have a few animals and one that belongs to someone else and likes the peace so well he comes in every day. Even nights he hates to leave, after his year with me. I really can not tell you what it is I like so but it seems to be just the right way to live. It seems to be pure, clean and restful. "
Anon
USA " I have started to feel the pain of living alone over the past few months, especially after I broke up with my ex gf.

I usually try to keep myself busy with work, and personal hobbies and with friends it doesn't feel that bad. I have always liked to live independently, but like many expressed, it has its pros and cons.

But it sadly hurt to have no one to have around on your birthday even though it feels stupid that we bother about a random day we were told and try to make it special day.

I don't know if being the offspring of divorced parents has rendered me emotionally distant to other people, but I always seem to have trouble connecting with most people.

This site has made me feel better!! Thanks! 
Googling always helps! "
Dana 
danaa@accuflex.com
 
Detroit
USA
" I am currently living alone as a single parent of 3 children. I moved out of a house that my live-in-boyfriend and I shared. We loved each other but we had many gripes and our share of head bumping. I decided to move out because at that point I was miserable. Now I have a peace of mind!!!! I enjoy my peace especially after the kids are sleeping. I spend time with the Lord and I try to pray as much as possible. The funny thing is My ex now wants to get married!!!!!!!!! He feels with some counseling we would work out ok. I told him I don't think I want to give up "Paradise". I am really enjoying living alone at the moment, but who knows how I will feel in 6 months. I do miss the company. "
kathy
upstate ny
usa
" i left my husband 18 months ago. it was best thing i've ever done, and the hardest. i felt more alone the last 4 years i was with him than i do now. before i was isolated and had no hope, now i am by myself and am making progress. best to be by yourself and know that you are making an attempt at life then to sit around with someone who doesn't even realize you are there. i've met folks who are on their second, third, forth marriages and people who just move in with someone and when it ends they move in with the next person, trading one miserable relationship for another miserable relationship, just so they won't have to be alone. such a waste"
Greg
California " Living alone is sometimes a stressful experience. Some days are good and some days are terrible. I would love to enjoy being with someone, but what can you do. You have to wait your turn until somebody who you care about is willing to live with you. Well I guess time will tell. "
Christine 
momail2@yahoo.com 
Port Charlotte
USA
" I have mixed feelings about being alone. I have lived with my 2 children (now grown) as a single parent for 11 years since my divorce. Now they are out of the house and I am really on my own. I have lots of freedom to do whatever I want but I don't know yet what I want to do. I work and go home. I know I am very loving and have always held relationships above all else. I would love to find someone to share the rest of my life with. I can't say I don't get lonely....I do! I have many friends (mostly married) can't see them all the time. I have both the life of singleness and togetherness. I have to say if it's with the right person I would rather share my life with someone. I however refuse to settle and be unhappy with the wrong person like I see so many do "
Jaime 
jdil@yahoo.com
 
Austin
USA
"  I recently became awakened to the reason I have had problems with certain things most all of my life...because I need to be alone. Of course not 24/7, but more often than I am now at least. I work 8-10 hours every day with people, I drive home, more people on the road, I get home, more people at home (just 1, but...). I don't get enough time to myself. To me, this is such a huge revelation! When I think of many of the things that I've done and how relationships in the past/present have materialized, it makes all the sense in the world that I needed to be more on my own, more independent, have more time for me. It's like the reason for 80% of the stuff that happened and that I MADE happen! Now I can make this realization work for me, not against me. It's like a huge piece of my puzzle fell into place. Actually, this web site helped me realize all of this. I'm still analyzing this to see exactly what it means to me, but I think it is a major piece that I was missing. Thank you for this site! J " 
David Blough St. Helena, CA " I was sitting at my computer---enjoying the daily news and my email (mostly news subscriptions) and the that occurred to me...."Ug, another day alone." I have just gone thru a divorce after a two-year separation, no one to blame but myself. But now, I find that some days are worse than others, especially when the holidays are just about here. Anyway, the that occurred to me to look for a book on living alone....and found this site with others dealing with the same issues... 

Thanks for posting this material that can help those of us who live alone. "
James
missouri789@yahoo.com 
Missouri
USA
" I think this site is a great inspiration to many that may need it. It has helped me a great deal. I'm 46 and recently lost my wife. I always liked living in county. my spouse did not. No one to blame. All things happen for a reason I'm told. I Feel for those who have ended up on this page because of life's curveballs it throws. Don't like the idea of going on alone at this point in life. For years I thought that I was a loner at heart but I know that never was true now. To anyone living alone not by choice, God will open another door. There is a reason for this page and contents to be here. May God bless all here who are in pain. James "
Evelyn Lam Toronto
Canada
" I find living alone very fun sometimes, and very depressing sometimes. The fact that I've never had a close relationship before except with my family (and even then I'm not very close) has kind of degraded me a bit. It's not like I don't have the ability to socialize, it's just that I don't. I'm a writer, so I spend a lot of time at home in the city. I get inspired by going to different places full of people, but I rarely talk with them. At home it's really quiet all the time, unless I play music. I've been alone all my life, and I think I might end up that way. I don't know if this is abnormal behavior, I've lived like this since University. I really haven't looked up on it, I wonder if I should start a social life. For now I try not to dwell on loneliness, rather my writing and everything that goes with my editing job."
Candy
cmn@madbbs.com
 
Kennedy, NY
USA
" I'm a woman, 53 and living alone for the first time in my life. It's a unique time of learning. Like others here, I'm savoring the coming and going as I please, coming out of the bathroom naked, spending days off in my jammies. I cook if I feel like it, or have cornflakes if I rather. It's a pause in life. I'm not jaded or thinking how much better life is without him. Instead, I'm going forward to see what i can learn. Sometimes I think I SHOULD feel sad, or lonesome and maybe pathetic. I just can't muster it. I have lots of friends and family. My life is full. I have all I need. If someday a man comes into my life, it will be because I want him, not because I need him. Knowing that is very comforting and liberating. "
lallala
lallala16947@hotmail.com 
Windhoek
Namibia
" I love it, I have my own privacy, I can do what I want when I want to. If I don't want to cook that night no one forces me to cook or someone nagging me that they are hungry. I JUST LOVE IT!!!!! "
Karan 
karn9090@yahoo.com 

mumbai
 india
" As someone has already mentioned its a state of mind. i had living relation with my girlfriend but as time passes difference of opinions took there places. Both of us think each of us right. Now realized that living alone has its pros n cons....  I'm very sensitive man this is my weakness.. i 'm working on it. lets hope to meet some who will help me in helping her also, Thanx
Fitz
London " I hate it. I lead a tremendously interesting life, but it will not earn its full significance until I have somebody to share it with. I will probably die alone, in the rain "
Fred Brockville, Ontario
Canada
" I was listening to a radio program on the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation for all you non-Canadians) called DNTO (Definitely Not The Opera) and they were featuring a story about a guy who spent a year living ALONE on an island in southern Chile. Now this guy really knows what being alone is all about and he has found that it makes him more fully human. Take a look. Here's the link... http://bobkull.org/

Here is an excerpt from the site...
I recently returned from southern Chile. On a small, remote island, I built a shelter and lived alone for a year to experience the physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual effects of deep wilderness solitude. Here through photographs, videos, writings, and meditation we can explore this living alone together. 

Solitude is sometimes dark and difficult, but there is deep joy abiding in the flickering stillness. Moments when, as unexpected gift, boundaries and buffers dissolve and All is, as it always was, sacred and alive. Solitude can remind us there is no true spiritual freedom except through surrender to our own lives just as they are- here and now - in each moment. "
Miguel
New London
USA
" Living alone and loving the freedom it provides sounds very nice...but it may all depend on your age for that statement to be relevant. If you are getting older (above 50 in my case) your body may not allow you to enjoy "Living alone". As we age, alone is a dangerous condition to be in. If you become infirmed with something other than a simple cold, with something long term, cancer, Parkinsons, arthitis, heart disease or whatever else that WILL befall us all in one form or another, then a caring person who will be there for us with moral support at the very least, nothing is better than that."
Renee
mmobile71@netscape.net 
Kettering
USA
" I like walls. They are very comforting. They are secure. They are very forgiving to whatever they see. They are always there when I arrive and stay as I leave. They don't snicker at my singing nor hiss at my style of music. 
But, they are not my life. 

I love life. It is very comforting. It is consistent. It is very forgiving of my inabilities. It is always there when I awake and is with me as I sleep. It does not snub my perceptions of life nor render me mute for enjoying it. It is always available 24/7.

I have the same amount of time in one day to do as I will as the next person. I find expressions can be treasured very nicely on walls and walls can always be changed.

Being single in lifestyle is as much a choosing as it is a need. I live without the presence of others in my apartment because I cherish the sense of quiet - a sanctuary for recharging my me-ness. I am always around people and am always in awe of how much we need others. 

Finding the right partner may very well mean that partner enjoys your presence but not your walls.

I know that things that don't sit well with me are begging to leave - and so, do I really live alone or am I bringing in echoes of others within my walls?
That's why I enjoy my single-ness - it offers me a most precious way to spend time - a gift that has allowed me many years of finding ways for enjoyment"
Shazaam
Friendswood
USA
" I love living alone. After all, I don't live ALL of my life alone. I'm only alone when I choose to come home and be alone. There was a time in my life when I did not have that choice. I am so much more aware of who I am, and what I am thinking and feeling, now that I am not occupied with a 'mate'. Anyone who has ever been married to a control-freak, as I was, knows how liberating it is to be self-directed. I do have a Bischon and Cornish Rex who entertain me and keep my nurturing skills in tact. I also have a deep abiding relationship and constant inner communication with my Lord.
Peace to all out there who are 'living alone' "
Elizabeth
elisabethdean@yahoo.com
 
Norfolk, VA
USA
" I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with living alone. I think I love yet, yet I am continually seeking a relationship! Then I get in the relationship for a year or so, then wish I were alone...and the cycle continues. I really do like to be alone--it means I can just read and go to bed when I want and get up when I want and eat what/when I want, etc. But, I do wish I could find SOMEONE perfectly compatible with me to share my ideas with. I know for sure that I don't like social situations much--like several people here wrote, when I am around a group of people I just can't wait to get off by myself. I do fine in social groups and don't have panic or anything, I just prefer to be alone day dreaming, reading, walking, etc. Or with one significant other who is similar to me. ANYWAY. I hope this made someone feel better about him/herself. it is easy to feel like there is something wrong with you, but there isn't! I feel better about my decision to be alone right now (while looking for a partner in my aloneness, of course, so that the cycle continues) after having read this! Good luck. "
Cathy Australia "At 41 I have finally accepted what I have probably known for a long time - as much as I enjoy being with others at work and socially, I LOVE retreating to my space to recharge my batteries. Most people who know me superficially would consider me to be a very outgoing and sociable person, and in some contexts I am, however I also need significant amounts of solitude on a daily basis. Unfortunately for all concerned, not working that out earlier in life means that I have an unsuccessful marriage behind me, and a two year live in relationship that is in the process of ending. 

However, up until now I have let my lack of self awareness and perhaps the fear of social stigma overwhelm my own nature and have entered into these live in relationships that have proved very draining for me - and disasterous also for the other party (lots of guilt to work through there)

It has been encouraging to read the posts on this site - those for and against living alone. I am looking forward to returning to a more solitary domestic life."
Karl
Lakefield
Canada
" In general I find the company of most people to be, at best, less than stimulating and usually an exercise in death by boredom but sometimes I get lonely too so I'll go to a restaurant at a time of day when it isn't too busy and order a coffee and read a book. That way I get to be around people without having to interact with them too much. The waitresses are usually friendly and intelligent and I'll have a brief chat with them so I get some human interaction without overdosing.

I don't think that this is a good substitute for an intimate relationship but it's as much as I'm willing to make an effort for. Some of us on this planet are not made to be social butterflies or we're sociable but in a more selective way. Or we're carrying so much baggage from damaging experiences in our past that we don't feel capable of close relationships and we prefer to say everyone else is screwed up so that we can avoid making the necessary effort to get out there and meet someone. I believe that this last reason is probably the most common one whether or not we are aware of it "
rod
Edmonton
Canada
" i find it very empty and quite as i was working out of town and came home to this new life 3 kids and spouse gone plus all the good property, taken to another province haven't heard from in 4 months,"
Craig
greyhawknative@yahoo.com
 
Denver
USA
" I completely identify with the comment about the bathroom. I've been known to go all day without dressing, although I usually don't (I typically just don't wear shoes).

I like the privacy. I've always been a loner, so not having people in my life is not a bad thing. I actually find living with people to be a pain. As for relationships with women, I think the only reason I would want one is for the sex, and that's a terrible reason to have a reason to have a relationship. I used to think about having a significant other. The idea of being alone with someone is quite appealing, but these days I just relish in the freedom of being alone. I answer to no one. I do what I want when I want. I buy myself things and do not need permission from anyone. I keep pseudo-contact with the world via the internet (I'm a blog addict). It works for me.

I have lived with roommates and family, and I have been among many crowds of people. There's one thing worse than being alone: being in a room full of people and still feeling alone. The reality of being alone is much more honest then the illusion of it "
Marie
ajesmarie@yahoo.com
 
USA
Salisbury
" For me, there is a big difference between living alone and not having a significant other in my life, and having a significant other in my life and still living alone.

I very much enjoy my privacy and independence, but at the time I am lonely because my 6 mos. relationship did not work out. When we were dating, he would come over on the weekends and go back to his house during the week, and that was perfect for me.

I am 42, was married for 15 yrs., and now single for 2 yrs. It has been a great learning experience for me and I am proud that I know I can do it. I like to be able to come and go as I want, set up my own budget, and just do as I please. You have to have plans and goals in life, that's what keeps me going. Good luck to all of you. You can do it! "
Christal
adminsl@schneidlibera.co.za
 
Johannesburg
South Africa
" I have recently moved into a lovely rented cottage. I have also just separated from my husband of 1 year. Having always wanted to been on my own to sort out my head etc... I now have alllll this free time and I do not know what to do with it. I am often depressed and sad, having been living with my husband for 9 years before getting married. I can't study (Im doing a correspondence course) and I feel so despondent to the point of tears and screaming. I think everyday to be positive but end up wanting to curl up and die. I hate the people that I work with and I wish they would all die. I hate them so much.

Please help going into self destruct mode and lost my map. - Christal "
Niall
clubbruges2003@yahoo.co.uk
 
Rothwell
England
"I posted previously on this site about my initial views of life on my own in a rented flat. At that point, I had more or less begun my adventure of life alone after my marriage came to an abrupt end. I now have about nine months more experience of solo living.

The last time I wrote, I still had regular contact with my ex, as she was looking after our two dogs during the weekdays because I couldn't have them full-time in the flat. The contact we had was not good contact. It was extremely painful and negative contact for me, contact best ended. Recently, I have moved into a house where I can now keep the dogs full-time. So I now have canine company, 24/7 and no longer see or hear from my former wife.

Do I enjoy living alone? The honest answer is no, I don't. But like so many on here, I try to make the best of it. I dislike it because I miss not having somebody else to talk to, face to face, when I come in from work. I miss not having ding-dongs about who watches what on the telly. Now, I can watch whatever I like, whenever I like, but I'd actually rather have the irritation of compromise/defeat over trivial things like that, like I was used to before. I miss the ups and many downs of my married life. I now have nice and calm and flat...yes flat, as in flatness, emotional flatness. Day in, day out, wall to wall el flatto.

My dogs are a huge comfort to me. They give a purpose to life alone (human alone). Without them, life would be totally void and pointless.

The one major positive I have gleaned from living alone is it being a great tool for building character through self-responsibility. For example, If I don't leave the bin out on dustman day, then it stays unemptied. If I don't clean the toilet, then nobody does. If I don't feed the pooches, they starve.. The list goes on. 

Human beings, I think, seek emotional comfort in the company of others, or that special other. So many bereaved partners after long and happy marriages are left totally devastated after the death of their spouse, so much so, many do not wish to carry on living. But aloneness is arguably the natural human birth state and certainly the departure one. Living alone at some point in your life, between those two stages, can help build great strength (I believe) to cope with the second stage which we all face. You learn when you live alone, to never to rely on others always being there for you - something I did when I was married. Being in that mindset caused me tremendous pain when my partner pulled the plug on things. By living "
Tracy Hamilton
Canada
" Living alone has its moments of delicious reclusiveness, but in general, these days it SUCKS. I have lots of love for myself and am giving to others. I like being by myself so much that although I spend time with interesting people, unless it feels as good or better than being by myself, I prefer being alone. but that doesn't mean i don't feel isolated. i do. i have a lot of good things in my life, i am a musician who studies art, so i have wonderful things that i share with others and this fills some of my hours. but i also have lots of love to share. my closest friend loves me and tells me the thing about me is that i try to always put my best out there and i expect the best from others also. well, we are here for only a relatively short time, we might as well make the best go of it. 

I share a two bedroom apt with a working guy who hardly ever communicates and is hardly ever here so most of the time so it's just me and my very affectionate cat. I suffer from longing sometimes....for intimacy from a mate. I have to accept my situation cause there is no controlling life when it comes to love. it is there or it isn't there... I have lots of love inside me and spread it around in many ways and maybe someday someone who i am attracted to will be attracted to me also. but I have to live and focus on the good, rather than the negative. there are many many perspectives to viewing anything and if I find that I'm being caught in a negative tunnel vision thing, i try to step aside and take a more positive viewpoint and get into a more positive stance. 
But i can't ignore that fact that living alone therein lies the lonely feeling in there somewhere. It's nice to hear others thoughts on this subject....i also sat at my keyboard and typed "alone" to see what would surface. thanks for letting me vent. "
Cate
cateheather@yahoo.ca
 
Toronto
Canada
" I have been living partially alone for coming up on a year now, let me explain that. I am 31 years old with a 5 year old son that is with me during the week, but at his fathers house on the weekends. Maybe the concept of living alone to me means: without a partner. I do feel that I am living pretty much alone. I hate it. The other strange thing seems to be that I seem to be the only person in this entire city that is alone. Everywhere i go, everyone I know, all couples. I have never in my life lived alone, went from parents to roommates to boyfriends. Just in making that statement it suggests to me that this may really be what i need. However i dont like it. I SO miss the companionship of living with someone. Little things like making a fancy meal or laying on the couch together to watch some television. Since i have moved into my current apartment i have done (with the exception of my sons room) nothing at all to make this feel like a home. So i am sure part of the blame is mine. I miss falling asleep with someone, waking up with them, making plans for our days together. I do not feel empowered at all by the total responsibility that comes with living alone. On a brighter note; i have found that i do possess the abillity to kill spiders. I will admit that at first i did a lot of screaming at them (perhaps hoping that they would die of fright?) when this did not seem to work i mustered the courage to arm myself with a (very large) shoe and ATTACK!! I do though spend a lot of time wishing that this was not the situation that I was in. This in turn kinda backfires........Hello, nice to meet you? Okay enough with the small chat, wanna shack up?? Really does not seem to be working at all. I am back to sleeping with a teddy bear and wishing that i was not the one that had to investigate all the bumps in the night, and let me tell you there are a lot of them! For all you single cats out there loving every second of it, i salute you! Now i am going to add to my bag of worries...... Not only and I 31 not dating (still kinda cute!) living on my own and hating it as i feel that i am missing out on the dream that everyone else seems to have BUT now i am missing out on all the growth and experience that others are able to gleam from this experience. I think I may be a throw back from the 50's, cuz i want my Cleaver life to start now. 
I also when i was living with others found that i was a great housekeeper, i mean even bordered on obbess/comp but now..... well lets just say that cleaning supplies are not what is busting my monthly budget! Wow, re-reading this i sound like i have enough baggage for an airport.
few more points:
If you live alone no one will rescue you from that last piece of Cake in the fridge
If you live alone you could die and no one would even notice the day that you died.....
Okay feeling self pity so time to go, thanks you for listening to me, anyone cares to share any helpful info with me please by all means e-mail me!
"
Jose
nature_of_the_beast@webtv.net
 

 

 

Brooklyn
N.Y.
" I think some people are born to live alone. A person who doesn't like people should never get married "
mily
Manitoba, Canada " I will be back to read more of the comments on this site about living alone.

Two pluses I find about living alone - A person can be a whole lot lonelier living with someone than living alone. At least with living alone, you can take the initiative to become involved in activities you enjoy, invite people into your life who you find interesting. The second big bonus for me is that I control how I want my environment to be. At my front door I have a poster from Nova Scotia - it indicates that I belong to the 'Order of the Good Times'. In the days of discovery, early military people were faced with unbelievable odds especially in the winter. a plan to improve the morale of the military men was devised to have different groups prepare the evening feast. I use this as an example of how to live my life - you can enjoy each other's company in my home, you can have discussions and agree to disagree but you can't fight in my home. Life is meant to be enjoyed when it can be enjoyed. We need good times so we have strength to deal with the real hardships of life "
Bill
bconway@wdtinc.com
  
Oklahoma City
USA
" I have really enjoyed reading this site. I have been married twice now. The first time for 20 years, the second for 3 years. Ever since I was born, until now at the age of 44, I have lived with someone - parents, roommates, kids between divorces, spouse - so I'm one of the people that is just really starting out alone. I just came out of a relationship that was the love of my life, until I die. So many things went wrong. I am in a nice apartment, but I think that at this point I am alone and lonely right now and mourning the loss of my marriage - so it is tough. As I've read in many of these posts, learning to live within your own skin is a very challenging thing that I'm just starting to do. I do want to really get to know myself again. I read this in one of the posts and it really does apply to me:

"Being alone and learning to love yourself is a much more positive thing to aspire to than clinging on to what's gone. "

If anyone wants to email me please do. I can use the communication - bconway@wdtinc.com "
Deena
deena10@hotmail.com
 
Spokane
US
" My live-in boyfriend of two years moved out about two months ago. At first I hated it. I hated going to bed alone, waking up alone, coming home from work and no one being there, it was horrible. Although it is still difficult at times, I am now starting to see the up side to living alone.

When I get home from work everything is the way I left it.. CLEAN!! I live in an apartment, so instead of doing 6 loads of laundry I am down to 2-3 and saving so much money. If there is a mess, I know it's mine, I am not cleaning up after someone else. Whenever the phone rings, it's always for me. And most of all I was so worried that I wasn't going to be able to pay all the rent, cable, phone or electric but I will tell you the first time I had to pay all of those things myself it was awesome, because I realized I didn't need anyone's help, I could actually do this on my own. I didn't realize because my boyfriend and I shared our money, how much money I really had. Even though I am paying everything myself, I have more money now because I don't have to spot him $20 until he gets paid or when we go out to dinner I am not spending $50 anymore, my paychecks are actually lasting until I get paid again. Living alone makes me feel more independent, in control of my own life and I now know, I don't need a man to depend on I can depend on myself, which is how it should be anyway. "
Dave Stein
Wichita
Kansas
" I can take people up to a point, but they tend to hold in their frustrations rather than bringing up what bothers them. before they are too frustrated to work them out with me. It's usually silly stuff, and who wants to be judged by their mistakes, rather than respected for their kind ways? I like living alone unless I'm sick, then yes, it's nice to have someone there. Older ya get, the more baggage ya see in those ya meet. I leave my baggage outside, in the trash. Live for today, yesterday is "lessons learned", and "dust in the wind "
Graham J.
Kitchener
Canada
" Ack! She's gone, I have to pay double rent, I don't eat right. Well I can do whatever I want, and well I can now blow all my money on bars. So now I am compelled to leave the house and interact with people. Otherwise I sit and start to feel claustrophobic and practice odd rituals. Anyways this is my tidbit. "
Monique 
mwiggins@patmedia.net
 
Somerset
USA
" I currently live alone after my separation from my husband, and I find it very peaceful. I enjoy getting up in the morning and doing me.. I do not have to put up with anyone attitude. - I love it."
Cesily
kingcx@haradamail.com
 
Southfield
USA
" I enjoy living alone because I have the pleasure of coming home when ever I want without anyone asking me where I've been. When my over night company comes over it's all fun without any interruptions !!!  "
Shawn

 

Tampa
USA
" I can't stand living alone! I've lived alone at various times in my life and found myself dating like crazy while I was alone. Reflecting back on that now, I see that I was simply looking for someone to live with me! At the time, I thought that I was just doing the healthy thing by getting out there and socializing like normal people. I'm living alone again, but this time I'm trying desperately to hold tight to my morals and standards. I'm trying to draw a hard line as to who I bring into my life to potentially live with me. I don't want to find myself in this same situation 3 years down the road.
The benefits of living alone: I put on the same shorts and T-shirt-shirt every day after work, I masturbate for 2 hours at a time and if I want to eat plain white rice for dinner I can. If I clean the kitchen, it stays clean! What kind of music do you want to listen to? That's right, I live alone! Metallica then Jars of clay... Whatever you want! "
Isabel
isabel_regalado@miebach.com
 
Mexico " I ended up living alone because I moved to Mexico to live with my boyfriend. It did not work out and suddenly I ended up looking for an apartment for myself, away from my family and best friends. I have always been a very independent person, but I had never lived alone before. I am enjoying it very much, and it has made me a more responsible person. But I have to admit I feel very lonely sometimes, specially because I am still coping with the feelings of the break-up, but being able to call my family, friends, or just meeting with my local friends has been very helpful. Sometimes I am with people and I can't wait to get home. Sometimes I invite people over and the minute they walk in I wish I had not invited them! But reading some of the comments posted here makes me see that these may be normal feelings, and that there is nothing wrong about it. Being a girl and living alone in Mexico City is not precisely the norm! Most girls my age are either married or still living with their parents or roommates if they are not from the city (and I am 29...), probably is just a cultural thing, but this fact makes me feel sometimes a bit that I am "different", but not in a bad way, I know there are plenty of people who envy my situation. I like getting to know people from other countries, so please feel free to email me. Saludos!"
Andrew Quebec
Canada
"  I have been living alone for about two years now, and i have to say... its like slow death. I think i have discovered that it is in my nature to be with other people at all times. I enjoy my personal space very much, but i become habituated to being alone and end up spending 80% of my time doing so. I feel like something is very wrong, something very serious is missing. Maybe i'm not meant to be isolated - its driving me mad "
Ali
schmali1@msn.com
 
Nashville
USA
" I've lived alone on and off since leaving home at age 17. I lived with my first love for 7 years and after we split, it was difficult. It was hard to adjust to no one looking out for you, no one there at night, no one you could depend on to help you or listen to your day. I spent the next few years trying to feel comfortable in my own skin, believing in myself was a huge undertaking. Over the next 10 years, I struggled with a tendency to isolate myself, never really understanding that reaching out for support was not a sign of weakness, it was a healthy way to deal with loneliness. One of the comments on this site talked about how much she wanted visitors to leave, but once they were gone, she was lonely. I can appreciate that because that is what I went through. But now, sometimes, I just want to be alone and I came to realize that being alone does not equate with loneliness, it is a chance to fully realize your individuality and passion. As long as I keep my life balanced, I don't feel as lonely as I once did. Now, I have strong connections with people, myself included. Sure, I get lonely from time to time and when that happens, I reach out. I hope this helps someone in this group because other's comments sure have helped me. Thanks......Ali "
Mark
Happyone_1@msn.com  
Virginia 
USA
" I believe living alone builds character. I have seen people living together in misery because they haven't developed practical skills in self management, character and leadership. So naturally, I am impressed that a site like yours coaches people willing to forego a little loneliness and uncertainty to live successfully by themselves. Thanks "
Nadia
Perth
Australia
" I'm ambivalent about living alone. On one hand, I love not always having to alter my habits for others or have them upset my routine or infringe on my space. I've always valued my independence, and I like that I can do things for myself without being relying on others or having other humans breathe down my neck. Also, I like not having to put up with listening to people belch, fart and scratch themselves in my presence. That is a bonus.

On the other hand, although I've been alone for most of my life and generally don't regard this as problematic, I do occasionally yearn for the company of another person. I've become quite isolated, and found that when I do come into contact with others, as much as I want them to stay and chat, I just wish they'd leave...and then I feel lonely when they do. My various needs are in contradiction with another, and this isn't easy. I sometimes find it hard to get along with others, & get all narky & argumentative when they dare disagree with me. I guess I still hope I find a soulmate someday; either sex, I don't care--but I know that it's probably not likely. Even a close friendship would be good...but I don't think I could ever live with them. Human beings are smelly, messy, highly idiosyncratic creatures. To share a house with one...hmm....

Of course, I'm an aberration. Most people who live alone have heaps of friends, and aren't nearly so reclusive. Anyway, thanks for starting this site. I think it'll help lonely people a great deal "
Jay Suffolk
UK
" Been living on my own for eight months now. Feel like my social life is when I'm at work and the evenings are lonely. Having said that, if you're in an unhappy relationship with someone, you can still feel incredibly lonely. I am healing gradually and finding things to do so as not to dwell on the negative side-in time I will be happy and have peace of mind. Last week I made a cake for the first time and I am going to design and hand knit a jumper. If I create harmony around me then surely I will relax and start to be calm once more"
Dave South Florida
USA
" I am 27 and have been with my wife since I was 15. All in all I don't think it is going to work out too much longer and am trying to adjust to the idea of being alone. As bad as it may sound when I think about starting off on my own I start to feel a stiring inside that makes me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck to you all in your journeys and I hope I can find peace in mine."
James
blckwatch1@aol.com
 
Detroit
USA
" I have been living alone since my divorce in 1992. Lived with a woman for about a year. Got my own place again and my son moved in with me until he moved out at 21. Although I did not think it was time for him to do that, I wish him well. I lived alone until I got married at 31. Now I'm 53 and have been single since I was 41 and I really like it a lot. I have met many very nice women who would make excellent wives but I love my freedom much more. Of course, financially, it would be more advantageous to have a double income but even that comes with a price. And who know, the woman could always change and "flip the script" after you say "I do" and then you're stuck! Then again, who says I may not change for the worse after I say "I do."
Nothing wrong in staying single. But if you want to get married then make that commitment and stick to it! "
Kathleen
ksmall@intranet.ca
  
Canada " Am in my early fifties now and have always been single, and have through experience and discussions with others come to the conclusion that living with a partner/others and living on ones' own, are living situations that come with their own set of joys and difficulties that can be equally satisfying or difficult depending on ones attitude, effort and motivation. I don't have the married or partnered life to compare to but I did have a happy upbringing and still miss that family sharing of day to day life. I miss being able to say good morning first thing, or goodnight before tucking in, to another fellow human being. I have triumphs and failures in my single life as in any other.

Many of the pluses and negatives about single living I found reflected in a number of the write ups I read on your site. One of the minuses I did not see mentioned however, pertains not just to the type of person I am but to being single. I like to help people out. I often get asked to help people out. People assume that being single I have endless amounts of time to go and help them out, and can become indignant if I say no. The family's assumption is that being the only single sibling I am the one to devote myself to the needs of aging parents. So even as a single person I sometimes struggle to have my own life. However, on the lighter side as I get older I find my married friends having more time for me and are more likely to seek me out because of their 'empty nest syndrome'. I actually find myself looking forward to retirement age, with the view that I will once again been on a par with the majority of my own age group in the venture of tackling life after work which has the possibility of opening up new vistas of friendships of people I might not meet in my daily living situation now.

Perhaps the best is yet to come! - Kathleen" 
Susan
Suffolk
UK
" Thank you to all contributors for giving me inspiration for my journey alone. I know it is difficult to come to terms with. I wish everyone happiness for the future. All the best x, "
Cindy
Miami
USA
" I just ended a 6-yr relationship with the perfect man...I just needed to be by myself for a while. I'm 26 years old and had never even had my own room! I moved in with my boyfriend when I was 21 and before that I shared rooms at my parent's place with my younger sister. Now I have this huge apartment...and I still can't get over the fact that the microwave and the TV are mine...not my Dad's or my boyfriend's, but mine. 

It's definitely an adventure I really wanted to take. It was, however, extremely difficult to decide if giving up a potential life-mate was really necessary...but now that the decision was made, I know it was the right one. For the first time ever I am responsible for myself. No one to answer to. No one to call if you're late...I still find myself thinking I have to be home soon for some reason and then I realize that no, I don't. 

My place is fantastic and the thought of me being solely responsible for it freaks me out a bit. I don't have much, but I'm hoping it will feel like home soon. I try to keep myself busy and refuse to stay in on the weekends. 

I do feel lonely sometimes, but I expected it and it's part of the game. I have lots of good friends and family who love me. Girlfriends are the key to making the transition easier. You must have a good ear to contact when you just need to talk about nothing.

I feel this is a milestone in my life and the decisions I make now will affect me in the long run. I feel like an adult and thus behave like one. I am free to come and go as I please and the naked factor is a major plus =)

I've learned tons about myself and it's only been a month! Financially it's been a challenge, but a manageable one and I'm dealing with it ok. 

To anyone out there itching to be on your own...DO IT! 

I'm a professional, independent woman. I'm young and have tons to learn. But I can support myself, make myself happy, and face whatever challenges may arise. I cherish friends and family, but mostly I cherish the courage it took to embark in this adventure. It's almost a right of passage no one should be without "
Brian
brianconnery0@lycos.com 
Los Angeles
USA
" I have been married too many times searching for that "special someone" who will make me happy. However I have now realized that person is "me". Yes it is hard to be alone however I am spending the coming year to rebuild myself to the point where I am comfortable and heading in the right direction. Once I am the "right person" then I can invite someone else into my life and when I do I am not concerned about if this is my only choice to be happy. Love yourself and everything else will come on it's own time "
Rachel Little York
USA
" Living alone whether by choice or circumstance will be a time in your life that you will surely learn about yourself ! Do you walk around naked, set the table for dinner, make the bed daily, etc...?

OK so those are the tangible things...Do you sing loudly, pray, cry openly, read more, masturbate longer ? Living alone encompasses all of that...if you like (love) yourself you'll be fine...and you'll have just as much if not more to share (and with more fervor !!) when you're with your friends and family and perhaps eventually that special someone. That's when you may think that living alone is not "so enchanting". If you've been true to yourself, you will know when it's time to share your living, emotional, spiritual and sexual space again. Learning about oneself is one of the most rewarding reasons to live alone...and it reveals who you really are. It doesn't spell loneliness for me at all, but affords me the solitude I need yet develops how I share and stimulate and experience and laugh with others. I agree with many of the posts here that I am secure enough in myself to be alone and as long I don't tread down the selfish and complacent path, I'll be fine... "
PAM
pah876@msn.com
LAKEWOOD
USA
" LIVING ALONE DOES NOT MEAN BEING LONELY. AFTER BEING IN AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE COLD RELATIONSHIP, THE PEACE AND SERENITY OF MY COZY CONDO IS A TRUE BLESSING. IT IS FILLED WITH COLOR, MUSIC AND JOY. I HAVE FINALLY HEALED AND HAVE RECLAIMED MY INTERNAL POWER AND FREEDOM. BEING ALONE DOES NOT MEAN LONELY. I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DEVELOP AND CULTIVATE MY INNER SPACE AS WELL. I HAVE BECOME MY OWN BEST FRIEND AND ALSO A BETTER FRIEND TO OTHERS. IT IS A WONDERFUL WAY TO LIVE. BEFORE I HAD TO WONDER WHAT "HE" WANTED TO DO, WATCH ENDLESS HOURS OF GOLF, BOXING AND LISTEN TO ALL HIS TROUBLES AT WORK. 

NOW THE SILENCE IS HEALING AND WELCOMING. I HAVE REPLACED "HIM" WITH ZIPPY MAGOO ANOTHER MALE ALBEIT A CAT BUT NONTHELESS VERY ENTERTAINING, GOOD COMPANY AND THE BEST PART IS HE NEVER CRITICIZES OR HAS TEMPER FITS!!! TAKE HEART ALL WHO ARE ALONE. IT IS A CALL TO CULTIVATE AND NOURISH YOUR INNER LANDSCAPE AND RECLAIM THE POWER OF YOUR LIFE. BLESSINGS TO ALL. PAM "

DPG
info@sphynx.ca 
Windsor
Canada
" Oh the joys of living on your own! Well what can I say I come and go as I please I have no one to answer to just me . As good as it seems is it. what about the other things a companion not a dog either. That little void that you feel some days when you need someone to talk to hold to kiss. Living alone is good as long as we don't die that way. Maybe its that feeling of independence that keeps us living alone. Utimately it is a good experience for everyone and like a lot of things you have your ups and downs your good days your bad days. But just remember when you are down or when things go bad there not really as bad as it may seem. As normal as it is to live alone it draws us further apart "
Mel San Diego, CA
USA
" Living alone is hard. I find myself at a stage in which I want to embrace being alone - being comfortable doing everything by myself...but I miss companionship and find it difficult to make new friends. I have a handful of close relationships, but I they are all over the country - so we call and email. At 34, I would love to make some new close friends, but I am having a hard time with it. It is all work for me. And - I think there are trust issues also. I am away from my friends and family and I don't want to make a bad decision and trust someone who may hurt me. That's where I am. 

It is nice though to only do what I want in my house. To sleep with my dog in the bed and do yoga at any hour. I like not having to worry so much about disturbing someone else. I can sleep late on Saturday and then just go to the beach and pick up takeout. I know a lot of my friends wish it was so simple for them. LOL " 
graham 
dood@pnc.com.au
 
sydney
australia
" I have lived alone for almost two years after going through a horrible and very hurtful relationship breakup. I have been in denial for most of that time and have lived in an empty shell of a house with barely any furnishings. I have tried to start a couple of unsatisfactory relationships with women I had nothing in common with but in the end it comes down to this. You can go through this period of your life railing against the unfairness of it and hating every minute or, accept it but you must never lose sight of the fact that it won't be forever if you don't want it to be. I also feel that you must never compromise your standards just to be with someone, anyone. Hope this helps some people cope as it know it is a long and winding road. An unexamined life is not worth living.dood@pnc.com.au "
John
Tony.gregory@albirm.ang.af.mil
 
Gadsden AL
USA
" I never wanted to live alone. I was married when I was 19, spent the next 20 years with someone who never really got me, never really liked what I liked or saw beauty in what I thought was beautiful. I divorced then remarried to a Bipolar alcoholic, who was abusive. Now I am alone and enjoying my decisions and wondering if the women are the problem or I am. I am like a lot the stories I read, not much on nudity though. I still close the bathroom doors and like privacy. After years of harsh words and abuse, the silence is like a dark friend, God looming in the light just as quickly as I call for him. Bless the lonely. "
David
mobredstar@yahoo.co.uk
  
Liverpool
UK
" I left home when I was 17 because of certain things going on in my life at the time and ended up in a 1 bedroomed flat. I was however living with my fiancé' at the time and we had a good relationship and we eventually bought our own house and were together for just over 11 years until we split up. 3 years on, after suffering depression and the likes I found I was living alone and it took a lot of adjusting, both personally and financially but I endevoured to overcome the thought of being alone. I even took on lodgers but found it wasn't working. I then ended up living alone for the next two years. I can't say It was a good move, but more of a not really bothered by it kind of thing. After living with someone from the moment you left the nest, kind of thing, it was strange but I got on with it and found my self esteem building up and I can now honestly say it has done me the power of good to go through it.

I'm now, on a temporary basis, living back with my parents and I'm in the process of selling my house and looking forward to starting a new life. Paying off all my debts and having a totally fresh start. Living alone is going to be a dream, because although I do love my parents, I'm a bit old for staying on here. I've lived independently for too long now to make my roots back at the nest.

Thanks for listening "
Jim Ithaca
USA
" What scares me is that living alone isn't really so bad, it is often quite nice. I change the channel as often as I like if I watch the T.V.. I have time to write without any interruption. I don't have to entertain the needs and demands of any other person. Just me and my three legged dog:] companionship, when it is wanted, is always just outside the front door. "
Sunny Bay Area
USA
"Never lived on my own before at all. I have always jumped from one person to the next to fill that empty void or just get away. Marriage is over and it has been very painful to say the least. I am not sure what to expect from living alone, but at least I will discover who I am and what out of life I really do want. Not a man, but dreams and aspirations that I have always wanted to do and see. I left him have everything cuz it will only be a reminder of what I once had. I just kept the bed, TV and my kitchen furniture. My mother is furnishing my house anyways, so no biggie. I think my own style and flavor will help me in the long run when I come home and see my own home with my own style. I play golf a lot and work out at the gym. Not into the bar scene and I love to travel. I think I will travel more now with my girlfriends and play more golf. My friends say it takes a long while to really get through being "alone" and I will give myself all the time I need."
Victoria Canada " Loneliness may be a state of mind, but life not expressed passionately is merely an existence. We are not intended to be solitary ... therein lies our quest for completion '
Emily  Oakland ca 
usa
" I was married for 25 yrs. ended in divorced. jumped in next relationship quick im in that relationship for 6 ys just ended 4 months ago. im gland its over, because it was a lonely and sad relationship. now im alone learning a lot of things for myself, for the first time after 31 yrs with someone. i find myself living alone. im 52 yrs old woman. i try to keep my self busy, going to gym, taking some classes, going with my friends that call and invite me to go somewhere, dont get me wrong i get so lonely, and depress sometimes, but i tried my best not to let my self get that low. I still preferred alone than with someone that cheat, humiliate, reject me. my mother is alone too, she said by choice. she alone since she was 42 yrs old. she's 70 now. she said she will not change it for the world. smile **** "
Steve Sydney
Australia 
" I'm 47, divorced 3 yrs (16 yr married)& just out of a 2 yr relationship where we lived together. Moving out and living alone was my decision, I had reached a point where all I wanted to do was be responsible for myself and my kids (3 that do not live with me but I support). I've been alone for 6 mths and the rewards are definitely worth the odd lonely hour.. living in a city helps I believe and you must keep a cleanliness & exercise discipline. I'm in the second yr of a Masters degree and the solitude of single living really helps the focus.. you just need some good friends to bounce ideas off. However,  after 6 mths alone I'm obviously still coming to terms with the idea or I wouldn't have found this site discussing it. I want to keep free of any committed relationships but like sex and some companionship. This is the truly difficult aspect of living alone. It's interesting to read the comments on the site.. seems that being "home alone!
" is an issue world wide. I guess my observation is to get used to it and be careful of forming close relationships.. be honest up front, it helps in the long run. '
Mia Fresno
USA
" I will be living alone soon and I am worried. I haven't ever lived alone. Weekends and holiday have got to be the worst. Any suggestion for making the transition easier?"
Harlan rightbrainwave@hotmail.com 
Portland
USA
"My roommate just told me he was moving out. As always when I have to change roommate situations, I got a rush of panic... I thought, "Shit! Now I have to go on Craigslist and FIND a roommate..."

Then I imagined living by myself in a huge 2 bedroom, and I have to admit, it's great. The kitchen is clean because I cleaned it. Everything in the fridge is mine! Nudity, of course. The whole kit and kaboodle. 

Then that fucked up Money thing comes creeping out. Halve my rent, and I'm never there anyway. Why shouldn't I just rent the room out? I'm never going to install a library, or drawing room. I'm not going to have nude female models reclining on the sitting couch I found because I'm "furnishing my freedom"! 

Hell... 

So I got on Google and typed in "living alone".

Anybody got any thoughts as to what to do?"
Swami
swaminathan_r@hotmail.com 
Bangalore
India
" Although I have spent time alone, never had the opportunity of living all on my own. At times I did think whether it made sense staying with friends. But then I wanted to make my own choices, live by my rules and do things the way I wanted to. It's been just 2 days but it seems like I am living in a parallel world. As I walk back home from work, I suddenly feel an exhilaration akin to flinging myself off a cliff. Believe me it is an experience to cherish and 'experience'..."
Brittany Canada " I was wondering if anyone could give me information or where to find information about the legal age of moving out on your own in Canada. Along with any of the restrictions about having parental consent and what all they have a say in. If you could please Email me, st_lunatic69@hotmail.com "
Erin Northern Cal
USA
" Part of me loves living alone and the other part sulks on occasion. About 6 months ago I relocated for a career. My boyfriend at the time was supposed to move with me - the move was originally his idea. He got cold feet when I actually landed the job and started looking for a place to live in a new town. So I moved anyways - figured it was time for change and adventure. 

Love the job and have been slowly making friends. Hobbies are a good thing to keep the mind and passions occupied. For me they are painting, cooking, working in the garden, and reading the paper at a local cafe. 

It's quite interesting being a woman in this country during this age - I can support myself easily enough, am completely self sufficient, & enjoy various freedoms. A relationship is not a necessity for survival like it used to be. I'm lucky to be alive at this time. Yet, we are social beings - have been since the dawn of time - in a culture that is been slowly designed to isolate one another. I'm currently resolved with living alone, but will ultimately seek human relationship and contact - after all that is what we have been biologically programmed to do"
DeViN
lostnspaceaz@earthlink.net 
Tucson
USA

" My partner and lover died in 1992, we were very close and not only lovers but friends too. My partner never told me he was hiv+, and died from ARC=aids related complications. In 1990,1991 I lost 3 of my closest friends, like family but closer, one friend had a tumor no one could find and blamed his symptoms on allergies, one died from aids and the third one died from car crash, he was hit head on Alligator Alley driving from Miami to Naples. I have not had a close gay friend since 1992 and I am 48 yrs old and not into bars and night clubs any longer. I live with a miniature longhair dachshund 3 yrs old in December. My dog has saved my life and she is my best friend, and I do not feel like I live alone. "
Leticia Indianapolis
USA
" Living alone sure beats living with my ex-husband! Living alone is easier than living with a lying, cheating, drug abusing husband. Yes, to you that may seem obvious. To me, it took many years of grief and despair to realize that I can live on my own. My only regret about living alone is that I wish I had done it sooner. When I want to read my book I can. When I don't feel like going to the store, I don't. When I want to lay around in my Pajamas until noon, I can! If I am not expecting anyone for days I don't have to feel pressured to do the laundry and dishes right away. I no longer have to wash someone else's dirty stinky socks. I no longer have to smell those socks. I can let my children sleep in during summer months. I can sleep naked in peace without someone touching me in any way. I can stand by the counter without someone pressing up against me, uninvited. I can pay my bills early without worrying about where the money is. I can not imagine living with anyone else ever! again. 
Donna California
USA
" Reading all of your observations on being single helps me to understand my own single lifestyle. Living alone appears to be a push-pull situation. You can be happy as a lark one minute, enjoying your solitude and the next minute wish someone was there to share those happy feelings. On weekends, I'm stuck in the rut of thinking Friday and Saturday nights are DATE NIGHTS! I love going out for live music on those nights, but feel like a bump on a log alone--my friends won't go because they feel bars are only drinking spots--I drink very little, so that doesn't bother me; some of the best live bands are there. I've been married several times, but have been alone for 13 years now. I think a busier night time schedule would help me on weekends. During the week, I'm usually fine about living alone, most days. Does anyone else feel lonelier on weekends?"
Fred Brockville
Canada
" What makes people think that having someone else in your life is necessarily going to clarify your life? Hell's bells.... If you're having problems by yourself how is it going to be if you add someone else's baggage into the mix? Now you're dealing with their crap and yours too. Are we havin' fun yet? 

Usually when people think that someone else will make a difference it really means that now they've got someone who they think is going to "FIX ME". That's why you left home! To become a big person and get away from Mommy and Daddy. Not to replace them with a new Mommy or Daddy that you can sleep with too. I still live alone and from what I can see from most of the relationships around me I think I've made the right choice. I haven't got myself completely together yet by any stretch of the imagination but I know for sure that if I had permanently entangled myself with someone a long time ago when I was less self-sufficient I would now have myself in the kind of deep doo-doo that most relationships are in today. Spend some time living by yourself and I don't mean three months. Give it a year AT LEAST. You'll have a lot more self confidence and self respect and when you finally do choose someone to live with it will be because you "CHOOSE" to not because you "NEED" to. You don't NEED anyone.

It's much easier to get into a relationship than it is to get out of one. Especially once you have shared property or (heaven forbid) shared children. "

Ellie sstreic@comcast.com 
Atlanta
" I'm in graduate school on a full scholarship and because of the schedule, stress level, work load and attendant academic pressure, I know I can't afford to live with someone who might interfere with my sleep, down time or work schedule BUT when I have a free moment and come up for air, I have no idea what to do with myself... I have a few friends, but they all have alot more going on in their lives and I feel like I'm waiting for mine to start... and being by myself gives me way too much time to wait, worry and wonder about what's to come and what I am becoming. Maybe it's just me, but living alone has definitely accentuated a lot of my negative personality traits; somehow, having someone else around keeps me in check. I've become far messier, lazier, more impulsive, prone to depression/anxiety and restless since I got my own place a year ago. I've always been a pretty cerebral person, but I am turning more and more inward, living more and more in my head and I ! don't like it. 

I keep on telling myself that when I get my degree, when I have more control over my life, when I have a job and money in my pocket, when I decide where I want to make my life and start my career, then I'll find a roommate and/or a boyfriend, then I'll be able to fill my life with people and things that will add perspective and rhythm to my way of being... but I'm afraid that I'm becoming permanently antisocial and unlovable and that this solitary existence is all there is for little old me... I guess I could always get a dog "
Ang
amw212s@smsu.edu 
Springfield
USA
" I came to this site while searching for my decision to live alone or not. Just like many other of the writers I am a very giving and loving partner. I don't feel like I should get any less. I have been divorced 2X and am now in a relationship 1yr plus. I just don't want to make all the decisions and carry the household load while working as well. I do this very well by myself and I don't have the added burden of taking care of someone else. I am also very social. I never have problems meeting people. Even though I love the man that I am with, like no other, being with someone has always brought me more pain than joy. I have more freedom and enjoy more people when I am single. The problem is I really enjoy having a deep connection with someone. Help. 

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? " 

Zach Toronto
Canada
" I am going to love it (p.s. i don't do cats) "
Tofael Leeds
UK
" Maximum members of those who are living alone, don't want to live alone. But circumstances compel them to live alone "